banger banter newsletter 4th quarter 2010

8/8/2019 Banger Banter Newsletter 4th Quarter 2010

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COVERS

TORY

From The Armchair

Photos Essays

The Healthy Banger

IS BEER GOOD

FOR YOU

WWW,OLDBANGKOKBANGER.COM

Photo Essays

SOUTH AFRICATHAILAND

From The Armchair

WOMENS WORLDRUGBY CUP

The Healthy Banger

IS BEER GOODFOR YOU ?

COVER

STORYEXCL

USIVE


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3/34Banger Banter OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

You Will Always Be A Banger

14 17

6 Message from The ChairmanAndrew McDowell delivers a compelling message to members.

7 TatesTates jottings on were we have been and where we are going

8 Mi Chiama RobertoAdvice from the Colts captain Roberto Goulo

9 The Next StepThe coach writes - YOU READ OK

12 Vintage Rugby Carnival 2010. Cape TownPhoto essay of the Vets in Cape Town

13 The Ancient Quill2nd run for the Banger Ancients at British Club Tens

18 Stews ViewsStewart Gorman writes about life back in England

20 Five MinutesQuick questions to Drew Bourton

21 British Club Vinarco CupPhoto essay of Banger Vets magnicent win

23 Geoff The ChefHow to make a pork pie.

24 The Days Of Our Wives

Interview With Verna Burgess27 From The Armchair

Womens rugby and where it is going28 The Wall Of knowledge

Full house on test match day30 Clubhouse

Whats happening at Wall Street32 The Healthy Banger

Is beer good for you?33 Hartleys Banger Humour

Chris nds joke to brighten up your day

October - December 2010

10 19




BANGER BANTERis published quarterly by the Old Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club for members, sponsors and friends of the rugby club. The

Banger Banter is downloadable from the club web site. Members contribute all editorial and photography. The layout and design is provided by

Ruck Graphics - a member of the Old Bangkok Banger Rugby Club

EDITORIAL:Roberto Guolo, Andrew Tatam, PeterBurgess, Rick OShea, Geoff McKenna, Grahame Fox, Mike

Laloli

CONTRIBUTORS:Andrew McDowell, Patrick Bernard,Kevin Hutton-Smith, Chris Hartley, Tom Kerr, Verna

Burgess

PHOTOGRAPHY: Johnn Jaspers, Robert Brewer

PROOF READER: Roger Fitzgerald

WEBMASTER: Jason Manning

t was an interesting and exciting last quarter with a lot going on forthe Bangers Firstly, the Bangers rediscovered their winning ways

and that was important. Whilst we promote themselves as social rugbyclub, there is nothing like a win now and again to raise the spirits. So Isuppose its really about Fun, Friendship, Fraternity and a few points onthe board.

The recruitment drive response, has been nothing short of spectacular,

with many new players enquiring and joining the club through the website.

It is now normal for over 20 players to turn up for a game and for trainingon a Sunday. This probably give the coach a few headaches selectinghis team however, I notice he is not complaining.

The recent British Club Vinarco International Tens, went down well withlocal rugby supporters. Just a good day out. The Banger Vets won thecompetition in a decider against the Southerners.

Even the Ancients got a trot, for the second time this year. Off the pitchthe atmosphere was electric. The right mix of fun, frivolity and of courserugby. Its was generous of Vince Swift, to sponsor the tournament and

has indicated, he is going to do the same next year.The Banger Colts are currently playing in the Royal Bangkok SportsClub competition. They score a marvellous win against The Southernersin their match up in the rst round. The Soi 33 Cup was on the line and

now has been returned to its rightful owners.!!! These derby matchesare always tough with many Bangers having played for the Southernersearlier in their careers.

Cris Dunning has done a great job with the sponsorship this year withsome major companies taking an interest in our endeavours. Heinekenare now a prime sponsors for the next two years.

Stories are still coming in about the 2010 Vintage Rugby Carnival in

Cape Town. All tourists said it was great event with many new friend-ships made with other clubs. The trick now is to get more of these vet-eran touring sides to come and play in Thailand.

Finally, if you want to contribute to building a better Banger Banter eachquarter, please contact me. Another pair of hand wouldnt go astray.

I

Mike


5/34




s many of you know,

a small contingentof Banger Veteransreturned recently fromthe latest in the seriesof Vintage Rugby Car-nivals. It was the fourthsuch festival and washeld in the beautiful cityof Cape Town, SouthAfrica.The number of touristswas less than we ex-

pected however, what we lacked in numbers we madeup for in team touring spirit. For our departure, weobserved the usual dress code, and Mike Laloli wason hand at the airport to document our exit with a fewphotos.

It was election day however, Brian Sinclair-Thompsondid us proud by arranging drinks at the airport hotelbetween check in and departure. We had a stopoverin Kuala Lumpur (KL) and thanks to Brian, we wereable to stay over in the business class lounge andRick OShea was on hand to ensure we watch a

memorable game of Tri-Nations rugby, between theWallabies and the All Blacks.

We all arrived safely in Cape Town minus RogerFitzgeralds suitcase which unfortunately he had towait more than a day for it to turn up. It was lucky I didnot laugh, because the same happened to me arrivingback in Bangkok. Thanks to the ground staff, it wasreturned to me.

Our hotel was great and so was the organization, dueto numbers we teamed up with The Manly Steamers.We had our team photos taken with Table Mountain as

a backdrop, both teams were taken separately and wealso had a joint photo taken aptly named The Steam-ing Bangers. Two photos are up in the Club Housebar in Wall Street.

We had three games, the latter two were the morememorable not because of the result but because ofthe true vintage spirit in which they were played.

I think I can say for all who went that it was a greatsocial rugby trip and well enjoyed by all. I would liketo thank the tour specic sponsors, Aurecon Group

(Cris Dunning) and Jardine Shipping Services (Simon

Davies).I would also like to thank those that had a big hand inthe organization, Rick OShea for the tour planning,

Brian-Sinclair-Thompson for the budget airline tickets

and other travel arrangements, and Roger Fitzgeraldfor the arranging the shirts etc.

On general club matters, I would like to mention, CrisDunning and highlight the great job has done withsponsorship. We now have Heineken on board as aGold Sponsor for two years.

In addition, Jardine Shipping Services and Aurecon/Halcrow are Silver Sponsors, RSM Thailand, Transpoand Queen Victoria Pub & Restaurant Bronze Spon-sors and Wall Street, Swiss Air, Sheraton GrandeSukhumvit and X-treme Sports in-kind sponsors for

2010-11 season.Eddie Evans from Extreme Sport is supplying twentynew sets of playing gear with the new sponsor logoson the garments. We can expect twenty or more clubmembers, will order personalized gear to make up 40sets.

We must also give a special thanks to Doug Ozanneand The Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit for the Playerof the Match awards. There are many others who putmoney and time into the club and apologies in advancefor not mentioning your names individually.

Please dont forget to support our sponsors and theirproducts whenever you have a chance, they areextremely important to us and we could not do all thethings we organise without their generous support.

As time goes by, the Bangers have evolved, startingwith our enthusiastic founders nine years ago to a clubwith as as many young members as veterans.

It is up to all of us, the Colts, Veterans, and Ancients,to put the effort in, to ensure we keep a balance ofactivities for all.

Please turn up at as many activities as you can, even

if it is not in your particular age groups interest. Weneed more spectators and supporters at all games andevents, regardless of the age band .

Please make the effort the reward will be the Fun,Fraternity, and Friendship - not just on our letterheadbut in real life.

Dont forget, if you have any suggestions for the run-ning of the club, please let me or any of the committeemembers know.

Yours in Banger Rugby

AndrewAndrew McDowellChairmanOld Bangkok Bangers Rugby Club

A




am delighted to be able to contribute to another ne edition of the fa-mous Banter, with such a wealth of positive Banger news.

It gives me pleasure to share our most recent exploits since returning tofull training in early August beginning with a tremendous effort of twelve ofour more senior members making the long but unforgettable trip to play inthe Vintage Rugby Carnival in Cape Town, South Africa. A great effort chapsand always great to spread the Old Bangkok Banger ethos of Fun, Friend-ship and Fraternity to an even wider rugby community.

It was by no mean feat that while they were away, we were able to put a verystrong Old Boys Team in the British Club Tens here in Bangkok, withsix teams competing for the Vinarco Tens Trophy. It was a greatteam effort bringing home the silverware.

A sensational tournament with the Ancientsgetting qetting a trot also. A huge thankyou to the British Club for their hard work inbringing more Old Boys Rugby to Bangkok.

The club has also had two matches againstthe Bangkok Japanese as they prepared foran important game against their old rivals theSingapore Japanese which thanks to our practicematches they won for the rst time since 2004 socongratulations to the Bangkok Japanese.

These games were open age with rolling subs It was a proud moment to have nearly 40 booted Bangers for therst and 30 booted Bangers for the second match both of which we won and bedded many new players into the

club.

The Royal Bangkok Sports Club have also been kind enough to invite us to play in their evening tournamentand at the time of writing we have already beaten the Southerners to regain the Soi 33 Cup in a tense gamecoming from 10-5 down with 5 minutes to go to win 10-18. Woof!

Our second game proved to be a bye. However with 24 players present on the night able to play a very competi-tive match between ourselves A great indicator of Banger health.

I hope we continued our tremendous start to this season. As you all know, we have a very busy run up to Christ-mas

Andrew Tates Tatam

I




t the time I was 14 years old. The Australian rugby player namedDavid Campese use to visit our rugby summer camps in Italy. He

joined us during the meeting where the players and coaches gath-ered after dining and there he spoke about rugby and also about howto be a rugby player on and off pitch.

I do not recall what he said but I remember when he took off a pieceof paper from his pocket and he started to read those words. At the

end of the meeting I asked him where can I nd what you have just

read?

He handed it to me. Since then I have kept that piece of paper with meand applied them throughout today.

Perhaps those are just words for me, however I would like to sharethem with you the Banger Banter and hopefully you could bring theminto play.

A presto

Roberto Goulo - Colts Captain

THE WINNERS

WINNERS TAKE CHANCESLike everyone else, the fear failing, but they refuse to let fearcontrol them.

WINNERS DONT GIVE UPWhen life gets rough, they hang in until the going gets better.

WINNERS ARE FLEXIBLEThey realise there is more than one way and are willing to tryothers.

WINNERS KNOW THEY ARE NOT PERFECTThey respect their weaknesses while making the most of theirstrengths.

WINNERS FALL, BUT THEY DONT STAY DOWNThey stubbornly refuse to let a fall keep them from climbing.

WINNERS DONT BLAME FATE FOR THEIR FAILURESNOR LUCK FOR THEIR SUCCESSESWinners accept responsability for their lives.

WINNERS ARE POSITIVE THINKERS WHO SEE GOOD INALL THINGSFrom the ordinary, they make the extraordinary.

WINNERS BELIEVE IN THE PATH THEY HAVE CHOSENEven when its hard, even when others cant see where theyare going.

WINNERS ARE PATIENTThey know a goal is only as worthy as the effort thats re-quired achieve it.

WINNERS ARE PEOPLE LIKE YOUThey make this world a better place to be.




he RBSC competition is upon us again & will continue keep our attention for thenext 6 weeks. As we learnt from the TRU competition we must maintain our

composure & play to the referee regardless of the decision.

As a club we like to win but to achieve this we must play as a team and toachieve this we must ensure we get players to training, so we can get the ba-sic framework of our game understood.

It is pointless turning up to play games & having to teach players who have notbeen to training line-out calls, scrum moves, tap penalties & free kicks with only20 minutes before kick off. This is frustrating for coaches, players and takes someof the enjoyment out of the game for all.

We have gained some new players to compliment our seasoned stalwarts.I believe we have a good balance of talent in all positions to win moregames if we can train together.

Individual skill is a bonus in any team however a good team ofplayers who understand what they should be doing is the realobjective for the Bangers and a must if we want to win the RBSCcompetition.

A number of players & supporters have commented on our lackof discipline ie too much back-chat with the referee & ofcials.

This obviously needs to improve. It only creates disharmonywith the ofcials and within the team. We will be looking for

big improvements in this area over the next few weeks Peter Burgess


10/34 1Banger Banter OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010


COVER STORY

was born in 1942 and was dragged up in or-phanages as a young boy, so had no choice,

the schools played rugby league and I did enjoy it.I liked the rough and tumble of the tackling and thescrums.

As a teenager I lived in Coogee in suburban Sydney,where the Randwick rugby club have their trainingground. I used to go to the Coogee Oval and runwith the senior team. A friend of mine suggested we

join Eastwood Juniors Rugby Club. It was turningpoint my life I was 17, and played breakaway/looseforward with them for ve years.

The introduction in the rugby into orphanages was agood start and found that team work and team mateswere a good social item for an environment that waspretty grim in many other respects.

Once he was on my own he made the effort to nd

the rugby scene I found Rugby rather than rugbyleague

One role model player I have always admired isJohn Eales, Australian lock and Captain of the 1999World Cup Champions. His nick-name was nobodybecause nobody is perfect.

I also enjoyed other sports as a young man, weight-lifting, boxing, squash and handball were high on

the agenda. In my late teens, I joined the Army Reservewhere I was instructed in mountaineering, parachuting,canoeing and other skills I would prefer not to discuss.

My working career has been interesting to say the least Ihave worked for SMC for 35 years starting with them inSydney. The company sent me to Singapore in mid-70sto start a new factory and sales network. From thereI set up Malaysia, then Hong Kong and distributors inIndonesia, Vietnam and Philippines. It was then back toAustralia briey, before going to New Zealand to open a

factory in Auckland.

During the 80s I was based in Sydney however, trav-elled all around Europe, UK, Scandinavia, Canada andthe USA working on major international projects.

In 1992 I was asked to do a management study of Thai-land. The company accepted the proposal to set up anew plant here. It has been very successful, with a fac-tory in Bangkapi and 7 branches around the Kingdom.

My primary role was to set up the company, train andappoint local directors then move on. Once I had suc-ceeded in Thailand he was asked to do the same in

Vietnam. however I decided not to take the appointment.I preferred Thailand and retired.

Having the opportunity to visit many countries and seenumerous different life styles and ethnic cultures. I be-lieve that Thailand, with the real Thai people, is a won-derful, exciting, sometimes frustrating, but never boring

Kevin Hulton-Smith

I




place. It is a great life-style for a farang as long asyou do not take yourself too seriously.

I will explain a little about the robotic industry. Everymodern plant, producing rice, computers, cars, beeror any mass-production item uses automation devic-es to aid productivity. Simply put, this means copyinghuman actions with pneumatic, electric or hydrau-lic units. This is what a robot does, hence the termrobotics. The latest technology using computers andother advanced systems is called Mechatronics.I did play a few games with another rugby club theSingapore Cricket Club. My work and travel did notgive me much opportunity to play every weekends soI bought a keel boat and was a weekend yacht racer.

I have really enjoyed my time with the Bangers andmy only regret is that I did not get involved with theclub earlier. I enjoy the camaraderie and sportsman-ship of all the Bangers, he said the tours are wherethis really shows. Its great to be at the ground andhear the announcer talk about The team we all love

to hate The Bangers have a well-deserved, enviablereputation everywhere we go.

The Ancients is something in which I can reallyparticipate. Foxy has put a lot of effort into making ita success. I hope to assist him to gain recognition ofAncients rugby through the region.

What a great concept. Anyone at any age can enjoythe great game at a level of action to suit their skilland/or age. Im sure the Ancients idea will expand toother clubs in the near future.

I joined into to get the most enjoyment out of the club

and also to participate wherever I can I dont justwant to be a leech, and am willing to jump in where I

can.

Whilst working I had little spare time, so I knew Icould not give any effort. Once I retired I decided toput in what I could and enjoy the club to the full.

Out side of rugby I plays golf, and love to travel,

mainly to Ireland or good old Australia. As a verykeen keelboat sailor, and still enjoy getting out on theocean with the stick and rag boys.

After retirement a major part of my job has been trans-fer of technology to the local universities and students.I act as voluntary consultant to King Monkut University,and write articles for their journal.

His Majesty the King has set up a Royal Project in the

Hua Hin Palace. This is a school with TV transmissionin all classrooms. It broadcasts education programmesto over 7,000 schools in rural Thailand. I was honoredto be allowed to set up an automation training class-room with working panels training boards etc.

Her Royal Highness, Princess Sridnthorn, is patronof a school for underprivileged children in Bangkok. Iset up and arranged equipment and training gear for aclassroom there also.

I was fortunate enough to be presented to His Majesty.He most kindly gave me a plaque with his gracious

mention of thanks for the efforts at the Hua Hin Palace.I also had the honor of receiving a medallion from HerRoyal Highness for the work at her school.

I really believe that we should always try and pass onany knowledge that will help others. I have had manyyears of experience in my robotics profession Thebasis of robotics is sustainable productivity, which thewhole world needs to practice for the future good.

Finally I would like to offer the following words I heardfrom a wise man recently:- Be who you are and saywhat you feel. Those who matter, dont mind Those

who mind, dont matter.




n a great spring like day, where the rain stayed away, the two Ancients squads gathered on the eld of

dreams for the Clash of the Titans at the recent Vinarco International Tens. It was not really a clash, more ofa contest.Some of the combatants had not touched or seen a rugby ball in over six month. In their minds and bodies, youcould see they all thought they were contributing to a beautiful game of exhibition rugby.

There was no crunching defense, hard running, solid scrummaging, trademark breaks, meaningful attacks,scintillating sidesteps, slick passes or tremendous tackles. There was however, plenty of forward passes, latetackles, intentional blocking and the inevitable hospital pass.

But who cares, the silvertails were enjoying themselves and entertaining the punters on the sideline. It was allabout fun, friendship and fraternity. Some wag was heard to comment, they could all been picked up for beingover the limit, in control of set of rugby boots.

O




BANTER.: The Banter thought it was about time we

highlight a member of our French rugby membershipagain. Is all gone quiet since Jean Francois gave upthe club captaincy.PATRICK : Well, I am really attered and I will do mybest to keep up the garlic air of Jeff!

BANTER : Lets goes back to the beginning where areyou from in France ?PATRICK : I was born in the north of France, not farfrom the Belgium border (14km from my family home),I grown up there, and at the age of 19, I went to studyengineering in the South West of France. That wasa big change in my life, a totally different culture andlifestyle, and thats where I discovered rugby.BANTER : How old were you when you started to playrugby and who was your rst club ?

PATRICK : My best mates at the college were from theSouthwest and most of them were rugby players Iwas cycling very seriously at that time, but when thecycling season was over, I used to train and have afew games at school with them. When I gave up withcycling some 20 years ago, I joined a proper club

BANTER : Do you have fond memories of those earlydays ?

PATRICK : Coming from the monastic life of a cyclist,it was a great change !...only 1h20 on the eld, and

a huge party until late at night, if not the next morning .

The rst xtures were really tough for me, I was t but

very barely 70 Kg and off the eld, not used to drink

alcohol at al. I remember having great difculty getting

home on a few occasions. Twenty years on, some-times it is pretty much the same.!!

BANTER : Where did you play your senior rugby ?PATRICK : I started in Bizanos, a small town nearPau. the club was playing in the 3rd Division, which inFrance is regional level. There were some old blokes

who had played at national level with Tarbes, Lourdesand Pau. I got the chance to play with the secondteam and I learned my rugby with them.In 1993, I went to work for a while in Bristol (England)and I played with Clifton RFC, playing in the 2nd divi-sionThe next season, I was back in the sun of southernFrance and declared t to play again with Bizanos

which I did for another 2 seasons before to relocatefor professional reason to Normandy where I playedone season for Le Havre Athletic Club the oldest rugbyclub in France.I moved to Kuala Lumpur in 1998. I did not know muchabout Malaysia, and I thought that rugby career wasover,. This was not the case. I quickly found the wayto the Royal Selangor Club and enjoyed four seasonsthere.I landed in BKK in 2002, and joined the Southerners.Shortly after, I stopped playing rugby because of inju-ries however continued to play touch In 2008 I comeout of retirement to play with the Bangers

BANTER : Who was your sporting hero as a kid ?PATRICK : I spend my younger years racing, my

heroes were Bernard Hinault and Shean Kelly. Rugbyhas never been a popular sport in northern France,The only opportunity to see rugby at that time was theFive Nations on TV. The players I remember from thatera are Jean Pierre Rives, Robert Paparemborde andJerome Gallion.

BANTER : What motivates you on the eld?PATRICK : Besides the pleasure to be with friends,being able to play with the Colts from time to time pro-vides me a great feeling of still being young!

BANTER : Any superstitions or phobias ?

PATRICK : NoneBANTER : Any pre-match routine?PATRICK :None




BANTER If you werent a rugby player what wouldyou be?

PATRICK : A spectatorBANTER : Second sport after rugby?PATRICK : Touch rugby.... swimming, and recently Ihave restarted cycling as I plan to make it to Phuketin February

BANTER : If you were stranded on a deserted Islandwhat three things would you take?PATRICK : One blond, one black, one red haiR

BANTER : What is has been your best sporting mo-ment on the eld?PATRICK : My best sporting moments have been

more on the road when I was racing. As far as rugbyis concerned I had some good and some bad gamesover the years. Winning the recent Vets BC tourna-ment and in the victory against the Southernersearlier this month were sweet!

BANTER : What do think of the current French sideand their chances in the World Cup next year ?PATRICK : France was not looking good in SouthAfrica and Argentina in June, when Southern Hemi-sphere teams (especially the All Blacks) were reallyimpressive. I just hope that the gap will narrow duringthe pre-world cup preparation as it usually does.

BANTER : When you arrived in Bangkok, how didyou end up playing with the Bangers ?

PATRICK : Pascal Leray introduced me to the Bangersin January 2003. I knew him from the Southerner days.He was looking for a less competitive brand of rugbyand the Bangers were the right t.

Madam was working overseas and I was on my own inBangkok. I use to attend the Banger training cessionson the Sunday afternoon. In those days, there was onlya very small group of veterans lead by the infamousJohn Beard. Training would consist of light jogging,

followed by a short session of touch, We would thenproceed to the Wall Street for solid Heineken relatedactivities.When Ingrid came to Bangkok, I retired from competi-tive rugby. I was happy playing touch with the South-erners until 2008 when the Bangers and Southernersmerged their Touch Football programs. Then, I comeout of retirement to play with the Bangers again. I wasreally surprised to see how the club had developed inthe space of ve years, and very happy to meet again

some familiar faces I had played with years ago.

BANTER : Are you enjoying your rugby in Bangkok ?PATRICK :Certianly am. My only goal is to have goodtime with friends. There are a great bunch of guys in ourclub and obviously have a remarkable ability to know-how to enjoy themselves

BANTER : I cant help noticing you enjoy the social sideof the game ?PATRICK : Well, I suppose that this is just part of Rug-by. No?? Whatwould be rugbywithout beer,after games par-ties and endlessdebates? I onlywish there wassometime Ri-card and olivesor red wine andsaucisson at theRed & White.But what to do.And by the way Ihate golf balls!

BANTER :Whatare you otherinterests outsideof rugby?PATRICK :Bird watching,Shakespeare,knitting. Jokingof course.Besides pro-fessional activities, sport and family duties there is notmuch time left.

BANTER Thanks for you time. Appreciate itPATRICK : The pleasure was all mine.


16/34




Old Bangkok Banger Rugby Therapist

Nantida

I wonder if you can help me. My girl-friend of two years Pornthip, does notlike me playing rugby. I have taken heralong to a few games however, shedoes seem to be able to understand orwant to understand, or share the pas-sion I do for it.

She thinks I should be playing sedatesports, in her word, hi so sports likegolf or tennis. I guess she thinks, it

might help my career path. I have triedboth these sports and hate them with apassion.

It has become a bit of a hot potato andI almost have to sneak out of house togo to practise. Come game time, I justgo, knowing their is going to be issuewhen I get home with a few beers un-der the belt. Fortunately, I am not badat the jai yen yen and I just go to bedavoiding the conict.

I suppose we can I nish the relation-ship but we genuine seem to like eachother and get along on most other is-sues that couple are confronted with inthe 21stcentury.

Thought about send my query to thethat show on Discovery Channel TheDog Whisperer who seem to be expertat relationship building.

Thought better of this, hence my letterto you.

Look forward to your reply

Frustrated

Sawadee

I can understand your problem, as I had to deal with a few cases

similar to your over the last couple of years. In most cases, I haverecommended you terminate the relationship. Its just not worth it, ifneither side will compromise.

In your case, it is a little different, as you seem to get along on otheraspects of life. Heres what I think you should do.

Take her on a all expense paid holiday next year to New Zealand.

As you know, the Rugby World Cup is on in that country, so you timeyour holiday to take in six or seven games as you go around thecountry. Of course, you must pretend you didnt know the World Cupwas on as you make your way around the country.

My guess is, after six or seven games she will become interested in

proceedings and in the ambience and atmosphere of this interna-tional sporting festival.

You will also need to throw in some shopping time, as I am sure youknow Thai ladies loved to shop. I am not suggesting going a Canter-bury Sports Shop here. She probably going to want more than a pairof rugby socks to take back to Thailand.

If this holiday does not convince her, then I am going to have to rec-ommend you nip this relationship in the bud. Life is too short.

Hope this helpsNantida

NantidaI have played rugby in Bangkok now for three years now. CurrentlyI aged 26, play in the forwards as a loose head prop however, I nowsee and think I am playing out of position and believe I should be inthe backs playing inside centre.

I have all the attributes of a cunning inside centre, and read the gamewell however, I am unable to convince the coach to give a me shot.He thinks I should perfect my skills up front and forget about thecareer change.

What is you advice ?

Still Young Enough

This is tough one for me answer, without having seen you play. Ihave a strong feeling your coach is on the right track. The front rowclub around the world is special branch of rugby union.

You just dont go along and join. Its takes years of sweat and toil tolearn the prop forward body of knowledge.

My thoughts are, you have come this far so continue. Checking withfriends around scattered around the rugby playing world, they col-lectively cannot remember a player who ever successfully made thetransition.

Of course, as you get to the twilight of your career I suppose you canplay where you want. Normally by that time, it is the backs who wantto migrate to the forwards, as they have lost their magical skills.

Nantida




he last Banter included articles about games in Pattaya, Phuket and in the Thai Rugby Union Competition Icouldnt help wondering what my involvement would have been if I was still working in Bangkok. Would I

have graced the Pattaya tour? Might we have retained the Weasel Cup? Could the Ancients have made it ontothe paddock in Phuket? Would the Southerners have been beaten with a cameo appearance by yours truly?The answer is I would not have made any difference to the results but sure would have enjoyed myself.

On returning to England in April I had every intention of hanging up my boots as it is impossible to top being aBanger. Things though conspired against me and lifes stresses convinced me to play on.

What stresses? Well my on returning to England I bought a car and I had nothad the car longer than two weeks when I unknowingly donated diesel to anoth-er distressed vehicle owner. Not being able to remove the fuel cap the recipient

of my unknown generosity there would be no objections from me if they punc-tured the fuel tank to get the diesel they desperately needed to get home. Thepolice left me a handwritten note advising that my car had been damaged, there brigade had placed sand around the vehicle to soak up the diesel and that a

lack of evidence meant no further action would be taken but I may want to talkto my insurance company.

Given that I was now without a vehicle I got out the trusty push bike and withvisions of joining Bob, Jeff and Pete on their next trip to Phuket started to cycleto and from the station. That was until another person obviously in distressdecided that I could donate my bike to them. With stress levels rising and no

guilty person to vent my spleen at there was only one thing for it go back to rugby.

I started training with Wanstead RFC (who I rst played for 1987-2000) at the end of June. At the rst trainingsession everyone was new to me and could read the quizzical looks of who is this old bloke? I soon showedthem that looks can be deceptive and proved to be slower than I looked.

How things have changed since my last training session in England. Previously all the coaching was done inhouse by the players, usually the captain and a few beers afterwards. Now they have two rugby coaches persession, a tness coach and most recently a judo coach teaching us new ruck and maul techniques. The bit I

have not been able to get my head around is that the bar is not open after training.

Age has denitely caught up with me. The season has not started and Im out of action with a soccer injury hav-ing strained a calf on each of the last two times Ive been training. I will now be out for a couple of weeks so nodoubt the stress levels will build again but roll on the start of the season when I can have run out and after matchtipple. Christ Ill be glad when Ive had enough!

Stewart Gorman - London, Banger 2007 -10

T




Old Bangkok Bangers. Coach 2003 - 07

ve been reading gleefully through all the past is-sues of the Banter and realised how Banger xated

(sounds like a delusional psychotic state) we all can be.

So this edition I just thought Id simply share some hap-penings from my new adopted club in Cairo. Of coursemy delusional state does receive a boost from the verykind words the Cairo ladies have to say about their new

coach. Theres no shame in being a ladies man.Jeff, I am sure will translate for all those linguistically chal-lenged English.

Rejoignez Lquipe Fminine De Rugby DuCairo Rugby ClubVous tes novice ou exprimente, vous avez enviedapprendre manier le ballon ovale ou simplement devous (re) mettre en forme dans une ambiance conviviale,

alors nhsitez plus et venez nous rejoindre au Cairo Rugby Club.

Les entrainements se droulent lOlympic Stadium de Maadi (derrire le Grand Mall), les dimanches et mardis

soirs de 20h00 22h00. Au programme : chauffements et tness pour tous, garons etlles de lquipe. Puis,conseils personalises de notre entraineur M. Tom Kerr, un Irlandais exceptional, (oh combien talen-tueux et apprci de tous) qui nous initie ce sport o esprit dquipe, dpassement de soi-mme et bonnehumeur sont les matres mots.

Ct comptition, nous participons au tournoiannuel national 7, runissant trois quipes(luniversit amricaine (AUC), Alexandrieet nous-mmes), ou encore des tournois ltranger comme au Liban, Malte, Bangkok,etc. Ces matchs rcompensent nos efforts fournisaux entrainements et sur le terrain, lambiance

est toujours au rendez-vous et la journe se nitpar la traditionnelle 3me mitemps (pour M. Tomcest le plus important).

Le Rugby au Cairo Rugby Club, cest loccasionde faire du sport en plein air dans un cadre trsagrable, dvacuer le stress de la journe, derencontrer des gens de toutes nationalits etde tous horizons et de simmerger un peu plusdans la culture du pays, puisque plus de 50%des joueurs et joueuses sont gyptiens et Egyp-tiennes. Alors dbutantes ou expertes, petites ou

grandes, ds 15 ans venez nous rejoinder et participer cette aventure unique !

I




DREW BOURTONWhere were born ?Birmingham, England.

The name of your rst club ?

Old Saltleians RFC

Did you ever play rst grade rugby?

County Rugby for North Midland RFC was the highest.

What is your club nickname?

The Train.

Where do you call home?

Where the heart is

Five words that describe you?

Happy, horny, funny, chilled and a bit of a larriganWhats is a phrase you use often...?nung beer chang kap

Whats your favourite music?

Mr Clapton

What is the most surprising thing ever to happen to you ?I dont get surprised, Ive got emotional blocks.

Whats a common misperception people have of you ?

Im clever.

Whats your ideal night out ?.

Beer, weed and me.

In a nutshell, what is philosophy of life ?.

Live it dont ght it.

After a busy day what would be the perfect way to relax ?

Beer and a dooby mmmmm

What motivates you to be focused and driven?

Velle

Whats your favourite food?

Sausage and Mash with onion gravy hold the peas

What is your greatest talent or party trick ?

Singing Frank Sinatra (when Im pissed up)

Book you are currently reading or have just nished ?

Lee Child, 61 hours

Favourite TV programme ?UFC

Favourite Film ?

RockaRolla

Most enjoyable holiday location ?

Amsterdam (12 times)

Person you would most like to meet ?

Bob Dylan in his twenties

Sportsperson you admire most ?

Steve Nash (Phoenix Suns)

Hobbies ?Rugby, Basketball, Pool, Pissing off the missus.

Biggest inuence on career ?

Uncle Jim

Comedy or action ? Comedy

Books or lms? Depends if Im having a crap

Beer or spirits? BeerFast food or health eating? Health eating

Night in or night out? Night out

McDonalds, Pizza or street food? Street food

Bon Jovi or U2 ? You takin the piss?

Heineken or Singha ? Singer (with a chang in her hand)

Blonde or Brunette? AsianBest airline ? KLM

Politics ? Head ache

Religion ? Dangerous in the wrong hands

Sex ? Not on a sunday

Reality TV ? Wankers

Red Shirts ? Dont go with my complexionSoccer ?Still not a sport

Best career advice you were given ?Try fockin harder and hurry the fock up!

Other sports that you played ?

Basketball, pool, squash and football.

Best rugby memory ?

Mike Teague picking me up by the scruff of me collar at Bro-msgrove RFC when I was about 10 and Jonnys Drop-goalagainst the Aussies was alright!!!!

Rugby Player you admire most ?

That fockin frenchman from the Bangers.... Jeff!Rugby team you admire most: ?

Leicester Tigers

Sporting event you would most like to attend ?

Rugby World Cup Final in NZ . NZ to lose

Three people you would invite to dinner and why ?

Ricky Gervais, Novak Djoko and Eva Mendes

QUICK FIRE




Your gotta be impressed with the Wallabies duringthe recent Tri Nations games. Sure there are some

problems to x however, Ozzie Robbie is on to that.

There are front row issues and Matt Giteaus inabilityto kick conversions and penalties for starters. As Ihave always said, the Wallabies are work in progress.

You cannot say this years games were not entertain-ing. High scoring and the result never known until thelast minute. You watch the Wallabies next year in theWorld Cup, They will be a different team.

Our Kiwi cousins across the Tasman deserved the TriNations Cup. Some really great rugby throughout theseries. I keep wondering though, if the All Blacks arenot getting a little long in the tooth??

Super 15s next year with the Melbourne Rebels join-ing the fray. They have a great lineup with a mix ofinternational stars. I am still putting my money on theReds and the Waratahs to do well. In fact, I might goout on the limb and pick the Red to be in the nal mix.

Bring on 2011.

I see Sonny Boy Williamson is starting to play well inChristchurch. About bloody time. They paid enoughfor him. Heres what I think will happen. He will make

the All Blacks and will be spending a lot of time onthe bench . Mark my words. Who are they going todrop?

I watched the aerial ping pong Aussie Rules GrandFinal last week. Whata game. Score 68 - 68. Cantget any closer than that. One thing you observeabout this game, is how t these guys are.

Because of the draw, they have to go through thewhole thing again. That is, another game. There hasto be a better way. Why not keep playing???

I love my Union, but I always watch the RugbyLeague Grand Final. Its the St George Dragons vthe Sydney Roosters this weekend. Should be agreat game. Told my bookie to put some money onthe Roosters. Gotta go, See ya.

Bazza




remember the polite grilling I got from our illustrious editor for one ofmy items a couple of issues ago for not being Banger Relevant I thinkI will move in that direction.

About two or three weeks ago I was fronted by a couple of Brits as I wasleaving the Londoner after my usual Saturday lunch. These blokes seemedto know me, but I had no idea who from hell they were.

I thought I was in for a bit of trouble but one of the bigger boys asked me if Icould give a recipe for pork pies in the Banter. Sighing a huge sigh of relief Ipromised them that I would do it and made a hasty retreat. I wont call thembig scary gorillas, but fellas, here it is.!

Ingredients

3 cups plain our; 2 egg yolks; 125g chopped lard; Half cup of water; 600gboneless pork cubes; 4 rashers chopped bacon; 1medium chopped red on-ion; Half stick chopped celery; 1 tablespoon fresh thyme; 1 cup fresh bread-crumbs; 2 eggs lightly beaten.

Method1) Grease a deep round 17cm diameter spring form tin with melted butteror oil. Sift the our into a large bowl. Make a well in the centre and add egg

yolks. Cover the egg yolks with the our and set aside. Place the lard and

water in a small pan and stir over medium heat until the lard is melted. Bringto the boil and the quickly pour it over the our and eggs. Using a wooden

spoon, mix to a soft dough.

Use your hands to bring together into a rough ball. Turn out ontoa lightly oured surface and knead the dough for about 1 minuteuntil smooth. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

2) Place the pork, in batches, in a food processor. Process thepork until roughly chopped but not minced. Transfer to a largebowl. Add the bacon, onion, celery, thyme, breadcrumbs andegg. Mix until well combined and then cover and refrigerate.

3) Roll out two-thirds of the pastry, between 2 sheets of greaseproof paper, until big enough to line the base and side of the tin;

trim the edges and brush with some of the beaten egg. Spoonthe lling rmly into the tin and smooth the surface. Roll the re-maining pastry to a 20cm diameter circle. Cut a 2cm hole in thecentre of the pastry. Fit over the lling, trim the pastry and press

to seal the edges together. Refrigerate for 30 minutes. Preheatthe oven to 210 degrees C. Brush pie with the beaten egg. Bakefor 45 minutes, reduce oven temperature to 180 degrees C andcontinue to cook for 1 hour. Cover with foil if the pastry is brown-ing too much. Allow to cool in tin.

4) To make the Aspic: In a small pan combine half cup apple cider or water with chicken stock powder, sprinkleover 2 teaspoons gelatine and stir over low heat until the gelatine has dissolved. Pour aspic a little at a time intothe pie hole, allowing it to soak in between each addition. Cover the pie and refrigerate overnight. Remove fromthe tin and serve cold.

This recipe is not how mum used to make but its a great runner up. By the way guys, next time we bump into

each other, I would be keenly interested to know which one of you is going to carry out this culinary feat?ENJOY.

Geoff Mckenna - Banger Class of 2002

I




Banter : This is a rst for the Banter.We are interviewing wives of playersin a new column. We thought the wife

of the head coach would be a goodstart?Vesna: Thank you, Its an honor to bethe rst female to be interviewed.

Banter : You come from a well knownNorth Auckland sporting family. FranoBotica, the former great All Black pivotis your brother ?Vesna : Yes Frano is my brother,he played his rst test for the Baby

Blacks in 1986. He was one of the

rst All Blacks to leave Rugby Unionand play professional Rugby League.He played for Wigan and was verysuccessful. Frano was a dual interna-tional for NZ playing both rugby and

rugby league. Pete played a lot ofclub rugby with Frano, thats where Imet Pete.

Banter : We met your father a fewyears back when he was in Bangkok.He made quite an impression?Vesna: My dad loves to talk rugby

and found the Bangkok Bangers sucha good bunch of guys to have a few

beers and tell a few tales with.Every time I go home he asksafter everyone and I have to emailhim when you are playing and ifyou won.

Banter : How long have you beenin Bangkok now?Vesna : 4 years

Banter : What are some of thechallenges you faced moving to a

new country?Vesna: Making friends, ndingactivities to keep you busy, theheat, remembering not to compareyour new country to where youvecome from,

Banter : Do you enjoy the cosmo-politan life of Bangkok?Vesna: Yes I do, Bangkok has somuch to offer.

Banter : Some women have res-

ervations about moving to Bang-kok because of what they haveheard about the place. Did thatphase youVesna: I had not heard anythingto put me off coming here to live.Except for the heat. I would rec-ommend Bangkok to other womenif asked.

Banter : How are your Thai lan-guage skills coming along?

Vesna: I had lessons for a whileand just couldnt get my toungearound all those different sounds

and tones. I can get by with thelittle I have.Banter : It is said the westernwomen/spouse become invisiblein Thailand. They often have a lotof spare time on their hands andlife can all of sudden be unpre-dictable. Your thoughts?Vesna: I got involved with Austra-lia New Zealand Womens Groupas soon as I arrived and thereare so many things you can getinvolved with that I soon foundthe people and places to keepme busy. Im now President ofANZWG.

Banter : The cliche laden viewis that Bangkok is seedy and notthe ideal posting for a westernwomen.

Vesna: I try not to judge theseedy side of Bangkok as thereare always stories to go with howor when some of the people in-volved have ended up where theyare. I look on the positive side asa Westerner here and enjoy thethings that I wouldnt otherwiseget to do at home.

Banter : Describe your socializingstyle?

Vesna: Play hard and party hard.(not party so hard now that ittakes longer to recover the nextday)

Banter : What is favorite place tomet friends for a social drinkVesna: Soi 8 Pub ( if only theywould make it non smoking) orMonsoon Restaurant and Bar inSoi 8

Banter : And your favorite restau-rant ?Vesna: Too many to name. I justlove eating out in Bangkok.

I had not heard anything

to put me off coming here

to live. Except for the

heat. I would recommend

Bangkok to other women

if asked.Vesna Burgess




Banter : Name one place in town that everyone shouldcheck out at least once?Vesna: Lumpini Park either early morning or late after-noon.

Banter : What has been one your highlights this year?Vesna: Our eldest daughter Hannahs Graduation fromBangkok Patana School and the launch of the 18th Edition

of the ANZWG Bangkok Guide Book.Banter : Describe your favorite recreational activities here?Vesna: Can I list them all, Muay Thai, running, golf, watch-ing Bangkok Bangers play, gym, shopping, drinking wine,etc

Banter : Finally any advice to other expat women thinkingabout relocating here ?Vesna: Make the most of every opportunity when askedalong to something and you will nd people and places that

you will enjoy during your time in Bangkok.

Banter : Vesna. Thanks for your time. I must remember to

try out the Monsoon Restaurant.


26/34




have just nished watching the Womens World Rugby Cup 2010.

I really enjoyed it. I have seen a few games over time around theworld however it did not prepare me for the quality of the rugby duringthis recent World CupThe popular notion that womens rugby is only a pale imitation of themens version was lain to rest. Some will say that has been the case fora while, and they may have a point. But what has died a death is thebasic counter-argument: that women are simply not designed for rugby.

Womens rugby has not merelysmashed through the glass ceiling ofmale indifference but entered a wholenew stratosphere of concrete-limbedsuperwomen and another nail in thecofn of sexism

Take for example in the game be-tween Australia and England. TheEngland wing had impressively side

stepped the Australian fullback andhurling toward the try line.

Out of nowhere, came the coveringAustralian winger, a green and goldhuman missile without a handbrake.The subsequent collision would havemade Jerry Collins wince.

Tell Maggie Alphonsi, the talentedEnglish open side anker or the New

Zealand winger, Carla Hohepa who

scored more tries anyone else duringthe Cup and voted IRB Player of theyear.Most sports writers were impressedby the tness and technical skills on

display.As in tennis or golf, what it may lackin power they make up for it in termsof alertness and precision. The qual-ity recycling work and passing wassuperb by all sidesMost female players struggle to makeends meet in rugby, an amateur sport,

with many using up annual leave inorder to compete at the World Cup,

All that is set to changeever more radically thanksto rugby sevens accep-tance as an Olympic sport.Under IOC rules theremust be a womens eventin parallel with the men atthe 2016 Games

In England, they are doing

some thing about it.Premiership rugby hasa vision of the modernprototype English profes-sional club, boasting not just a Premiership mens team but a top-levelwomens equivalent and a sevens squad for both sexes. It would meanground facilities being used more often by a wider variety of people,watched by a broader range of consumers.

For the record, New Zealand won this World Cup against England 13

-10, for a fourth successive time, despite three sin binning during thecourse of the match. It was a nail biter

I




n the last Wall Of Knowledge column, mentionwas made of the dwindling number of punters atWall Street these days.It certainly was not the case a month ago when Aus-tralia played New Zealand in their second game for

the Bledisloe Cup.

Wall Street was packed to the gunnels. It was likethe glories days when Wall Street was the only showin town showing the Super 14s. Of course, all thathas changed and now all pubs and bars has copiedRick O Shea and have a legal or illegal sports feed

showing rugby and a host of the sports.On this particular afternoon however, come gametime, the weather turned sour and all of Bangkok lostthe satellite transmission because of the heavy cloudcover.

This did not phase Rick OShea the intrepid ghter

pilot cum publican. He worked his magic, pullingtogether his technical know how and knowledge ofsatellites, the internet and a range of other wont tellya skills, and managed to secure the signal and thegame.

Word quickly got around town that Wall Street hadthe match on. Punter streamed out of the sport barsalong on Sukhumvit and Silom Rd in droves andmade a beeline to Wall Street. It was standing roomonly ve minutes in to the rst half

Of course that also attracted the all the rugby-knowit-alls and Banger silvertails that had not been intoWall Street for some time, all trying to reclaim theirspot on the Wall Of Knowledge.

Some may have been disappointed. The puntersthat got their early, had no regard for their stature and were not going to move for these recalcitrant silvertails

and brow beaters.When Australia plays New Zealand in any sport, particularly rugby, the so called ANZAC alliance can quickly goout the door. This day was a good example. It not at all unusual during the course of a match, to see grown menof either nationality, raising their voices and insulting each other and the referee, using every sporting expletiveknown to man. To an outsider, this is an odd and strange ritual and the social dynamics is hard to explain.

At the end of the game, the differences are forgotten and it back to the serious art of drinking with your mates.

I

BEFORE TEST MATCH

DURING TEST MATCH


29/34




ClubhouseRick OShea

The Old Bangkok Bangers recently returned from theWorld Vintage Rugby Carnival in Cape Town South

Africa.Because of dwindling numbers before we left, we joinedforces with another club, Manly from Sydney. They werea great group of guys and our joint team became knownas the Bangkok Steamers.

We had three games during the week. The rst one

against the Busted Eagles/Battleship Old Boys waspretty tough. Unfortunately the rules were not adheredto which left many wondering what all biffo was about.The next two games were great, played in the spirit ofthe game. We became close to a team from Cape Town

called Yesterdays Heroes.They are mad on their rugby in South Africa and greathosts, looking after us at the golf during the week andthe endless BBQs. We hope they can make it to Bang-kok for the Bangkok International 10s plus other activi-ties we have planned for them.

Thanks to Brian Sinclair Thompson for the travel orga-nising and access to the business class lounges. Somemembers went early to watch the Springbox v Wallabygame. Another close affair.

We managed to lose Roger Fitzgeralds bag on the way

over and Andrew Chakrit McDowells on the way back.Not a great advertisement for Malaysian airlines, howev-er, their pricing was by far the lowest and of course therewas the VIP lounge passes.

Its a long way to back from Cape Town and can nowunderstand the jet lag suffered by the All Blacks and Wal-labies whenever they have to travel there.

On the home front, I see the Banger Vets won the inau-gural British Club Vinarco International Tens, beating theSoutherner Vets in the nal.

The Banger Colts followed that up a week later beating

the younger Southerners to regain the Soi 33 Cup. Greatstuff.

We still dont have the South African television feed. Andit seems the transmission might be out for some time.Lets hope there is a solution before the World Cup nextyear.

2011 is going to be a busy rugby year with the WorldCup and the expanded Super 15s. The sports writersare already talking up the Super 15s. The new Mel-bourne Rebels franchise have imported some real starsof the game. Pivot Danny Capriani from England and

former All Black Greg Somerville and Stirling Mortlockwere key signings

Thanks to all that supported Wall Street during 2010

H a p py H our A ll N ig ht

T


31/34




eople will tell you that a pint of beer is like havinga meal. Doctors have told me that. Educated

men and women. Clever folk. And so I decided tohave a little think about it.

Now, even though were all metric these days, ev-eryone still measures their height and their weightin Imperial units: feet, inches and pounds, so thatswhat well have to go with, especially since we mea-sure out our beer in the noblest Imperial measure ofall. The pint.

Your average pint of beer contains about 4% alcohol.It might be a bit more or a bit less, but for the sake ofdiscussion, thats what well call it. To put it anotherway, in order to consume a full pint of raw alcohol,youd have to swallow 25 pints of beer.

Over a week, that wouldnt be too hard, so lets sayyou drink three and a half pints a day, every day, and

at the end of theweek, youveconsumed yourfull pint of etha-nol. Now, a pintof water weighs20 ounces, butalcohol is about20% lighter thanwater. There-fore, after a weekof beer drinking,youve swal-lowed 16 ouncesof alcohol. Apound.

Mass can neitherbe created nor destroyed, and therefore consuminga pound of any substance can not make you a poundand a half heavier. At most it can add a pound toyour weight, provided every last bit of it is convertedto fat. Forget calories: your belly is not made of calo-ries. Its made of molecules, and those moleculeshave to come from somewhere, in this instance beer.

Every last bit of the alcohol, however, is not convert-ed to fat. Much of it is metabolized and eliminated.You piss it up against the wall. Now, after drinking

your 25 pints of beer during the week, youve con-sumed a pound of alcohol which at the absolutemaximum can add a pound to your weight.

In the same week, howmuch food did you swal-low?

Was it a pound? If so,youre in deep troublebecause youre starv-ing. Youre going todie very soon fromlack of nutrition.

The chances are,

provided youre notan obese super-sized burger-eatingtub of lard, thatyour daily mealsweighed at least apound each, andprobably more. Twopounds, perhaps.Maybe three.

For the sake of argument, lets assume that you eat nomore than two pounds of food a day. At the end of theweek, you have consumed fourteen pounds of mate-rial. Now I know that not all of that material has the po-tential to turn into fat, but this isnt a scientic treatise.

Im just trying to to work out how fattening beer is.

One way or the other, at the end of the week, you haveconsumed a pound of alcohol with the potential to adda theoretical maximum of one pound to your weight,and fourteen pounds of other substances, much ofwhich will be water. Lets exclude that. If we say itshalf of the total, you have still consumed solids with thepotential to add a maximum of seven pounds to your

weight.And this is why I think beer has a bad name. Every pintof beer you drink contains less than an ounce of alco-hol, not all of which will add to your weight, while everyburger you eat contains about four times the weight inpure fat, every bit of which is ready to enlarge that bellyof yours.

Now look. I dont claim to be a nutritionist, or a physi-cian, or anything special. Im just a guy who wondershow a beer can be as fattening as a full meal when youadd up the sums.

Tell me where Im wrong. Ill believe you.Maybe.

P




Well you see, Tates, its like this . said Jeff, aherd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowestbuffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slow-est and weakest ones at the back that are killedrst. This natural selection is good for the herd as

a whole, because the general speed and health ofthe whole group keeps improving by the regularkilling of the weakest members. In much the same

way, the human brain can only operate as fast asthe slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, exces-sive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally,it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells rst.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminatesthe weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster andmore efcient machine. And that, Tates, is why you

always feel smarter after a few beers.

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a ag-

pole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked themwhat they were doing.Paddy replied, Were supposed to be nding the

fookn height of this agpole, but we dont have a

fookn ladder.The blonde took out an adjustable spanner fromher bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the agpole

down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket,took a few measurements, and announced that itwas 18 feet 6 inches. Then she walked off.Mick said to Paddy, Isnt that just like a blonde! Weneed the fookn height and she gives us the fookn

length.

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldsh. I think its

got epilepsy he tells the vet.Vet takes a look and says It seems calm enough tome. Paddy says, I havent taken it out of the bowlyet.

THE BANGER THEORY OF INTELLIGENCE

THE BLONDE AND THE TWO IRISHMEN

GOLDFISHTHE JAR OF OLIVES

THE OBSTRETRICIANS WIFE

I dont care how long youve been teaching yoga, you take your hands away

from there NOW

At a big cocktail party, an obstetricians wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making over-tures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disap-

pear into a bedroom together.At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, Look, lady! My husband just deliversbabies, he doesnt INSTALL them!

A man went into a bar and ordered a succession ofMartinis. After each one, he removed the olive and putit into a jar. After two hours, the bartender felt com-pelled to ask: Why do you keep doing that? Be-cause, slurred the man, my wife sent me out for a jarof olives.


34/34

banger banter newsletter 4th quarter 2010

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