Being Well-Adjusted Adjustment in Society Chapter 14 General Psychology 20 ADJUSTMENT The process of adapting to and actively shaping ones environment When someone is well-adjusted it means they have learned to deal with frustration, disappointment, loss, joys, achievements, and gains. Psychologists try to understand how people cope with hardship and how they handle some of the more ordinary experiences in life Love, marriage, parent-child relationships, college and work are all parts of life that require significant adjustment LOVE & MARRIAGE Two types of love:(Hatfield, 1988) Passionate love: intense, sensual, all-consuming has an element of danger as it may go away at any time. Companionate love: after passionate love subsides includes friendship, liking someone, mutual trust - is more stable, includes commitment and intimacy LOVE & MARRIAGE Liking versus Loving:(Rubin, 1973) Liking is based primarily on respect for another person and feelings of similarity (having things in common) Loving is a required need or attachment, includes caring and intimacy MARRIAGE Successful marriages often depend on: Similar cultural and economic backgrounds Same level of education Same religion Having parents with a successful marriage MARRIAGE Two principles govern behavior in successful marriages: Endogamy marrying someone from your own social group Homogamy marrying someone who has similar attributes (physical attractiveness, age, etc) STAGES OF MARRIAGE Newlywed Period: Shedding responsibilities and pressures of your role in your family of origin thought to be one of the happiest times in a marriage Children Period: many responsibilities arise as couples become new parents less mobility and freedom thought to be one of the most unhappy periods Childrens Adolescence: children are the least manageable, parents begin to shift more responsibility onto children Alone Again Period: retirement stage more likely to experience illness or death of partner STAGES OF MARRIAGE Healthy adjustment through the stages of marriage depends on: Whether the couples needs are compatible Whether husband/wifes imagine of self coincides with their image of each other Whether they agree on each others role in marriage DIVORCE Canadian Divorce Rate (Source: Report of the Family Justice Working Group) Annual number of divorces in Canada: 70,000 First marriages that end in divorce: 33% People who divorce more than once: 16% Average duration of marriages ending in divorce: 14.5 years (as of 2005) DIVORCE How does Canada compare to other countries? Belgium 71%Canada - 48% Portugal 68%Costa Rica, UK 47% Czech Republic 66%Australia 43% Spain 61%Japan - 36% Cuba 56%Israel, Singapore 28% France 55%Greece, Italy 25% USA 53%China 22% Russia, Switzerland 51%Mexico 15% Germany 49% DIVORCE THINK PAIR SHARE Turn to the person beside you and together think of three reasons why many Canadian marriages end in divorce. DIVORCE One factor that contributes to the growing number of divorces is the increasing financial independence of working women. Why would this be a factor? Women with full-time jobs often spend more time working on childcare than their husbands DIVORCE Couples often grow apart become engrossed in their careers, their children, hobbies, etc. Often divorce when their needs cannot be met and they refuse to accommodate or compromise with their partner. Many emotions involved: anger, resentment, fear, loneliness, anxiety, feeling of failure. CHILDREN & DIVORCE Only 40% of children born in 1991 will see their parents stay married through to their 18 birthday Adjusting to divorce tends to be harder for children - why do you think this is? WHY IS DIVORCE HARD FOR CHILDREN? Children rarely want divorce to occur the conflict is their parents not theirs. Children dont understand the reasons behind the divorce Children rarely have control of the outcome they dont get to decide who to live with, etc. Children lack the emotional maturity to deal with the situation WHY IS DIVORCE HARD FOR CHILDREN? Children of divorce exhibit behaviors ranging from being upset to depression or even rebellion The severity of these behaviors depend on whether or not parents can get along after the divorce, can provide stability, and make adequate caregiving arrangements Adjustment is easier when parents take the time to explain the divorce and allow children to express their feelings. PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIPS Conflicts between parent and child can escalate quickly and become a power struggle Conflicts are common during adolescence Adolescence is a time of great inner conflict teens have a desire for independence, struggle with self-image and often have goals that cannot be accomplished Need parents who can model security, self-confidence and values PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIPS THINK PAIR- SHARE: With your partner, create a list of the top 5 things that you and your parent(s) fight about. SOURCES OF CONFLICT Generation Gap due to differences in age, parents and children think differently Differing views on sex Drugs Parental expectations children frequently dont have the same dreams as their parents. SOURCES OF CONFLICT Power Struggle parents forget what its like to be a child and children cant imagine what it would be like to be a parent - dialogue often becomes monotonous with neither party really listening - often results in judging, criticizing, diagnosing (psychoanalyzing), teaching, shaming, name-calling TYPES OF PARENTS Dominant children rebel as they learn to think for themselves Permissive parents feel like rebelling because their children are continuously testing their limits Democratic parents communicate and negotiate when making decisions, therefore conflict doesnt escalate as quickly COLLEGE/UNIVERSITY Autonomy: the ability to care for oneself As you grow up, you become more autonomous you develop your own value system, make your own decisions and become more responsible College/University is often the first step towards separating from the family COLLEGE = CHANGE College often challenges a students identity you are presented with different view points that challenge the things you grew up believing Encounter greater diversity some students move away from home to larger centers where they encounter different ethnicities, cultures and religions COLLEGE = CHANGE How do College/University students cope with change? Some increase efforts to be successful start studying all the time and avoid people and situations that might prevent success Some students just go through the motions attend classes, do their assignments, but detach emotionally Resynthesis: some students take a step back, reevaluate their goals and move in a different direction WORKING First Job: your first job is your first major step into adulthood it involves many psychological skills such as; common sense, learning to deal with people, and coping with minor crises. Ability to adjust: in the working world you must learn to compromise do not give up on your goals but have patience in getting there. SOURCES OF WORK SATISFACTION Resources: having the help, supplies, equipment to do the job well Financial Reward: job pays well, is secure, has benefits and perks Challenge: the job is interesting and challenges you Relations with Co-workers: on good terms with co-workers Comfort: good hours, working conditions, etc.