better or worse than queen
TRANSCRIPT
Better or Worse Than Queen?TaylorMay
Better or worse than QUEEN?
DeaconMercury
Fat Bottomed Girls
vs.
Baby’s Got Back
Mix-a-lot’s still got it
BETTER
Freddie’s unitard
vs.
Cornfed tigertard
Chest hair
BETTER
Short mic stand
vs.
Short leg
God’s fault
BETTER
Brian May
vs.
Louis XIV
Motherfuckin’ Sun King
BETTER
Farrokh Bulsara
vs.
Farang Irani
Guy smiley
BETTER
Statue of Freddie in Montreaux, Switzerland
vs.
Statue of boner guy
I just want to grab it
BETTER
DeNiro, May, Taylor
vs.
Shit, blood, cum
Sorry about that
WAY BETTER
Roger Taylor dressed as a boy
vs.
Roger Taylor dressed as a girl
Not even close
100% FUCKABLE
Brian May figurine
vs.
Cobain Unplugged figurine
Biggie Doll
BETTER
Queen’s Bicycle Race Video
vs.
Manayunk Bike Race
You might see Gregg Gethard throw up on a grill
BETTER
Freddie petting a cat
vs.
Tom Waits fishing
Nothing could be more worse than Tom Waits, his dumb singing voice,
and his stupid old clothes
BETTER
Queen’s Flash Gordon Soundtrack
vs.
ELO’s Xanadu Soundtrack
Good cocaine costs real money
FORGIVENESS GRANTED
Moet et Chandonin a pretty cabinet
vs.
Ponies in a bucket
Ponies: the lowest form of human consumption
BETTER
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
vs.
Crazy little thing called necrosis
Don’t care for that song
BETTER
A middle aged woman dreaming about Freddie’s
stache
vs.
A middle aged woman wishing she could fuck a
horse
Horses sometimes like fucking people to death
BETTER
Queen topless
vs.
Pit bottomless
I would let these guys run a train on me before I went to Finnigan’s Wake
BETTER
Michael Jackson with a total hard on for
Freddie
vs.
Michael Jackson with a total hard on for balloons
Just look at the camera, kid
BETTER
Freddie look-a-like 1
vs.
Freddie look-a-like 2
More murderous
BETTER
Paul Stanley making Brian May feel super
uncomfortable
vs.
Paul Stanley making me feel super uncomfortable
Leave me alone, Paul Stanley
BETTER
Freddie pretending to like chicks
vs.
Me, honestly, liking the movie White Chicks
Sequel in development!
BETTER
Freddie Mercury Shoes
vs.
Iron Maiden Tie
Please don’t make me choose
DEAD EVEN
John Deacon’s weird 80s hairdo
vs.
All natural sea sponge
Doesn’t smell like cigarettes and the last groupie left
BETTER
Eye sash
vs.
Eye nipples
I guess, sorta
BETTER
Queen on the cover of Music Life magazine
vs.
Steve Guttenberg on the cover of Playgirl magazine
Doesn’t have Steve Guttenberg’s baby bald nutsac in it
BETTER
The Basslines in “Under Pressure” and “Another
One Bites the Dust”
vs.
World peace
Basslines are forever
BETTER
Listening to “Bohemian Rhapsody” all the way
through
vs.
Getting your dick slammed in a door
Just barely
BETTER