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Mazal Tov! You are approaching a great occasion! This wonderful simchah ushers in a

new time in your lives. For the young adult becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, this event puts into

practice skills and insights that have been culled not just during the eight months of intensive

preparation, and not merely during the years of Hebrew School, but during this person's entire

life experience, thus far, as a Jew. This is a time to "put it all together" and see how it looks and

feels.

In this free and pluralistic society, all of us are "Jews-by-Choice" and there are many

moments when we stand, again, at the bottom of Mt. Sinai as Moses offers us the Torah, with

all of its joys and all of its obligations, and we decide to what extent we will engage in this

covenant. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah, "son/daughter of commandment", is very much undergoing

such a “Sinai” moment. Parents, too, are experiencing a transition and along with it a

recommitment to their own Jewish identity.

What enables the young person to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the study that s/he has

accomplished. Nothing that happens on the Shabbat on which s/he leads the congregation in

prayer qualifies or disqualifies him/her from the title of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. On that day, it is a

privilege for Beth Shir Shalom as your Jewish community and ours as your Rabbi and Cantor to

welcome a new young adult into official status as a Bar/Bat Mitzvah because of everything they

have already accomplished.

The goal of our Bar/Bat Mitzvah program goes a lot further than just preparing and

leading a Shabbat service. By the time our new young adult steps onto the Bima and leads

his/her congregation through prayer, we hope that s/he will not just think of us as the Rabbi and

Cantor of Beth Shir Shalom, but that s/he will think of us as his/her Rabbi and Cantor. We

hope that the relationship we cultivate together will be a lifelong friendship. We hope that the

tools used to achieve this wonderful goal will help our new young adults stay in touch with their

growing and changing Jewish identity throughout their entire lives. We also hope that through

this process they will learn to feel comfortable participating in any service at any synagogue.

Please remember that we are both here for you at any time to answer any concerns or

questions you may have about this most important process. We look forward to our study

together and the beginnings of our exploration of what Judaism can mean in an adult life.

Again, Mazal Tov!

Rabbi Neil Comess-Daniels Cantor Diane Rose

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A Bar/Bat Mitzvah Glossary

Kippah: This head covering (also known in Yiddish as Yarmulke) is a sign of modest reverence.

It is optional for Jewish people to wear (not optional for our B’ney Mitzvah) and not at all

expected for non-Jews although they certainly may if they wish.

Tallit: These are the prayer shawls worn by those who have become Bar/Bat Mitzvah, in

fulfillment of the commandment in the Torah, "You shall attach tzitzit (fringes) to the four

corners of your garments." The tzitzit are knotted in such a way as to remind the Jew of all of

the 613 commandments of the Torah. In our Reform synagogue, the wearing of the tallit by

Jewish adults is optional. Non-Jewish adults should not feel at all obligated to wear a tallit since

the tallit symbolizes a Jew’s relationship with Jewish commandments and heritage. Our B’ney

Mitzvah (girls, too!) will wear both on the day of their service so they can experience how their

prayer can be enhanced by these pieces of ritual clothing.

Torah: Torah really has two meanings. In its broadest sense it refers to the entire body of

Jewish law, lore and teachings. In its narrowest sense, it refers to the scroll on which is written

the Five Books of Moses (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy). Every

Shabbat, a consecutive portion of the Torah is read and studied until the end of the Jewish

liturgical year, when the last book is completed and the first book is begun again.

Parasha: Also called the Sidra, the Parasha is the Torah portion read and studied during the

service.

Aliyah: During the Torah service, certain congregants, pre-selected and notified by the Bar/Bat

Mitzvah family, will be called up to the bima (pulpit) to participate and chant or say the

blessings before and after each section of the Parasha is read. Aliyah literally means "going

up" and this is intended spiritually as well as literally.

Haftarah: Following the reading from the Torah, a passage called the Haftarah (“Addition”) is

read from the portion of the Hebrew Bible called the Prophets. There is usually some literary or

thematic connection between the Torah portion and the Haftarah.

Hagbah/Gelilah: Following the reading/chanting of the Torah portion and before the

reading/changing of the Haftarah portion, two members of the congregation are honored with

the responsibility of lifting the Torah Scroll from the reading desk, lifting it high and turning it

around for a moment spread open so that the congregation may see the text (Hagbah) and re-

dressing the Torah Scroll (Gelilah).

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Why is there a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremony?

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is a wonderful way for a thirteen year old to demonstrate

commitment to the mitzvot (commandments). This is accomplished by the young person

accepting the privilege of reading from the Torah and Haftarah and leading worship. In this

way, the congregation says to a young adult who is at least thirteen years old: "You are now a

participating adult in our community, the Jewish community at-large and the world."

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony, as part of a Shabbat worship service, gives each young person

the opportunity to declare publicly, through words and actions, a commitment to a Jewish way

of life: a life of compassion, responsibility, study and mitzvot. Thus, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

bears witness to the future continuity of a Judaism embodied in a new generation of committed

Jews. For all these reasons, the beginning of a young person's transition from childhood to

responsible Jewish adulthood is a time for celebration!

What is the Relationship Between the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremony and the

School Programs at Beth Shir Shalom?

As indicated, becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Beth Shir Shalom is not viewed as something

distinct from Jewish Education; neither in preparation, nor as related to the ceremony itself. In

our synagogue, becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an elective course of study during the course of

(not at the end of) a student's education.

Two points are related to this notion: 1. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is not a private affair. It is a ceremony which takes place

during the normal course of a public Shabbat worship service (both Friday night and

Saturday). In fact, Shabbat is our major emphasis. It is the Shabbat service which "hosts"

the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony, not the other way around! Members of the congregation and

the community are welcome as always. You may also expect other "special celebrations" to

be part of the service - baby naming, a special Shabbat theme, guest speaker, etc.

2. The goal of our education program at Beth Shir Shalom is life-long commitment to wrestling

with Jewish texts and values, for elevating the level of questions a person asks about the

world and him/herself and for experiencing Jewish community. Our program for

Confirmation begins immediately post-B’ney Mitzvah and continues through the 10th grade,

and that’s not a conclusion either. We have wonderful opportunities for participation and

Jewish living through High School (especially in BeSH2TY, our Youth Group).

When a young person becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is not an indication that his/her Jewish

education or participation in Jewish life is finished! One becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah for the

rest of one's life. It is, hopefully, the first of many milestones in a life of learning and Jewish

“doing”. At Beth Shir Shalom, becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah constitutes a moral commitment, by

the student and his/her parents to continue with Jewish exploration so that Jewish identity keeps

growing beyond Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

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WE DO HAVE EXPECTATIONS!

The ability to lead the worship service is a major goal of our Religious School program.

Those whom we welcome as B’ney Mitzvah at Beth Shir Shalom…

1. Achieve basic knowledge and skill levels including…

a. Prayerbook skills, participating knowledgeably, confidently and creatively in

Jewish celebrations and commemorations.

b. A continually evolving understanding of Jewish Holy Days, Holidays & Life Cycle

events

c. The ability to wrestle with Torah both as text and a legacy of Jewish inquiry

d. The ability to develop a sense of internal mandate (mitzvot, commandments)

e. Participation in tikkun olam, healing the world

f. The ability to develop a sense of being part of the Jewish community

g. The ability to develop an understanding of being a Reform Jew

h. The ability to develop a sense of being a part of the world community

i. The ability to discuss and debate Jewish values and ethics

j. Have a sense of Jewish history as it informs who we’ve been, who we are and who

we are becoming as individuals and a people.

2. Attend at least 2 years of Hebrew School at Beth Shir Shalom or its equivalent.

(Equivalency determined by the Religious School Director, the Cantor and the Rabbi.)

3. Are encouraged to make a commitment, a b’rit, a covenant, to be a part of our Beth Shir

Shalom community through our Youth Group and High School programming. The

contributions of the newest young Jewish adults in our community add to our ability to be

an ongoing and vital force for justice, peace and positive change.

4. Attend, with at least one parent or guardian, 8 (eight) Shabbat services at Beth Shir

Shalom during the 12 months prior to becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah. At least 4 (four) of

these services must be on a Saturday when a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony takes place

during the service. This is an experience for the family and not just the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

student. At the conclusion of each service the family attends, please come up to the

Rabbi or the Cantor so that your personal Shabbat passport can be marked. As an option

you may attend one Shabbat morning Torah Study (9 AM whether there is service or not)

which will substitute for one of the 4 Friday night services. Here, too, please remember to

have your personal Shabbat passport marked.

5. Our cumulative curriculum (K-6th

grade) enables your child to lead all the requisite

prayers. The specific preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah should enhance and polish these

skills. If your child begins the 8 month B’ney Mitzvah study with the tutor with gaps in

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this skill set he/she may need to delay the start of private study until the gaps are filled.

Our tutoring process requires students to master their prayers first, and students will

not start meeting with the Cantor or receive their Torah portions until they are able to

independently lead those prayers.

6. Fulfill, during the 12 months preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date, a community Mitzvah

Project approved by the Rabbi or Cantor and engage in a personal Jewish ritual or

mitzvah not previously practiced to be worked out with the Rabbi. (See addendum for

suggestions). In addition, students are invited to write an article for the Koleynu

(newsletter) at the project’s end.

7. If there is no Bar/Bat Mitzvah scheduled on a particular Friday Shabbat night, we will

take the opportunity to invite upcoming B’ney Mitzvah to lead sections of the service.

Coming to Friday evenings Shabbat celebrations and leading tefillah on Sundays will

help your son/daughter prepare for this honor.

Parents: Since your child could be called up to the bima, please be sure your child

dresses appropriately for Shabbat.

How Are Our Bar/Bat Mitzvah Candidates Prepared?

There are three crucial elements in our candidate’s preparation to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

These are communal study, private one-on-one study, and diligent practice at home.

1. Communal Study

JELLI Our students learn prayers with the Rabbi and Cantor each year of JELLI by attending

Tefillah every Sunday. There, not only do students learn how to lead the prayers, but

they are also invited to explore a variety of ways to approach them and own them for

themselves. By the end of 6th

grade, all students should feel comfortable leading most of

the required prayers.

Seventh/Eighth Grade

All B’ney Mitzvah students are required to be enrolled in the Religious School program

for the entire school year in which they become a Bar/Bat-Mitzvah (seventh or eighth

grade). Our Teen Academy program will provide elective classes for seventh and eighth

grade students. Students will be encouraged to continue through Confirmation.

2. Individual Study and Progress Sessions Eight months before your Bar/Bar Mitzvah date, we will schedule a weekly study session

with one of our B’ney-Mitzvah tutors. Your child will work with this tutor until he/she is

able to demonstrate a mastery of reading/chanting all of the required prayers. This

should take approximately two months. When your child has finished learning all of the

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prayers, we will schedule weekly sessions with the Cantor for the remainder of the

months prior to the Bar/Bat-Mitzvah date.

The study and progress sessions begin with reviewing and polishing t’fillot and progress

to learning their Torah and Haftarah portions and Torah and Haftarah trope (chanting

system). Midway into study with the Cantor students will add weekly sessions with

Rabbi Neil to study their Torah portion, create their sermon and practice techniques for

delivery.

Two weeks before the service, the parents are responsible for turning in to the Cantor

the list of Honors form and the form for the Aliyot (those who will be honored by being

called to and blessing the Torah). Please note: These forms can now be filled out and

submitted via email by saving the document after you’ve filled it out and emailing it to

us as an attachment.

A "Practice Service" for our Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her parent(s) is scheduled for the

Thursday before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Shabbat from 1-3pm. On that day please be sure to

bring your child’s kippah, tallit and the shoes s/he will be wearing during Shabbat.

3. Diligent Practice at Home This is the most crucial element of our program. No matter how you look at it, our

Bar/Bat Mitzvah students must subscribe to a daily practice routine in order to achieve

this goal. We simply do not have enough time with our Bar/Bat Mitzvah students to

teach them everything they need to know. Plus, we try to instill in them the notion that

the harder they work toward this goal, the more they will get out of it. Parents, we rely

on you to help your child maintain this routine throughout the process. Please use the

CD’s they’ve been given (upload them onto everything you’ve got! Play it while they

brush their teeth!) and their printed materials (make a copy for each car, their locker, their

backpack and bathroom). All material and recordings are also available on our website.

We look to you as our partners in this process of guiding your child towards adulthood.

Please contact us with any study questions or issues that may come up along the course of

our study together. We would rather deal with these kinds of issues sooner rather than

later to ensure the most successful and meaningful process possible.

Fall Ceremonies

When a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony occurs from September through January, crucial preparation

will occur during the summer months. Please realize that extended periods away from regular

sessions with the Rabbi and Cantor at this point in the preparation process can lead to

unnecessary challenges for the student and you. Please consult with the Rabbi and Cantor

regarding your summer plans before those plans are confirmed.

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What Occurs During the Service?

Our Bar/Bat Mitzvah students lead the great majority of our service. This is not a show or

performance. Please encourage your family and friends to not merely attend but to participate!

It will be so much more meaningful for you and your son or daughter.

There are two Shabbat services during which the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her family will

participate: Friday night and Saturday morning/afternoon.

During the Erev (evening) Shabbat service the family is given the honor of lighting the Shabbat

candles. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will lead some of the prayers in Hebrew.

At the Friday evening celebration a representative from the Board of Trustees makes a

presentation of gifts from the Temple to the student. If you know someone who is a member of

the Board, or you have a close personal friend who is a Temple member, you may wish to

personally invite one of them to perform this honor. If you have no preference, a member of the

Board will volunteer to be in attendance at the service and present the gifts.

On Shabbat morning/afternoon, participation is more involved. Early in the service, the Rabbi

will call forward the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her parents to place upon the child's shoulders

his/her tallit (His/her kippah should already be on). Each tallit presenter will read introductory

statements in the printed service and, led by the Cantor, all will sing the Shehecheyanu (please

practice this!), the blessing which offers thanks for reaching this joyous occasion. The Bar/Bat

Mitzvah will recite the blessing for putting on the tallit before you help him/her with it.

Following the presentation of the tallit, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will begin to lead the congregation

in prayer (and the parents are seated).

Handing Down the Torah from Generation to Generation

Just prior to the reading from the Torah, the Rabbi will call the parents of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

forward along with his/her generational representatives to form a line heading from the ark to

the front of the Bima to hand down the Torah from generation to generation. Those

participating should be any great-grandparents, grandparents and the parents. Note: Since aunts

and uncles are of the same generation as the parents and siblings are of the same generation of

the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, for ease of logistics, we respectfully request that you give honors other

than this one to aunts, uncles and siblings.*(see “Special Circumstances” below)

For families in which one of the parents is not Jewish, his/her participation in handing down

the Torah should be the same as the Jewish parent. It makes no difference which parent is the

last in line and finally hands the Torah to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Both parents have raised this

young man/woman with a Jewish identity. Both “handed the Torah”, figuratively, to their

son/daughter for many years. Now, on the day of their son/daughter becoming a Bar/Bat

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Mitzvah at Beth Shir Shalom, each will have an equal and honored role in literally giving the

Torah to him/her.

Likewise, if there are non-Jewish grandparents, we strongly desire and recommend that they

have equal participation in this ritual. Non-Jewish grandparents have played an important role

in their grandchild’s Jewish identity. At Beth Shir Shalom, we honor their support no

differently than that of Jewish grandparents. Most crucially, it is often deeply symbolic for

the Bar/Bat Mitzvah that all of his/her family participates. Please discuss this ceremony with all

who will be involved to help everyone feel comfortable and positively about their involvement.

Please don’t hesitate to call the Rabbi or Cantor with any questions or concerns.

Special cirmcumstances:

Divorced/separated parents – It is important to remember that this day is about your

child. Even if it’s difficult it is imperative for you to put aside all conflicts in order to

eliminate external stresses on this most special occasion. Remember this is a day about

your child’s entire family.

Even if the parents of Bar/Bat Mitzvah are divorced or separated, they are still his/her

parents and at Beth Shir Shalom, both will participate in handing down the Torah.

o Partners of divorced/separated parents – To avoid burdening a thirteen year-old

with what are often complex and delicate decisions regarding diplomacy, feelings

and symbolism, we find that it is usually more comfortable if partners (by marriage

or not) of divorced or separated parents not be involved in passing the Torah.

Since individual circumstances will be different, please discuss this with the Rabbi

if you have questions or concerns.

o With the understanding that comes from decades of experience and with great

respect for your situation, we recommend that you do not initiate a

conversation about who passes the Torah with your son/daughter until the

Rabbi has an opportunity to glean your son/daughter’s perspective.

Afterward, he will meet with both of you together or each of you individually

to help make final decisions.

A grandparent, great-grandparent or other with limited mobility –

o Please inform us if a ramp would be helpful.

o The Rabbi can facilitate the participation of a person with limited mobility by

bringing the Torah to him/her in his/her. Please make sure this person situates

him/herself for the service in the front, cutout row (or at the end of one of the other

cutout rows) on the south side of the sanctuary.

A deceased or non-attending grandparent on one or both sides of the family – Rather

than leaving that position empty, we have suggestions for surrogate participants. You

might consider:

o A sibling of the deceased or infirm person

o A person of that generation (family or not) who fills a parental role parents of the

Bar/Bat Mitzvah and/or a grandparental role for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

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o *(The following is an exception to the previous comment about aunts and

uncles): Aunts and/or Uncles of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah might stand in for deceased

or infirm grandparent.

o *(The following is an exception to the previous comment about siblings)

Especially in “blended families”, but in other circumstances as well, siblings can

often be quite a bit older than the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and are, therefore, not exactly in

the same generation as him/her. In such cases, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah might see a

significantly older sibling as having played a role in “handing down of the Torah”

and Jewish identity to him/her. Since, chronology would dictate that this sibling(s)

would come after the parents, and “replace” the parents as the ones to literally hand

on the Torah, please discuss with the Rabbi options as to where an older sibling

might be placed in the line.

Please don’t hesitate to call the Rabbi with any questions or concerns.

ALIYOT: BEING CALLED UP TO SAY BLESSINGS DURING THE TORAH READING

After the Hakafah (carrying the Torah around the sanctuary), there are up to five opportunities

for family or friends to be honored with an Aliyah, reciting the blessings before and after the

reading of each sub-section of the Torah portion. Please make certain that those who have

been given the honor of reciting these blessings are prepared and well-practiced!(An MP3

of the blessing and it’s text are available on our website.) We have seen too many a Bar/Bat

Mitzvah become embarrassed and flustered when friends or relatives (even parents!) are unable

to say the blessings smoothly and with relatively assured pronunciation.

The second to last Aliyah is usually reserved for a parent or parents (so that they are present on

the pulpit when their son/daughter recites the blessings). The last Aliyah, called the maftir, is

always reserved for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This means you have three Aliyot to give as honors.

Please assign no more than two people to each Aliyah. (Special circumstances please consult

with the Cantor and/or the Rabbi).

After the reading of the Torah, the Torah scroll is lifted from the podium and redressed (by

assigned guests). Then the Bar/Bat Mitzvah reads the Haftarah. After the Torah is placed back

in the ark, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah delivers his/her sermon, after which the parents speak to the

Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Your opportunity to speak to your son/daughter on this special occasion. This is a highly emotional moment and not the best time for extemporaneous speeches or

speaking from an outline or sketchy notes (even if you are accustomed to that in other settings).

We strongly recommend that you write out what you are going to say completely and keep

your remarks to about two and one-half minutes (longer than you think!). Please, remember,

this is still part of the service. Therefore:

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1. Please do not do an entire review of the life of your son or daughter; which is much more

appropriate during your reception. Nor is this the time to tell them the flood of feelings

you are having at this moment. Speak to him/her about him/her.

2. Please do not speak to the congregation. This is not the time to thank everyone for

coming, etc. (Again, much better done at the reception.) Speak to your son or daughter.

(You may do so into the microphone or step away for a private message -- or a bit of both.)

Immediately Following the Service

The Kiddush and Motzi take place on the Bima at the end of the service. This makes it much

easier to begin your celebration immediately without having to try to re-gather the entire

congregation in another location.

We invite you to consider readings or songs you would like to include in the service. Please

review them first with both the Rabbi and the Cantor.

A Word About Classmates and Friends Attending the Celebration…

We strongly encourage you to invite your son/daughter’s friends to attend this important

moment in his/her life. Sometimes, especially for those friends who do not understand the

importance of this milestone nor the hard work and dedication required to achieve this goal, it is

hard for them stay focused and supportive during the service. It is the policy of Beth Shir

Shalom that all service attendees have two options:

1. Be an active participant in the service. This will help our Bar/Bat Mitzvah feel the

support of the entire community.

2. If they feel the need to talk to friends, we respectfully ask that they do so outside of the

synagogue (i.e., completely outside the building, not in the foyer of the synagogue). Our

sanctuary resonates sound and the quietest conversation can be a major distraction for our

Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Our only focus is our Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her experience. We

consider it our responsibility to not allow distractions to hurt the experience.

In order that we may do our best to hold the attention of these unaccompanied kids and young

adults, we will reserve rows near the front of the congregation specifically for them. Our

greeter will escort them to the proper seats before the service begins. So that we may help the

friends of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to remember our policy we ask that you assign at least four

people to sit both in front of and behind them. These people should be of strong enough

character to be able to give these children and young adults our two options (see above).

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Will a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date Ever Be Postponed Or Canceled?

Yes, occasionally, it becomes necessary to postpone or cancel a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date due to

insufficient preparation on the student's part. At Beth Shir Shalom, we want this experience to

fill our Bar/Bat Mitzvah students with the pride of accomplishment, the pride that comes with

hard work and dedication. This kind of pride will last a lifetime. Should our students choose

not to or be unable to invest the time to work towards this goal, or should they refuse to

practice, it may become necessary to either postpone or cancel the scheduled ceremony. Keep

in mind that we are not concerned with the quantity of material mastered, but the quality of the

effort put into the process. We would never postpone or cancel a date simply because a

candidate was unable to learn the entire service. If our candidate shows a lack of effort over the

period of several weeks we will schedule a meeting with the Rabbi, Cantor, student and parents

to deal with this issue and work for a resolution. If after this meeting, and sufficient follow-up,

the student continues to be insufficiently prepared, postponing or canceling a service may be

inevitable. Communication plays an important role in this process. Parents will always be kept

informed of the students’ preparedness, effort and progress. As soon as we see an issue arising,

we will work hard together to resolve it quickly, long before we have to make a decision to

either postpone or cancel a scheduled ceremony.

Is Photography/Video Taping Permitted During the Service?

Photography and/or videography are permitted only from the windows of the upstairs offices.

You may wish to use a remote microphone for the video camera because the audio portion of

your tape may not be very loud or distinct from that distance. Should your videographer have

any audio questions, feel free to have them contact the Temple Manager. We recommend that

family members not be asked to do the video taping so they can participate fully in the service

along with everyone else.

The Temple is open 1 1/2 - 2 hours before the service. That is ample time for you to meet with

your photographer, and you may take pictures up to 30 (thirty) minutes before the service

begins. The Rabbi and Cantor will be available for pictures immediately prior to the service.

The Rabbi and Cantor do not wear Shabbat dress for the practice service and are, as a result, not

able to accommodate photographs on that day.

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We ask that you instruct your photographer to follow the guidelines listed below.

1. No one may stand on any furniture in the Sanctuary. This includes the benches and

chairs on the Bima. Should your photographer wish to take pictures from an elevated position

they must provide their own ladder. Because of liability issues the Temple cannot provide a

ladder for you to use.

2. No Bima furniture may be moved under any circumstances! This includes the Torah

Table and chairs on the Bima. We will move the microphones out of the way during pictures,

and will put them into place for the service 30 (thirty) minutes before the service begins.

3. We encourage you to consider taking pictures with our Torah. Should you decide to

do so, we ask that either the Rabbi or Cantor be there to facilitate this. We ask this to ensure

that the Torah is treated properly and that it remains rolled to the appropriate position for the

upcoming service.

A Word About Invitations

1. Whom to Invite

Beth Shir Shalom is blessed by your membership and participation. This also means that our

B’ney Mitzvah classes are growing larger. We know that inviting the entire class can be

financially difficult. Still, if it is at all possible, please do so. Being twelve and thirteen is a

challenging and often fragile experience. To be one of the "uninvited" can be devastatingly

painful. Please follow through on what Hillel taught us, "What is hateful to you, do not do to

your neighbor." If you would not want your child to be among the "uninvited" at a given

occasion then invite the entire class to your reception. Teach your child the fine art of

diplomacy and protecting the feelings of others.

As an alternative, invite only one or two people from the class and hold a class party either on a

class day or at some other time in some other venue. These are not merely suggestions. These

are policies of our Bar/Bat Mitzvah year. We thank you for your understanding and

cooperation.

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The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Fee

Temple policy requires that your account with the Temple be current in order for your

son/daughter to become Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Also, there is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Fee which helps

defray some of the costs of the occasion. Some of the items covered by this fee are:

Bar/Bat Mitzvah supplies, materials, etc.

Study with the Cantor and all attendant materials. (booklets, cd’s, copies, etc.)

Study with the Rabbi.

Flowers on the Bima Friday night and Shabbat morning, with a note in the Shabbat

Handout that your family has sponsored the flowers and Oneg.

Oneg Shabbat [reception following Friday service (Challah, grape juice, cookies and

cakes)]. Contact the Temple Office for details about sponsoring a more elaborate Oneg.

Kiddush following Shabbat service. (Challah and grape juice ONLY!)

Professional musical services at the ceremony.

The Reception

We hope that you will consider holding your reception at Beth Shir Shalom. It adds a

dimension of affiliation with the Jewish community and it supports the Temple. Please contact

the Temple office as soon as possible to reserve the Social Hall and to find out what else the

Temple has available for your reception.

Tzedakah

As part of the adult experience, it is strongly encouraged that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah set aside a

small amount of his/her gift money as tzedakah. This is an important mitzvah to make part of

their adult lives. A good percentage to set aside would be between one and two percent of what

s/he receives. This translates to about one-sixtieth, a traditional amount of a farmer's field set

aside for the poor. It is encouraged that the donation be divided between a Jewish

cause/recipient (you may wish to consider Beth Shir Shalom and any of our "funds" listed

below) and a non-Jewish or secular cause/recipient. In this way the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is also

responding to Hillel's injunction, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And yet, if I am

only for myself, what am I?" (Pirkey Avot 1:14)

It is also appropriate for the family to give tzedakah in honor of this occasion. We hope that

you will consider Beth Shir Shalom as a recipient. If you do, a nice way to both give to the

Temple and to create a permanent record of this event would be to purchase a leaf on our

"Tree of Life" engraved in honor of your son/daughter and the date s/he became Bat/Bar

Mitzvah. Please contact the Temple office for information about these permanent reminders of

your special event.

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If you are interested in contributing to one of the many funds at Beth Shir Shalom, here is a list

of possibilities. Contact the Temple office for more details.

Youth Group Fund

Yizkor (building) Fund

ECC Scholarship Fund

Religious School Scholarship Fund

Music Resource Fund

Dues Scholarship Fund

Stearn Memorial Fund (Confirmation trip, camp & retreat scholarships, etc.)

Cantor's Discretionary Fund

Rabbi's Discretionary Fund

You may also wish to add 3% to the budget of your reception and give it to Mazon, an

organization that distributes funds to those helping the poor and hungry. They do their work

very well. Contact the Rabbi or the Cantor for details.

In Conclusion

It is the sincere desire of your Rabbi, Cantor, Education Director, staff, faculty and Temple

Board of Trustees that your son/daughter's becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah helps you rejoice in

his/her coming of age. It is our prayer that the preparation for this event will permanently

enrich his/her knowledge of Judaism and motivate him/her to pursue Jewish studies

enthusiastically throughout life. We hope that each Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and your whole family,

will be drawn closer to Jewish tradition and experience a wonderful spirituality through this

event. Your continued affiliation with Beth Shir Shalom will demonstrate to your son or

daughter that Judaism is a lifelong involvement that will continue to enrich his/her life.

*****

All of us at Beth Shir Shalom extend a warm "Mazal tov!" to you on the occasion of your

son/daughter becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. We want you to know that we will be available to

you, as we always have been, to address your concerns and questions. Please feel free to call or

stop by.