Dates and Policies

For Celebrating

Bar or Bat Mitzvah

at

Beth Meyer Synagogue

Fall 2016 – Winter 2017 (Revised February 2016)

2 Rev. 3/16

NAME: _______________________________________ DATE OF BAT/BAR MITZVAH: _______________________________

B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator: Kathy Hart - assistant@bethmeyer.org or 919-848-1420, ext. 228

Date Item Completed

5 months

TORAH READERS – confirm with Cathy Kaplan (ckaplan2345@gmail.com) if you have family members or friends who are regular Torah readers and you would like to have them read Torah.

4 months

RESERVE BETH MEYER FACILITY – reserve the Social Hall or Beit Am for Friday Shabbat dinner and/or Saturday evening for celebration, if applicable. Reserve kitchen for food preparation. Contact Susan Sugar at director@bethmeyer.org or 919-848-1420 ext. 225.

4 months

CURRENT WITH ALL FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS - all synagogue related expenses, past and current, including dues and tuition, need to be paid in full 60 DAYS PRIOR to the simhah. Contact Susan Sugar at director@bethmeyer.org or 919-848-1420 ext. 225 to discuss.

4 months

Order kippot (and women’s head coverings, applicable). Order tallit (available through Sisterhood Gift Shop). Order teffilin (available through the Religious School).

4 months

PLAN MEALS - begin to plan Shabbat Oneg (Friday), Shabbat dinner (Friday), Kiddush lunch (Saturday). Contact B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator at assistant@bethmeyer.org. See page 3 for additional information.

4 months

Schedule TORAH STUDY WITH RABBI SOLOMON – a schedule of dates will be sent to you from the coordinator.

2 months

ARRANGE HONORS FOR THE SERVICE - contact Gabbai Rishon Henry Schaffer (hes@ncsu.edu).

HAMAGGID - prepare a brief 100 word bio to be included in our monthly publication. Submit to the office by the 15th of the month prior to the month of the simhah. See page 3 of this document for guidelines.

1 month

GIFTS – presented by a BMS board member. If you have a specific board member that you wish to have present the gifts, please notify B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator; otherwise, the board representative for that date will present the gifts.

Friday

10:30 AM REHEARSAL – Sanctuary

Post Bat/Bar Mitzvah

HaKarat HaTov - saying “Thank You!” It is a Jewish custom to thank others by giving tzedakah. It is very appropriate to thank the rabbi, your child's tutor and your child's teacher(s) with a donation to the synagogue in their honor (fund of your choosing).

3 Rev. 3/16

POLICIES TO NOTE General: All food must be prepared on-site by Beth Meyer Synagogue-approved caterers or by the family.

All food preparation and deliveries must be completed by 3:00 pm on Friday. No cooking or deliveries of any kind (including food for the Oneg or Kiddush) can take place after this time.

If your caterer does not supply servers and clean-up service, we ask that you contact one of the approved waitstaff/set-up/clean-up service providers listed on page 5.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah families are responsible for providing challah (2) for Shabbat morning; Beth Meyer will provide kosher grape juice for Kiddush blessing.

Balloons are not permitted as decoration at Beth Meyer. Social Hall: Room reservation for Friday Shabbat dinner and/or Saturday evening celebration should be done at least 6 months prior, if applicable.

Beth Meyer Synagogue has tables and chairs to accommodate 280 people. (Please ADD 80 congregants to your numbers.)

Set up and breakdown of tables and chairs will be handled by BMS. Please have your caterer or service provider submit your table set-up sheet to the synagogue office at least 10 days prior to the Kiddush lunch.

Linen rental will be the responsibility of the catering service or the family. Sanctuary: The sanctuary and annex can seat 280 people. Invitations: It is the custom at Beth Meyer Synagogue that all religious school classmates attend the Shabbat morning service and stay for the "seudat mitzvah" - the meal of the mitzvah (which is our Kiddush/luncheon).

If you plan to invite more than half of the class to your private celebration (whether it be a large Saturday night party, a kid’s party, a pool party, a brunch, etc.), then we ask that you include the entire class.

It is your prerogative to invite less than half the class to your private celebration. B’nai Mitzvah Announcement Guidelines for HaMaggid: We encourage you to share the news of your child becoming a bar/bat mitzvah with the congregation. Please use the guidelines below when submitting your announcement:

The deadline for inclusion in HaMaggid is the 15th of the month preceding your bar/bat mitzvah (e.g., if your child’s bar/bat mitzvah is in March, your announcement should be submitted by February 15).

All announcements should be emailed to the synagogue office at office@bethmeyer.org. We encourage you to submit a digital photo of your child. School pictures or those with

light or simple backgrounds work best. Please note that photos will be printed in black and white; however, they do appear in color on the BMS website.

The word limit for all announcements is 100 words. Suggested information to include is (examples are available in prior issues of HaMaggid on our website):

o Bar/Bat Mitzvah date o Parents’ names o Siblings o School child attends o Jewish summer camps or similar programs your child has attended o Child’s interests and hobbies

4 Rev. 3/16

Responsibility for Oneg and Kiddush FRIDAY ONEG: PICK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING

Family will not attend Friday night service

The family is requested to provide “lequet” (Hebrew word for gleaning), reserving a portion from Saturday morning Kiddush desserts and beverages for the approximately 20 to 25 congregants attending Friday night services. There should be enough dessert (baked goods and fruit), beverages and paper goods (cups, napkins and utensils) for the anticipated 20 to 25 attendees.

Family will attend Friday night service WITH 20 OR FEWER GUESTS

The family is requested to provide “lequet” (Hebrew word for gleaning), reserving a portion from Saturday morning Kiddush desserts and beverages for their guests (up to 20), in addition to the approximate 20 to 25 congregants attending Friday night services. There should be enough dessert (baked goods and fruit), beverages and paper goods (cups, napkins and utensils) for everyone in attendance.

Family will attend Friday night service WITH MORE THAN 20 GUESTS

Caters Oneg or prepares Oneg themselves of baked goods, fruit, beverages and paper goods (cups, napkins and utensils) for guests including 25 additional congregants.

SATURDAY KIDDUSH LUNCH: PICK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING

Family will not attend Kiddush lunch

Contributes $500 to the Kitchen Fund payable in advance to BMS office

N/A

Family will attend Kiddush lunch WITH 20 OR FEWER GUESTS

Contributes $500 to the Kitchen Fund payable in advance to BMS office

or

Caters Kiddush lunch or prepares Kiddush lunch themselves adding 80 additional congregants to headcount. Responsible for hiring servers, all clean-up, linens and paper goods.

Family will attend Kiddush lunch WITH MORE THAN 20 GUESTS

N/A

Caters Kiddush lunch or prepares Kiddush lunch themselves adding 80 additional congregants to headcount. Responsible for hiring servers, all clean-up, linens and paper goods.

PRIVATE EVENT: Friday Shabbat dinner or Saturday evening reception

Rooms must be reserved in advance as this is a private event. Room reservation forms are available from the BMS Executive Director. The form and applicable fees should be submitted as soon as possible.

Member Rates: Social Hall rental fee $600 Beit Am rental fee $200 Security deposit (refundable) $250 Kitchen Use Fee $100

Reserve kitchen prep time by contacting Susan Sugar at 919-848-1420 ext. 225.

Responsible for hiring servers, all clean-up, linens and paper goods.

5 Rev. 3/16

Approved Caterers/Vendors for Beth Meyer Synagogue Sisterhood Catering Beth Meyer Synagogue 504 Newton Road Raleigh, NC 27615 Contact: Rachel Rosenthal at 919-413-6867 Cory and Rondi Goodman Catering 919-345-0750 rondi.goodman7@gmail.com Kaplan Catering Bruce Kaplan, Chef/Owner 919-274-0456 or 919-420-0503 kaplancatering@cs.com Victor Khoury (of Saints and Scholars Pub) 919-878-8828 saintsandscholarspub.com The Irregardless Café Anya and Arthur Gordon, Owners 919-620-0872 catering@irregardless.com

Knish-a-licious Michael and Jamie Eliahu, Owners 919-473-6080 jamie@knish-a-licious.com

Approved Wait Staff/Set-up/Clean-up Service Helping Hands Just 4 You Systems Stuart Mozer Johanna Dubon 828-446-5678 919-610-1794 smozer42@gmail.com jdubon36@gmail.com

6 Rev. 3/16

Attendance at bar/bat mitzvah services and parties for both adults and children

Shabbat attire:

All males, Jewish and non-Jewish, are required to have their heads covered during the service.

All females participating in the service are required to wear a head covering. Jewish men wear a tallit while in the sanctuary on Shabbat morning. Jewish

women are encouraged to do the same. According to the Jewish principle of tz'niyut (modesty), appropriate dress is

required in the synagogue during services. Please notify your guests that extremely short skirts, sleeveless tops and blue jeans are inappropriate attire.

Please share with your guests:

Please sit near the front of the sanctuary or annex and have children (including teenagers) sit with their parents.

No smoking on Shabbat in or around the synagogue property. No photography or recording on Shabbat. No gum chewing. No unnecessary talking in the sanctuary. Turn off all cellphones, or set to vibrate if absolutely necessary (doctor on call,

etc). If your family member has an honor in the service - they must practice. Elsewhere

in this guide is a copy of the Torah blessings and we can easily provide a recording. We are happy to provide copies of English readings, as well.

Please share with your children and other teen guests, especially those who are present without parents:

They need to sit in services and not talk. They should not leave services during or just before the haftarah or the rabbi's talk.

Children in our congregation need to remember that they are setting an example for non-Jewish guests.

At the private celebration they need to behave - these affairs are not like most birthday parties - many are catered affairs and the children need to behave accordingly - no running, roughhousing, etc.

Often there is a separate “children’s food” area. If that is the case, then the kids (including the bar/bat mitzvah and his/her young guests) are not really supposed to be helping themselves to the adult food. If there is a buffet line, the kids should only take what they will eat and not pile their plates high.

There is absolutely no "playing" with food in any way, shape, or form. Boys may want to put nametags of some sort in their suit/sports jackets. We have

had cases of lost items and these jackets tend to look alike (especially to 12/13 year old boys!)

7 Rev. 3/16

Torah Blessings

Reader:

Barchu et Adonai ha’m’vorach

Congregation:

Baruch Adonai ha’m’vorach l’olam va’ed

Reader:

Baruch Adonai ha’m’vorach l’olam va’ed

Reader:

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam

Asher ba’char banu mi’kol ha’amim, v’natan lanu et Torah’to

Baruch Atah Adonai, no’tein haTorah

Reader:

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam

Asher natan lanu Torat emet, v’cha’yey olam natah b’to’cheinu

Baruch Atah Adonai, no’tein haTorah

8 Rev. 3/16

B'nai Mitzvah FAQ's

1. When will my child’s tutor contact me? You should receive a call from the tutor 8 months prior to the simha. 2. I would like to make most of the food myself and understand that I need to make the food in the kitchen at the synagogue. Whom do I need to contact in order to set that up? Please call Susan Sugar in the synagogue office at (919) 848-1420, ext. 225 3. If I am not using a caterer who provides the set-up/serving/clean-up service, whom do you recommend I hire? Recommended servers are listed at the bottom of page 5. 4. Does the synagogue arrange for challah for the Kiddush lunch or do I provide that? The family needs to provide two (2) kosher challot for the motzi cart that are used at the end of services. These may be purchased at NY Bagel Deli, Whole Foods, BJ’s and Kroger. 5. What about wine and juice for the Kiddush lunch? Since everything must be kosher, do you know where I can get kosher wine? The synagogue provides kosher white grape juice. Rabbi Solomon prefers that you not serve wine. 6. We would like to reserve the social hall for our Saturday night party. Is there a limit to the number of people we can have? When do I need to bring in the paperwork and deposit? Please call Susan Sugar in the BMS office (919) 848-1420, ext. 225 for information on reserving space. It is recommended that you contact Susan as early as possible if you would like to use the synagogue facilities. 7. Do we need to order special head coverings for the women attending our service? If yes, do you know of a good place from which to order them? Almost everyone uses the white lace headcoverings that are provided by the synagogue. 8. Should I bring in a basket in which to put my personalized kippot? It is strictly personal preference. You can use the standard black baskets that we have or you may bring in your own.

9 Rev. 3/16

9. Is there an age minimum for any honors? I would like to have my nephew, under bar mitzvah age, open the ark. Henry Schaffer can answer all questions related to the honors and will also prepare the final script for the service. He can be reached at: hes@ncsu.edu. 10. I would like to pre-shop for the Kiddush and leave everything in the synagogue kitchen; how far in advance can I do this? Please do not leave anything in the kitchen (including perishables in the refrigerators and freezer) until the Sunday before the bar/bat mitzvah. It is recommended that you confirm with Susan Sugar before leaving anything as there may be other events planned throughout the week. Everything left in the kitchen must be clearly labeled. 11. If there are leftovers after the Kiddush lunch, can I take them home that afternoon? Prior to your simha, please decide if you will be keeping your leftovers or donating them to Beth Meyer for upcoming synagogue events. We ask that you tell your server what you plan to do with any leftovers. If you choose to keep the food, we ask that it not be carried from the synagogue on Shabbat and that you make arrangements to come back on Sunday or Monday morning to pick it up. All leftovers need to be picked up by noon on Monday. 12. Do we have to provide flowers for the bimah? Does the synagogue recommend a particular florist? How tall can/should the flowers be? Can I take the flowers with me after the service to be used at later events? You are not required to have flowers; however, many families do arrange to have flowers for the bimah. The synagogue does not recommend any particular florist. The flower arrangement, measured from the floor, can be no taller than 50 inches. Because we cannot guarantee the availability of a vase, we suggest that either you or your florist provide one. Flowers should be delivered to the synagogue on Friday, before 3:00 p.m. If you want them to appear in your pictures, please ask your florist to deliver them before 10:00 a.m. Additionally, flowers, like food, cannot be carried on Shabbat. The flowers may be picked up on the Sunday or Monday following your simcha. Flowers left after noon on Monday will be donated or discarded.