Every day at 5 p.m., Vera put on her hot pink visor, Frank grabbed his hand-carved walking stick, and

off they went for their neighborhood walk. For decades, they kept this routine. Over time, their strides

became shorter, their pace slower, and Frank used his walking stick more for support. Then one day, a tumble.

That fall turned into a temporary setback, which deteriorated into more dependency than he wanted to admit …

to his wife and to himself. For a while, Vera and Frank kept this new development to themselves (didn’t want to burden the kids;

they’re so busy). And, the two of them were able to manage just fine, thank you very much … until a doctor’s visit showed some

complications. With that came physical demands that were more than Vera could handle. They needed help, and Vera and Frank

had to come up with a plan to help ensure Frank could get necessary care and Vera could remain by his side. She wished they

had planned for this eventuality earlier; it seemed the tough choices were on her and she felt she had to make decisions quickly.

CaringandCopıng

Caring for a loved one takes devotion, commitment and so much more

As featured in WORTHWHILE, a quarterly periodical dedicated to serving the clients of Raymond James advisors and affiliated advisory firms.

The sudden change in their lifestyle

threw them off course, financially and

emotionally, but over time they got clari-

fication on their options as well as the

support they needed from family and

advisors, and they found a way to fund

the care that kept Frank comfortable for

the rest of his days.

A new roleEven one small health event can distress

a family. And many of us would feel

compelled to provide care for a spouse,

parent or child who needed it, knowing

that our loved one would gladly do the

same for us. But love alone is not enough

to take on that role. There are some

realities – and benefits – to caregiving

you may want to consider.

In an ideal world, we don’t antici-

pate a loved one needing care. But,

in the real world, chances are good

that most of us will become a care-

giver on some level, maybe to a

spouse or aging parents. According to

one study, the number of adult chil-

dren providing personal care and/or

financial assistance to a parent has

more than tripled over the past 15 years

to nearly 10 million people. The thing is

we’re living longer than ever before, and

may find ourselves living with physical

ailments as a result. In fact, nearly half

of the U.S. population will have to deal

with a chronic illness by the year 2020,

according to the Department of Health

& Human Services.

So what does that mean for the pro-

spective caregiver? The reality is that

caregiving impacts people in many

different ways, including physically,

financially and emotionally, affecting

careers, lifestyles and states of mind.

While no two experiences are the

same, here are some common things

to expect and how to prepare should

you or someone you know suddenly be

thrust into the role.

The physical“I’m no superhero; I’m just doing

what I have to do.”

Most of us will need to provide direct

care, help or protection for a loved one

during our working lives. So, how do you

determine what care is the right care?

Consider the time spent on caregiving

tasks, such as on average 10 hours a

day shopping, preparing food, house-

keeping, laundry, transportation and

giving medication. Or that almost five

hours a day are spent assisting with

eating, dressing, grooming, walking,

bathing and bathroom visits, in addition

to five hours a day providing companion-

ship and supervision. Does it make sense

for you to be the sole provider of care or

to split the duties among siblings – or

should you consider other options?

In thinking about the progression of

types of care, first consider if paid care

is in the cards or if unpaid in-home care

is your only choice. Most people want

to stay in their own homes as long as

they can, but family members may be

hesitant to leave someone who needs

care alone. For some, a combination

approach (e.g., unpaid care from friends

and family, adult day care and paid in-

home services) may be a good idea and

could allow your loved one to remain

where he or she feels most comfortable.

However, staying at home means heavier

reliance on those closest to the person

needing care … and that may present

physical mismatches. A 5’2” wife trying

to manage the weight of her 230-pound

husband can be hard, if not impossible, to

bear. It’s already difficult, and stressful,

to assist the one you love with sitting,

standing, bathing and dressing, especially

if your loved one is feeling irritable or

combative. In addition, caregivers need to

find time to take care of their own needs.

Many people are unable to single-

handedly undertake these tasks. This

is where residential centers such as

assisted living (more independence and

less-involved medical needs), nursing

homes (full-service medical care and

supervision), and specific or continuing

care facilities can help.

Discussing what your loved one is com-

fortable with, while being realistic, is

the best way to start the conversation.

Sometimes some level of professional

care makes the most sense, so you can

focus on being there in other ways. Once

you’ve agreed on the best way to get

your loved one the care they need, the

costs must be broached. Does your loved

one have insurance or funds set aside

for this? How much will it cost in lost

wages if you have to work fewer hours,

or not at all? Your financial advisor can

help you add it all up and help you deter-

Nearly 10 million adults over age 50 care for aging parents; up to 44 million more care for a disabled child, sick spouse or another relative.

Some long-term care insurance policies may pay for care by an adult child or family member, but be sure to ask if the policy includes this benefit before committing and keep in mind it may come at a higher cost.

Remember that you can’t properly care

for someone else if you’re not taking care

of yourself. Be sure to build in some “me”

time, in whatever form offers respite. If

you’re providing the majority of care, for

example, consider having someone come

in for a day or two to provide a break,

or perhaps adult day care can help with

social and related support services in a

community-based, protective setting.

Some programs even provide personal

care, transportation, medication manage-

ment, social services, meals, personal

assistance and therapeutic activities.

And many are free, so there’s even more

incentive to take advantage of these

opportunities for respite and support.

Willing and able, with loveAlthough caregiving can seem like a

burden, it often is undertaken freely

and with great love. Some people report

a sense of satisfaction and apprecia-

tion from having uninterrupted time

with their loved one, and perhaps the

opportunity for deeper, more honest

conversations. Many are happy to do

their part, and the payback is a chance

to develop a stronger relationship with

a parent who tenderly cared for them

or a spouse with whom they’ve built a

life. If it gets overwhelming, and it will,

remind yourself of the reasons you’re

there: love, gratitude and a desire to

help. Those things alone can make the

effort more than worthwhile.

mine what works best in your situation.

He or she may also be able to connect

you to resources you hadn’t considered

and other aging-related planning sup-

port, like a professional geriatric care

manager, for example.

The financial“Everything’s on me.”

A quarter of adult children, mainly baby

boomers, provide care to a parent. Still

more also care for young or teenage chil-

dren. All of this takes time away from

family and work. Fortunately, the Family

and Medical Leave Act of 1993 allows

many employees to take up to 12 weeks to

care for a loved one without fear of losing

their jobs. Unfortunately, the leave isn’t

compensated. For caregivers in total, the

estimated lost wages, pension and future

Social Security benefits is nearly $3 tril-

lion. One study estimates that could equal

close to $325,000 in lost income over a

working adult’s lifetime. Of course, it can

be off-putting to focus on money issues

when you’re making decisions about a

loved one’s care, but it is a reality that

must be faced.

When caring for someone still living in

or returning to their homes, the costs of

homemaker or home health aide services

depend on the level of support needed.

For homemaker services, think house-

hold tasks that can’t be managed alone

and “hands-off” care such as cooking,

cleaning and running errands. Home

health aides provide more extensive

care, including “hands-on” personal

care, but not medical care. The national

median hourly rate is about $20, and the

cost of homemaker services increased

more than 4% from 2013 to 2014.

There is much to consider, but

remember, you don’t have to plan

alone for the costs associated with the

care that’s right for your loved one.

Your family and your parents’ profes-

sional advisors can help you figure out

what they can afford in order to help

you determine what you’re willing –

and able – to contribute.

The emotional“If I had to do it all over again, I would.”

Perhaps most important is the emotional

impact caregiving can have on both par-

ties. Your loved one may have to face

the fact that they’re incapable of doing

certain things on their own, which may

manifest itself in anger, frustration or

shame. Aging faculties, too, can result

in erratic behavior. On the other hand,

your loved one may be humbled and

grateful that you are by their side. You’ll

experience some powerful emotions as

well. Someone you’ve loved and admired

for decades is becoming more and more

dependent, and the strong parent or

spouse you remember may not be as

evident. You may feel guilty and feel

that perhaps you’re not the best spouse,

co-worker, parent or caregiver. The truth

is you can’t do it all; you’ll need to set

boundaries for yourself and your family,

and – this is important – get as much

help as you can.

Sources: MetLife Study of Caregiving Costs to Working Caregivers, 2011; Institutional Retirement Income Council, “The Problem with Living Too Long,” 2013; National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP, “Caregiving in the United States,” November 2009; Genworth Financial, Genworth 2013 and 2014 Cost of Care Surveys; Family Caregiver Alliance, caregiver.org; U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.

©2015 Raymond James & Associates, Inc., member New York Stock Exchange/SIPC ©2015 Raymond James Financial Services, Inc., member FINRA/SIPC Investment products are: not deposits, not FDIC/NCUA insured, not insured by any government agency, not bank guaranteed, subject to risk and may lose value. 15-FA-WW-0210 CW 4/15