captain canada- attack of the giant ice melter

8/6/2019 Captain Canada- Attack of the Giant Ice Melter

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Captain Canada: Attack of the Giant Ice Melter

By

Dan Verbin

2011 [email protected]


2/42

FADE IN:

EXT. ARCTIC RESORT - DAY

An arctic landscape full of rolling white hills. Snowfalling.

A giant sign says: WELCOME TO THE SNOWRIBBEAN, CANADASTROPICAL PARADISE.

There is a picture on the sign of a dancing polar bear in aHawaiian shirt and coconut bikini drinking a margarita on anice flow.

There is a pole with arrow signs on it:

YELLOWKNIFE 180 KILOMETRES

WHITEHORSE 355 KILOMETRES

CANADIAN TIRE 900 KILOMETRES

WARM WEATHER 10,000 KILOMETRES

The NARRATOR sits in a hot-tub surrounded by beautifulBIKINI MODELS wearing ski hats and furry ear muffs. Thetemperature is sub-sub zero. Their breath is freezing. Theirskin is red from the cold and covered in goosebumps.

Steam rises out of the hot-tub.

A BIRD flies over head. It SHRIEKS, turns into ice inmid-flight and falls into the hot tube with a splash.

One of the Bikini Models fishes it out. She bites its headoff and spits out frozen feathers. She rips the bird intoseveral pieces. Hands it out to the other models. They eatit raw. Feathers fly out of their mouths.

One of them hands a piece of bird to the Narrator, herefuses.

The Narrator puts on a pair of shades and slicks back hisfrozen hair, brushing ice and snow out of it.

NARRATOR(putting arms around BikiniModels)

Citizens of Canada, our archnemesis, the Professor, haskidnapped the Queen of Canada. Onlyone man can save our great nationand its beautiful Queen...


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2.

(to someone off-screen)Cue the music, boys.

The theme music does not start.

SOUNDMAN (O.S.)Sorry, eh. The boom box is like

frozen solid, eh.

NARRATORRight...Uh, OK...no theme musicthen. No biggie...Doesnt matter.

(muttering to self)Typical crap Canadian productionvalues... I knew I should havetaken that cruise ship bingo gig.

(to camera)Lets start over again, shall we?

The Narrator takes out a mirror, brushes more ice and snow

out of his hair. The BIKINI MODEL next to him pulls out ahandful of slushy snow from her bikini top.

She throws it at another model. The models start having asnowball fight.

NARRATORGirls...Girls, please. Save thatfor the wrap party in my trailer.

Beat. More snow. More ice. More bone-chilling wind.

NARRATOR

(clearing throat, wiping icefrom face)

Citizens of Canada, our archnemesis, the Professor, haskidnapped the Queen of Canada. Onlyone man can save our great nationand its beautiful Queen...

(beat, to Soundman)Wheres the the drum roll?

SOUNDMAN (O.S.)A moose stepped on the drums andcrushed them, eh. Sorry.

A snowball hits the Narrator in the face. He SIGHS. Brushesoff snow.

NARRATOR(to Soundman)

A moose stepped on the drums?


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3.

SOUNDMAN (O.S.)Thats right. Tough one, eh?

NARRATORAlright, just forget about it. Wedont need no stinkin drum roll.

(standing up, looking intocamera)Only one man can save our great andproud snow-covered nation and itsQueen from this grave and presentdanger! Only one man can rescue ourland of the strong and free from amadman so heinous that no one dareutter his name. Only one man, a manwho fears no one and no thing, aman who feels no cold, who feels nopain, who fears no one or no thing.Only this brave man can deliver us

from the edge of the abyss. Andthis man is...this man is...

CAMERAMANUh, sorry to interrupt you there,but I just like ran out of film,eh.

NARRATOR(feeling up Bikini Model)

Are you freakin serious? ...Oh,screw it. Just roll the tape.

One of the bikini models unzips her body. Shes not really abikini model. It was just a costume. Shes a POLAR BEAR!

NARRATOR(flapping arms in panic)

Aaah! Run! POLAR BEAR! POLAR BEAR!

The Narrator pushes three Bikini Models into the hot tub ashe jumps out of the tub and runs off into the snowydistance. We notice from behind that he is not wearing aswimsuit. The Polar Bear GROWLS, gives chase.

INT/EXT. TYPICAL CANADIAN TOWN - MORNING

A green hockey minivan careening recklessly down the street.The DRIVER drives around a MAN riding a moose... around aWOMAN portaging a canoe with two toddlers in it...around aparade celebrating the donut...past a store advertising asale on Apology Cards.


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4.

Inside the van in the drivers seat is BYRON BULLARD (akaCAPTAIN CANADA) a regular-looking hockey Dad. With him ishis 11-year old son, Justin. A hard rock song about hockeyPOUNDS out from the stereo. (Chorus: HOCKEY, HOCKEY! SKATEAROUND THE ICE BUT ALWAYS PLAY NICE...)

Byron and Justin are late for Justins hockeypractice! Byron slams his foot down on the accelerator,driving like a maniac (for a Canadian).

Each time Byron drives through a stop sign or a yellowlight, makes an illegal turn or cuts someone off, the driverof the offended car always rolls down the window toapologize.

Beat.

Blue lights appear behind them. The SIREN of a policecruiser. But the siren and lights are not attached to a car.

We see that the siren and flashing lights are attached to ahorses rump.

Byron is pulled over by two MOUNTIES riding a HORSE. Thehorse has snowshoes on its hooves, instead of horseshoes.

MALE MOUNTIE(leaning on van)

Good day to you, sir. I apologizefor pulling you over, eh. Do yourealize you were driving a littlefast back there...Not to be afussbudget about it or anything.

But maybe, you might want to maybewatch your speed if thats alrightwith you, perhaps.

BYRONMy sons late for his hockeypractice, eh.

FEMALE MOUNTIEWell why didnt you say so in thefirst place? Well give you apolice escort!

The Mounties, siren BLARING Canadas National Anthem, escortByrons van through traffic to hockey practice.


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5.

EXT. CANADIAN STREET CORNER - MORNING

We see a suspicious-looking MAN who is WHISTLING andcontinuously looking over his shoulder as he walks toward apaper box for Canadas largest newspaper, the TORONTO DAILYGOOD CITIZEN. He walks up to the box, touches the top, then

takes several paces backwards. Repeats this maneuver severaltimes.

When he is sure no one is looking, he puts his money in thebox and takes out TWO newspapers.

A WOMAN passing by on a sled pulled by huskies catches himin the act.

DOG SLED WOMANExcuse me, sir. I dont mean anyoffense but did you pay for boththose newspapers?

Beat. Sweat pours down his face. His upper lip twitches.

NEWSPAPER THIEF(nervous, stuttering)

N-n-no - and I admit it. Youvecaught me, maam. Im guilty. Imso ashamed, eh. Just kill me in mytracks, please.

The Man holds up both hands, drops one of the newspapers andruns away.

DOG SLED WOMAN(hysterical)

Help! Help! Thief! Someone call theauthorities...Oh, please, please,someone do something! A man hasbroken the law!

The WOMAN starts to cry. Beat. A passing GOOD SAMARITAN onsnowshoes slides over to help her. He sticks his finger intothe air.

GOOD SAMARITANI know what to do. Ill call...Captain Canada!

The Pedestrian walks into the middle of traffic. Every carwithin 25 feet instantly skids to a stop on the icy roadway,tires SQUEALING. A nearby DRIVER rolls down his window.


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6.

DRIVERMay I help you, sir?

GOOD SAMARITANCan I borrow your cell phone? Itsan emergency!

The windows of all the stopped cars roll open. A dozen cellphones come flying at the the Good Samaritan.

EXT. SMALL TOWN HOCKEY ARENA PARKING LOT - MORNING

The Mounties on the horse escort Byrons van safely tohockey practice. The Mounties wave at Byron and his son asthey trot away.

MALE MOUNTIE(patting horse, to Byron)

You have a good one, eh.

EXT. ARENA ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS

Byron and Justin standing in front of the entrance withJustins enormous hockey bag.

BYRON(to son)

Now Justin, remember what I toldyou.

JUSTINYes, Papa. Always be a goodsportsman, even in defeat. Alwaystreat you opponent like you wouldwant to be treated. Never spit,swear or ignore the ref or thecoach. And be true to yourself.

BYRONAnd...

JUSTIN(jumping up and down)

If a player on the opposing teamthrows his weight around, suckerpunch him in the gut, then pummelhim over and over in the face untilhis nose bleeds all over hisuniform. And if the ref stillhasnt broken it up yet, kick himwhere it hurts the most.


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7.

BYRONAnd where is that, son?

Justin runs up to his father and kicks him between the legs.Byron falls over in a heap. He reels on the ground in pain.

BYRON(struggling to speak)Good... boy... eh.

Beat. Justin doing victory dance.

BYRON(blushing with pride)

My little boys a man now... Son,youll make the pros one day if youkeep this up!

A BEEPING comes from Byrons dashboard. A light flashes red

and white - the colors of the maple leaf!

BYRONGadzooks! Its the maple leafsignal! Somewhere in this snowy,northern ice-covered land of ours,from unpopulated coast to coast,from frozen shining sea to sea,Captain Canada is needed!

JUSTINBut what about hockey practice,Papa? Youre the coach this week.

BYRONWhat?

JUSTINAll the fathers drew icicles andyou drew the smallest one.Remember?

BYRONOh, yeah.

(Turns to camera)This is a toughie, eh.

Byron sits down on the pavement, with his hand on his chin.Deep in thought. Out of the corner of his eye, he seesJustin looking down at him like he is about to sucker kickhim again. Byron puts his hands over his crotch.


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8.

BYRON(standing up)

Sorry, son. Someday when youreolder, youll understand. Dutycalls.

JUSTIN

You have to pee, too?

BYRONWell, now that you mention it...But thats not what I was talkingabout, eh. I must take leave tohelp a fellow citizen of Canada indistress...Captain Canada to therescue, eh!

Byron attempts to rip his clothes off (his Captain Canadauniform is underneath).

He gets his pants and shoes off. He is wearing white bootsand red tights with a pair of goalie pads.

In his hand a goalie blocker magically appears. On it is hislogo: The Maple Leaf with a clenched fist.

But... the zipper on his heavy down-filled winter jacket isstuck. He yanks and yanks. It wont budge. He cant get intothe top half of his uniform!

BYRONJustin, please get me a bar of soapfrom the locker room. Thank you

very much, eh.

Beat.

Justin brings him an ice-covered bar of soap. Byron rubs thesoap on the zipper track. A few beats. He gets his jacketundone. He rips his jacket and sweater off to reveal a redbodysuit (he has a noticeable pot belly) as well as a cape -both with his logo on them. The name "CAPTAIN CANADA" isalso on his cape.

There is a hockey captains "C" on his chest.

Byron/Captain Canada holds his goalie blocker up above hishead. His logo lights up the sky, emblazing the air directlyabove his head.

His hair starts to smoke.

He puts out the fire in his hair with a handful of snow.


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9.

CAPTAIN CANADA(pumping fist)

I am off... to fight crime the onlyway I know how, the Canadian way-with a wink, a smile and a goodword! CAPTAIN CANADA TO THE RESCUE,

eh!

Captain Canada pauses.

CAPTAIN CANADABut first... a beer and baconbreak.

Captain Canada cracks open a beer and stuffs bacon into hismouth. His face is all greasy. Beer runs down his chin andfreezes there.

INT. OFFICE OF PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA - MORNING

The PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA, RED TORY, practicing hisslapshot in the corner of his office.

One of his shots misses the goal and sails through a window.The puck breaks the glass cleanly and falls into traffic.The SOUNDS of a car accident: squealing tires, horns honkingand metal hitting metal.

DRIVER (O.S.)(yelling up to Prime MinisterTory)

Apologies, Mr. Prime Minister, sir.My fault, sir. Ill try not todrive into your slapshots in thefuture, sir.

TORY(out window to driver)

Apology accepted, eh. Please givethe puck to you son, bud.

(to aid)Donny, send that fine, upstandingman a years supply of back bacon!

DONNYYes, sir, Mr. Prime Minister, sir.

Donny rushes out of the office, almost knocking over theCHIEF of the RCMP, SERGEANT GENERAL GUILLEMETTE. He walksinto the room along with several stern looking INTELLIGENCEOFFICIALS.


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10.

TORYAnd, Donny? Get me some donutswhile youre out. The ones I like,with the little red sprinkles onthem...And make sure no bluesprinkles, eh. I hate the blue

ones! They make me feel American.

DONNY (O.S.)Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Guillemette salutes Prime Minister Tory.

GUILLEMETTESir, something terrible hashappened. We found this...

(holds up Beta videotape)at the scene of her abduction, eh.

TORY(mouth full of putine)

Whos ab- what?

GUILLEMETTEJust watch the tape, sir.

TORYStick it in the Beta player, bud.

Guillemette puts the videotape into a top-loading early 80sBeta VCR. A videoscreen drops down from the ceiling, hittingINTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #1 in the head. He rubs his bruised

head.

TORY(hollering into hallway)

Donny, get this man some ice!

DONNY (O.S.)Right away, sir.

Donny enters. He sticks his arm out of the broken window,catching a handful of snow. He huffs on the snow and rubs itaround in his hands. He sticks his hand back outside. Heopens his hand. Inside is a perfectly formed ball of ice. Hegives it to the hurt man who rubs it on his bruised head.

TORY(to Donny)

Nice one, eh.(to Guillemette)

Sergeant General what seems to bethe problem? Were not about to

(MORE)


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11.

TORY (contd)experience another beer shortage,are we? I dont think we can takeany more.

(wiping away tear)The last one almost ripped apart

the fabric of this great nation.

GUILLEMETTEMr. Prime Minister, I implore youto watch the tape. We need to actfast... before its too late.

TORY(points outside)

But, its snowing out. Cant thiswait?

GULLEMETTE

Its always snowing!

Everyone LAUGHS heartily. Tory holds his belly.

Guillemette presses PLAY on the Beta VCR. One thevideoscreen we see an aerial of an ice castle in The Yukon,THE PROFESSORs lair!

CUT TO:

THE INSIDE OF THE ICE CASTLE

The Professor is standing next to a blackboard filled withCanadian history facts and stats. The QUEEN of CANADA issitting in a school desk, tied up to the chair with hockeytape.

THE PROFESSOR(writing on blackboard withchalk)

As I was saying... In 1876, inwhats known as the Pacific PubScandal, Prime Minister Macdonaldresigned after accusations that heaccepted a bribe in exchange forallowing an acquaintance to keephis bar open past 5:30 pm.

The Queen yawns. She has a sleepy look on her face. Her eyesare all glazed over. Her head tilts to one side. Shestruggles to stay awake. The Professor LAUGHS maniacally.

CUT TO:


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12.

THE PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE

The videoscreen malfunctions, rolling back up into theceiling. Guillemette pulls it back down, but it goes back upagain. This repeats several times.

TORYWho is this dastardly moose andwhat does he want?

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #2Sir, if I may...

(spreads out dossier on desk)The Professor is the most evil mindto ever come from our great land!

TORYMore evil than the guy who inventednon-alcoholic beer?

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #2Ok. The second most evil mind.

TORYWhat about that woman who inventedtofu bacon?

DONNYTo-bacon is quite tasty, eh. Andits cholesterol free!

Everyone gives Donny dirty looks.

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #2Im afraid so, sir. The Professorlulls his helpless victims into adeep trance-like sleep by lecturingthem on Canadian history.

The Prime Minister gasps.

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #1Eventually, they enter a permanentcomatose state, eh.

TORYNo! You cant be serious.

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #1Dead serious, eh.

Guillemette finally gets the videoscreen down.


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13.

GUILLEMETTE(presses PLAY)

Watch the rest of the video, sir.

On the videocreen, we see The Professor is scrawling TENMINUTE BREAK on the blackboard. The Queen of Canada is fast

asleep and SNORING away. Her tongue hangs out of her mouth.There is frozen drool on her chin.

TORYNo! Hes killed her! Hes killedthe Queen! Hes going to have a lotof apologizing to do when I get myhands on him!

INTELLIGENCE OFFICIAL #1Shes not dead,sir. At least notyet. Shes just in a deep, deepsleep. But we must do something.

GUILLEMETTEIf we dont get to hersoon...Shell be back bacon.

THE PROFESSOR(turning to camera)

I hope you liked my little historylesson, mes amis...Now for mydemands. And, no, Im not talkingabout back bacon. I hate thatstuff. It clogs the arteries.

Everyone in the Prime Ministers office GASPS.

The videoscreen goes momentarily blank. When the picturecomes back on, The Professor is standing on the roof of hisice palace, next the Queen of Canada whos sleeping on anice bed. Before him is a giant two-ton ice melter that lookssimilar to a giant laser.

Everyone in the room goes totally silent. You could hear apin drop. A CANADA GOOSE waddles into the office, HONKSseveral times, jumps onto the windowsill, HONKS, flies outthe window. A BEAVER waddles into the office, flaps itstail, takes several bites out of a leg of the PrimeMinisters wooden desk chair, jumps out the window.

They all stare at the giant ice melter on the video screen.

TORYMen, in your best estimation, isthat a giant laser?


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14.

THE PROFESSORI bet youre wondering if this is agiant laser, Mr. Prime Minister.Well, let me assure you that it isnot. Giant lasers are illegal inCanada and as a Canadian, I wouldnever break the law.

(throws head back, laughs)No, what I have before me is moresinister than that a laser, moredastardly than any weapon onearth... Its the worlds largestice melter!

The Prime Minister covers his eyes, cowers in his chair. Theleg that the beaver chewed snaps and the Prime Ministerfalls to the floor.

TORYNo! It cant be.

DONNYWas that the ice melter on salelast weekend at Canadian Tire?

Everyone shoots Donny dirty looks.

THE PROFESSORAnd now for my demands... I wantone billion American dollars inunmarked bills. I want the moneydelivered by carrier beaver to POBox 12, Snow City, Yukon within thenext 48 hours...If my demands arenot met, Ill deliver my lecture onthe history of Canadian oilpainting...

(pinches queens face)...to your cherished Queen. Shellnever survive. Never! BWAHAHAHAHA!

The wind HOWLS. A torrent of snow begins to fall. The screenis almost all white. We can barely make out The Professor.

THE PROFESSOR

Darn! Wheres my squeegee?

THE PROFESSOR wipes off the camera lense with a fur glovedhand.

THE PROFESSOR(peering into lense)

Oh, and I almost forgot. Every hourthat I do not receive my money, I

(MORE)


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THE PROFESSOR (contd)will melt one Canadian landmarkwith my giant ice melter...Heres alittle demonstration for you.

The Professor climbs into the seat of the ice melter andaims off into the distance. The Queen of Canada reaches her

hand out, as if to try to stop him. But she is much tootired to do anything.

THE PROFESSOR(laughing maniacally)

Say goodbye to Canadas most famousheritage site, chums... MountRushmore!

The Professor rotates the ice melter and aims it high intothe air - a flame shoots out of it.

The picture changes on the videoscreen. We see Canadas

Mount Rushmore. Its a giant ice covered peak, featuring icecarvings of the faces of the three members of Rush, GeddyLee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart.

A huge flame descends from the sky, instantly melts the icymountain. Just bare earth remains.

THE PROFESSORRemember, gents, 48 hours. Or theQueen gets it. And now, off tobrush up on my history texts. Untilnext time.

More crazed cackling from The Professor.

The videotape abruptly ends.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

All present in the room recoil in shock. One thevideoscreen, a cooking show about preparing moose burgersbegins playing.

TORY

(drinking a beer with a curlystraw)We must do something, eh. We haveto save our Queen and ourcountry... I know, we need tocontact our bravest and strongestsuperhero...Donny!

Donny enters the room.


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16.

TORYDonny, get the superhero files, onthe double.

Donny puts several thin files on the Prime Ministers desk.

DONNY

Already here, sir.

Guillemette and the two Intelligence Agents go through thefiles.

Beat.

GUILLEMETTE(flipping through dossiers)

Lets see here... Grizzly Bear Manmoved to Gotham City... Beaver Girlleft for Metropolis... The Fonduetook a job protecting Astro

City...Blue Trout is currentlyserving a sixteen year sentence forinciting a drunken hockeybrawl...Ice Man is busy keepingLondon safe from Spring HeeledJack...and Arctic Fox froze todeath during a summer ice storm.

TORYIs that it? Have all oursuperheroes moved to America andEngland to seek fame and fortune?

GUILLEMETTEIm afraid its the dreadedsuperhero brain drain, Mr. PrimeMinister, sir. Were doomed.

There is only one dossier left. Guillemette tries to hide itunder the others. Tory spots it.

TORYWhat about that one? Under theother folders.

GUILLEMETTENo, eh. You dont want to see thatone, sir.

TORYYes, I do. Let me have it.

Tory grabs it from Guillemette. He opens it, reading outloud.


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17.

TORYCaptain Canada...Captain Canada.Order of the Moose for savingCanada from the MaskedReferee...Made the front page ofthe Daily Good Citizen seven years

in a row for keeping our nationsafe from litterbugs and those whoprefer cursing to civilizedspeech.... Hmmm...

GUILLEMETTESir, I beg of you. Consider payingThe Professor the ransom money.This is not a good idea.

TORYCaptain Canada... Captain Canada...Yes, hes the one who will save our

Queen and our snow-coveredland...Captain Canada!...Guillemette, find this man andbring him to me. On the double.

Torys stomach gurgles. He checks his maple leaf watch.

TORY(rolling up sleeves)

Donny, its gonna be a late night.Bring us some mugs of steaming hotmaple syrup and some back bacon.

DONNY(saluting, clicking heels)

Yes, sir, eh.

EXT. CANADIAN STREET CORNER - DAY

Captain Canadas hockey van slams into the curb. He jumpsout. The Dog Sled Woman is sitting on her sled weeping. HerDOGS have their tales between their legs and their headsdown. The Good Samaritan grabs the Dog Sled Woman by theshoulder and points to Captain Canada.

GOOD SAMARITANCaptain Canada, youre here. Andwith no time to spare!

Several CARS speed to a stop.


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18.

DRIVER #1Look, kids, its Captain Canada!

DRIVER #2Captain Canada is here to save theday, eh!

DOG SLED WOMAN(pointing at thief)

There he is. Theres the scoundrelwho stole the newspaper. Apprehendhim, eh! Give him your worst!

CAPTAIN CANADANo crime is too tough for...CaptainCanada. To the rescue, eh!

Captain Canada throws his cape over his shoulder and runstoward the Thief.

GOOD SAMARITAN(covering eyes)

Captain Canada, watch out for thatpatch of ice.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - NIGHT

An insane blizzard envelops everything in sight. A galeforce wind HOWLS like mad. It is an almost completewhiteout. Several beats.

We move back to reveal that the storm is on a television inthe Prime Ministers office.

Prime Minister Red Tory and his aid, Donny, sit in hisoffice drinking steaming mugs of maple syrup watching the TVstorm. They are wearing bibs featuring the maple leaf. Torydunks an enormous strip of bacon into his maple syrup, chewsLOUDLY.

DONNYSnowstorm IV is ok, but I kindapreferred Snowstorm III better, eh.

TORYI agree, eh. The sequels are neveras good as the original.

DONNYRemember the part in Snowstorm IIwhere it snowed a lot?


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19.

There is a KNOCK at the door. Torys secretary walks incarrying a huge dial phone - the curly cord trails behindher down the hallway. The cord is not quite long enough. Shehas to yank on the phone to get it to the Prime Minister. Hestretches his arms to take it from her. He is forced to leanover his desk to pick it up.

SECRETARYIts Sergeant Guillemette on thephone, sir. I think he has news ofCaptain Canadas whereabouts, sir.

TORYHello, eh? This is Tory, bud.

GUILLEMETTE (O.S.)Ive located Captain Canada, Mr.Prime Minister, sir. And its notgood, Im sorry to say.

TORYWell, pardon my French, where inH-E double Popsicle sticks is he?

GUILLEMETTEHes in the ER of one of ourpublicly funded governmenthospitals, sir. He sprained hisankle apprehending a criminal thismorning. Sorry.

TORYHes been in the ER since this

morning? My Gosh, its almostmidnight.

GUILLEMETTEDue to a doctor shortage in ourhealth care system, they told himit will be another 72 hours beforea doctor can take a look at him.

TORYSorry for the inconvenience, eh.Just get him here ASAP. Thesurvival of the country is atstake.

GUILLEMETTEShouldnt I thank the hospital forthe great job theyre doing?Otherwise, they might be offendedif he just leaves like that.


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20.

TORYOK, eh. Do that and then getCaptain Canada over to my office onthe double, bud. Well have somebeers. I got plenty of bacon, too.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - LATER

Prime Minister Tory practicing his slapshot next to thebroken window. He shoots the puck. It sails through thewindow and down onto the street below. The puck HITS someonein the head.

VOICE FROM THE STREET (O.S.)Owwwww! What the blazes? Sorry, Iapologize for cursing, eh.

TORY

Donny, get that window fixed.

DONNYYes, sir, Mr. Prime Minister, sir.Im sorry.

TORYQuite apologizing all the time,Donny. Maybe thats what needs tochange around here. We spend allour time apologizing and an evilnitwit like The Professor stealsour Queen right from under our

noses. I wish I could tell her inperson how sorry I am.

DONNYYes, sir. Im sorry, sir. No moreapologizing, sir. Im sorry, itwont happen again, sir.

TORYIt better not...Look, Im sorry ifI was too hard on you, Donny, butits for your own good, eh.

Beat. The snow comes down harder.

Guillemette and Captain Canada walk into the PrimeMinisters office. Captain Canada is on crutches for hissprained ankle. He is holding a hand over his right eye.


22/42

21.

GUILLEMETTECraziest thing happened, eh. Me andCaptain Canada were getting out ofthe car downstairs when all of asudden this puck comes out ofnowhere and clobbers him in the

eye,eh.

TORYDonny! Get Captain Canada some icefor his eye.

DONNYYes, sir. Im sorry sir.

Donny takes a hockey stick. He crawls out onto the windowledge and scrapes a hunk of ice off. He brings the ice backinside and gives it to Captain Canada.

CAPTAIN CANADAThanks, eh.

TORYNo problem, bud.

GUILLEMETTEMaybe we should show Captain CanadaThe Professors videotaped demands.

TORYGood one, eh.

The videoscreen comes down from the ceiling and hitsGuilemette on the head. Captain Canada hands him his ice.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - LATER

On the videoscreen, The Professors video is just finishing.

CAPTAIN CANADAHoly smokes, eh! What are we gonnado? The Queen might already be deadby now! Shouldnt you contact asuperhero or something?

TORYWe just have to pray to the snowgods that our Queen has the innerstrength to resist The Professorsagonizing history lessons.


23/42

22.

GUILLEMETTEIf we Canadians can survive minus50 degree summers, we can surviveanything.

Guillemette hands Captain Canada a plane ticket and some

coupons.

GUILLEMETTEHeres your plane ticket and somegift certificates good at ourgovernment run beer stores. Goodluck, eh.

Tory stands up. He walks over to Captain Canada and puts hislarge hands on Captain Canadas shoulder pads.

TORYThe Professors hideout is an ice

palace somewhere in The Yukon.Captain Canada, good luck andGodspeed, eh.

CAPTAIN CANADAI will not fail you, Prime MinisterRed Tory, or my name isnt ByronBullard.

TORY(whispering to Guillemette)

Who on earth is Byron Bullard?

GUILLEMETTE(whispering to Tory)

Thats Captain Canadas real name.

TORYOh, bummer, eh. What were hisparents thinking?

(to Captain Canada)Dont let us down, Captain Canada.Youre our last hope, eh. Have agood one, bud.

Captain Canada salutes the Prime Minister. Tries to spinaround on his bad ankle. Winces.

CAPTAIN CANADATo my headquarters!


24/42

23.

INT. DONUT SHOP - DAY

Captain Canada sitting at a table with a pile of donuts andempty coffee cups. Hes pulled an all-nighter working on hisplan. The plan is drawn on a ripped napkin. Theres a pileof crumpled napkins on the floor - drafts of his plan hesthrown away.

CAPTAIN CANADA(to himself)

Theres no way I can rescue her allby myself. Bummer, eh?

He makes several modifications to his plan with a pencil,then gives up. He throws his most recent plan onto the floorand SIGHS. He puts his laptop onto the table and turns iton.

CAPTAIN CANADA(to laptop)

Laptop, call the BACONS.

LAPTOP(Stephen Hawking type voice)

I do not understand. Please stateagain.

CAPTAIN CANADAThe BACONS stands for the Brigadeof Awesome Canadian Or NorwegianSuperheroes... Laptop, please getBACONS on the video hookup, on thedouble.

LAPTOPPlease standby, eh.

Beat. A five-way split screen appears on the laptop. In onebox is GRIZZLY BEAR MAN (in Gotham City)... In another isBeaver Girl (in Metropolis)... In another is The Fondue (inAstro City)... In the forth is Ice Man (In London, UK)...And in the fifth video box is the Norwegian Knight (in Oslo,Norway).

ICE MANI say, old boy, youve woken mefrom my slumber. I do hope there isa posh reason, my dear man.

THE FONDUEYes, zees better be an emergenceeor else Zee Fondue will not be zeehappy camper.


25/42

24.

THE NORWEGIAN KNIGHTFriend, do you realize what time itis right now in Norway?

CAPTAIN CANADAWhats the deal with the Knight,eh? I thought this was supposed to

be a group of expatriate Canadiansuperheroes.

THE FONDUEAnd Quebecker superheroes, too!

BEAVER GIRLHey, Capn! Thing is, its likethis, yo. We needed a fifth memberto like qualify as a "brigade" yo.Otherwise, we couldnt attend theannual Superhero Brigade Conventionin Acapulco.

(makes devil horns)Dude, its gonna ROCKED!

GRIZZLY BEAR MANKick ass, yall. I cant wait,yall.

ICE MANI agree, old chap. It will be a madhot scene, mates! Full of damn sexybirds.

CAPTAIN CANADA

(clears throat)Excuse me, eh... Sorry to likeinterrupt and everything here.

BEAVER GIRLYo, Double C-Man, what is it?

CAPTAIN CANADA(talking rapidly)

The Professor has kidnapped theQueen of Canada... Hes holding herat his hideout in The Yukon....Hehas a giant ice melter... Withevery hour that goes by until thegovernment sends him his onebillion dollar ransom, hes goingto destroy another Canadianlandmark.

(deep breath)I need your help, superheroes, eh.


26/42

25.

THE FONDUESorree, Le Capitain. I need zeebeautee sleep.

GRIZZLY BEAR MANYall, I have to defend Gotham Cityfrom baddies, yall. I dont have

time for lame-ass small-time stufflike that, yall.

ICE MANI concur, mate. Count me out, oldboy.

BEAVER GIRLDitto, yo! Fool, I aint playinthat, yo.

THE NORWEGIAN KNIGHTI dont want to get involved in

another countrys private matter.It is simply against theinternational superhero courtprotocol. I hope you understand.

CAPTAIN CANADA(standing up)

I apologize for the language Imabout to use, eh, but... are youguys friggin serious here? Thefuture of Canada as we know it maynot exist tomorrow. Your proud,middle of the road nation is atstake.

THE NORWEGIAN KNIGHTIm Norwegian.

CAPTAIN CANADAWell, not you. But everyone else.

BEAVER GIRLLike, dude, its not my countryanymore. I have my own city todefend, holler! Its like the

Grizzly said, bro.

CAPTAIN CANADAI cant believe this, eh. You - IceMan - you used to talk like aCanadian. Now, you have a Britishtwang. You - Grizzly Bear Man - yousay yall compulsively to coveryour Canadian origins.


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26.

GRIZZLY BEAR MANYall... Yall... Yall.

CAPTAIN CANADAAnd you Beaver Girl, I dont evenrecognize your voice, eh. Bummer.

And you, The Fondue, I dont speakFrench so good, eh, so you stillsound about the same to me.

THE FONDUETank you, zees means a lot to mee.But I steel wont help you. Unlessyou admit that French superheroesare superior to English superheros.

Both men eye each other. Beat.

CAPTAIN CANADA

I cant believe none of you willhelp me save the Queen of Canada orprotect Canadas culture from TheProfessors giant ice melter.

ALL FIVE OF THEM TOGETHERDuh! Canada doesnt have a culture!

CAPTAIN CANADAYes we do. We say "eh" after everysentence. We spell "program" withtwo ms and an e. We dip our baconinto maple syrup. We spell donut

the long way. D-O-U-G....D-O-U-G-H-O... uh, oh, forget it.You know what I mean, eh.

BEAVER GIRLSorry, Captain Canada, eh. I mean,like, shove off Captain Canada,dude, yo. Like, Canada is just awannabee America and stuff, bro.Holler! Im out!

The BACONS signal abruptly goes dead. Captain Canada putshis head in his hands.

The DONUT SHOP MANAGER approaches. Taps Captain Canada onthe shoulder. He jumps, startled.

MANAGERSorry, sir, but this store isclosing. Youll have to leave.


28/42

27.

CAPTAIN CANADAClosing? But donut shops in Canadaare open 24 hours a day, 365 days ayear. Its the law.

MANAGER

No, bud, not that type of closing.Were out of business. Since theword got out about the Queen beingkidnapped, Canadians everywherehave become nervous nellies.Everyones at home hoarding theirbeer and bacon... Also, a Starbucksjust moved in next door.

Captain Canada leaves the donut shop. He walks across thestreet to another, identical looking, donut shop. He goesinside.

INT. SECOND DONUT SHOP - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Captain Canada sitting at a table with a pile of donuts infront of him. Hes crying. A PATRON taps him on theshoulder.

PATRONWhats wrong, eh?

CAPTAIN CANADAOur country is under attack and Icant do anything about it.

PATRON(pouring beer into his coffee)

At least we still have this donutshop.

The MANAGER approaches Captain Canada.

MANAGERSir, youll have to leave. AStarbucks just moved in next door.Were closing up.

Captain Canada leaves and walks down the street to a thirdidentical donut shop.


29/42

28.

INT. THIRD DONUT SHOP - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Captain Canada sitting at a table with a pile of donuts infront of him. Hes depressed. He SIGHS. He takes a few bitesof his donut. Chews very slowly.

The MANAGER approaches his table.

CAPTAIN CANADA(with mouthful of donut)

Let me guess, eh. This place isclosing up either because aStarbucks bought it out or aStarbucks is moving in next door.

MANAGERNope. We just got shut down by thehealth inspector. Rats... andmice... and maggots... and ants.

Captain Canada spits out his donut.

INT. AIRPORT - NIGHT

Canadas National Airport. Full of Canadian flags, moose,maple syrup, Celine Dion impersonators, canoes and beer. Atthe ticket counter, Captain Canada presents his ticket tothe ticket taker.

TICKET TAKER(frowning)

Im very sorry, sir, but you just

missed your flight.

CAPTAIN CANADAWhat? Hows that possible, eh? Imright on time.

TICKET TAKERYour flight left early, sir.

CAPTAIN CANADA(winks to camera)

Only in Canada would a flight leaveearly, eh?

TICKET TAKERIts airline policy, sir, that whenthis happens, our CEO Ned Lightfootpersonally flies the customer totheir destination in his privatehelicopter.


30/42

29.

CAPTAIN CANADA(giving thumbs up)

Good one, eh.

EXT. SOMEWHERE OVER THE YUKON - DAY

NED LIGHFOOTs helicopter is flying over The Yukon. CaptainCanada is sitting in the back of the chopper. Hes gettingready for his mission.

He takes a Wayne Gretzky hockey card out of his pocket andkisses it for good luck.

CAPTAIN CANADA(to hockey card)

Dont let me down, Number 99.

Captain Canada carefully puts the card back in his pocket.

CAPTAIN CANADADrop me right here, Ned.

NEDBut you dont have a parachute,Captain Canada.

CAPTAIN CANADANo problem, eh. The fifty feet ofsnow will cushion my fall.

We see Captain Canada jump out of the helicopter into the

snow down below.

CAPTAIN CANADA(voice fading away)

Thaaaaaaaanks a biggggggie, ehhhhh.

EXT. ROOF OF ICE PALACE - DAY

The Professor is sitting on his ice melter. About to destroyanother Canadian landmark. The Queen of Canada is asleepnearby. She is SNORING.

Captain Canada climbs up the wall and takes The Professor bysurprise.

CAPTAIN CANADAIts the third period, with fiveseconds to go, Professor. Noovertime for you. Game over.


31/42

30.

The Professor turns to Captain Canada and laughs maniacally.Captain Canada limps over to the sleeping Queen (his ankleis still sore) and picks her up.

CAPTAIN CANADAYoure coming with me, Queen of

Canada.

QUEEN OF CANADA(whispering to Captain Canada)

You dont know my actual name, doyou?

CAPTAIN CANADANo. But does that really matter,eh?

QUEEN OF CANADAI guess not. Most Canadians dont

know it either.

THE PROFESSORNot so fast...Have you ever heardmy lecture on the October Crisis of1970?

QUEEN OF CANADA(plugging her ears)

No! Dont! Captain C, plug yourears.

But its too late. Captain Canada is in The Professors

trance.

THE PROFESSORThe October Crisis of 1970 waspremeditated by the kidnapping ofJean Roussea, the heir to theRoussea bacon fortune. PrimeMinister Trudeau was forced toenact martial law to restore theback bacon supply chain....

Captain Canada falls fast asleep.

QUEEN OF CANADA(struggling to stay awake)

Youll never get away with this,you evil, horrible man.

THE PROFESSOR(laughing)

Just watch me, your Majesty.


32/42

31.

The Professor aims his ice melter into the distance.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - NIGHT

Everyone is sitting around, tense. Waiting for word fromCaptain Canada that he has saved the Queen.

EXT. ROOF OF ICE PALACE - EVENING

The Professor is aiming his ice melter into the distance.Captain Canada and the Queen of Canada are fast asleep.

The Professor is laughing.

Beat.

A LOUD noise. The BACONS drop out of the air, parachutingonto the roof. They take out their weapons: hockey sticks.

BACONS(all together)

Illegally curved hockey sticks!

THE PROFESSORIve been expecting you. Yourelate for class.

BEAVER GIRL(helping Queen to her feet)

Like youre cooked, evil dudeman.

GRIZZLY MANYall better not resist, if yallknows whats good for yall.

THE FONDUEZit ees over, Mr. Le Professor.

ICE MANCheerio, Professor. So we meetagain, old dog. A struggle will netyou only bad fortune Im afraid.

The Professor jumps off of his ice melter.

THE PROFESSORNo! Never! My secret weapon willstop you.

The Professor presses a button on his watch and a giantmovie screen pops up from the icy floor.


33/42

32.

THE PROFESSORLets see how you students dowatching a video of my lecture onCanadas involvement in the BoerWar.

The lecture starts. The BACONS immediately fall asleep.Beat.

INT. PRIME MINISTERS OFFICE - EARLY MORNING

The Prime Minister, Donny, Guillemette and the IntelligenceOfficers are pacing the office waiting for news about theQueen.

Several beats go by. Some bells CHIME. The Prime Ministerpoints at a clock tower off in the distance.

TORYIts 6am, gents. Time for theNational Anthem.

Everyone in the room takes off their hats and places theirhand over their heart.

TORYIll take lead vocals on the firstchorus. You men can take harmony.

They start to SING the National Anthem.

At the end of the first verse, the Narrator barges in.

NARRATOR(out of breath)

Help...polar...bear...goingto...die.

TORYExcuse me, eh. Were singing theAnthem.

NARRATORBut...theres a polar bear, sir.

TORYButs are what you find at the endof a moose.

DONNYYou here to fix the dog sled?


34/42

33.

NARRATORNo, Im the low paid narrator ofthis low budget piece of crap. AndIm being chased by a huge polar...

TORY

Anthem! Now!

The Narrator joins them and they finish SINGING the NationalAnthem.

Donny walks into the office carrying a tray of maple fudgecookies.

DONNY #2I made maple fudge cookies, eh.They always make me feel betterwhen Im down.

But... Donny #1 was already in the office. There are now TWOIDENTICAL DONNYS in the room! Which one is the real thing?

GUILLEMETTEI think Im having, like, a maplesyrup flashback, eh.

TORYDonny, you never told me you had anidentical twin. Id remembersomething like that.

Everyone looks at each other, confused.

Donny #1 unzips himself and bursts out of his Donnydisguise. Hes actually the polar bear!

The polar bear GROWLS and lunges at the Prime Minister. ThePrime Minister flips a switch underneath his desk. The polarbear falls through a trap door in the floor.

TORYLuckily I had that trap doorinstalled for when the Premier ofAlberta visits.

DONNY #2(to Narrator)

Are you here to fix the dog sled?


35/42

34.

INT. ICE PALACE - LATER

The superheros and the Queen are all tied up in chairsattached to student desks. The Professor is lecturing aboutCanadas Provincial Trade System.

THE PROFESSORThe historical origins of thesystem of inter-provincial trade ingoods and services goes back allthe way to pre-confederation UpperCanada when barriers were enactedso that...

The ice door blasts open and LE GRENOUILLE, Captain Canadaslong suffering sidekick, walks in. His weapon is also ahockey stick.

LE GRENOUILLE

Not so fast, Professor. Im CaptainCanadas sidekick from Quebec, LeGrenouille.

THE PROFESSORBut how come he didnt take youalong or even mention that youexist?

LE GRENOUILLEThats because Captain Canada takesme for granted. He forgets that Ialways save the day! One of these

times, Im gonna go solo if hesnot careful, eh.

THE PROFESSOR(shaking head)

My late wife used to treat me thatway... I got her drunk on whitewine and proceeded to explain toher in no uncertain terms thedifference between a Canadianprovince and a territory...until itkilled her!

(cackles like a madman)But alas, theres no stopping me.Even you will not prevail,Grenouille!

LE GRENOUILLEYour evil magic wont work on me,Professor. Im Quebecois and Idont understand English so your

(MORE)


36/42

35.

LE GRENOUILLE (contd)boring history lectures wont putme in a coma.

Le Grenouille points his hockey stick at The Professor.

THE PROFESSOR

Then how come youre talking to mein English right now?

LE GRENOUILLEIm just reading lines out of thishandy pocket phrasebook.

Le Grenouille holds up a French-English phrasebook.

LE GRENOUILLEGames over, Professor. Surrenderor else Ill ask you where can Ifind the nearest bed and

breakfast... No, wait, thatswrong. Hang on a second. Page 15...page 15...Oh, here it is. Stop orIll have no choice but to kill youand marry your sister!

The Professor grabs the Queen and runs upstairs to the roof.Le Grenouille runs after them.

EXT. ROOF - CONTINUOUS

The Professor stands near the edge of the roof with theQueen of Canada as his hostage.

THE PROFESSORDont come any closer, Grenouille.Or the Queen gets it.

Le Grenouille waves his hockey stick in The Professorsdirection.

LE GRENOUILLE(reading from phrasebook)

Where is the nearest currency

exchange, please? ...No?

The Queen shakes her head, shrugs.

LE GRENOUILLE(still reading from the book)

I think I have it now... Can youkindly tell me how to get to yourcitys red light district.


37/42

36.

THE PROFESSORLets see. Do you know wheredowntown is?

LE GRENOUILLEYes, I think so.

THE PROFESSORYou look for the big bank building.Then you take a left ontoConfederation Street, walk threeblocks east...

LE GRENOUILLEGive up the Queen or you will facethe wrath of... Le Grenouille.

Beat.

Le Grenouille swings his stick at The Professor. Theprofessor takes several steps back.

LE GRENOUILLEWatch out for the black ice behindyou!

THE PROFESSORNice try, Grenouille. Im notfalling for that old trick.

QUEEN OF CANADAHelp! Help!

THE PROFESSORI wasnt born yesterday. This roofis no more icy than...

The Professor slips backwards and topples off the roof withthe Queen. The Queen manages to grab hold of an ice gargoylenear the edge of the roof at the last second. She danglesthere. The Grenouille extends his hockey stick to her andshe climbs up.

QUEEN OF CANADAThanks, Grenouille. You saved mylife...

DOWN BELOW ON THE GROUND

The Professor gets up. Hes unhurt. The snow cushioned hisfall!


38/42

37.

THE PROFESSOR(laughing)

Nothing can kill The Professor...Nothing! Ill be back to destroythis snow-covered hell or my nameisnt...

A snowplow runs over The Professor.

DRIVERGadzooks! I think I just hit amoose, eh. Bummer.

BACK ON THE ROOF

The others climb out onto the roof. Captain Canada grabs theQueen in his arms.

CAPTAIN CANADA

Youre alive! The country is saved!Canada will live to see anotherday! All thanks to... CaptainCanada, eh!

LE GRENOUILLEWhat about me? Do I not count? Ifyou kiss a frog does he not turninto a prince?

Grizzly Bear Man points off into the near distance.

GRIZZLY BEAR MAN

Look, over there, yall! Its afrozen pond, yall.

BEAVER GIRLLike, whos up for some hockey, yo?Holler!

EXT. FROZEN POND - LATER

Grizzly Bear Man, Beaver Girl, Ice Man and The Fondueplaying hockey on the pond.

Captain Canada and the Queen of Canada are sittingunderneath a steel flagpole. The Canadian flag flies highabove them. Le Grenouille stands nearby, looking annoyed. Heflips through his phrasebook.

QUEEN OF CANADAOh, Captain Canada, the mosthandsome superhero in Canada, you

(MORE)


39/42

38.

QUEEN OF CANADA (contd)saved my life and that of mycountry. How can I ever repay you?

CAPTAIN CANADAGood one, eh?

QUEEN OF CANADAHow about a kiss?

Captain Canada purses his lips.

QUEEN OF CANADABut, wait. You have a family.Arent you married?

CAPTAIN CANADA(turns to camera, winks)

Luckily for me, kids, Im divorced,

eh.

The Queen kisses Captain Canada on the cheek.

LE GRENOUILLEWhat about me? I was the one whosaved you, your Majesty. Dont Iget a kiss or do I not exist inyour eyes?

The Queen and Captain Canada lock lips passionately.

LE GRENOUILLE

(throws hands up infrustration)

Oh this is just great. LeGrenouille saves the girl fromcertain death and every timeCaptain Canada gets her in the end.Tabernac! Isnt this always how itends for moi?

Le Grenouille walks off into the distance.

The Queen and Captain Canadas lips brush the freezing coldflagpole. Their tongues get stuck to the steel. Theystruggle but their faces are stuck to the pole. The otherscontinue playing hockey in the background.

CAPTAIN CANADAI fink were shtuck, eh. Bummer.


40/42

39.

QUEEN OF CANADAHwp! My fash ish shtuk to dishpowl.

CAPTAIN CANADAWhere do you shuppoze da Prime

Minishter ish? Youd fink hed behere to congradurate me for shavingda country.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE PRIME MINISTERS RESIDENCE - DAY

The Prime Minister is sitting in the Prime Ministerialhelicopter in the pilots seat, wearing goggles and a hockeyhelmet.

The helicopter is red and white with a back bacon logopainted on the tail.

The Prime Minister keeps turning the ignition but thehelicopter just SPUTTERS and wont start.

Donny, wearing mechanics overalls, opens the hood.

TORYShe wont start, eh.

DONNYWell have to jump her, sir.

(over his shoulder to crew)Hey, boys, go get Matilda, eh.

Beat. The CREW walks up to the helicopter with MATILDA, ahuge male moose. They attach one end of the jumper cables tothe helicopters engine and the other end to Matildasantlers.

TORYShes a male moose named Matilda.Go figure, eh.

INT. CRUISE SHIP - DAY

A giant bingo hall in the hull of a mega-sized cruise shipfull of SENIORS playing Bingo. The Narrator is the Bingoannouncer.


41/42

40.

NARRATORB-7... N34... G41... O62

We see that the Narrator has a large scar on his foreheadfrom being clawed by the Polar Bear. Hes also missing hisright arm from the elbow down. His right hand is a hook.

NARRATOR (CONTINUED)(turning to the camera)

As you can see, I decided to acceptthat cruise ship job after all...And things also worked out greatfor Captain Canada. He saved theday and got the girl too!

(cranking Bingo blower withhook)

B2... I 41... N....37... G75(turns back to camera)

The Professor was never heard from

again and the Queen of Canadaawarded Captain Canada thecountrys highest honor: A lifetimesupply of back bacon and maplesyrup.

The Narrator looks at his watch.

NARRATORTimes almost up, ladies and gents.If no one wins soon, well have tocall it a night...B4... I21...N44...

OLD LADYBINGO! BINGO!

NARRATORHot dog! We have a wiener! Come onup, madame.

The OLD LADY comes up to claim her prize. Once at thepodium, she unzips her body. Shes not really an old lady.Underneath her old lady costume, shes the Polar Bear!

NARRATORPOLAR BEAR! Run!

The Polar Bear winks at the camera. It GROWLS. Chases theSCREAMING Narrator around the room. We notice that theNarrator is not wearing any pants.

CRUISE SHIP WINDOW


42/42

41.

Outside, in the distance, the Prime Ministers helicopter isbeing pulled through the sky by Matilda the flying moose.

THE END

captain canada- attack of the giant ice melter

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