La Leche League GB mother-to-mother support for breastfeeding

Mar/Apr 2016 #212

Breastfeeding after cancer My premature baby Building a community of mothers

matters

breastfeeding

La Leche League GB

For breastfeeding support from pregnancy through to weaning call our

National Helpline

0845 120 2918

Websites www.laleche.org.uk

to find your local LLL contact or submit a Help Form

www.llli.org

La Leche League International for breastfeeding information

Editor: Helen Lloyd Co-Editor: Justine Fieth

Contributing Editor: Emma Gardner Graphic Design: Benaifer Bhandari Editorial Consultant: Ginny Eaton

Contributions Breastfeeding Matters is YOUR magazine, we always need your letters and stories. Photos need to be clear and good quality—please send high resolution digital

photos to the Editors at editor@laleche.org.uk

Personal views expressed here are not necessarily those of La Leche League. All submissions will be

acknowledged and are subject to editing. All articles published in Breastfeeding Matters become the

property of LLLGB. LLLGB does not endorse products advertised or other organisations mentioned in Breastfeeding Matters or

items included in the mailing.

© La Leche League Great Britain La Leche League Great Britain is a company limited by

guarantee registered in England Registered Office: 129a Middleton Boulevard, Wollaton Park,

Nottingham, NG8 1FW Company Number 01566925

Registered Charity Number 283771

Printed by Roy Nadin Print Limited on 80% recycled paper www.roynadinprint.co.uk

National Helpline 0845 120 2918

Photo courtesy of Lois Rowlands LLL West Sussex

inside… Mothers’ Stories Breastfeeding after cancer ...................................... 4 My premature baby .................................................. 8 Breastfeeding—the most useful parenting tool ........ 11 Building the community of mothers ......................... 14 Getting past the start ................................................ 26 In Every Issue Editor’s letter ............................................................ 3 Mothers on…tandem nursing .................................. 18 Meet a Leader ......................................................... 23 Letters ...................................................................... 25 LLL concepts—Mother and baby need to be together early and often....................................... 26 News and Events Becoming a Leader ................................................. 10 Become a member .................................................. 20 The Breastfeeding Festival ...................................... 22 League Family Camp .............................................. 27 How to get help from La Leche League GB ............ 30 New Leaders ........................................................... 30 LLLGB Shop ............................................................ 31

Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.

(One of the ten LLL philosophy statements)

Helen Lloyd is a Leader in Bath and is mum to Isaac (4) and Aneurin (1). Co-Editor Justine Fieth is a Leader in Cambridge and is mum to Josh (11) and Kezia (8).

Editor’s letter Today I have to start on a downward note. When we talk, in LLL meetings and in this magazine, about the work of LLL Leaders, we emphasise how great it is, how rewarding and joy -inducing it can be to work with mothers at such a special t ime in their l ives, and how this makes all the volunteering effort worth it. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel l ike that for me. Sometimes we have

group meetings where only one or two mothers come, then it ’s noisy and the babies cry and the children are bored and even the cake is stale, and no one seems to leave feeling uplifted. Sometimes I’ l l talk to a mother on the phone for an hour, I ’ l l feel we’ve really connected and hope I’ve been a great support to her, then she leaves and says she’ll definitely be in touch and keep me posted, but I never hear from her again. Sometimes – and I hate to shatter any il lusions – the prospect of sitt ing down to edit the magazine late on a Friday night, when everyone else in the world is having fun, makes me groan rather than leap to it. But being an LLL Leader, l ike being a mother, is a long game, and is one where you accept the hard bits because they’re part of the whole that you value. You can’t be a mother without t imes when your baby cries, t imes when your child exasperates you, t imes when you’re so exhausted you just want to lie staring at a wall in silence. And I’m sure most Leaders have had this sort of experience as volunteers too, experiences where they question why they’re putt ing so much of themselves into this sometimes painful adventure. It all comes out in the wash, though. This year, we in LLLGB celebrate our 45th anniversary, and in this issue as well as others this year, we’ll be looking back at how things have changed in that t ime, and which core values and experiences are just the same as ever. We’ll be sharing reflections from Leaders who have been with us for years, as well as taking the chance to look forward and ask what we want to keep doing for the next 45 years. That’s the big picture; in the meantime, the everyday continues, one mother and baby at a t ime. The big picture is made of a thousand small ones, and each nursing relationship is the most important to the people in it . I love it when we share mothers’ stories of how LLL has supported them in building these relationships, and it reminds me as a Leader that even on a wet Tuesday with an il l -judged piece of home baking, alone on my newly -and-pointlessly-vacuumed floor, we’re part of a huge, wonderful and enduring heritage. Helen

Join us to chat on Facebook at www.facebook.com/breastfeedinglllgb

Page 4 www.laleche.org.uk

Phot

os co

urte

sy o

f Mea

gan

Chee

k

Breastfeeding after cancerBreastfeeding after cancer

Meagan Cheek LLL Kent

Meagan found she had breast cancer when her first child was young. Here she tells us of her journey to recovery and how she

went on to breastfeed her second child.

My journey of the past few years starts in July 2012 when my husband and I found out I was pregnant with our second child. We had been trying to get pregnant for six months by then and it finally happened, so we were over the moon. Our world came crashing down, though, when I had a bad bleed at work one day, at seven weeks pregnant. I had a scan and they could not find a baby, but they could see something on my left tube; after more tests it came back that I had an ectopic pregnancy. The next thing I knew I was going into surgery and the doctor was telling me I would need to have one of my fallopian tubes removed, and possibly both. I reminded myself that at least I had my Charlie who at the time was three. When I woke up from the surgery I met with the doctor who told me the baby had attached itself onto my bowel. So sadly I was not pregnant any more, but at least I hadn’t lost any of my tubes.

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 5

The morning my life changed One morning I was putting my bra on and I felt a lump in my right breast. I thought it could be a clogged milk duct because my body had thought I was pregnant for so long. The next day I went to see my GP who wasn’t sure what it was but gave me antibiotics and arranged for me to go to the breast clinic at the hospital. They examined me, and sent me for a mammogram and a scan of my breast, which made the doctor say he also needed to do a biopsy. That's when I knew something was not right. I had a call two weeks later to come back to the hospital to go over my test results. I walked into a room, sat down and heard what no woman ever wants to hear, “I am sorry, you have breast cancer.” I was told that at 36 years old, I had stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. I was then told I would need to have my breast removed as soon as possible and would need to have chemotherapy. My husband and I walked back to the car and just sat there and cried: we didn't know what to do next. I now had to go home and tell my little boy his mom had cancer. In the end, I decided not to tell him I had cancer, just that I was now sick. He then said, “It's ok mom, I will just take care of you.” Let me tell you, throughout my cancer journey he kept to his word. He looked after me so well. He held my sick bowl when I was being sick and sometimes just sat with me and held my hand. A few weeks later I went into the hospital to start the fight of my life. It was a simple procedure, so I was only

in the

hospital for one night. I then needed to recover from my mastectomy as soon as possible so I could start chemotherapy. I was also told that this chemotherapy could affect my fertility so it would reduce the chances of me having another baby. After my first of six sessions of chemotherapy, I was very sick and just kept telling myself I needed to get this poison and silly cancer out of me. I was very thankful that on Christmas morning I started to feel a bit better, enough to lie on the floor with my son and husband and open presents. A week later I started to lose my hair so my husband and now four year old son shaved my head. I was going to take some control of this crazy situation. Then three weeks later I had to do it all over again for a total of six sessions of chemotherapy. I was hospitalised a few times because the sickness got so bad and my cell count got too low. I then finished chemotherapy and was told that next I needed to have 15 sessions of radiotherapy. That meant I had to go to the hospital every day and lie there half naked for ten minutes each time. Thankfully the radiotherapy didn’t make me sick, just really, really tired.

I was going to take some control of this crazy situation.

Page 6 www.laleche.org.uk

Go and live your life After this, I was told that my cancer treatment was over, “so go and live your life”. I felt so thankful that I could get back to normal. I could go back to work, I could be a mom again and finally be able to just be me again, a happy carefree woman. But what I wanted so badly was another baby. I was told we should wait two years post cancer treatment to even try to have another baby. Everyone just kept telling me just be thankful I had my Charlie, and I was. But I had this sadness and empty feeling in my heart. I had my two year check-up and was given the all-clear. I was told we could now try for a baby but that we shouldn’t be surprised if it took a year or even if I never got pregnant. So we were surprised when I was pregnant within the month! I was told I would need to have every test under the sun to make sure everything was okay.

When I was 28 weeks pregnant I found out I had gestational diabetes, so my baby was now growing at a very fast rate. Thankfully I felt well, but I needed to test my blood three times a day and not eat sugar. The testing blood was easy (I was used to needles by now with all my treatment) but the not eating sugar bit was very hard. But I was going to do anything I had to do to keep this baby healthy and alive. Kobe wants to come At 36 weeks pregnant, I was feeling very tired. I decided to go to bed a bit early, thinking I was just having some Braxton Hicks contractions, but they became more serious and in the middle of the night we set out for the hospital. We finally got to the hospital at 1am, by which time I really thought the baby might come out in the hallway of the hospital. As soon as I was in a room and had been checked out, with two big pushes I pushed my baby out. At 1:36 Kobe Dale Cheek was born very healthy and happy. I then put him to my breast and just cried. The baby I had wanted for so long was here! Then the question, would I be able to breastfeed him with only one breast? I hoped so, but knew I might not be able to as radiotherapy could have damaged my remaining breast. The midwife said I might as well try, so I put him to the breast and he fed! I then had some really good support from a friend who is a lactation consultant who said just put him to

The baby I had wanted for so long was here!

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 7

the breast at least every couple of hours for the first week and I would then be able to build up a really good milk supply. So I did it, even set an alarm at night for the first few days. Kobe was a really sleepy baby, perhaps because he came a month early, so at times it was really hard to wake him. A few weeks later I started to get pain in my breast but I just kept feeding. I got him checked out and found out that he had a tongue tie, which was snipped a week later. Luckily feeding could then continue as we had wanted. I then got mastitis when he was five months old. I quickly got some antibiotics and just kept feeding with my one breast. And two days later the extreme pain was over and we were back to normal. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing a woman can do but at times it can also be the hardest. Along the way I have had some really good support from some wonderful women. I started going to a LLL meeting in Folkestone, Kent. The leader Katy Lockey runs a lovely LLL Group, she has given me some great information and support. Kobe is now seven months old, he has started solids and I am also still breastfeeding him. I hope to be able to feed him for as long as my body will let me. Kobe is thriving and doing well. I have just had my three year check-up and I can say I am cancer free! I hope to stay that way for the rest of my life.

Page 8 www.laleche.org.uk

My premature babyMy premature baby

Helen Williams

Helen’s sons were both premature but her second struggled to latch at the beginning and she struggled with her milk supply. But

they worked their way through and were triumphantly still breastfeeding on his first birthday.

My second son was born 11 weeks premature and we have been on an incredible breastfeeding journey. For the first four weeks I expressed every three hours to get my milk supply established. It was hard going but I knew I wanted to do it for my baby. I had expressed so much milk I didn't have the capacity to store it so donated several litres of my expressed breastmilk to a lady who had had reconstructive surgery and struggled to make milk. When my son was two days old he had a tension pneumothorax and cardiac arrest and as he was 'worked on' for a long period of time the blood moved away from his vital organs so he was at high risk of contracting necrotising enterocolitis (NEC). He was only allowed to be on a drip for a few days, but once he was allowed to have milk it was vital he had breastmilk

as it was best for his gut and would help prevent him from contracting NEC. My first son had latched and fed with no problem at all despite also having been born six weeks early. My second son, although he was very determined to breastfeed, really struggled to get a good latch in any position and caused a lot of nipple damage. I had cracked and bleeding nipples, and vasospasm. I just thought it was because he was so small and premature but he also had a high arched palate. I knew despite all the challenges all I wanted to do was breastfeed him but my milk supply suffered as a result of the poor latches. I seemed to be permanently attached to him; if he wasn't feeding, he was crying and I couldn't understand why, when I was feeding him so often.

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 9

Firstly I couldn't carry my baby to full term and then I couldn't feed him properly.

I would position myself in bed, propped up with pillows in a position I could hold the baby easily for him to feed so I could have any rest possible. I tried nipple shields as a temporary measure but didn't know that it may be necessary to express as well to keep up the supply for him. So my milk supply suffered again. I was then told by the consultant paediatrician that if he wasn't topped up he would be admitted to hospital as a 'failure to thrive'. Those words killed me but I knew I had to do what was right for my son but also my family too. I felt useless as a mum. Firstly, I couldn't carry my baby to full term and then I couldn't feed him properly. I wanted to give up breastfeeding sometimes and then I thought that I'd come so far, I couldn't give up now. I was so stressed and tired, snapping at my first son and husband all the time. I had to take each feed at a time and see what I could do. I had to supplement my son’s feed with the stored breastmilk I had, and then when that finished I had to use some formula, probably one or two bottles each day. We only ended up having to

do this for about two weeks, but it took the pressure off. I expressed the other boob every time he fed, did loads of kangaroo care* and skin to skin. I took fenugreek tablets and pregnancy/feeding vitamins, drank loads of water, made sure I ate well, even had batches of lactation cookies made for me by family (I don't know if they worked but they tasted good!). It took a lot of determination but seeing him more relaxed and contented made me relax too. That helped my milk supply improve because I wasn't so stressed out. It wasn't long before my son was no longer needing the extra top ups and I was exclusively breastfeeding him again. I was so pleased. Our hard work and sheer determination paid off. He turned one in November and he's a complete ‘booby monster’ still but it's a much more pleasurable experience for both of us now. I intend on continuing to breastfeed him through the winter months as being a preemie he hasn't had the best start in life, so any immunity I can give him through breastfeeding him will help him. I also love breastfeeding him and am not ready to give it up quite yet. *Kangaroo care is a way of caring for a premature baby in which the baby is held in skin-to-skin contact with a parent, typically the mother, for as long as possible each day.

I knew despite all the challenges all I wanted to do was breastfeed him but my milk supply suffered as a result of the poor latches.

Human milk is the natural food for babies, uniquely meeting their changing needs.

(One of the ten LLL philosophy statements)

Page 10 www.laleche.org.uk

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 11

Photos courtesy of Helen Nailor

Breastfeeding Breastfeeding –– the most useful parenting toolthe most useful parenting tool

Helen Nailor

Helen says her story isn’t remarkable, but it is still full of small wonders.

My breastfeeding story is something I'm quietly very proud of, but I can't say it's anything remarkable. I had a baby and I breastfed, why wouldn't you? Everyone does, don't they? As it turns out, they don’t. Where to start? I knew I would breastfeed. It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't but I thought that it would only be for six months and then move to formula. I told my midwife I would also express so my husband could do night feeds. I wish she’d warned me that it wasn't a good idea, that it could confuse my baby, harm my supply and generally be detrimental to my breastfeeding relationship. So when Cleo came into the world in 2013, we were both clueless, but there was willingness to learn on both our parts. No one in the hospital helped me, but the baby seemed to know what she was doing so off we went. Then we went back home to the most painful two weeks of my life. There I was with a cluster feeding baby with red raw, blistered nipples and tears running down my face every time she latched. This wasn't how it was supposed to be! In hindsight I should have gone to a local breastfeeding group but I'm a ‘grit my teeth and

persevere alone’ kind of person so that's what I did. I spent hours on the internet learning about breastfeeding, what was normal, and how to make myself more comfortable. Like more and more women I turned to online support such as Facebook groups, and over the following weeks we turned a corner and everything fell into place. I no longer dreaded feeds and I began to enjoy them. I loved the milk drunk look on my little girl’s face and more importantly I learned just how fantastic breastmilk is. It goes in eyes and up noses and on sore bottoms, who knew! So I quickly adjusted my expectations and decided I would breastfeed until at least a year. This came and went all too quickly and by this time I knew I'd feed to at least two years old. I couldn't think of a single reason to stop. It was such a lovely way to reconnect after a long day at work or to settle my daughter quickly during the night or if she hurt herself. Breastfeeding is the most useful parenting tool I will ever have. I'm still feeding Cleo now, along with her six month old sister Rowan, whose arrival

…we were both clueless, but there was willingness to learn

on both our parts.

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 13

rocked Cleo's little world. I am convinced this was made easier for her by the fact we breastfeed and that the attachment and comfort remained a constant while our family dynamic changed and became very confusing for her for a while. Feeding Rowan was so much easier: I knew what I was doing so could help her learn. She had a tongue tie that we had snipped but this time I knew how to get the help we needed. If I thought I was grateful for breastfeeding before, I was more grateful than ever after baby number two because it allowed me to keep Cleo's life as normal as possible. Feeding in a sling on the go has helped me be able to go anywhere and do anything with her. Tandem feeding can be lots of fun. It's helped my children to bond, and the last six months has seen a move from Cleo stroking the baby while they nurse and holding her hand to the baby

being able to hold hands back again and then on to the baby pulling Cleo's beautiful curly hair and us all giggling too much to be able to feed properly. I'm so grateful that I stuck it out and for the love and support of my husband, who has helped me along the way and who received his own education in breastfeeding. Where we stop, no one knows.

Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need.

(One of the ten LLL philosophy statements)

If I thought I was grateful for breastfeeding before, I was more

grateful than ever after baby number two.

Page 14 www.laleche.org.uk

Building the community of mothersBuilding the community of mothers

Rachel O’Leary LLL Cambridge

Rachel, one of our longest-serving Leaders, looks back on her LLL experiences of the last 35 years.

Phot

os co

urte

sy o

f Rac

hel O

’Lea

ry

The letter welcoming me as a new Leader arrived soon after I gave birth to my second daughter. I was full of strength and optimism, ready to change the world. If the parenting culture changed, to fill babies with love and kindness and children with confidence and cheerfulness, then all the world’s problems would melt away in one generation. All we had to do was to get everybody breastfeeding, and everything would be fine. Maybe I wasn’t quite so naïve – but that was my general plan. That was 1980, a time of expansion for La Leche League in Great Britain. The Cambridge LLL group had scooped me up and showed me how to mother my first baby. I enjoyed the Leaders’ different styles in that group: the motherly one who got people together; the inspiring one who knew all the research; the organiser who was busy getting charity status for LLLGB. (We all wore long patchwork skirts from the market and sandals…. and

swapped lentil recipes… sorry, it’s all true!) Several of us from that group were accredited as Leaders and started new groups in small towns and villages across the county. (The same process was happening all over Britain, soon there were fifty Leaders and forty groups.) We met up every year at Spring Workshops. At one of these (I was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, and so was everybody else) I learned a skill that surprised me. “But if a mother rings up and asks where she can rent a breast-pump, why don’t we just give her that information?” I argued. The workshop leader smiled. “Next time that happens, try saying – Oh, so you’re concerned about getting more milk for your baby? Of course you can give her the information later, but just see what happens if you reflect back her feelings first, instead of answering the question straight away.”

Page 16 www.laleche.org.uk

I was amazed at the stories that came tumbling out when I gave mothers the chance to talk about their feelings, rather than jumping in and solving their problems for them. The conversations were richer and deeper, and the mothers were able to address what was really bothering them. “I have to leave my baby with grandma and go with my husband on his work trip!” or “I’m going back to work and I’m not sure about my babysitter…” “I’m not sure my baby’s latching on right…” I felt I could help more, by bringing out what was really going on for her and allowing her to chew it over and discuss various courses of action. We learned how to do this at meetings too. At one, a mother who was heavy with her pregnant bump talked about her helpless rage when her toddler would keep running away in the park, beside a busy road. The group listened well, giving her full attention, before we chipped in with many possible solutions. A couple of months later she came back with her

new baby and her (still energetic) toddler. “Oh that!” she laughed. “Once I’d had a chance to talk about it and realise how important it was to me, I figured out what to do…” (By now, we were all wearing leg-warmers.) I waited for the post each day, which brought mothers’ stories of their experiences to me, as editor of the LLL members’ magazine – the fore-runner of Breastfeeding Matters. (It was called LLLGB Newsletter.) Phone calls to and fro with the writer allowed me to draw out what was most important to her, what might be shortened, what to bring out. This was another way of listening to mothers and helping them connect with each other! Then came the slog of typing and doing the layout, using cow-gum and scissors, and letraset. (This all happened late at night after my daughters were asleep, although they contributed drawings to brighten the pages.)

LLLGB had become an Affiliate of La Leche League International, pioneering a new kind of organisation, independent but linked to the parent charity. In other parts of Europe, LLL was also growing: we discovered other countries were encountering the same challenges – setting up their own magazines, training Leaders, forging connections with health professionals, finding funds, supporting Leaders. And they had to translate everything! At an LLL Europe meeting in the Netherlands, I led a workshop on publications. A magazine editor from France, where LLL is strong, remarked that she hadn’t learned anything this time – but she realised that her role was to help the Leaders who were starting up magazines, along with all the other LLL services, in countries where LLL was new. Her honesty showed me another way we build connections between mothers: by sharing what we’ve learned. (Many of us were wearing striped tights and round glasses at that meeting.) There have been many times when mothers who come to LLL meetings don’t provide loving support for each other, and as a Leader my mouth may hang open and no words of wisdom be forthcoming, sometimes no words at all. Clashes can occur between LLL Leaders with strong views (even while they’re wearing identical clothing). I seem to have not achieved my goal of changing the parenting culture to one of unconditional love and kindness. But I’ve learned how LLL can build connections between mothers: by listening to each other, allowing ourselves to empathise, cheerfully acknowledging our failures, honouring and sharing our skills, and working hard at the boring stuff. (And it really doesn’t matter what you wear.)

Page 18 www.laleche.org.uk

We asked mothers for their experiences of breastfeeding more than one baby at a time.

Mothers on Mothers on …… tandem nursing

Morna - Nursing my toddlers through each new pregnancy felt completely natural to me. I had decided from early on that each child would let me know when they were ready to end our breastfeeding relationship. There were times when nursing would be more uncomfortable in pregnancy but knowing that my little one was reassured, calmed and encouraged to sleep through this intimate relationship, meant that we would continue on as we had started. Being able to comfort and meet the needs of both a baby and toddler is a wonderful feeling and a real joy to see them nursing together for a variety of different reasons. As each newborn has arrived I have enjoyed that my toddler can participate fully during the snuggly nursing sessions. I am about to embark on the next tandem feeding relationship with the arrival of our next baby. I have a huge sense of relief knowing that our newborn will be mothered through breastfeeding and that our toddler will continue on his journey too. Sarah - When it comes to tandem nursing, you go through the questions of pregnancy. To wean, to not wean? Will they wean themselves? Will you want to gently wean them as the milk flow slows? Do you read How weaning happens or Adventures in Tandem Nursing or do you see what happens? Then one day, you have two children feeding, and you're working out the dynamics of your newly expanded family. And then soon, you realise your babies are bigger and the questions change. The books have all run out. What do you do with a three year old when they nurse more than an 18 month old? How do you night wean one and not the other? How can they both feed with different boundaries? How do you wean the older one? The one thing to remember ... you are doing a great job. Whether you're getting an older child through the pain of the monster teeth, coping with a three week growth spurt, calming tantrums, comforting a bashed knee or feeding either or both all night, you're giving them both everything they need. You have needs too - and lying in bed feeding both of them and zoned out with a book isn't depriving them in any way. Also, you are not alone. It can feel it, tandem feeding older children, but there are people who are there or who have been there before and they can cheer you on. Feeding older children, and tandem feeding, comes with so many challenges and joys, just as any relationship does. You will make the right decisions for all three (or more!) of you. Emma - It's the best thing I've ever done. It's allowed my eldest to self-wean (when he does). I feel it's stopped some of the jealousy that might have been there.

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 19

Anna - I nursed through pregnancy despite severe aversion, nipple soreness and nausea. Neither I nor my two year old wanted to give up such a special relationship and I hoped that once the baby arrived, things would become easier and that it would make the transition to having a sibling easier for my first child. In reality I found nursing two very hard, with strong feelings of only wanting to feed the baby, and I finally weaned my toddler when the baby was six weeks old which was the last thing I had wanted as I feared he would feel that the baby had literally taken his place! In the end though it was a relief, as I think my negative feelings had confused things for both of us. Once I was clear, he accepted it, and this way we could at least move on, although I had great sadness too. It was an early and hard lesson in trying to balance meeting the needs of two children with also looking after myself. Kate - I'm tandeming, although I actually found it quite hard. I can share my thoughts but they aren't particularly positive. Now we are down to morning (and not always) for my eldest it's ok. He's never resented the baby or questioned why the baby can have 'bo' but not him, for which I love him even more dearly. I said we would stop nursing to sleep after Christmas and he's actually been fine with that. In fact, I love our snuggly story reading bedtimes now whereas previously I was so unconnected to him desperately trying to distract myself through the feed by playing games on my phone. In fact, that's how I got through most of his feeds while pregnant and since J was born. I became anxious when we were out that he would ask to feed alongside the baby. When the baby arrived he wanted to nurse all the time. The positive was that my milk came in very quickly post emergency C-section and my baby’s tongue tie didn't affect his feeding. But I was pinned to the sofa for hours and not by the newborn! Who knows, perhaps the transition for my little boy becoming a big brother would have been harder for him without nursing, but I believe sleeping with them both has done far more for their bond than tandem feeding. If I was lucky enough to have a third baby, I probably wouldn’t tandem feed if I could find a way to gently wean. However, each child is very different. My first baby would feed all the time, loves to comfort nurse, loves 'bo' more than anything. My second baby is totally different. He doesn't comfort feed, his feeds are quick and efficient, he's only seven months and he's much more interested in food and water than his brother was. So maybe he will wean naturally earlier anyway. I suppose I think it's so complex and different for everyone. My journey was obviously shaped by my little boy who loved breastfeeding as much as anyone could love anything and it solved everything for us. As a baby and toddler it made being his mum very easy and when all is said and done I couldn't imagine mothering a child without breastfeeding. Ruth - There are 20 months between my girls, and they are both long weaned now, but one thing that I remember incredibly clearly is how absolutely enormous my toddler's head became apparently overnight, when seen at the breast next to her sister's. Mirjam - Tandem nursing has been so beneficial to us. Lots of milk to go round for all meant the new arrival wasn't such a threat (actually in those early weeks l often

Page 20 www.laleche.org.uk

asked my toddler to help with my leaking breasts!). And although l sometimes felt incapacitated sitting on the sofa - which l would have done with just the one nursling anyway - at least l knew they were close, safe and getting nutritious food. I also loved the times when they were holding hands, looking at each other and inventing games at the breast together. Gisella - Tandem nursing really helped my daughter (who was 16 months old at the time) bond with her new little sister and not feel threatened by her arrival. Despite some initial technical and emotional difficulties, seeing my two girls hold each other’s hand when nursing would fill me with immense joy. Knowing that my body was nourishing not one, but two little people, was very empowering. And when our little boy joined the family less than two years later we had a chance to repeat that wonderful experience! Natalie - My experience was fairly mixed. I found it much harder than I thought it would be. I loved breastfeeding but during pregnancy (and for the first few weeks of tandem feeding), every time my elder child latched on I had an overwhelming feeling of needing to put him down and run away. It's difficult to explain the feeling but I have read about other tandem feeding mothers experiencing similar. Also it was entirely unsupported by medical professionals that I came across. After I had given birth the doctor came in to discharge me and said "I've spoken with your

B LLLGB!

The information and support that LLL Leaders offer are free of charge but getting the information to mothers costs money!

By becoming a member you help us to:-

operate our 24/7 National Helpline produce leaflets and information sheets prepare new Leaders start new groups

As a member you will receive this members' magazine Breastfeeding Matters

An annual membership cost only £30 for 12 months An annual membership cost only £30 for 12 months (£18 for an unwaged family)(£18 for an unwaged family)

Join online at www.laleche.org.uk/content/join-us

or ask your local LLL Leader for a membership form

husband about you stopping breastfeeding your elder one". I hadn't asked for her advice at all and certainly did not intend to stop breastfeeding him. They also sent a midwife to my room who was apparently the breastfeeding support person at the hospital. She told me some rubbish about how breastfeeding my eldest would mean I didn't make suitable milk for my baby. At that point I was a breastfeeding counsellor for the NCT and felt fairly confident in what I was doing so I told her she was talking rubbish and she stormed out muttering about me not listening to her. I could hear her outside my door talking about me. On the other hand, my son was born early (37 weeks officially, but I knew he was actually a week or two younger than this) and had problems feeding. For the first couple of weeks he wasn't coordinated enough to latch and feed correctly. I didn't have to worry about my supply because I was tandem feeding and eventually he managed to get the hang of it and breastfed successfully. Despite the problems that I had I would definitely tandem feed again though. Peggy - Tandem feeding, for us, meant a way of easing the three of us into life as a family of four. During pregnancy, my older daughter was close enough to me to really see and feel the differences in my body. When our baby was born, she could have that same closeness with me, and with her sister too. My husband could see our gentle way of growing and mimic that in his own way to reassure our eldest daughter of her important place in our family. During our year of tandem feeding, the girls were sometimes calm, sometimes playful and sometimes pushed each other away. But the constant was that their mum was there for them both. Mary - I found myself tandem feeding, as my eldest was just not ready to give up her milk when I got pregnant. The first thing I remember doing was reading Adventures in Tandem Nursing so I knew what I was in for. When the GP told me I'd need to stop nursing as I was pregnant, I knew that was wrong! L nursed regularly throughout my pregnancy, dry nursing for about a month around 7 months until the colostrum came in. She nursed during labour, which helped my stop/start labour keep going. Who needs artificial hormones, when you have the real thing? Then as soon as A was born and had her first feed, they both nursed together. For about the next year it seemed, that every time they nursed, it was at the same time. So L, then two and a half went back to feeding on a newborn schedule. And pretty much dropped the solids for a month, and piled the weight on. A had to learn to control the flow of milk rather than work for it. She never dropped below her birth weight, just went up from day one, as I was making colostrum in toddler quantities. I remember it being very tiring, but easier to nurse them both together, rather than try and nurse them separately. I got quite practiced at sitting on the sofa, with a toddler one side and a baby the other, reading them a book while nursing. We used to tandem feed out and about often too, I found all the tops I could that allowed me to do so fairly discreetly. Once they were a bit bigger, I would often have one in the sling, say on the bus, and the other would snuggle up and ask for milk. It was generally easier to just let them both nurse, rather than try and put them off. Bed times were when I most felt like a contortionist. With one latched on one side, with me curled round the toddler, and baby balanced on the other hip, lying on top of me, and latched on to nurse to sleep. Overall I found it a very positive experience, and I think it has helped minimise the sibling rivalry/competitiveness in our family, as well as boosting their health and immunity.

Ruth - I tandem fed twice. It was two completely different experiences. I do think bringing a new baby into a family creates changes for everyone however you choose to manage this transition. At times it was completely overwhelming. I suspect life might have been just as overwhelming but in a different way without the tandem feeding. Ali - I really wanted to tandem feed our son and his little sister when she arrived so continued nursing into my pregnancy. However, at around twelve weeks pregnant I started to have a terrible aversion to breastfeeding in addition to breast tenderness and nipple pain. After a few more weeks I think my milk began to dry up because C started to fuss more which in turn increased my discomfort. It's hard to describe the aversion but it made me feel quite mad, really angry and very painful. Sadly, I weaned him at 6 months pregnant as I couldn't keep going. It made me very upset and still does since I believe he would have benefitted from the closeness of tandem nursing with his sister. He wasn't very keen on her arrival and didn't like to be near her in the first months so refused to nurse after her birth when I had milk again. I tell myself it was how it was meant to be; evolution and my hormones put my baby's nutrition before my toddler’s comfort, but it was still a distressing time and I would love to have tandem fed our children. Sarah - I was quite apprehensive about breastfeeding through pregnancy but I got lots of reassurance and support from my local LLL Group. I decided to see how things went once the baby was born and ended up tandem feeding for 20 months until my eldest self-weaned. I think the ongoing comfort of nursing really helped my eldest adjust to the massive change to our family when my youngest was born. Tandem feeding was much easier than I expected and I'm glad I let my children lead the way.

TThe Breastfeeding Festival - now in its 7th year! Mayo Building,

Salford Royal Hospital Saturday 25th and Sunday 26th June 2016.

The Breastfeeding Festival is all about celebrating and promoting breastfeeding, aiming to increase breastfeeding rates and

duration, as well as to inform and empower. The festival, which started in Ulverston by 3 mums, works within the WHO

code and is completely self-funded, through ticket sales and local support in Bumps and Babies Sales.

Some of the speakers and topics we have confirmed so far include: Professor Helen Ball on Sleep Development

Dr Wendy Jones on Drugs in Breastmilk

Pamela Morrison IBCLC on Breastfeeding and HIV and on Faltering Growth in

Breastfed Infants

Mark Harris RM on Dads and Breastfeeding

Chrissy Chittenden on Lactation as a Feminist Issue

Dr Felicity Savage from WABA on World Breastfeeding Action

and Dr Amy Brown on Who Decides How we Feed Our Children.

The festival is a whole-family experience, with a range of stalls and activities to

entertain all ages, (soft play anyone?) alongside the talks in the main lecture theatre. More information can be found on

the website www.breastfeedingfestival.com or via the Breastfeeding Festival Facebook page. Tickets are available now via

Eventbrite, at £16 for both days, £11 for a single day. Twitter feed via @BFFestManc

(This is not an LLL event but we are pleased to promote it.)

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 23

Tell us about you, your family, and which LLL group you're involved with. I'm Rae, I'm 40 (and in denial) and married to Peter. I'm mum to Henry (7), Zachary (5) and Gideon (3). I'm step-mum to Eve (19) and Vivienne (16). My youngest son has Prader-Willi Syndrome so I've recently given up work to be a full time Carer. Before that I worked full time in education business management. I've been an LLL Leader for almost two years and work with a fantastic group of Leaders in Tyne and Wear. I live in Whitley Bay, just ten minutes walk from the beach. I've breastfed all three of my boys and have faced various challenges along the way from unresolved painful feeding to tandem feeding and exclusive expressing. What was your first involvement with LLL? My first involvement with LLL was when my oldest was born and I was in lots of pain feeding him. I attended meetings in Newcastle and Sunderland. At my first meeting my husband dropped me and the baby at the meeting and then went on to the supermarket to buy formula. While the meeting didn't give any magic answers (unfortunately!) we never used the formula. I trained as a peer supporter under the old LLL scheme whilst on maternity leave with Henry. What made you decide to become a Leader? I was approached by one of the Leaders to ask if I'd like to become a Leader. It was something I'd considered but had not had the confidence to pursue. It made perfect sense to me as the next step and to support LLL further. What's a typical meeting of your group like? Our meetings are often busy! We can have in excess of 20 mums, many looking for one to one support. We are extremely lucky that we have a real mix of mums willing

Meet a Leader Meet a Leader Each issue we talk to a Leader, asking them about their involvement with LLL. This issue we talk to Rae Vacher Lowe LLL Tyne and Wear.

Photos courtesy of Rae Vacher Lowe

Page 24 www.laleche.org.uk

to share experience and offer mother to mother support. It's great that we are able to see mums grow in their mothering journey through subsequent children and to share experiences as they go. Is there anything LLL does, or could do, beyond your group that you'd like to tell the world about? LLL Tyne and Wear has an amazing Facebook group. In fact we have more than one! We have the main group, a toddler group and a twins’ group. It's absolutely amazing to see mums supporting mums. For me, this is really what LLL is all about. As a Leader I can facilitate and provide information but seeing mums support each other and share information is amazing. I love seeing mums grow in confidence. If you had a friend with a new baby, what would you take as a gift on your first visit? As a radical departure from previous responses I always take Dr Sears' Baby Book. It covers so much (including LLL and breastfeeding) but also presents an approach to parenting that is different to many mainstream ideas. It covers birth and sleeping and eating and slings. It's a great one stop shop for the first years. What would you say is the biggest benefit of LLL membership? The work LLL does is invaluable. As a charity the ONLY way we survive is through donations and membership. As a Leader I work as a volunteer but I wouldn't be able to do so if LLL didn't exist. LLL membership supports mothering through breastfeeding: part of a global community of mothers, providing correct information, support and LLLove

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 25

Letters... breastfeeding

editor@laleche.org.uk

Dear Editor My husband took our nearly-two-year-old Imogen to the British Museum this week. She enjoyed the Museum but was a little confused by some of the exhibits. Imogen, pointing at a statue of a torso: "Mummy milk! But no head. And no arms. Where's its head?" Daddy: "It's fallen off!" Imogen: "Fallen off! Where's her head?" Daddy: "It probably fell off a long time ago." Imogen, sadly: "No head. No mummy milk".

Beth Freeman

Page 26 www.laleche.org.uk

Getting past the startGetting past the start

Victoria Boocock

Victoria and her daughter had a tough start to breastfeeding but worked their way through starting and stopping with nipple

shields, and a tongue tie, to keep going through to toddlerhood and experience the full joys of a relaxing, happy nursing

relationship.

My little girl was born in October 2014 via a natural, yet induced, birth. I did not recover well mentally and to add to my postnatal low, she just could not latch onto me. For various reasons, she was not fed for around seven hours after her birth and after three days of us both trying our hardest, she was back in hospital under the tanning lamps with jaundice because she just couldn’t feed from me. I expressed, slept and fed her from a cup on a three-hourly rotation, managing an ounce at a time and topping her up with an ounce of ready-made formula provided by the children's ward. It wasn’t until she was ten days old with the “out of the box” suggestion of nipple shields from a brilliant midwife at the hospital that my daughter first latched on to my breast. This was the key to us starting our breastfeeding journey in earnest. I cried it was so wonderful. I knew though that it wasn’t a long term solution – my first baby group foray proved to me that I couldn’t use them in public; it was just too embarrassing to have a screaming hungry baby drawing attention to me whilst I had to use both hands to attach the shield to a fully exposed breast. Having sought out and consulted with a lactation specialist who gave me the confidence to wean my daughter off the shields, we set out to go the distance with breastfeeding; six months was my goal. Oh, but the pain. I experienced compressed “lipstick” nipples and the sensation was unbearable; the reason was tongue tie. Having previously had this concept dismissed, we finally got her

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 27

diagnosed and treated at five weeks. From six weeks, it was the beginning of the end of the pain. And it took until she got to seven months old for me to realise we were “still” breastfeeding, with no signs or intention of stopping. At almost 15 months old and now regularly taking milk from a bottle too, I can say that cradling a hungry baby and latching them from the comfort of your own bed is infinitely preferable to having to get up and go down to the

fridge at all hours! My health visitor told me she had never met anyone who had tried as hard as I did to breastfeed. That was all the motivation I needed on bad days (nights). Mummy milk is more for comfort now: to soothe her if she’s upset or if she just wants to snuggle up for a snooze. I experienced some new emotions as she dropped the feeds when I introduced overnight bottles but whether that was because my oxytocin levels had dipped or I was just proud to have made it this far, I’ll never know for sure. The mantra “never quit on a bad day” got me through the toughest nights to face another day. And the rewards were plentiful once we found our rhythm.

……it took until she got to seven months old for me to realise we were “still” breastfeeding.

…“never quit on a bad day”…

League Family Camp (LFC) 2016

LFC is open to all LLL members and their families This year is the 20th anniversary of LFC and every year has seen new families come along. The emphasis at camp is open-mindedness, mutual support, relaxation and fun! As well as sharing the experience of outdoor life (and the weather!) LFC offers the opportunity for campers to discuss a wide variety of issues including breastfeeding, family relationships, education and more. John’s Lee Wood in Leicestershire Wednesday 8th June – Friday 17th June 2016 Wednesday 3nd August – Friday 12th August 2016 Further information/To book; Denise Prior 0208 220 4993, robert_and_denise@hotmail.com or Rhiannon Carmichael 01633 892505 rhiannoncarmichael@yahoo.co.uk Places are limited. LFC is a camping club for LLL members. You need to be a current member of LLLGB at the time of paying. Payment secures your booking. LFC is not legally affiliated to LLL and discussions at camps may not always reflect LLL’s views The site is in a large woodland area with the following facilities: • Toilet and shower block within easy walking distance • Small kitchen • Cabin for craft and wet weather activities • Open fires • Sport activities on site: archery, climbing, abseiling • Plenty to do in the local area

Page 28 www.laleche.org.uk

You may be aware that there are ten concepts underlying what LLL does. As Leaders we sign up to these, and they help to shape our responses, the way we run meetings, and the type of information that we provide. This issue, we look more closely at “Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply.”

What does this concept mean? Study after study shows that the intricate play between hormone production and milk supply is determined by the affect the baby has on the mother. La Leche League understood this delicate inter-play for years before any studies came out. One just has to experience with awareness the ‘let-down’ in our breasts when we look at our baby or hear her making noises (and sometimes for that to happen with someone else’s baby too!) to know that a biological process is taking place which is primal and essential. Therefore, mother and baby being together early and often after birth is the optimum way for the mother to produce an adequate milk supply. LLL believes that everything possible should be done to protect the unit of mother and baby in those crucial early hours, days and weeks.

Mother and baby need to be together Mother and baby need to be together

early and oftenearly and often... A series discussing the LLL philosophy concepts.

Photo courtesy of Lena Knowles

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 29

What does this concept NOT mean? Each birth for every mother is a unique experience. Many will be joyful with an abundance of physical connection between mother and baby. Some will be occasions when mother and baby being together early is just too challenging. This does not automatically mean that the mother will not have an adequate milk supply. It means that understanding the important interplay between mother/baby being together and milk production, can help the mother establish breastfeeding by being creative in finding ways to allow the baby to influence milk production. For example, mothers with babies who cannot be picked up may be able to express milk by being very close to their babies, or with a photo to look at, or use the fragrance from an item of the baby’s clothing. Likewise, the baby’s interest in breastfeeding may be piqued or kept going by the fragrance of the mother being kept close. I think I get this, but it is those around me who might not understand. What do I do? It is unfortunately true that not everyone understands the delicate balance between a mother and baby being together early and often and milk supply. However, we have a lot of information available for you to share with those you love who may be around at the time of birth and also with your health professionals. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding has an entire chapter dedicated to birth, with lots of ideas of how to build up milk supply in those tender first hours and days after birth. All our resources are evidence based and highly valued by breastfeeding professionals around the world. So even before birth, consider gathering the information you may need by contacting your local LLL Leader. She will be thrilled to help you in any way possible to ensure that the brand new unit of love made up of you and your baby, is kept together as closely as possible for the best opportunity for an abundant milk supply. Benaifer Bhandari

All our resources are evidence based and highly valued by breastfeeding professionals

around the world.

Reading recommendations Our own The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding has a whole chapter on birth and specifically the physiology behind mother and baby being together as soon after birth as possible. From the LLLGB Shop we have the leaflet Birth and Breastfeeding which has excellent sections on those important first 24 hours as well as the first few days.

How to get help from La Leche League GB

Our Helpline might be our best known contact point. Call us on 0845 120 2918, any time at all. Your call will be taken by a La Leche League Leader – an accredited breastfeeding counsellor – in her own home. This means it can sometimes take a while to get through to someone so please don’t be disheartened. It might be a good idea to try again at a different time of day (meal times are quite often fraught, as many of us have young children!). If you want individual help but you find it hard to get to the phone, you could try an Online Help Request. These can be accessed at www.laleche.org.uk/content/submitting-help-request (which also has helpful links to other information). If you fill in as much information as you can about your query, someone will be in touch. You might find the answers to your questions on our websites www.laleche.org.uk or on one of the fantastic information sheets we sell in our shop www.lllgbbooks.co.uk Or if you’d like a longer read, the La Leche League book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, also available from our shop, contains a huge amount of information in a very friendly format, covering all ages and stages from pregnancy through to weaning. If what you really want is the mother-to-mother support that we’re known for, you’ll always find it at your local LLL group – find it at www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-group (and watch these pages for information about new groups being started). This page can also help you to find details of any Leaders local to you who you could call for a chat.

For keen Facebook users our LLLGB because Breastfeeding Matters page shares interesting links and articles, and we’ll repost your queries if you send them to us there, so that other mothers can comment too. You can follow us on Twitter @LLLGB – here, again, we share interesting links and snippets.

Finally, of course, you always have this magazine. Please email us on editor@laleche.org.uk if you have ideas for content, or write us a letter for publication, or consider sharing your story with our readers, or submit a question for our mother to mother page: the possibilities are endless!

LLLGB is proud to announce and welcome our most recent Leaders: Sara Elphinstone-Hoadley—LLL Oxford Carolina Bugueno—LLL Wimbledon Helen Marriott—LLL Halesowen and Stourbridge Vanessa Olorenshaw—LLL Kent, Sevenoaks Anna Patey—LLL Folkestone Laura England—LLL Kent

Helpline 0845 120 2918 Page 31

Shopping with LLLGB Books makes a difference.

Choosing to buy your breastfeeding and parenting books from our LLLGB Shop directly helps other

mothers and babies.

All our profits go to support LLLGB’s charitable work. It’s money well spent!

For our full range of information leaflets and books

on breastfeeding and parenting, visit:

lllgbbooks.co.uk

LLL Books Ltd, P O Box 29, West Bridgford, Nottingham, NG2 7NP Company No 1566925 Registered Charity No 283771

make a difference ... Photo Lois Rowlands

La Leche League PhilosophyLa Leche League Philosophy

The basic philosophy of La Leche League is summarised in the following statements:

Mothering through breastfeeding is the most natural and effective way of understanding and satisfying the needs of the baby. Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply. In the early years the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food. Human milk is the natural food for babies, uniquely meeting their changing needs. For the healthy, full-term baby, breastmilk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth. Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need. Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start. Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy. Good nutrition means eating a well-balanced and varied diet of foods in as close to their natural state as possible. From infancy on, children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings.

The ideals and principles of mothering which are the foundation of LLL International beliefs are further developed in

THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING 8th Edition

www.lllgbbooks.co.uk