Yule Play Script 2k15 ftw #bants

Musical VikingsCome on, babe, why don't we raid a town?And all that jazzYou want some booty and jewelsCome on let's break the rulesAnd all that jazzMeet at the boatI know the perfect spotWith some serious lootAnd men who can't defend squatIt's just the perfect wayTo waste an idle dayAnd all that jazz

And all that jazzAnd all that jazz

(Stage fight against the English?)(Viking: don't you just LOVE raiding?)

Find a mapAnd pick a place - you choose!And all that jazzI hear the English kingHas got a lot to loseAnd all that jazzHold on, honWe're gonna loot the lotI bet we'll be back homeBefore they know what we've gotBecause we're Vikings, babeAnd what we do is raid

And all that jazz

Grab your swordAnd we'll depart at onceAnd all that jazz

Overseas there is some real good lootAnd all that jazz

Come on babeMan up and don't be shyI'll find some pretty broochesTo bring out your eyesBecause across the seaI know there's lots to plunderAnd all that jazz

Oh, we're gonna see the English cowards shakeAnd all that jazzOh, they're gonna trembleAs their stuff we takeAnd all that jazz

Show me where you wanna plunderOh, our victims (are) gonna wonderWhat they did to incur our wrathAnd all that jazzAll that jazz

Oh, you know I'm rightAnd, oh, we'll raid tonightAnd all that jazz!That jazz

A Long Essay[A supervisor sits at a desk, and a young man enters]Supervisor: Ah, Mr Tolkien have a seat. I’ve something to discuss with you regarding your supervision essay…[he sits]Tolkien: Is it the word count, Sir? I’m aware I’m a little over at the moment.Supervisor: No no, it’s—Tolkien: Or the seventh section? I’m not sure if it’s entirely relevant…Supervisor: No, no, nothing of the sort, it’s that—Tolkien: Or the lack of references? I haven’t put any in yet, but I intend to.Supervisor: I’m glad to hear it but—Tolkien: Or the prose style, Sir? I know it’s a little meandering.Supervisor: The prose? Not at all-Tolkien: Or the expanse of influence from outlying historical figures--Supervisor: MR TOLKIEN! It is not any of those things. My question for you is this:[He pulls out a book and bangs it on the table]Supervisor: Why didn’t they just fly to Mordor on the bloody eagles?!

The Pictish King List

Presenter: And now back to the Clemoes Reading Prize. Due to popular demand, mostly by Ruby and Hanna, a dramatic reading of the Pictish king list!(Unroll huge scroll around audience, pause for horror. Ruby & Hanna move to scroll centre.)

Hanna: Cruidne the son of Cinge, father of the Picts living in this island, ruled for 100 years. He had 8 sons. These are their names: Fib, Fidach, Floclaid, Fortrenn, Got, Ce, Circinn and Leslie. Leslie is not often remembered… Until now.

Ruby: From Cénel Lesli…Leisle, must remember the genitive lenition, whose power base lies in the Isle of Cronesey, between Lewis and Harris, we derive the age of the Brude’s. Thirty Brude’s are attested in the alternative king list found in a skip off the M2 near Glasgow. Brude bont, from whom 30 Brudes ruled Ireland and Albany for the space of 150 years.Here are their names. Ish.

Hanna: Brude pant.Ruby: Brude the pantless. I mean, Brude urpant.Hanna: Brude fet.Ruby: Brude the Bobba Fet.Hanna: Brude ru.Ruby: Brude the Ruby. I mean, Brude eru.Hanna: Brude the Cheese.Ruby: Brie-de the Cheese (Miss a high-five.)Hanna: Brude the red.Ruby: Brude the blue.Hanna: Brude the old.Ruby: Brude the new.Hanna: Brude the [insert audience member name].Ruby: Brude the [insert audience member name].

Hanna: Brude the have you seen [insert previous audience member’s name]’s shoes?

Ruby: Brude the I have, aren’t they Brude the vile?

Hanna: Brude the terrible, I quite agree.

Ruby: Brude the I have seen all I need to see.

Hanna: Brude the had your fill?

Ruby: Brude the Philip.

Hanna: Brude the I’m done.

Ruby: Brude the Dunshea.

Alcuin – Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightHalf past twelveAnd I'm thinking of ArnoIn my cell all aloneHow I wish that I could spend my time with himMany lettersI write to him dailyTell him how much I miss himBut does he miss me as much as I miss him?Is there a soul out there?Someone to hear my prayer?Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightHabakuk please help me send me there right away!Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightI need to cuddle Arno and I have lots to sayBishop ArnoHas fingers and toes, that I so want to kissHow could there be anything wrong about this?O mea cellaI love you so dearly but when I'm asleep at nightArno is the only vision in my sight

Is there a soul out there?Someone to hear my prayer?Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightHabakuk please help me send me there right away!Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightI need to cuddle Arno and I have lots to sayGimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightGimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightIs there a soul out there?Someone to hear my prayer?Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightHabakuk please help me send me there right away!Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightI need to cuddle Arno and I have lots to sayGimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightHabakuk please help me send me there right away!Gimme gimme gimme Arno after midnightI need to cuddle Arno and I have lots to say

ASNaC Baby Name Book

(Grendel’s mum and Cain enter. Grendel’s mum is with child [eg. Grendel])

Cain: We could give it an ASNaC name. Look, here’s a baby name book I picked up at a charity shop.

Grendel’s mum: I suppose we should keep an open mind. What’s Norse section say, Cain dear?

Cain: Well, they list them alphabetically. There’s Harald.

G’s mum: Ohhh, I’m not so keen. What’s next?

Cain: Umm, Harald.

G’s mum: What?

Cain: Yeah, it’s got a few pages of Haralds.

G’s mum: Does it have Olaf? You know, the name of our lovely neighbour down the road? And the milkman. And that rather unsavoury chap who is working for our other neighbour Olaf, Olaf. And the name of that Irishman who’s retired to the village, what’s his name? Oh yes, that’s right, Mr O’Laff?

Cain: It is here, but Olaf is a bit common. What about Sven? There’s only nine pages of Sven.

G’s mum: Maybe not the Norse section. What names are under the Irish section?

Cain: Donnchad?

G’s mum: Gesundheit.Cain: Okayyy. How about Muirchertach?

G’s mum: Oh, the other kids would make fun of him!

(Brian [with a name badge] strides into the background. Cain sees this and points him out).

Cain: True that. How about Brian. We could nickname him Brian Boru?

G’s mum: (Having not seen Brian in the background) Cain, don’t be ridiculous! Are you trying to wish our child into oblivion? No one worthwhile is ever called ‘Brian’!

(Brian runs off stage in tears).

G’s mum: What has Wales got to say for itself?

Cain: Llewellyn?

G’s mum: You just spat in my eye. So no.

Cain: You mustn’t be so derogatory about other languages, darling.

G’s mum: I know, Cain, I’m sorry. It’s just I’m quite hormonal with this little monster inside me.

(Roaring side effect)Cain: What’s left then? Oh, I suppose we could look at England. Bit desperate but let’s see what there is!… Æthelbald?

G’s mum: Oh, that’s a bit obscure. What about one of the Brittonic Rheged names? Like Urien?

Cain: You didn’t want to call him Brian because it was glorious enough of a namesake, but you want to call him Urine? King of a country that doesn’t even exist anymore?

G’s mum: I’m told Bridei is quite an illustrious name in Pictland.

Cain: No, I’m not too fond. How about going across the Spine of Britain to Dál Riata? Leslie?

G’s mum: Leslie? I have never heard of that before.

Cain: You’ve never heard of the Cénel Leisle of Cronesey? Dear, you must read the Daily Pictogram more frequently. (someone appears with Pictogram [whatever that may be])

G’s mum: Okay, back to England then I suppose. How about Alfred? As in Alfred the Great?

Cain: He’s hardly going to be great, dear, he’s descended from me…We could name him after me, Cain!

G’s mum: Or we could name him after me, Grendel’s mum!

Saintly Pop Songs

Let the holy prophets speak for me now, as they did formerly – they who stood forth as the mouth of God, the instrument of the Holy Spirit.

ON MARRIAGE:What shall I say of Avril, the first of the prophets? She began her prophecy by saying: Hey hey you you I do not like your girlfriend. And now with equal attention listen to she who, before she was formed in the womb, was foreknown, was sanctified and appointed a prophet among all nations also – listen, I say, to Beyoncé. She begins her utterances in this manner: All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, put your hands up. And again she says: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. See also how Holy Carly also cries out, saying: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here is my number, so call me maybe. What also of the perils that lie in store for our future? For indeed it is often said: I have been to the year 3000. Not much has changed but they live underwater. And your great-great-great-granddaughter is pretty fine.

However beware too the trials of such earthly matrimony, as it is said: Now you are just somebody that I used to know. Many times did the righteous prophet Adele speak, saying I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face. Hear besides the words God spoke through his faithful servant Ke$ha: I am going down, I am yelling timber. Listen also to what other famous prophets, the wonderful seers of the four beasts of the gospels, have said of such suffering: Tragedy, when the feeling is gone and you cannot go on.

The prophets also speak of earthly temptation, sins of the flesh, saying: Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? Indeed, who am I? And even such holy saints as these are not immune to such base and wretched desires, as they say: Oops, I did it again. Even the great prophet Will.i.am speaks thusly: I like to move it move it. And indeed it is said: Let me entertain you. For these desires are a curse from Hell, and so spoke the blessed prophet Mark of such damnation: I am too hot, hot damn.

But let us turn from this. For marriage may be pure in the eyes of the Lord and fall not to temptation but burn with holy love for Him. The prophet Shakira speaks of purity of heart, saying: My hips do not lie. Indeed the holy Village People began their prophecy thus: Young man, there is no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself up off the ground. And it is often said that: Buddy you are a boy make a big noise playing in the street going to be a big man some day. You got mud on your face you big disgrace, kicking your can all over your place, Evermore praising thee and singing we will, we will rock you. And thus it was prophesied that those righteous in the eyes of the Lord will experience great bliss on the Day of Judgement, whereupon it will be said: Everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah, everybody, yeah, backstreet is back, alright. Indeed, from the minute we arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun, there’s more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done.

Such holy matrimony brings spiritual joy to those that walk the path of the righteous. The prophets often speak of such joy, saying: Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof, cause I am happy. The holy saint Macklemore also speaks of a love and joy which knows no bounds, saying: So we put our hands up like the ceiling cannot hold us. Or of a love that stretches to the heavens, it is said: I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying AYO! Got to let go! The

blessed Katy also speaks thus: Baby, you are a firework. It is also said that righteous love should engulf the world: We are young, so let us set the world on fire. Hear also what the blessed prophet Gaga says of love: Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! For these are the words of the Lord.

Gildas needs to chill out

Gildas: This is dedicated to five tyrants. You all know who you are (points at them).(NB Backup singers/dancers doing their thing. Five of them (i.e. the five tyrant kings), lots of eye-rolling at Gildas)

Where've all the good kings goneMen who believed in God?Who will read my polemic (brandishes book)And reverse Britain's fall?Isn't there one good kingAmongst the tyrant five? (backup dancers exchange glances)Late at night I toss and I turn and I pray there's one alive...I need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king til the end of my lifeHe's gotta be strong And he's gotta love God And he's gotta for our nation fightI need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king to restore Britain's mightHe's gotta be goodAnd he's gotta come soonDid I mention he's gotta love God?(Gotta love God) Sometime after Rome leftMaggot Scots and Celts arrivedThis is the apocalypseCan our nation survive?God has been abandoned, by our people, priests, and kingsIt's gonna take a miracle to restore your faith in GodI need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king til the end of my lifeHe's gotta be strong And he's gotta love God And he's gotta for our nation fightI need a good king

I'm holding out for a good king to restore Britain's mightHe's gotta be goodAnd he's gotta come soonDid I mention he's gotta love God?I need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king til the end of my life[interlude]Gildas (mutters): Give me a minute while I try to remember my conjugations. Amo, amas, amat.......Has anyone, er, got another word for tyrant?...(Gildas points individually at backup dancers)Cuneglasus was a despiser of GodConstantinus a tyrant whelpAurelius Caninus was a Lion-whelp(One backup: does anyone else sense a theme here?)Vortipor was a wicked son And a Tyrant kingAnd Maglocunus last on my listHe was first in evil(He was first in evil,He was first in evil,He was first in evil,He was first in evil, ahh, ahh!)I need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king til the end of my lifeHe's gotta be strong And he's gotta love God And he's gotta for our nation fightI need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king to restore Britain's mightHe's gotta be goodAnd he's gotta come soonDid I mention he's gotta love God?I need a good king

I'm holding out for a good king til the end of my lifeHe's gotta be strong And he's gotta love God And he's gotta for our nation fightI need a good kingI'm holding out for a good king to restore Britain's mightHe's gotta be goodAnd he's gotta come soonDid I mention he's gotta love God?

I need a good kingGildas: Now, I move on to the priests. Where are the priests.(General sighs. Enter Bede)Bede: Gildas, Gildas, wait. We need to talk – I think we could do a really great collaboration. The name's Bede – I really like your early work, you know, the history stuff?

MINISTRY OF MAGIC – THE ICELANDIC OFFICE[A lady sits behind a desk in robes and with wand and a pointed hat. She also has a big badge (or a banner) which says ‘MISUSE OF MUGGLE ARTEFACTS OFFICE - APPOINTED 1000 AD’. She shuffles some papers and addressed the audience]Minister : Iceland… why is it always bloody Iceland…. Eriksson! Leif Eriksson! [she pretends to find him in the audience] Minister: Ah, there you are. Right Mr Eriksson, sit sit. I’m afraid I’m going to have to issue you with another warning against disclosing magical information to foreign muggles. One legged creatures, Mr Eriksson? I think you’ll find it in the Ministry’s Regulation for the Dissemination of Magical Information to Non-Magical Personnel. I’ve had enough of your telling foreign muggles about the wizards of Vinland. Next you’ll be telling them about the unicorns, and you know how hard we have worked to preserve that endangered species…. Now Out. Right next… Thorolf! Thorolf Half-Foot! Look I’ve had it up to here with you. First haunting wizards is bad enough, now muggles? This is not good ghostly conduct! And what’s all this about chasing women around the farm? If I hear another rumour then you’ll be sealed in a jar for the rest of your… er… death!Right now who-- Oh hello, hello Gisli Sursson now…. USUALLY you behave don’t you – well after all that nasty business with your sister’s boyfriends, I will remind you that those particular three curses are under review, people are calling them legally Unforgivable in this day and age what with the Christian lobby... BUT I have to insist that a seer such as yourself does NOT recount your fortellings to muggle friends and family members. It won’t end well, I promise you Gisli….Now, Good morning Thorgunna! Just a warning before you head out to Iceland – no. more. Curses. Alright? I had enough trouble fixing the last one. Ghostly seals coming through the floor… rains of blood… If you repeat that in Iceland the word will spread, it’s a reputation that’ll last for years, my dear![she goes back to her paperwork, grumbling] It’s always wizards in bloody Iceland….

Viking Consent Workshops(6 Vikings sit on chairs in a semi-circle with notepads and pens. The group leader sits in the middle holding a clip board.)Leader: Ok, so we’ve received the feedback forms from our latest pillaging expedition – does everybody have a copy? Good – and there have been some concerns raised regarding said pillaging. So Oláfr…

Olafr 1: Yes?

Leader: No, not you Olafr, Olafr.

Olafr 1: Oh, sorry!

Leader: So Olafr, you’ve spoken to some of the people there.

Olafr 2: Yeah… See, it turns out a lot of them aren’t happy about the whole issue of consent. I mean, when we just go in there pillaging all over the place without consulting them about it first, it kinda hurts their feelings…

Leader: Hmm… These are valid concerns, and I think this whole consent issue is one that we really need to work. I’m looking at you Haraldr.

Haraldr: (sheepishly) But they got so much booty, I’m sure they wouldn’t miss just a little bit?

Leader: No, Haraldr, but they might miss the decapitated skulls that you have been collecting in your kitchen. That’s right, Haraldr, I know about the skulls.

Olafr 2: So you can see why they might have a problem with this.

Leader: Exactly, thank you Olafr.

Olafr 3: I didn’t say anything.

Leader: No, not you Olafr, Olafr.

Yngvar: (raises hand) Suggestion?

(Pause.)

Leader: (look of exasperation) Yngvar… Is it burning?

Yngvar looks at the ground and raises hands to indicate a little bit.

Leader: Yngvar, we’ve spoken about the burning haven’t we?

(Yngvar looks shiftily at floor.)

And what did we say about the burning?

Yngvar: (mumbles incoherently)

Leader: What did we say about the burning Yngvar?!

Yngvar: (sighs) It’s not ok to burn things.

Leader: That’s right, Yngvar. It even says right here on the feedback forms: “To what extent was your raiding experience enhanced by the use of burning, where 5 is entirely enhanced and 1 is not at all”. They’re all 1s Yngvar. The proof is right here. Now where were we?

Haraldr: (hopefully) Pillaging?

Leader: Yes… I mean no, not pillaging, that’s sort of the point.

(Haraldr looks disappointed)

So, I think what we maybe need are some sort of workshops, to really put ourselves in the shoes of these monks and find a more positive way to deal with them moving forwards. Let’s start with you Olafr.

Olafrs 1, 2 &3: Me?

Leader: No, I mean Olafr. Say you’re on an expedition – to Iona or someplace for instance – and you’re approaching a monastery, and you want all of the booty that’s inside. What do you do?

Olafr 1: (hesitantly) I do some… stabbing?

Leader: No, I…

Olafr 3: (interrupts) Hacking?

Leader: No Olafr, I’m talking to Olafr right now.

(Olafr 3 pouts and looks at the floor)

Leader: You see, Olafr, the issue with stabbing is that we still have the problem of consent. The problem being that dead people cannot give consent. Have you all got that?

(Vikings all scribble notes, mumbling to themselves about stabbing)

Yngvar: (raises hand) Suggestion?

Leader: Not now, Yngvar. Ok, good. So how else might we approach the situation?

(Olafrs 1 and 2 raise their hands)

Leader: Olafr?

Olafr 2: Well, we could…

Leader: No, not you Olafr, Olafr.

Olafr 1: We could try talking to them?

Leader: That’s very good Olafr, what might we say?

Yngvar: (raises hand) Suggestion?

Leader: Still no burning Yngvar. Go ahead Olafr.

Olafr 1: Give me all your booty?

Leader: Yes, that’s a great start, but remember the important thing is to respect the feelings of the monks. We have to make them feel that their opinions are being taking on board before the aforementioned pillaging can commence.

Olafr 1: Give me all your booty… please?

Leader: (slightly patronising) Very good Olafr. Do you all see how this is so much better than stabbing?

(Disgruntled indignant mutterings, but generally begrudging acceptance)

Yngvar: (raises hand) Suggestion?

Leader: I swear to Oðinn, Yngvar, if you suggest burning one more time…

Yngvar: I was actually totally not going to suggest burning that time.

Leader: (taken aback) Oh… er… ok then Yngvar, go on.

Yngvar: (cheerfully) Mutilation! You see we take their legs, and with a well-sharpened axe…

Leader: No Yngvar, how is this any different to the stabbing?

Haraldr: Personally I did not see anything wrong with the stabbing in the first place.

Olafr 2: Me neither!

Leader: No, Haraldr… That is not helping Olafr!

Olafrs 1 and 3: What?

Leader: No, I was talking to…

Yngvar: I mean, personally, if we are just gonna go ahead with the whole looting, pillaging etc. anyway I really don’t see the point. Now, the beauty with burning is that…

Leader: (increasing exasperation) For the last time Yngvar…

Olafr 3: I’m not one hundred percent convinced about these monasteries anyway. All I got at the last one was this weird block of really thin slices of wood… (Holds up book) It had some cool gold and stones and stuff on the front, sure, but apart from that…

Haraldr: I see your point, but I find that monk skulls tend to be far higher quality than your average warrior skull, far fewer dents and far less likely to break.

(Vikings continue discussing stabbing, pillaging and skulls while the leader deteriorates into increasing expressions of despair.)

Leader: (standing up) Right, that’s it! This meeting is over!

A Demonstration of the Jelling Stone

Person: This is a demonstration of the Jelling Stone.

Carlos: Yells.

End.

ONE RAID MORE

[Everyone is holding signs showing their character’s name, so people know what’s goin’ on and who’s singing]

CHARACTERS:

HROTHFAR (Jean Valjean)HYGELAC (Cosette)WIGLAF (Marius)GRENDEL (Éponine)BEOWULF (Enjolras) COASTGUARD (Javert)UNFERTH (Madame Thenardier)BRECA (Thenadier)

HROTHGAR:One raid moreAnother day, another thirty menSnatched and brought away across the fenThis creature from the filth and slimeWill surely raid another timeOne raid more…

HYGELAC: [To Beowulf, gazing at him]You sail across the sea todayHow will I live when we are parted?

WIGLAF: (Hygelac harmonises) [To Beowulf, gazing at him]Tomorrow you’ll be worlds awayYour task is not for the fainthearted

GRENDEL: [Emerging from behind someone/the back of the ‘stage’]One more day all on my own

HYGELAC AND WIGLAF: [To Beowulf. Place their hands on his shoulders]Will we ever meet again?

GRENDEL:One more day with them not caring

HYGELAC AND WIGLAF:You were born to save Heorot

GRENDEL:What a life I might have known

HYGELAC AND WIGLAF:Use the strength that you have got

GRENDEL:If I wasn’t kin of Cain

BEOWULF: [stepping forward]One more day until the fight!

WIGLAF: [Following/gazing at Beowulf]Do I follow where he goes?

BEOWULF:When the creature comes to Heorot

WIGLAF:Shall I join my kinsman there?

BEOWULFI will use my super strength

WIGLAF:Do I stay or do I dare?

BEOWULF:To tear the monster limb from limb

ALL:The time is now, the day is here!

HROTHGAR:ONE RAID MORE

COASTGUARD: [very robotic and Russell Crowe Javert-ish]

One more day ‘till several warshipsArrive on the Danish beachI have heard of BeowulfAnd I’m won over by his speech

UNFERTH AND BRECA: [Crouching and scuttling forward like jealous old crones]Watch him fight the beast, hopefully he’ll failCouldn’t swim the Channel, so he had to sailStrength of 30 men, heart of just one manWill he defeat Grendel, I don’t think he can

GROUP 1: [right half of the stage, left half is Group 2 etc.]One more day ‘til the arrival

GROUP 2:And the passing of the cup

GROUP 1:In the hall with Wealhtheow

GROUP 2:And with Hrothgar and his scop

GROUP 1:There’s a new world for the winning

GROUP 2:There’s a monster to be slain

ALL:Do you hear the people sing!

WIGLAF: [To Beowulf]My place is here, I fight with you!

[Overlapping section of doom, but it’ll be fine]HROTHGAR:ONE RAID MORE!

HYGELAC AND UNFERTH:You sail across the sea today

GRENDEL:One more day all on my own!

HYGELAC AND UNFERTH:How will I live when we are parted?

COASTGUARD: (Overlapping)One more day ‘till several warshipsArrive on the Danish beachI have heard of BeowulfAnd I’m won over by his speech

HROTHGAR:One raid more!

HYGELAC AND WIGLAF:Tomorrow you’ll be worlds away!

GRENDEL:What a life I might have known!

HYGELAC AND WIGLAF:Your task is not for the fainthearted!

COASTGUARD: (Overlapping)One more day ‘till several warshipsArrive on the Danish beachI have heard of BeowulfAnd I’m won over by his speech

UNFERTH AND BRECA: (Overlapping)Watch him fight the beast, hopefully he’ll failCouldn’t swim the Chanel, so he had to sail

HYGELAC:Tomorrow you’ll be far away, tomorrow is the judgment day

ALL:

TOMORROW WE’LL DISCOVER WHAT THE NARRATOR HAS IN STORE.ONE MORE DAWN,ONE MORE RAID,ONE DAY MORE.

Silent Night: Lindisfarne version

Silent night, holy night,

All was calm, all was bright,

Then some Vikings came to our shores,

Razed our monastery down to its floors.

Lindisfarne is no more,

Lindisfarne is no more.

Silent night, holy night,

Monks were we, then the sea,

Released some Vikings onto our lands,

Stole our treasures right out of our hands.

Plundered, looted, and burned,

Plundered, looted, and burned.

Silent night, holy night,

Some might say, we're to blame,

Twas for our sins that the Vikings came,

Sent to our land like a Heavenly plague,

A sign of evils to come,

A sign of evils to come.