“the circle of reconciliation” as a tool for healing and...
TRANSCRIPT
“The Circle of Reconciliation” as a Tool for Healing and “Re-membering” our
Pasts A Peace Educator’s Guide
The Circle of Reconciliation is centered on Olga Botcharova’s (2001) model of reconciliation. The
model consists of two circles: an inner circle of violence and an outer circle of healing. In order for
someone to heal and reconcile with the past, with others, and themselves, a person must move out of the
inner cycle of aggression and violence, and move into the outer cycle of healing and reconciliation.
Kelly Hill, B.A., M.Ed., M.T.S. [email protected]
Introduction
The lesson plan on teaching the Circle of Reconciliation is based on Olga Botcharova’s
(2001) model of reconciliation. The model consists of two circles: an inner circle of violence
and an outer circle of healing. In order for someone to heal and reconcile with the past, with
others, and themselves, a person must move out of the inner cycle of aggression and violence,
and move into the outer cycle of healing and reconciliation.
I first learned about the Circle of Reconciliation in a class at the Boston University
School of Theology entitled “The Spirit and Art of Conflict Transformation.” Last summer, I
participated in a peacebuilding workshop hosted through Global Youth Connect and the Center
for Peacebuilding in Bosnia-Herzegovina. There, I was reintroduced to the model of the Circle
of Reconciliation through a ritual-activity which has transformed my understanding of what it
means to be on a journey of reconciliation, and what it means to be in right relations with others.
In Bosnia-Herzegovina, the Circle of Reconciliation as a ritual-activity was introduced to
me by Vahidin Omanavic, a local imam and the director of the Center for Peacebuilding in the
village of Sanski Most. At first, Vahidin shared with us the story of his own experience during
and after the Bosnian War and genocide. He shared with us his experiences of loss of
friendships, trust and companionship, death of family members, and exile from his community as
a refugee in Slovenia. While sharing his story, at every stage, he explained to us where he was
in the model of the Circle of Reconciliation. He told us about how he learned about the Circle of
Reconciliation from a peacebuilder named Paula Green, based in Boston Massachusetts.
Although at first he rejected her teachings, as he learned about the Circle of Reconciliation he
began to understand that he was going through a process, and that his place in that process was
not, nor did it have to be stagnant – even as he continued to deal with pain, shock, and denial
throughout his experience. He then shared with us how – slowly – he was able to move out of
the cycle of aggression and violence into a place where healing and reconciliation could happen.
On the floor, Vahidin had placed pieces of paper which represented the various stages of
the model of the Circle of Reconciliation. After he shared his story, Vahidin encouraged each of
the participants of the peacebuilding workshop to choose a conflict or trauma that we had
experienced in our own lives, and to sit next to the stage of the Circle of Reconciliation on the
floor in relation where we currently identified ourselves in that conflict. Then, each participant
in the workshop had an opportunity to share – as they were comfortable – their conflict or trauma,
and explain where they saw themselves in the Circle of Reconciliation process.
This activity was by far one of the most emotional and powerful activities I have ever
done in my life. Hearing each of the participant’s heartfelt and intimate experiences, every
person in the circle was in tears from listening to one another’s stories multiple times throughout
the night. The activity lasted for five hours, with each of the participants sharing something
deeply personal to the group. Listening to the stories of each participant reminded me that I
could never judge someone or understand why they thought or acted in ways different from my
own, unless I also listened to their story.
The activity reminded me of a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “If we could read
the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough
to disarm all hostility.” I wondered what results we might be if every person in the world were
to participate in this activity with persons who had hurt them, and how much more love and
peace there might be in the world.
Like the beauty of the Bosnian countryside, which makes it hard to imagine the horrible
atrocities that occurred in the country less than twenty years ago, the activity reminded me that
pain often belies beauty, and reminds us how fragile and deceptive beauty and peace can
be. Indeed, each person in the group and in the world has their own stories and experiences of
personal suffering which have affected them in ways we can never know, unless we create
opportunities for them to share and for us to listen to their stories.
For me, the activity allowed me to see my new friends (on the Global Youth Connect
delegation) in a new, more intimate light. Hearing each story gave me insight into why each
delegate might react in different ways to the difficult issues we discussed during our time
studying peacebuilding and post-war reconstruction in Bosnia-Herzegovina. The activity helped
us to understand that each of us where at different stages on the journey of healing and
reconciliation in our own lives, even as we called ourselves “peacebuilders” on a so-called
human rights delegation.
At the end of the activity, we all held hands and, led by Vahidin, a Muslim imam, we
sang a Christian hymn, Amazing Grace, this time with new meaning for me. Past experiences,
cultural and religious backgrounds, and other differences truly seemed to disappear in this circle
of friends. Our stories of pain and suffering had been shared and heard, setting us free, allowing
us to truly open ourselves, see, offer and accept sincerely warm and loving embraces with one
another.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now I’m found was blind but now I see…”
This ritual-activity which I participated in during the summer of 2011 has been the
inspiration for this peace educator’s guide. This guide will present adapted version of the Circle
of Reconciliation activity which I prepared and implemented in peacebuilding workshops held at
two youth empowerment and vocational training centers funded by the Liberia Annual
Conference of the United Methodist Church in the summer of 2012. This educator’s guide is
written for people who would like to teach the Circle of Reconciliation to those in their families,
communities, churches, schools, and other places of gathering.
Preparing to Teach the ‘Circle of Reconciliation’
Lesson Plan Goals:
1. Participants should understand the personal and communal aspects of The Circle of
Reconciliation process.
2. Participants should reflect upon their own journeys in The Circle of Reconciliation,
accept their own position in the process, and understanding that engaging in the process
of reconciliation and trauma healing is a decision we can be empowered to make.
The Lesson Plan (in brief)
The lesson plan has six primary components: (1) a lecture introducing the Circle of
Reconciliation as a model for processes of personal, interpersonal and community peacebuilding;
(2) a time for the facilitator to share her or his story; (3) a discussion centering on the parable of
the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), exploring how this Bible story can be read through the lenses
of the Circle of Reconciliation; (4) a artistic project giving each student an opportunity to reflect
upon the Circle of Reconciliation in their own lives; and (5) a time for sharing the stories
represented in the drawings, and (6) a closing ritual or prayer.
Materials Needed:
1. Large flat white vinyl shower curtain, or poster board**
2. Paper (for participants to take notes)
3. Drawing materials (e.g. pencils, crayons, markers, color pencils)
4. Permanent markers
**The facilitator should draw a large version of the Circle of Reconciliation on the shower
curtain or poster board. This will be used as an instructional tool later during the lesson. The
large Circle of Reconciliation on the poster/bed sheet can be laid out on the floor as an
instructional visual aid when lecturing about the Circle of Reconciliation, and participants can sit
on it as they talk about their processes in the Circle of Reconciliation.
1. Introducing the Circle of Reconciliation.
The facilitator should introduce the Circle of Reconciliation to participants as a process of
personal, interpersonal, and community reconciliation and peacebuilding. In order to begin a
process of healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, one must break out of the inner circle of
violence and revenge. The process is not uni-directional, and people may fall into the inner
circle of vengeance and violence at any given time. The key is understanding that we have a
choice, and realizing that we are all on a journey – not stagnant – and remembering that there is
hope for transformation, regardless of how slow we may seem to be moving.
The Circle of Reconciliation
1. Trauma healing is both a decision and a process
2. Trauma healing is not unidirectional
3. The key is that we have a choice meaning that we are the ones to decide if we
want to heal our trauma and embark on the journey of forgiveness and
reconciliation. – from Amela Puljek-Shank
Recognizing Trauma: the “Inner Circle”1
1. Realization of Loss
o Filled with the fear of realizing the horrible truth mixed with the fear of looking
into the future
o Overwhelmed to imagine life without that which we lost
o The more dramatic and sudden the change is, the greater the sense of loss
experienced
2. Denial and the Suppression of Grief/Fears
o Trauma destroys our sense of security in the world; denial allows us to let in only
as much pain as we can tolerate at one time
o Denial and suppression are common survival mechanisms which help us pace
ourselves through the process of adjusting to catastrophic loss
o In trying to avoid pain, we do everything to not get deeply into the grief or
confront the fears of past and future
o Circumstances in many conflict situations are usually not favorable for the time
needed for lamenting and mourning.
3. Anger: “Why me?”
o Allowing oneself to feel the fury of hate and anger, especially when one has been
abused, violated or severely wronged, is often a healthy part of the recovery
process
o Feeling anger toward the perpetrator(s) may be the only resource available that
allows some personal respect to be maintained.
o Anger turned inward is often evidenced by the question: “Did I do something to
cause this?”
4. Desire for Justice/Revenge
o Punitive justice may turn into a quest or crusade for revenge
o While rage and revenge fantasies appear initially to bring relief, the opposite is
true. Repetitive revenge fantasies actually increase the victim’s torment, making
the survivor feel like a monster—-‘just like them’ (Herman)
5. Telling and Re-Telling the “Right” Conflict Story
o Creating myths/heroes that play well in the revenge conflict story
o Writing a history that supports the “ingroup” (victim’s group) and demonizes the
“outgroup”(offender/enemy group)
o Placing the blame entirely on the “other” so victim needs to take no responsibility
6. Act of “Justified Aggression”
o Victim becomes the aggressor who victimizes and continues around the inner
circle again, now as the aggressor but believing self to still be victim
1 http://www.emu.edu/cjp/publications/beyond-september-11th/2001/at-the-fork-in-the-road/
Reconciling Trauma: the “Outer Circle”2
1. Mourning and Expressing Deep Grief
o Knowledge that grief experienced does dissolve over time
o Often a fear of being overcome if one allows the tears to flow
o Seeing some glimpse of new life even as the ashes are brushed away
2. Accepting Loss and Confronting Fears
o Survivors need to (1) separate themselves from the events that have happened to
them; and (2) integrate the events into their lives
o Integrating the grief and pain by deciding to heal, believing and understanding
what happened and trusting yourself
o Deciding to remember and move on
3. “Why Them?” Re-humanizing the Enemy
o Moving from total victim self-absorption to some recognition of the other
o Curiosity about how the “other” got involved; seeing the common humanity in
the other; the survivor begins the slow transformation and may even feel the
hidden pain of the abuser.
o Realizing that not punishing the “other” does not mean forgetting what happened,
but rather recognizing that we can never truly get even and that an inner peace
comes when we give up trying
o Seeing the Divinity in the enemy*
4. Moving Beyond Tolerance
o A beginning baby step of trust beyond a willingness to just co-exist
o Finding a survivor mission—some meaning in the ashes
5. Choice to Forgive; Commitment to Take Risks
o Not at all forgive and forget
o Ability to transform the impulse for revenge into a search for something larger
o Realizing that nothing we do to punish another person or group will heal
ourselves
o Seeing that this frees us to put to better use the energies once consumed by
holding grudges, harboring resentments and nursing unhealed wounds
6. “Re-Writing” History, Negotiating Solutions and Joint Planning
o Revising the trauma story to be both honest and constructive
o Walking through history together, openly examining wounds on all sides, sorting
out truth from falsehood and recognizing mutual responsibilities
o Sincere apology, symbols of repentance and an open confirmation of good will
o The trauma prisoner/survivor needs to make some sense out of the suffering—“to
find some purpose and meaning in the suffering” (Frankl, Man’s Search for
Meaning, 1959)
7. Establishing Justice That Restores
o Restorative justice which focuses on relationship and restitution
o Restoring victims as well as offenders to the community
o Repairing the social injury and right relationship
8. Moving Toward Reconciliation and Trauma-based Conflict Transformation
o Does not mean that I forget what has happened—or condone it in any way.
Forgiving and forgetting is precisely what has disallowed many from achieving
true forgivingness
2 Nancy Good, “At The Fork in the Road: Trauma Healing,” 2001.
http://www.emu.edu/cjp/publications/beyond-september-11th/2001/at-the-fork-in-the-road/
2. Facilitator Shares Their Story
After the facilitator has had an opportunity to introduce the model of the Circle of Reconciliation,
the facilitator should enhance the participants’ understanding of the model by giving a personal
example of the facilitator’s own experience or journey in the Circle of Reconciliation. By being
open and sharing one’s own personal story with the group of participants, the facilitator should
create an environment of intimacy which will open up possibilities for sincere and authentic
dialogue later in the workshop.
Notes from a Facilitator:
I shared the story of my journey towards reconciliation as a facilitator with approximately 150
participants at a center for ex-combatant youth and marginalized girls at a youth empowerment
and vocational training center called Brighter Future Children’s Rescue Center in Buchanan,
Liberia. Before I shared my story, I wondered whether my journey could help the participants
better understand the circle of reconciliation due to the differing cultural contexts and practical
realities in which we lived and had grown up. I also wondered whether my own experiences of
hurt, healing and reconciliation would be considered lesser experiences than the experiences
that some of the participants had had during and after the war in Liberia. Surprisingly, however,
through the course of sharing my story, both participants and teachers were very engaged with
the telling of my own journey. Many participants and teachers empathized with me, and asked
me questions about my experiences afterward. In the evaluations, many participants indicated
that although understanding the lecture about the Circle of Reconciliation had been difficult,
listening to the story of my journey had helped them to better understand the Circle of
Reconciliation. (Kelly Hill)
3. Discussion about the Prodigal Son
1. Read the Prodigal Son Story together (Luke 15:11-32).
Ideally, there should be seven volunteers participating in this reading and
dramatization of the Prodigal Son story. Three participants and a narrator read the
parable (script on the following page), while three other participants act out the
story through role-play (Narrator, Father, Son 1, Son 2).
2. The facilitator will have a discussion with the class about what stage of the Circle of
Reconciliation each character in the parable was experiencing.
The facilitator should also include the volunteers who are performing the
dramatization about how they or their characters felt during the role play.
Notes from a Facilitator:
In this activity, participants engaged very actively in the role-play and the following discussion.
Both the actors and audience members were able to see various stages of ‘Circles of
Reconciliation’ in the story of the prodigal son. (Kelly Hill)
The Parable of the Prodigal and His Brother (Luke 15:11-32)
Narrator: Then Jesus said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his
father,
Son 2: “Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.”
Narrator: So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered
all he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute
living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he
began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who
sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the
pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said,
Son 2: “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am
dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned
against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of
your hired hands.’ ”
Narrator: So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him
and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the
son said to him,
Son 2: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called
your son.”
Narrator: But the father said to his slaves,
Father: “Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and
sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of
mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!”
Narrator: And they began to celebrate. ‘Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came
and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked
what was going on. He replied, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted
calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.” Then he became angry and refused to go in.
His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father,
Son 1: “Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never
disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might
celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your
property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!”
Narrator: Then the father said to him,
Father: “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and
rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been
found.” ’
4. Drawing our Stories.
The facilitator should instruct the participants to create a drawing that represents the stage of
the Circle of Reconciliation model with which they most identify in a conflict or trauma they
have experienced in their own lives and their journey in the Circle of Reconciliation. Allow
at least 20 minutes for this activity to give participants time to draw their pictures and to tap
into their creative unconscious.
Notes from a Facilitator:
In this activity, participants drew pictures of different conflicts and traumas in their lives. Some
participants’ pictures represented trauma, separation from families, and poverty as a result of
the war in Liberia. Others drew pictures of conflicts that they had had with their friends, or how
BFC (the youth empowerment and vocational training center) had helped to change their lives
for the better. Many of the participants seemed to enjoy having the opportunity to draw their
stories. Some participants indicated that they felt some vulnerability during this activity, but
many of these participants also indicated in their evaluations that the facilitators had provided a
safe space for exploring these stories. (Kelly Hill)
5. Sharing our Stories
1. The facilitator should invite participants to place their drawings on a large chart of the
Circle of Reconciliation on the floor. This will allow students to literally see themselves
within their own journey of the Circle of Reconciliation, while also seeing the diverse
journeys of their fellow classmates.
2. The facilitator should invite participants to share the stories represented in their drawings
of their process in the Circle of Reconciliation – as they feel comfortable to share. No
one has to share their story because the stories should be respected as private. Give
enough waiting time for participants who feel comfortable to open up and share. Don’t
be afraid of the silence, and don’t pressure participants to share. The deeply personal
aspect of sharing one’s stories necessitates that teachers gently care for their participants
when engaging these moments. In order to prepare participants for sharing their stories,
teachers should make sure participants know well ahead of time that they may be invited
to share their stories.
3. After each participant shares their story, the facilitator should invite the liturgical tool of
Call and Response:
One: For the dark and lonely times in our journey,
All: Grant us courage.
One: For new life, healing and reconciliation:
All: Grant us hope.
Notes from a Facilitator:
Although all students were not eager to share their drawings or stories with the group, a few
participants bravely volunteered to share their stories. The participants who volunteere told
their stories passionately and very openly, while the audience listened intently. The participants’
stories ranged from experiences with the war, poverty, raising ones siblings as a teenager, and
their experiences with BFC (the youth empowerment and vocational training center). At
CESPRO (another youth empowerment and vocational training center), where there were much
fewer workshop participants, every girl who had placed their drawing on the large chart of the
Circle of Reconciliation, volunteered and had the opportunity to share her story. (Kelly Hill)
6. Closing Ritual
1. At the end of the activity, invite participants to come together for a closing ritual,
such as a prayer or song such as “Amazing Grace.”
A Sample Closing Prayer
Prayer for Desert Times
THE JOURNEYS OF OUR LIVES are never fully charted.
There come, sometimes, to each of us, deserts to cross,
barren stretches
where the green edge on the horizon may be our destination,
or an oasis on our way,
or a mirage that beckons and will leave us lost.
When fear grips the heart, or despair bows the head,
may we bend as heart and head lead us down to touch the ground beneath our feet,
and scoop some sand into our hands,
and receive what the sand would teach us:
It holds the warmth of the sun when the sun has left our sight.
as it holds the cool of the night when the stars have faded.
And hidden among its grains are tiny seeds, at rest and waiting.
Dormant, yet undefeated. Desert flowers.
They endure.
Moistened by our tears,
and by the rain that comes to the end even the longest drought,
they send down roots, and they bloom.
Oh, may we believe in those seeds,
And the seeds within us.
May we remember in our dry seasons
that we, too, are desert flowers.
Amen.
--- Margaret Keip
From “For Praying Out Loud: Interfaith Prayers for Public Occasions” by Annie Foerster