an overview diane k. morton, leadership culture coach
TRANSCRIPT
An Overview Diane K. Morton, Leadership and Culture CoachRosemary Lukens, RWL Executive Coaching, LLC
Assumptions People must know what they are being held accountable for before they can be accountable.
People know what professional behaviors are and are not.
People often lack the tools to hold themselves and others accountable.
AccountabilityAccountability is about setting the expectation, clearly communicating it, and then holding yourself and everyone within your sphere of influence responsible for consistently meeting the established expectations.
Theo Gilbert‐Jamison Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2195094
Five Steps to Accountability1. Clearly define the expectation or standard.2. Involve staff in efforts to raise the bar.3. Integrate the new standard.4. Set up measurement to quantify success5. Recognize success and coach for improve
performance.
Theo Gilbert‐Jamison Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2195094
Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
Be on time, punctual Do not waste others’ timeBe prepared and ready to goBe respectful of othersBe honest with yourself and othersKeep informed of changes and keep others informed when changes need to happen.
Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
Keep your appearance well groomed and be properly dressed
Respect those still taking a test by keeping your voices low
When communicating, be aware of others’ views and seek mutual understanding
Behave appropriately in publicChoose your language carefully
Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
Keep a positive attitudeTake responsibility for yourself and your behavior
Be open to giving and receiving constructive feedback
Demonstrate integrityKnow when and if to say somethingUse humor appropriately
Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
Know when it is time to be seriousBe aware of your emotional responses before you actKeep your attitude in check when having a bad dayMaintain our professional standards
But do we?Why not?
As much as we want and desire professional behavior we are frequently stuck and not achieving our vision of this positive behavior. We simply lack the ability to hold each other accountable.
We avoid or handle conversations poorly over issues ranging from awkward or failing relationships to dysfunctional teams to cost, quality or safety problems.
When faced with a difficult conversation you’d think we would deal with it ~ after all the stakes are high.
Crucial Conversations ~ a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions are strong.
So how DO we respond: On my worst day I miss the connection between my poor results and the conversations I’m not holding, or not holding well.
On a good day I see the link, but I avoid dealing with the problem myself.
On my best day I see the link, step up to and master the right conversation
The first thing that degrades during a crucial conversation is not our behavior (that comes second ), but our
motive (intention).
When conversations become crucial three things often happen to us: We become blind to our own role in the problem. Our motives degrade. We limit our choices.
When a conversation turns crucial, we either miss or misinterpret the early warning signs.
Learn to look for the signs that a conversation is turning crucial. What emotions do you feel? What physical responses do you have? How do you behave? How can you use this knowledge?
7 Skills to DevelopWe need to learn (practice) seven (7) skills to be able to hold crucial and constructive conversations1. Determine what you want2. Know your emotions3. Make it safe4. Recognize stories5. Get the facts6. Get others’ stories and facts7. Move to action
Work on me first: I know myself, I have access to myself, I can change myself. When I take responsibility for my behavior I can also take control of my life.
1)When conversations start to fail ASK:
“What am I acting like I want?” “What results do I really want‐ for myself?
for others? for the organization? “How would I behave if I really did want it?” Then behave as if you really do.
When it matters most our emotions kick in, and we often do our worst – and we feel like we’re doing the right thing.
2)When our emotions kick in we move to:
Silence – any action taken to withhold information ranging from verbal games to avoiding the person entirely.
Violence – any action taken to compel others toward your point of view from controlling the conversation to attacking the other.
When do you feel safe ?
Why?
3) Make it Safe Safety is all about intent. What is your intent behind delivering feedback/having the conversation.
Mutual Purpose – the first condition of safety; working toward a common outcome, caring about their goals, interests, and values.
Mutual Respect – the continuance condition of dialogue; respect for the other as a human being.
EXERCISE: Think of someone you recently had a horrible conversation with – where you or the other moved to silence or violence
Silence or violence? Why? What happened?
Possibilities: A person or event that constantly annoys you An ongoing barrier or frustration at work A situation where you blew up A situation where you held your feelings inside A leader who isn’t walking his/her talk Someone who is creating problems for you
Stories create our emotions; We create our stories
4)We create stories ~ First you see/hear or experience something Second you tell a story about those facts – so that it makes sense to you
Third you generate feelings Fourth, you act on those feelings Fifth, this all occurs in seconds Sixth, we rarely question our stories
Our three most favorite, well‐used and clever stories are Victim, Villain and Helpless stories
Examples?
Master Your Stories Victim Stories: “It’s not my fault.” I am innocent. The other person did it to me.
Villain Stories: “It’s all your fault.” It’s ok for me to act badly or talk about you behind your back because you are wrong/bad, etc.
Helpless Stories: “There was nothing else I could do.” There were no other options so I just had to yell, walk out, be demanding, etc.
The purpose of Victim, Villain and Helpless stories is to help us justify not taking responsibility for our lack of results.
You know you are part of the problem when…
You’re stuck in anger, self‐justification and blame
You keep telling yourself the same story You keep telling others the story You resist others’ attempts to question your story
Watch for the three clever stories and how you use them.
Tell the rest of the story… Turn yourself from a Victim into an Actor: ASK
“What am I pretending not to notice about my role in this problem?”
Turn Others from Villains into Humans: ASK“Why would a reasonable, rational and
decent person do this?” Turn Yourself from Helpless into Able: ASK
“What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?”
EXERCISE: Work through these three statements.
Select a relationship with a person or group which, if improved, would make a significant difference in your ability to achieve valued results. What stories do you or your group tell about this person or group when you’re frustrated or upset?
How do these stories cause you to act toward this person or group?
What might you achieve if you chose to tell yourself a different story and act differently?
Prior to engaging in a crucial conversation start by examining the facts.
5) Get The Facts From Everyone Involved
Facts are facts – the least controversial part of the conversation
Facts are more persuasive Facts are the least insulting – stories typically lead to unattractive conclusions, which create a downward emotional spiral for the other.
Feelings and stories often keep us from facts. When we start with feelings/stories others don’t often understand what we are talking about, an argument ensues and facts are lost.
Share the facts as you see them, then tell your story. Hear their story and their facts.
Tell your story because facts alone don’t always provide a clear picture or sense of importance.
Review the facts and the stories /assumptions you have made about them. Check your intent.
Share enough so the other person knows what the issue is, don’t pile it on.
6)Ask for the other person’s story and facts Check for safety. If the person moves to silence or violence rebuild safety before moving on.
How will we follow‐up?
7)Move to ActionCommit to stay with it until you have a solution.Decide how you will decide.Who will do what by when?Schedule a follow‐up time and date.
7 Skills to Develop
We need to learn (practice) seven (7) skills to be able to hold crucial and constructive conversations1. Determine what you want2. Know your emotions3. Make it safe4. Recognize stories5. Get the facts6. Get others’ stories and facts7. Move to action
Other “things” to think aboutChoose an appropriate setting and consider seating
How much time do you need?What am I willing to commit?Feedback as a partnership “helping others succeed
Confidentiality Make giving feedback a gift
Receiving Feedback Ignorance is not bliss.Do not defend yourself. It closes your mind to the possibility of change.
Listen to learn.Paraphrase what you hear to check your perception.
Ask questions for clarification.Say “thank you”.
Receiving Feedback
Carefully evaluate the accuracy of the information and it’s potential value.
Have you heard this before?Gather additional information from other sources. Is it consistent?
Ask for solutions or suggestions for change.Make moderate changes and evaluate outcomes.
Feedforward Building the Future: Try Feedforward Instead of Feedback, Marshall Goldsmith
www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com
Feedforward Exercise Pick one behavior you would like to change Get ideas from others one person at a time.
“I want to do a better job of ___________, please give me two suggestions for the future.
Respondent give two suggestions Say thank you. Say your welcome.
Feedforward Exercise Let go of the past Listen to suggestions with no judgment Learn as much as you can Help as much as you can Focus on the future
Less is More
11 Reasons for Feedforward1. I can change the future. I cannot change the past.2. Feedforward is more positive. You are helping people
be “right” not showing them how they are “wrong”.3. Successful people like getting ideas aimed at helping
them achieve their goals.4. Feedforward can be from anyone. It just requires
good ideas.
11 Reason for Feedforward
5. People do not take feedforward as personally.6. Feedforward reinforces the possibility of change. It is based on the assumption that people can make positive changes in their future. 7. Most of us hate to give negative feedback. 8. Feedforward can cover almost the same material as feedback. Suggestions can be specific and still delivered in a positive way.
11 Reasons for Feedforward9. Feedforward tends to be much faster. “Here are some
ideas for the future. Please consider them in the positive spirit they are given. If you can only use two of the ideas, just go ahead. Ignore what doesn’t make sense for you right now.
10. Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with all levels‐it is focused on being a helpful fellow traveler.
11. People tend to listen more attentively.
Next StepsSelf‐rating of agreed upon behaviors expectations
Personal Goals Sheet
Personalized Coaching
Accountability