and i say unto you

8/7/2019 And I say unto you

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A Christian and Divorce

By Theo Logan

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and

shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth

commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

Though the words of Christ represent God’s ideal for His children, they give little counsel for those who

are grappling with the realities of divorce. For divorce is a reality. I cannot say that I have, over the past

seven years, thought about the implications of divorce for every situation but I have at least developed a

rational that has allowed me to accept its reality in my life.

Consider Moses’ words:

When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no

favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her

a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when

she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

(Deuteronomy 24:1,2)

Why did God allow divorce? He has allowed it for the same reason our governments allow it. Civil law

needs to take into consideration the capriciousness of human behaviour. If it does not, all kinds of

incivility will exist. Those who have unregenerate hearts, and are not guided by eternal considerations,

cannot be governed by moral law. The commandment against adultery is a moral law. Jesus says that,

“Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives.” (Matthew 19:8)

Those with ‘hardened hearts', if not allowed to divorce, will find other means to fulfil their desires that

would lead to even greater evils. This does not mean, however, that divorce is good; just that, it is better

than the alternative.

In Canada there is a blurring of the religious and civil ceremonies that also leads to confusion regarding

divorce. Many Christians consider that once the state has released them from their legal obligations totheir spouse that they are then free to remarry. Even though the state empowers religious figures with

civil duties regarding the marriage ceremony, the state does not recognise the religious aspect of the

marriage union. The state may free you from the civil obligation but because it holds no jurisdiction over

religious matters it can never free you from religious obligations.




By Theo Logan

Still, how does this help me to relate to the reality of divorce. First, I recognise that the marriage vows

that I made to God, and to my wife, represent my obligations and no one else’s. Neither the state or my

wife can free me from my vow, for it was made before God. Nor can I free my wife from the obligation

of her vow. Even if she commits adultery, I cannot free her from the vow which she has made. I can

forgive her but her decisions and actions are her own responsibility. Secondly, it allows me to act upon

the civil matter of divorce without transgressing my conscience. This was not clear to me at first. I

thought that to even allow the divorce was contrary to God’s law. I could not see how I could be

involved in any divorce proceedings, even as a defendant. Even though I apparently have moral grounds

for divorce, I am under no obligation to seek a divorce. As a Christian, I still seek reconciliation even

while participating in the divorce process.

I will develop this further. I realise that God’s Law, as presented in the ten commandments, is not an

arbitrary restriction imposed upon us to keep from us pleasure but rather a revelation of His character

of love. God’s Law is a transcript of His character but not man’s.

Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God,

neither indeed can be. (Romans 8:7)

As well, the meaning of the word love has also been weakened and perverted by the carnal mind. We

use this word to represent many things that are not true love at all. The apostle Paul gives a clear

definition of love as it is revealed in God’s Word.

Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not boast, is not puffed up;

does not behave disgracefully, does not seek its own, is not provoked to anger, thinks

no evil; does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all

things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

(1Corinthians 13:4-8:EMTV)

I cannot say that I have this type of love but it is the standard by which I measure my behaviour. It is the

basis of my decisions. When I measure my character by God’s, I fall far short but that does not mean

that I am to abandon God. For, love never fails. God has not abandoned me.




By Theo Logan

Thus, I am guided by these principles as I participate in the divorce process. I love my wife. I cannot

reject her even though she has rejected me. Just because I have not revealed God’s love perfectly does

not mean I should cease to follow it completely.

For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his

own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the

righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after

the Spirit. (Romans 8: 3, 4)

Even if Christ had not spoken so plainly regarding His attitude towards divorce, reason itself dictates that

remarriage after divorce is not the best option. Being in a position where there is no moral grounds

upon which I am forbidden to enter into a new marriage relationship with another partner (who has

either never been married or if divorced had biblical grounds), I still would not do so. I have given thismuch thought.

Upon being separated, Pastors, friends and even causal acquaintances encouraged me to find someone

else and move on with my life. I was quite surprised at this and dismissed it out of hand. Until I was

confronted with the possibility, I never considered all the implications. An employee of mine who had

moved to Calgary because she had a crush on me (she is a Christian), came for a visit one day to discuss

whether or not I would remarry. She had begun dating a young man (with whom she is now happily

married) and wanted to know if I would ever be available before she proceeded further with the

relationship. Of course, I stated flatly that I would never be available. As I laid out for her my reasons, I

for the first time developed a rational for my conviction. I considered all those involved.

First, my wife: How would she feel? She may have rejected me at the present but for me to ‘move on’

could be perceived by her as a rejection. Of one thing she can be certain, I will always be there for her.

She may be angry now, but what if her feelings change and she regrets the choices she has made? I will

still need to be available if she needs me. My love for her, and my vows, were not based upon her

actions and feelings towards me but, rather, my actions and feelings towards her.

Secondly, how would my new partner be received by my children? The relationship would be unfair to

her. As well, I could not give her all my love because I still love my wife. I can hardly begin to describe

the complexity of the situation. There would be divided loyalties all around.




By Theo Logan

Thirdly, how would my children feel? Betrayed? Abandoned? I would not have the relationship that I

now have with my children, if I had sought another spouse. My children need me. They need the

security that my faithfulness to my wife gives them; especially my daughters. My example of patience is

a strong lesson that my children need to learn. My actions and choices impact my children in a powerful

way. I pray each day that I can be a Christian example and that they will see Christ in me.

.....and then there is the issue of how I would feel about myself. Self respect must be earned. This is, of

course, related to my beliefs upon the subject. How can I go against my beliefs. I could never abandon

my wife, or children or hurt another and feel good about what I have done. It is not about what other

people think of me. I do not merely want to appear good; I want to be good. As I have made a choice to

be faithful to God, to my wife to my children and to myself, I find great joy. I can accept what happens to

me. I can accept being alone for the rest of my life. The lessons I have learned through the years of

separation have been hard but I would not trade them for anything. I never want to go back to being the

person I once was. There is so much to look forward to. There is so much freedom in serving God.

And that is the point. God’s moral law is not a restriction but a revelation. God wants us to be

transformed into His image. That can only happen by a revelation of Jesus Christ. God gave us marriage

as a demonstration of the unity that He seeks to have with us. Christ died for His church, His bride.

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no

man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:12, 13)

and i say unto you

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