building a marriage that lasts: secrets to long-lasting...
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Building A Marriage That Lasts: Secrets To Long-Lasting Love
GRACE LYNNE FLEMING DECEMBER 21, 2017 184.6K VIEWS
Around ten years ago I was texting with my dad about Christmas present ideas he had in mind for my mom. Eventually the
conversation led to him saying, “She drives me nuts but I don’t know what I would do without her.”“She drives me nuts but I don’t know what I would do without her.”
Fast-forward a decade and I’m standing in the hospital watching my mom learn how to remove the inner cannula from my dad’s
brand new tracheostomy, clean it, and then put it back in. My dad winces but not because he’s scared of someone with absolute zero
medical training practically shoving a piece of plastic into his freshly-cut throat. He winces because he’s simply sore. But his eyes
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are closed and his shoulders are relaxed because he trusts her.
My mom is wincing too because she is scared. She’s frightened that she will do something wrong. She’s scared that she’ll hurt him
and that doesn’t physically hurt her but you could see the pain in her eyes that day.
They’ve been married for 40 years. How does one build a marriage this strong? Is there a science to it? Is it just the right mixture of
luck and good faith? Or are there secrets to a long-lasting love that so many of us yearn to learn about?
Well, they may not actually be secrets but there are plenty of beautiful stories, tips, advice, why’s and how’s of staying in a
committed, loving relationship that lasts a lifetime. Here’s what I found to be the most important and most popular pieces to the
puzzle:
The Secrets To Long-Lasting Love
Friendship
When building a home, one of the main goals is to be sure that the foundation is solid, strong, and without cracks. When building a home, one of the main goals is to be sure that the foundation is solid, strong, and without cracks. Itneeds to be a sturdy enough structure to weather the storms and to fall back on when the outside gets a little too tough to bear.
That same sentiment can be used when talking about relationships. The more stable the foundation, the longer that relationship
will continue to ourish. And a romantic relationship founded in friendship is one of the strongest.
The same kind of support that we’re all used to handing out to our best friends – being their biggest cheerleaders and “hype”
people – is exactly what’s needed in a long-term, committed relationship.
“We rarely criticize our friends or put them down in public, and we often take our time to listen to them and understand their
perspective, even if we think they’re wrong.
It would make sense, then, that the person for whom you already do all of these things would make the best relationship partner,”
says Elite Daily.
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What works for us is being best friends. We’re incredibly weird together, have polar oppositepersonalities, communicate and laugh a whole lot, and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company.
We’ve done a lot of things backwards and have grown up together. We’ve always said ourmarriage is not a one-way street. I don’t fall for that old school crap about “THE MAN” being thebreadwinner and the wife being the quiet housewife that does all of the cooking and cleaning.
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What’s one of the main things that we all do with our dearest of friends? We laugh, of course.What’s one of the main things that we all do with our dearest of friends? We laugh, of course. And that should also be the
case with our romantic partners. Laughter is a beautiful form of natural medicine. It connects us, it builds memories, and it amps
of the likeability factor between spouses as well.
Marriage is a commitment and should always be treated as such. Marriage is a commitment and should always be treated as such. There’s no “get out of jail free card” when things get rough.
If partners treat this promise as the long-term commitment it is, they’ll be reminded to work through the ebbs and ows without
ditching.
Even if those hardships lasts years, statistically, couples who have worked through it come out happier on the other side. And even
admit to feeling better and stronger, and also grateful that they stuck with the relationship.
In fact, according to Daily Mail, “Researchers found that valuing your friendship with your partner helps create relationships with
more commitment, more love and greater sexual satisfaction.”
Communication
Continuous communication throughout the entirety of your relationship is vital.Continuous communication throughout the entirety of your relationship is vital. And this is especially important to do
before the vows are exchanged. Talk about how you’ll raise your kids, what your expectations in each other are, what your values
include, your ideas on how you’ll be dealing with nances, and more. Be completely honest about all of these important details so
nothing is surprising once the promise to spend your lives together has taken place.
When I was in nursing school and working, Ryan did EVERYTHING. He cooked, cleaned, workedwith Jack on his homework, and never once did he complain, all while working 50+ hours a week.
We both work and share the responsibilities at home. – Lauren & Ryan Allers, 11 years „
Laughter, it’s all about the laughter for us. We have some really tough things in our lives. We havea child with severe classic autism, and another with health issues. We laugh our way through it.We are always cracking jokes. We have a huge list of inside jokes. Ellis has made it his life goal to
make me smile and vice versa. – Megan & Ellis Hardy, 15 years
“
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Understand that sometimes being in a relationship is easy because there are really good times.Sometimes it’s di cult because there are also going to be not so good times. Choose to love each
other even when it’s hard. – Rachel & Doug Smith, 10 years
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We spoke with Barry Yeiser, a licensed clinical social worker, who has his own counseling services based just outside of Nashville,
Tennessee. And one of the rst bullet points of advice he o ered us was, “Marriages change every few years, if you stop studying
your spouse it is a lost opportunity to connect.”
Once you are married, keep the conversation going.Once you are married, keep the conversation going. When you’re happy, unhappy, when you’re turned o or you need help,
speak up and get your partner’s attention. Keeping the lines of communication open, comfortable, and healthy will make the lows
so much easier to get through and the highs even more of a highlight.
Sometimes the right kind of communication doesn’t even have to do with words said aloud though. Sometimes, it’s what has been
unsaid.
That importance of communication can go back to that foundation in friendship we mentioned previously. The fact is, we’re nice The fact is, we’re niceto our friends, and that kindness should always trickle over to our partners. to our friends, and that kindness should always trickle over to our partners. Holding grudges, steamrolling, or stonewalling
won’t help your communication or relationship continue to remain strong and grow.
And in this day and age, issues with trust and communication encompasses our technology too. Mr. Yeiser makes it clear that an
important part of relationships now includes transparency with that technology.
I do think we would both tell you the biggest issue we have seen/had is “unmet expectations”.Justin and I are POLAR opposites. Like crazy di erent people, but our communication has always
been amazing and I truly think by telling each other our expectations it has helped us workthrough the tough shit. – Kacie & Justin Gregory, 12 years
“
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Simply be nice to each other. And if you do argue, it’s ok to take a few minutes apart to cool o .Talk it out and then move on. Don’t keep bringing up past mistakes. – Ashley & Angie Jones, 14 years
“„
My rst Christmas down in Alabama, I was missing Kansas so bad. I missed my family and I missedthe snow. I couldn’t get to my family and I couldn’t make it snow. So Ellis bought me instant snow.He activated it and put it all over a gingerbread house. It was the simplest gift, and the sweetest.The thing is I hadn’t said anything to him. He just knew. I have had family members pull me aside
and tell me, you know how much he loves you right? It really shows. I think love is about payingattention to both the words said and unsaid. Building on that, and developing communication
that goes beyond the spoken word. – Megan & Ellis Hardy, 15 years
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He explains, “If your phone makes a noise, you shouldn’t have an issue with your spouse checking on it for you. There should be
nothing to hide!”
The Little Things
Be conscious in the decision to pay attention to your partner’s needs and wants. Be conscious in the decision to pay attention to your partner’s needs and wants. After knowing and being with someone for
so long, you become very attune to their satisfaction or whether they’re unhappy. If you can sense that something is wrong, a bit
o , or could be better, then step up and make it happen. Those little things that make your spouse’s life easier and happier are a
big part of the glue that keeps marriages going.
Whether you’re hungry, tired, annoyed from a bad day, or have kids dangling from every arm and leg, make sure you continue to make sure you continue toput your partner rst and be considerate. put your partner rst and be considerate. Continue to carve out time for your husband or wife and remember that they are the
number one priority, and not just your career or the children. Maintaining an intimate relationship will only strengthen you two as
a couple so make sure that this foundation stays intact.
Mr. Yeiser advises, “Be sure if you are looking at the month there is speci ed times for family as well as speci ed times as a couple.
Having things in short and long term to look forward to and discuss are important. This will balance out the conversations that
typically revolve around schedules and responsibilities.”
The Keys To A Strong Marriage: An Overview
We just had our anniversary last week. Je presented me with a huge shadow box displaying mydried bouquet from our wedding. Months ago, he must have overheard me talking to my mom
about the problem of whether or not to throw away the bouquet. I did not want to, but then againI had no place for it and didn’t know what to do with it and it was just sitting on a shelf in the
garage. He had heard that and thought he had the perfect solution. And he did as he always does.
So, being a good listener has proven to be the cornerstone of our relationship. We take what eachother says to heart, but also it doesn’t always have to be the grand gestures and the spending of alot of money to make someone feel important special and heard. – Lauren & Je Fleming, 10 years
“
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I guess all I can say is that we truly like each other. After the newness of a relationship wears o ,you have to actually like each other. I have always respected him and he has certainly respected
me. I also think during hard times we never even considered hurting one another. There hasalways been a certain respect and consideration of each other’s feelings – Cindy & Louis Norris, 33
years
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Related Posts
Cultivate a strong foundation for your relationship to stand on.1.
Be able to laugh with your partner.2.
Stay committed.3.
Continue to communicate.4.
Be as kind to your spouse as you would be to your best friend.5.
Give attention to the other’s needs and wants.6.
Work at being considerate.7.
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