Written by Linda Joyce Bruce and Lisa Cohen

Illustrated by Shifrah Getz

A story to read

with children about

BEING CONFIDENTBeing conf dent and respons

ible

Building Blocks

I am me, look and see,

it’s just the way

I want to be!

Being Confident and ResponsiBle

Written by Linda Joyce Bruce and Lisa Cohen

Illustrated by Shifrah Getz

Contents

Note for Mom, Dad and Caregiver 1Chapter 1: The mysterious wooden album 3Chapter 2: Sammy and the Clanwilliam Cedar Tree 6Chapter 3: Bru’Me and the Buffalo Thorn Tree 11Chapter 4: Musa and the Wild Fig Tree 15Chapter 5: Thandi and the Baobab Tree 20Glossary 25Family chats 26Family games 28

Note for Mom, Dad and CaregiverDuring this story and the family chats and games that follow, we are going to be learning about how to feel confident. We feel confident when we learn to know and accept ourselves as we are and then we feel happy and excited about life.

Things we are going To learn abouT:

1. This is how I look … and I like it. • Explore diversity of skin, hair and eye colour. • Explore diversity of body shape, size and height.

2. This is how I sound … and I like it. • Explore diversity of language and accent. • Explore diversity of voice tones. • Explore diversity of ideas, opinions and beliefs.

3. This is how I am smart … because I have a special job to do. • Explore the 9 intelligences: word smart, logic smart, picture smart, body smart, music smart, people smart, self smart, nature smart and wondering smart.

4. I don’t have to be good at everything, even though I always try my best.

5. I don’t worry about what other people say about me.

6. I feel proud and confident because I am happy to be me.

Your child is at the very beginning of their journey in self-awareness, understanding and acceptance that ultimately leads to confidence and resilient self-esteem. You play a critical role in this process. Here are some useful tips to help you along the way.

• Create an environment of unconditional love. Your child needs to know that they are not only loved when they are being good or doing well, but also when you disagree with them or they have failed to live up to your expectations. “Yes, I am angry with you right now, but I still love you very much. Nothing you do will ever change that.”

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• Praise your child and focus on the positive. We often tend to get sucked into what our children are doing wrong and allow it to overshadow what they are doing right.

• Praise the person, not just the action. For example, don’t just say “That is a lovely picture,” expand on your comment so that your child has the opportunity to develop additional self-awareness, “That is a lovely picture, you have a fantastic eye for detail.”

• Balance praise with the knowledge that no one is perfect and help your child explore his or her own areas of development in a safe way. It is often best to start with the positive and then gently expose the area of development. For example: “Johnny, you are great fun to play with, but you are going to have to learn to be a little more gentle, especially with your little sister.”

• Provide the opportunity for your child to take ownership of their areas of development before passing your own judgement. For example: “I see you did not do very well in your math test. Why do you think that is?” If your child does not respond, you could follow with a few probing questions like, “Do you understand this work?” “Do you think you studied hard enough for this test?”

• Don’t expect your child to be good at everything. Do expect them to try their best.

• Believe in your child’s ability and express your belief. “Yes, you do find reading hard right now, but I know you will get it right with a little bit of practice.”

• Appreciate their efforts. “That was really hard and I know you tried your very best.”

• Allow spaces for differences within your family and communicate this. “You and your brother are different people with different strengths.”

• Never compare your child to a sibling or another child.

• Never call your child names, run them down or ‘diss’ them.

• Don’t be afraid to say “sorry” when you get it wrong!

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Chapter 1:

The mysterious

wooden album

Musa Monkey was so relieved school was over. He waited outside his classroom for Bru’Me, Sammy Squirrel and Thandi Tortoise; they were coming home with him for the afternoon.“Grandfather Monkey is waiting for us at the gate,” he said in a tired, flat voice.

The four friends walked sluggishly over to Grandfather Monkey. Each one was lost in their own thoughts, shoulders slumped and eyes down, aimlessly looking for sticks or stones to kick as they shuffled their feet.

“How was your day?” Grandfather Monkey asked the children, sensing that something was wrong.

Musa mumbled, “It was okay, I guess.”

“One of those days, huh?” Grandfather asked.

All the friends responded sullenly, “Yes, one of those days.” Even though Grandfather Monkey was very old, he could remember his school days. He remembered that a nasty comment or a bad mark on a test had made him feel a little unsure of himself. He guessed Musa and his friends were feeling that way and he knew exactly how to cheer them up!

It was cold and stormy outside. Once they were home, Grandfather Monkey prepared the wood in the fireplace and lit a fire. He made the children some hot chocolate. As they sat around the cosy fire sipping their creamy, hot drinks, he reached up and pulled out a large wooden album from the bookshelf.

The children looked away from the dancing flames and fixed their eyes on the mysterious book in Grandfather Monkey’s hands. He sank back into the couch and placed the heavy wooden album on his lap. Taking a deep breath, he blew a whoosh of air over the book’s cover sending a shimmering cloud of dust into the air. The children noticed that the album was very old. It had a hard, gold-coated, handmade wooden cover with hundreds of thick pages in between. Everything was bound

together with a strong rope and the edge of each page looked like

it had been dipped in rich, liquid gold.

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Bru’Me broke the silence and moved to sit closer to Grandfather, “What is this book about?”

“It looks magical,” added Sammy, as she also moved in for a better view.

Thandi peered at the thick pages, “What’s inside?” she wondered aloud.

“Grandfather, are you going to tell us about some of your adventures?” Musa asked excitedly, plonking himself down in the huddle of his friends.

Grandfather Monkey loved to travel and learn new things. He collected souvenirs from all the different places he visited. They reminded him of the lessons and magical moments he had experienced along the way. The heavy wooden album contained all these mementos. Within each page lived hundreds of stories. Grandfather Monkey smiled knowingly at Musa and his friends and whispered, “Take a deep breath children and blow over the album. Imagine that you are blowing away all the things that worried you today.”

All of a sudden, the book flew open. The heavy pages began to turn rapidly … and then slowed down … until they stalled completely, lying open on one particular page.

The page was filled with a variety of leaves that had been pressed flat and attached to the paper.

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Chapter 2:

Sammy and the

Clanwilliam Cedar Tree

“Wow, look at all these different leaves,” breathed Sammy, “each one has a different shape and colour.”

“And they even feel different,” Grandfather Monkey said. “Pick your favourite leaf and rub it carefully with your left pinkie finger,” he instructed with a mischievous smile.

Musa Monkey reached over enthusiastically and rubbed his left pinkie over the leaf that seemed to be calling out his name.

The others chose their favourite leaves and did the same. As their fingers followed the veins on the leaves, the children’s eyelids became heavy. They started to feel very sleepy. The more they tried to stay awake, the sleepier they became until their eyelids dropped shut.

Suddenly, their tummies did a somersault as they lurched forward. Bru’Me, Musa, Thandi and Sammy’s

eyes flew open as they hurtled at top speed down green tunnels that looked just like toboggan runs.

“Weeeeeeeeeeee!”

They slid left and then right, noticing that their tunnel was the same green as their chosen leaf. It moved in the same directions as the veins they had been tracing.

“Wooohooooo!”

The veins of each of their leaves had become a wild toboggan run. They were flying down at top speed!

“Whoooopeeeeeee!” The ride continued until they got all the way to the bottom, and then…

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“Whoa” said Sammy Squirrel, stepping out of her tunnel onto a rocky outcrop in the Cedarberg Mountains. Taking a moment to get her bearings, she looked around. Amongst all the shrubs and fynbos stood a majestic tree. It had a massive gnarled trunk and spreading branches. Sammy walked up to it and picked a leaf, immediately recognising it as the leaf she had chosen from Grandfather’s book. She looked more closely at the tree. It was very different to all the other plants surrounding it – almost out of place. This reminded Sammy Squirrel of her bleak day. She was tired of looking different to the other squirrels. She didn’t want to have Albinism.

“I just want to look like everyone else,” sighed Sammy sadly. She sat down under the tree resting her furry white back against its trunk.

“Hello Sammy,” whispered the tree. Sammy jumped in fright and scurried away behind a shrub.

“Don’t be afraid,” said the tree in a gentle voice. “We have a lot in common. I understand how you feel and I have a story to share with you that might cheer you up.”

Sammy let out a nervous laugh as she came out from behind the shrub.

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“I am a Clanwilliam Cedar Tree and I am very rare. In fact, I am what they call ‘critically endangered’ and

on the brink of extinction. That means I am in danger of disappearing altogether. I wasn’t always endangered.

Hundreds of years ago there used to be forests of us around. Now there are only a few of us left.”

Sammy was sure she saw a sad expression on the tree’s trunk.

The tree continued, “We weren’t a very happy forest because we didn’t like the way we looked. Our trunks are all gnarled and thick and we wanted to be sleek and slender like some of the other trees. One day a woodcutter came upon our forest and cut down one of my brothers. As the axe hit his trunk a golden sap with a wonderful smell escaped and we were surprised when we saw the stunning colour and texture of my brother’s wood. What I thought were ugly gnarls on the outside of his trunk had made a beautiful pattern on the wood inside! Because he was so big and thick, the woodcutter was able to make long strong planks and turn my brother into a beautiful table. When the other people in the village saw our beautiful wood they also flocked to the forest to cut us down for furniture … and even telephone poles.” Every leaf on his long, strong branches rustled sadly, as the Clanwilliam Cedar sighed.

“Now our forest is gone and there are so few of us left that you will only ever see us standing alone, looking a little out of place amongst the other smaller shrubs and fynbos that live with us in the Cedarberg.”

“I know how that feels,” said Sammy Squirrel, “always sticking out because you look different.”

The Clanwilliam Cedar answered Sammy in a slow, deep voice that echoed through the mountains like a djembe drum. His message was clear and strong, “Looking different doesn’t worry us any more Sammy, because now we know how beautiful we are. We simply say to ourselves, and to anyone who wants to listen,

“THIS IS ME, LOOk AND SEE, IT’S juST THE WAY I WANT TO BE.”

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Chapter 3:

Bru’Me and the

Buffalo Thorn Tree

While Sammy Squirrel was deep in thought about what her tree had taught her, Bru’Me, unable to slow down, came flying out of his tunnel and heard something ripping through his red cape. The next thing he knew, he was dangling from a large straight thorn off the edge of a distinctive zig zagging branch of a tree. There was a smaller hooked thorn, sticking out the other way, which Bru’Me was grateful he had missed.

“Oh boy” grunted Bru’Me, kicking his legs, “now I’m in a tangle. How am I going to get out of this mess?”

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The tree began to rattle and shake! It shook so hard that the thorn hooking Bru’Me’s cape snapped, dropping Bru’Me to the ground. He dusted off some leaves that had fallen onto him and noticed that they were the same as the leaf he had seen and touched in Grandfather Monkey’s album! He looked up at the rattling tree.“You are lucky my friend, people who get caught in my branches usually have to wait a while longer before they get out … that’s why the Afrikaans people call me the ‘Wag-’n-Bietjie’ tree! But, most people know me as the Buffalo Thorn Tree.” And he broke into a big belly laugh, “You should have seen the look on your face when you flew out of that tunnel!”

Bru’Me was speechless. Curiously, he looked at the two-pronged thorn on the branch of the tree.

“Your thorn is most interesting,” he said, as he found his voice, “this part of your thorn is long and straight and this part is short and hooked. Look, one thorn is facing forwards and the other backwards.”

“You are not the only one to be fascinated by my thorns,” smiled the Buffalo Thorn Tree. “They have inspired stories and myths for centuries. Yip, all kinds of stories,” continued the tree, puffing out his trunk “… full of intrigue and complicated plots to suggest that life is not always straight forward. See this thorn pointing backward?” He jerked a branch toward Bru’Me, nearly poking him in the nose! “It is supposed to make people ponder over where they come from. And this one pointing forwards makes them think about where they are headed.”

The Buffalo Thorn Tree pulled up tall and proud and spoke in an overly important voice, “I am even put on

the graves of Zulu kings and Swazi warriors. Their spirits get caught in my thorns and I transport them safely to the

afterlife.” The Buffalo Thorn Tree concluded his performance with a smile, “Oh I do love being a storyteller!”

Bru’Me’s face dropped as he remembered his sad, frustrating day at school. “I also want to be a storyteller and inspire people with my voice and songs. But no one ever listens to me. They think I am boring. I am boring … and hopeless. I wish I sounded more like you.”

just then Bru’Me heard a bird singing and looked up into the branches of the Buffalo Thorn Tree.

“Oh yes!” chuckled the tree, “birds love me too. They feed off my fruit and my thorns protect their nests from dangerous predators. I do love listening to them sing all day trrrreee-treetee-teeetree. It is very soothing.”

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The Buffalo Thorn Tree looked over at Bru’Me, “I think the birds in my tree can teach you a thing or two.” After a dramatic pause, he continued, “Every day I listen to the songs of the

different birds that visit my branches. Some are high and beautifully complex,

others are low and monotone. Some are a hiss and others a croak. I have even heard one that sounds like a saw, sawing through wood. Each bird sings his song proudly like it is the most beautiful song he has ever heard. I have never, in all my many years on this planet, heard one bird say to another ‘I wish I sounded more like you.’ Do you know why?” the tree asked Bru’Me directly and then, before Bru’Me could answer, the tree said, “Because each bird is born with his own special song. Some birds can even sing their songs before they have hatched out of their eggs. They love their songs. You can hear this each time they open their beaks to tell their friends they have found some food, or to warn them about a snake approaching the nest.”

Bru’Me thought for a moment, “Are you saying that if I want people to listen to me I have to learn to love my voice and what I sound like?”

“Yes!” exclaimed the Buffalo Thorn Tree, “and all your ideas and thoughts and words! Listen to the birds singing. Each one is saying,

“THIS IS ME, LISTEN AND SEE, IT’S juST THE WAY I WANT TO BE.”

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Chapter 4:

Musa and the Wild Fig TreeWhile Bru’Me was deep in thought over the lesson the Buffalo Thorn Tree had taught him, Musa Monkey was peering inquisitively out of his tunnel into the hot sunshine. His head was spinning from the ride. He blinked his eyes a few times to adjust to the bright light and scratched his head.

Where in the world am I? wondered Musa.

Below him was a canopy of bright green leaves. He dropped into them effortlessly to shelter from the harsh sun.

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The tree had big, broad, strong branches that looked like long upward stretching arms. Musa picked a leaf and noticed that it was identical to the one he had chosen in Grandfather Monkey’s album. A great surge of energy filled his body as he lifted himself up onto the smooth hard branch above. Then he grabbed hold of the next branch and pulled himself up again. The feeling was glorious. He climbed from branch to branch swinging and flinging his body here and there, all over the great Wild Fig Tree.

“Yeeeeehaaa!!!” Musa flew joyfully through the air and shouted with delight.

“This is much more fun than Maths!”

The Wild Fig Tree suddenly swayed and a strange high hum like giggling laughter escaped from deep within his trunk.“Hee hee hee,” chuckled the tree.

Musa stopped swinging and listened for where the sound was coming from. He was hanging with one hand from a branch.

“Don’t stop moving!” said the tree in a warm playful voice. He twitched the branch that Musa was hanging from. The movement flung him onto another branch that rippled like a roller coaster track. Musa Monkey flew through the branches, swinging, catching, twirling and somersaulting. Finally, the ripples settled down and the tree became still again. Musa propped himself on a high branch, panting from all the wonderful movement.

The tree shook a little, clearing its throat, “How clever you are, Musa Monkey! To be able to swing and play and use your body like that!”

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Musa Monkey looked confused and sad as he remembered his horrible day at school. “That’s

not clever,” he said and hung his head in shame. He remembered how badly he had done again in his Maths test,

and his teacher had shouted at him for staring out the window. “I am not clever. The boys and girls who do well in their Maths and English tests are the clever ones. I still find spelling so confusing. I’m so stupid.”

The tree shook again, so hard that Musa nearly lost his balance and fell out.

“Look at all the different trees in this forest,” said the great Wild Fig.

Some were short and fat, others were tall and thin. Some were short and thin and some were even tall and fat!. Some trees only had leaves, while others had fruit and berries. Some had flowers with bees buzzing around them and some had birds’ nests in their branches and burrows in their trunks.

“Now, look at me, l have delicious fruit that feeds the bats and birds and other animals, and beautiful branches to climb and swing in. My shade gives shelter from the heat and my leaves help make oxygen for people and animals to breathe. And, imagine, there is only one kind of wasp in the entire world that can pollinate my flowers! I stand tall and strong and confident because I know that I am unique and have many important jobs to do. But, do you think I am more clever or special than all the other trees in this forest?” Musa didn’t know what to say.

“No,” laughed the Wild Fig Tree, “each tree in this forest is clever in a different way because we all have different jobs to do. That is why we can all live happily together. And,” continued the Wild Fig, “it’s no different for people.”

Musa’s eyes grew big with interest.

“I have had many people climbing and swinging in my branches. By watching and listening to them, I have learnt the many different ways in which people are clever … or ‘smart’ as some people say. Let me think now, oh yes … I call the people who have sat in my branches writing poetry, stories or speeches ‘word smart’.”

Musa thought of Bru’Me.

“And then there are the ‘logic smart’ ones who sit for hours working out riddles, solving problems and conducting experiments. Numbers and patterns make sense to them.”

“Not to me,” said Musa, thinking of his Maths test again.

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“You are ‘body smart’, Musa! Wow, the things you can do with your body! I watched you swinging all over my

branches. I am sure you are very good at sports and with time and practice your maths and logic will improve too.”

Musa felt himself grow tall with pride. He was clever after all, in his special way.

“I haven’t finished yet,” said the Wild Fig. “Some people are ‘self smart’, and others are ‘people smart’, then you get the ‘picture smart’, ‘music smart’ and ‘nature smart’ people. Oh I love ‘nature smart’, they are the people who take care of us. Now let me think, there is one more … oh yes, ‘wondering smart’ … those are the people who think about, and seek to understand, the mysteries of life.”

That has to be Thandi Tortoise, thought Musa Monkey warmly…and I am sure I am also ‘nature smart’. I just love trees and being outdoors.

“Everyone has to be smart in different ways Musa because everyone has a different job to do. Then, you will live happily together too … just like we do in my forest. We all say,

THIS IS ME, LOOk AND SEE, IT’S juST THE WAY I NEED TO BE.”

Chapter 5:

Thandi Tortoise

and the Baobab Tree

While Musa was deep in thought over the lessons the Wild Fig Tree had taught him, Thandi Tortoise was in a spot of bother. Her shell was stuck at the end of her tunnel and she was wriggling furiously, trying to get free.

“Ooooohhhhh I hate this shell and I hate feeling so heavy and clumsy.” She huffed and puffed, pushing and pulling until she popped out of the tunnel and landed inside a humungous hollow tree trunk.

“Ooooowwwwww,” Thandi cried. Her voice echoed back at her, only it sounded more like “Heeeelllloooooo.”

Thandi thought she was hearing things and looked around. She was in the middle of a very old tree that was talking to her. “Hellooooooooooo,” it said again in a deep and rumbling voice that vibrated in Thandi’s heart.

“I must be hearing things again. No wonder people think I’m weird,” she thought.

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“Weird,” snorted the old tree, “try being the only tree in the whole world that is hollow; or looking like you

were planted the wrong way round with your roots in the air! Oh, the stories they have told about me, so many stories.

Did you know that I was supposedly stuffed in the ground upside down, to stop me boasting? And, if you dare to pick my flowers, you will be eaten by a lion. Thankfully my age has made me wise. I no longer worry about what other people say about me.”

Thandi looked more carefully at the Baobab Tree. She noticed its leaves and picked one. “How old are you?” she asked, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Maybe 3000 – 5000 years old … but nobody really knows,” said the Baobab. “You can’t count my rings like other trees because I am hollow. I know I am very, very old. I am what they call ancient.”

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Thandi felt comfortable with this old tree and so she began to share her feelings about her sad day at school. “During PE I felt so frustrated and humiliated when I couldn’t catch the ball or keep up with everyone else. And I must remember to keep my mouth shut and not talk about all my silly wonderings,” she scolded herself.

The Old Baobab smiled at Thandi Tortoise and then rattled on wisely, “Oh yes, I understand those feelings, Thandi. When I first saw the magnificent Wild Fig Tree I prayed for its far-reaching branches and I envied the thorns that inspired so many stories about the Buffalo Thorn Tree. Of course I wanted wood as beautiful as the Clanwilliam Cedar Tree. But over the thousands of years that I have watched villages eat my fruit, store water in my trunk, and listened to them discuss important issues in my vast shade, I have come to feel grateful for my special gifts. I realised that I didn’t need long arms like the Wild Fig Tree because my hollow trunk makes a safe, warm home for hundreds of animals and insects. I am a wise old friend to many.”

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Thandi remembered the times when she offered words of wisdom to her friends and family and how her

understanding of life often helped them.

“I also help my friends,” said Thandi. “They think I am wise too. That must be my special gift.” Her face glowed with pride. “I am not going to worry anymore about not being good at sport. No one is good at everything. Thank you, wise old Baobab.”

The wise, ancient tree smiled at Thandi and said, “Remember these words …

THIS IS ME, LOOk AND SEE, IT’S THE VERY BEST THAT I CAN BE.”

Bru’Me, Sammy Squirrel, Musa Monkey and Thandi Tortoise were all deep in thought pondering the lessons their trees had taught them. They carefully examined the leaves they had picked off their trees. Holding them in the palms of their hands, they each moved their left pinkie finger back and forth over the veins. The sleepiness returned and their eyes dropped shut. Then they hurtled, once again, down the green tunnels, sliding left to right and right to left until, finally, they landed back in Musa’s lounge.

The fire still crackled and Grandfather Monkey still sat on the couch with the magical wooden album in his lap. He greeted the children with a warm smile and a wink. He placed his right hand under the bottom cover and his left hand under the front cover of the book. And, without much warning, he snapped the book closed, spraying the excess dust into the air. He stood up and placed the book back on the shelf. Finally he turned to look at the wide-eyed children. “So children, how was your afternoon?” he asked with a knowing smile.

Without planning it, Bru’Me, Musa Monkey, Sammy Squirrel and Thandi Tortoise stood up tall, pulled their shoulders slightly back, looked Grandfather Monkey politely in the eye and said together in clear, strong voices …

“I AM ME, LOOk AND SEE, IT’S juST THE WAY I WANT TO BE.”

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Glossary

1. Sluggish – to move slowly or with very little energy 2. Sullenly – to feel gloomy, dissatisfied or sulky 3. Souvenir – an item of special value to you that reminds you of an event or place, possibly something you bring back from a holiday 4. Mischievous – full of fun, slightly naughty and very cheeky5. Lurched – to suddenly move (usually forward)6. Toboggan – a type of sled that’s light and thin7. Gnarled – knotty, rough and twisted; not straight 8. Albino – a person or animal lacking normal pigmentation, making their skin and hair very white or milky and their eyes very pink.9. Pigmentation – means colouring in skin. Cells give your skin colour.10. Endangered – an animal that is endangered is close to extinction, meaning there aren’t many of them left in the world. 11. Extinction – when all the members of a particular group die, normally used when talking about animals.12. Inquisitively – very curious and inquiring; likes to investigate13. Humiliated – feeling uncomfortable because of shame, embarrassment or wounded pride

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Family chats:Family chat 1:Read through the parent information at the start of this book and then read the ‘Being Confident’ story with your child. Affirm with your child that confidence comes from knowing, accepting and appreciating all of who you are inside and out and accepting that we are all different. Highlight and chat through the four important lessons Bru’Me and his friends learnt in the story.

Sammy: This is me, look and see, it’s just the way I want to be.• Chat about the importance of learning to accept and appreciate our physical appearance.

Bru’Me: This is me, listen and see, it’s just the way I want to be.• Chat about our voice being the instrument through which we can express our thoughts, opinions, love and friendship. Using our voice effectively and positively builds confidence.

Musa: This is me, look and see, it’s just the way I need to be.• Chat about the fact that your child has been born a certain way because they have a special purpose and job to do in life.

Thandi: This is me, look and see, it’s the very best that I can be.• Affirm with your child that growing into the best version of themselves is the best that they can be.

Suggested family game: ‘Why do I love you?’ on page 28.

Family chat 2:Ask your child what they think a confident person sounds like?

Conclude that our tone of voice is often more important than what we say. If we want to sound confident, we need to learn to speak in a firm, strong voice…especially in tricky situations. We need to be friendly, but strong and determined, so that the person you are talking to knows what you mean.

Ask your child to describe what a confident person looks like?

Listen to their answers and point out that our body can ‘say’ many things without us saying a word. This is called body language and it is a very

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useful tool to show people that we are confident. Practice confident body language together. Stand up tall, shoulders back but relaxed, hold your head up and make comfortable eye contact.

Ask your child if being confident is something they find easy or difficult. When do they find it easy and when do they find it difficult?

Emphasise that being confident involves being able to ask for what you need and want, or standing up for yourself in a way that respects the rights of others. Make a commitment to practise with them, so that, over time, standing up for themselves in a confident way becomes natural.

End the chat by sharing a time with your child when you felt really confident explaining what happened and how you felt. Ask your child if they can think of a time they felt like this.

Family chat 3:Together re-read page 18 and 19 in the story and chat through how the Wild Fig told Musa that the trees in the forest were all clever in a different way and that people were just the same. Chat through the different ‘smarts’ listed below, as defined by Howard Gardner in his Theory of Multiple Intelligences. As you go through them try and identify how your child and the various members of your family are smart. Ask your child to think of some of the ways in which they are clever.

• Word smart – able to use words to express themselves; loves creative writing, poems, storytelling etc.

• Logic smart – able to solve problems and riddles; loves puzzles and experiments.

• Picture smart – able to interpret the world around them and express it; loves drawing, painting, computer graphics, photography etc.

• Body smart – able to use their physical body to master a skill; loves sport, dancing, martial arts, drama.

• Music smart – able to sing in tune and play an instrument; loves playing or listening to music.

• People smart – able to work well in groups and understand other people; enjoys working and playing with people

• Self smart – you know who you are and can reflect well on strengths and weaknesses; enjoys journaling, having quiet time, working alone at times.

• Nature smart – a special ability and interest in plants and animals; loves being outdoors in nature and caring for animals.

• Wondering smart – constantly posing questions about the world and seeking the answers; loves time to get lost in their thoughts.

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End your chat by highlighting the following points to your child.1. Every person is born with a special type of smart! This makes us different to each other and gives us our unique blend of talents and abilities.2. The world needs people to be smart in many ways! Can you imagine a world with no nature-smart people, or no music-smart people? The way in which you have been born smart is really important … because you have a special job to do in the world.3. It is important to enjoy and focus on your natural smarts, but remember to practise and work on the smarts you are not so good at as they will improve over time.

Suggested family game: ‘Spot the difference’ on page 28

Family games:spot the differenceAfter dinner, pair family members up against each other. Set the timer for 30 seconds and see how many differences they can identify in that time. For example: hair colour, eye colour, height, gender, hobbies and body shape. Swap pairs until everyone has had a turn to go up against each other.

Make sure it does not turn into an opportunity to tease and ‘diss’! After the game, take a moment to emphasise to your children that an important part of feeling happy and confident is learning to accept and appreciate yourself as you are.

why do i love you?This game, or bedtime ritual, is wonderful for exploring your child’s character together and discovering and accepting differences within the family.

When you go in to say good night to your child, pose this question to them:

“Why do I love you?”

It is most likely that they will have a fairly undefined response at first! Something like, “Because you are my mother.” or “Because I am your child.” or “Because you do!” Listen to their response and then offer your own.

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“I love you just because you are you.”

Continue with the next question.

“What do you think makes you, you? Let’s think of some ideas together.”This question opens up the opportunity for you and your child to explore their physical attributes, talents and, most importantly, their character together. For example, “The way your nose crinkles when you laugh; your loving nature, energy and enthusiasm. I love your independence and courage to try new things. I love your sense of humour and the way you make me laugh.”

If you play this game frequently with your child, your list will keep expanding, bringing about wonderful self-awareness and validation. When your child experiences a disappointment, you can simply pose the question, “Why do I love you?” and balance the disappointment with a view of their strengths and potential.

If you have more than one child, play the game with all of them independently. Every so often, when you get them together, pose the question to them as a group so that they can gain awareness into their differences and similarities.

Being confident

First edition published in 2012.This edition published in 2015 by:

COOL TO BE ME (Pty) Ltd43 Chestnut DriveHout Bay7806Cape TownSouth Africa

ISBN: 978-0-992-1955-4-0

Publication © COOL TO BE ME (Pty) Ltd 2012All text © 2012 Linda joyce Bruce, Lisa CohenCover design, illustration, design and typesetting by Shifrah GetzEditing: Megan Cawood, Nicole Levin

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the copyright owners.

about the authors:

linda Joyce Bruce is a mother of three and an Economics and Industrial Psychology major from Stellenbosch university. In 2008 Linda published her first book, ‘Motherhood and Me’, through Oshun, an imprint of Random House Struik. She then founded COOL TO BE ME in 2009,where she dedicates her time, energy and knowledge to the development of social-emotional learning as an educational concept that can be taught to and learned by children in the Foundation and Intermediate Phases of education.

lisa Cohen is a Storyteller and Speech and Drama teacher with a post-graduate degree in Psychology. She is an experienced and skilled facilitator and is passionate about working with children. Through ‘Grow a Tale’ and COOL TO BE ME, she works with individuals and groups using a holistic approach to education, with an emphasis on personal development and creative expression.

Being Confident and ResponsiBle

Being tRuthfulget swallowed up by the big black smoke cloud with Bru’Me and his friends so King Jembo the giant can teach you how to choose right from wrong and truth from lies.i smile inside and shout ‘i am King,’ when i am truthful about everything!

Being Confidentfollow Bru’Me and his friends down the wild toboggan run to discover why you should feel confident.This is me, look and see, it’s just the way i want to be!

Being ResponsiBleJoin Bru’Me at ‘Captain able’s Zero to hero school of Responsibility’ and learn to become responsible and fly like a superhero.a superhero i can be, when i choose responsibility!

BounCing BaCKflow down the river with Bru’Me and his friends and let the Big BounCe show you how to bounce back from mistakes, accidents and life disappointments.When life around me seems to go wrong, i first learn the lesson and then move on!

Being conf dent and responsib

le

Bu

ilding Blocks

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