using rhetorical strategies to help the reader understand and remember what’s important
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Using Rhetorical Strategies toHelp the Reader Understand and Remember What’s Important
Rhetorical Strategies: Sentences
• Controlling passive voice• Pruning
– Choose words for precision
– Consider combining sentences
• Clarifying pronoun reference• Controlling abstraction• Combining or dividing sentences• Unstuffing sentences
Passive Voice Active Voice Elapsed time is indicated by a pointer.
The project was completed by the installation crew.
It is suggested that readings be recorded hourly.
A pointer indicates elapsed time.
The installation crew completed the project.
I suggest you record readings hourly.
Rhetorical Strategies
Which is better?
Controlling Passive Voice• Passive Voice
– literary– longer– more vague– less active verb– emphasizes the thing
acted upon– sometimes, the only
accurate way to go
• Active Voice– the way we speak
– more concise
– says who did it
– more active verb
– emphasizes the doer of the action
– all things being equal, the way to go
Should this sentence be changedto Active Voice?
Particle-imaging velocimetry (PIV) is a
method by which movements of fine
particles injected into a flow are traced in
real time to enable dynamic measurement
of flow velocity.
Controlling Passive Voice
• It was discovered during Exxon’s initial modeling efforts that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir.
• Better:
Exxon’s initial modeling efforts showed that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir.
When to use which?
• to emphasize the agent of the action:
Previous researchers established the relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters.
Active Voice Passive Voice
• to emphasize the object:
The relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters was established by previous researchers .
The water sample was heated to a temperature of 1000C.
• to emphasize the action:
JMC Consulting recommends that BPAmoco adopt a risk-communication plan
Pruning• Blackout order of 1942
Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-federal buildings occupied by the federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination
• President Roosevelt said:“Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.”
William Zinsser, On Writing Well
Word Choice
• Instead of:utilize
deem
during the course of
with respect to
make use of
despite the fact that
give consideration to
• Use:use
think
during
about
use
although
consider
Pruning• One evidence of this expected deep water production
increase is the large number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing.
• Check for these:– forms of the verb “to be” – prepositional phrases – “that” clauses
especially when they are all clustered together.
Pruning
One evidence of this expected deep water production increase is the large number of large number of tractstracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing.
Precision and Clarity
X number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing. This increase in deep water production confirms . . .
Pruning: Removing the Dead Wood
The following report outlines the different
aspects relating to the current feasibility of
constructing a magnetically levitated bullet
train in Central Texas.
Pronoun Reference
Be sure that the antecedent for each pronoun is clear. Notice the ambiguity of “their” in this example:
We reviewed controls protecting the computer from environmental hazards so that we could determine their effectiveness.
Pronoun Reference
In the future, the accountant responsible for the
proofs should initial and date appropriate
reports, sign out in the proof log, and revise
checklist procedures accordingly. This will
clearly indicate who has done the proof and
when it was performed.
procedure
Empty Pronouns
It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in.
Empty Pronouns
• It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (36 words)
• NOEX USA subsequently confirmed the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d, meaning the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (30 words)
Abstractions: Turning Verbs into Nouns
• The thermal decomposition of the TMAH occurs rapidly at these temperatures and results in the formation of trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.
• TMAH decomposes quickly at these temperatures and forms trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.
Use these strategies to make concepts concrete
• Visual imagery• Examples• Comparisons
• Descriptions• Questions
In many clinical situations, such as mammography, there is a need to distinguish between different kinds of soft tissue – between tumors and normal tissue, for instance. Because the absorption is small to begin with, and differences in density and composition are slight, standard x-ray imaging is not as successful at this task.
Subordinating Words: be careful of sentence fragments!
• Subordinating words link parts of a sentence together by subordinating one of the clauses:Examples: after, although, because, since,
when, while
incorrect: The manager was late to the meeting. Because the plane was late.
– correct: The manager was late to the meeting because the plane was late.
Subordinating Words
Although the data on VOC emissions have been questioned by the company.
Although the data on VOC emissions have been questioned by the company, the ruling was upheld.
Subordinating words are not transitions (grammatically)
• Subordinating words– after– although– because– since
• Transitional words– meanwhile– therefore, thus– nevertheless– however
Make a clause subordinate.
Although the data on VOC emissions have been questioned by the company.
Keep a clause independent.
Thus, the data on VOC emissions have been questioned by the company.
Combining Sentences: longer sentences may produce a shorter passage.
• Does combining these sentences improve their readability?
• What problems does combining solve?
The population explosion in and around the
Austin area has proved to be problematic
regarding water-drainage structures. It has
particularly affected the Brushy Creek area in
southern Williamson County.
Combining Sentences
The population explosion in and around the
Austin area has proved to be problematic
regarding water-drainage structures, particularly
in the Brushy Creek area in southern Williamson
County.
Noun Strings
When you run a string of nouns togetherand make some of them act as adjectives, your reader gets really confused really fast. Phrases such as these:
• community environment decision making processes• volunteer group greenway initiators
make it hard to tell quickly who is doing what to whom.
Sometimes, you have to unstuff a sentence!
community environment decision making processes
Try adding prepositions . . . process by which a community makes decisions about environmental issues.
Noun Strings – these sentences need unstuffing
We must understand who the initiators of water-oriented
greenway efforts are before we can understand the basis for
community environment decision making processes. State
government planning agencies and commissions and
designated water quality planning and management
agencies have initiated such efforts. They have
implemented water resource planning and management
studies and have aided volunteer group greenway initiators
by providing technical and coordinative assistance.
Better . . . Though not shorter!We must understand who the initiators of efforts to
promote water-oriented greenways are before we can
understand the process by which a community makes
decisions about environmental issues. Planning agencies
and commissions of the state government and other
agencies that have been designated to plan and manage
water quality have initiated such efforts. They have
implemented studies on planning and managing and have
aided volunteer groups that initiate efforts to promote
greenways by providing them with technical advice and
assistance in coordinating their activities.
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