CARIBBEAN CHRONICLE 2009

Two weeks ago, when we asked our travel agent to find us a sell-off week for

someplace warm, she asked whether we’d be interested in a cruise: Fort

Lauderdale—Key West—Cozumel—Grand Cayman—Levantado (a small island off the Dominican Republic). Why not?

So we fled Toronto’s ice and snow for a week aboard an enormous Italian

cruise ship (a bit longer than the Titanic), the MSC Orchestra, each deck of which bears the name of a musical instrument (our cabin was on Lira deck).

En route to Key West I managed a five-mile run (36 times around the

running deck). On other days high winds or rain led me to postpone the effort.

Sun-seekers (like Patti) could find it in abundance on the sun decks by the

pools. Sun-shunners (like me) could find a number of nooks, including the

library, the cigar room, and an assortment of lounges. I particularly

enjoyed the Savannah Lounge, where the theme of jungle beasts and crossed tusks extended to every aspect of the décor.

Shoppers could enjoy an array of duty-free stores, a jewelry sale and an art

auction. Drinkers could choose from among fourteen bars. For those

requiring to be entertained, the ship’s newspaper listed daily activities

including aerobics, table soccer, movie quizzes, arts and crafts, mini-golf,

paper flower making, darts, tennis, Caribbean line dancing, Italian lessons, team trivia, and wine lectures.

Food appeared in abundance in four restaurants and a cafeteria. Patti

calculated that between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 1:00 a.m. there were

only about 90 minutes during which you could not obtain a meal (but room service would presumably fill the gap if necessary.)

A theatre seating around a thousand people offered nightly entertainment

including Jorgos the Magician and Celtic Spirit (which we attended) and

Midnight in Paris, Bertolino & Friends, and Singing Under the Moon

(which we did not): all heavily amplified and all depriving instrumentalists of employment by relying on pre-recorded orchestras.

The ship also offered special week-long programs that took over the theatre

or special lounges at certain hours: a Bridge Cruise and a Music Cruise (I

thought of chamber music. Dream on—this was a week of celebrity

autographs and Beatles imitators). Other ships in the line offered Dance

Cruises and Baseball Cruises. The Internet and an on-board print shop

allowed me to read the New York Times daily (or any of 150 other newspapers from around the world.)

We were glad to return to Key West since at our first visit we had missed

the Key Lime Pie Factory and the Hemingway Museum. We learned that

Hemingway’s second wife had spent $20,000 (a prodigious sum in the

1930s) to build a large swimming pool which, in the absence of a pump or

filter system, had to be completely emptied and refilled every three days.

Hemingway, in retaliation, bought and installed a decorative urinal beside

the pool. The museum features six- toed descendants of the famed Hemingway cats.

The main streets of Key West burst with souvenir and T-shirt shops

jammed together like schoolboys snickering over smutty magazines. We

preferred the side streets, with their old houses, small hotels, abundant vegetation, and ubiquitous roosters.

We’ll probably never drive the two thousand miles of US 1 between Key

West and Maine, but at least we’ve marked its terminus. The waterfront offered views of yachts, pelicans and an abundance of seafood restaurants.

Cozumel institutionalizes the tourist trade by compelling debarking

passengers to weave through a mall of merchants and the inevitable

mariachi band before reaching the escalator to the street. We’d originally

signed up for a three- reef snorkeling trip but when we saw the tiny boat

rocking and tossing in heavy waves at the wharf we opted for gentler water

near shore at Jeanie’s restaurant, dive centre and gift shop. We still saw

plenty of colourful fishies and also got to watch a carnivalesque display by a young troupe of Indian dancers.

At Seven-Mile Beach on Grand Cayman Island we made a strenuous

journey by kayak into the wind to reach Governor’s Beach and more

colourful fish. Our leader managed to catch a large lobster with his bare hands and brought it home for supper.

The ship’s lifeboats doubled as tenders to transport us to Levantado for a

beach day (that is, once the torrential rains had passed). We opted for a

corner of the beach far removed from the crowds but, as it turned out, right

beside the route of Tanya, a sea otter who entertained paying customers on

land and sea for $95 a pop. In the afternoon we enjoyed piño coladas served in pineapple cups. The more adventuresome had the option of parasailing.

Returning to the Fort Lauderdale Airport, we found it took very little effort

to keep our balance as the horizon seemed to move gently up and down. An

airport attendant asked us how we’d enjoyed our vacation. Patti said we

would have liked an additional week in Florida. The man suggested that

once you’ve spent two weeks in Florida you might as well look into buying a

place and staying there. Trying to readjust to Toronto in March on our

return