Using Rhetorical Strategies toHelp the Reader Understand and Remember What’s Important

Rhetorical Strategies: Sentences

• Controlling passive voice• Pruning

– Choose words for precision

– Consider combining sentences

• Clarifying pronoun reference• Controlling abstraction• Combining or dividing sentences• Unstuffing sentences

Passive Voice Active Voice Elapsed time is indicated by a pointer.

The project was completed by the installation crew.

It is suggested that readings be recorded hourly.

A pointer indicates elapsed time.

The installation crew completed the project.

I suggest you record readings hourly.

Rhetorical Strategies

Which is better?

Controlling Passive Voice• Passive Voice

– literary– longer– more vague– less active verb– emphasizes the thing

acted upon– sometimes, the only

accurate way to go

• Active Voice– the way we speak

– more concise

– says who did it

– more active verb

– emphasizes the doer of the action

– all things being equal, the way to go

Should this sentence be changedto Active Voice?

Particle-imaging velocimetry (PIV) is a

method by which movements of fine

particles injected into a flow are traced in

real time to enable dynamic measurement

of flow velocity.

Controlling Passive Voice

• It was discovered during Exxon’s initial modeling efforts that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir.

• Better:

Exxon’s initial modeling efforts showed that the reservoir was actually a retrograde condensate reservoir.

When to use which?

• to emphasize the agent of the action:

Previous researchers established the relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters.

Active Voice Passive Voice

• to emphasize the object:

The relationship between chemical qualities and model parameters was established by previous researchers .

The water sample was heated to a temperature of 1000C.

• to emphasize the action:

JMC Consulting recommends that BPAmoco adopt a risk-communication plan

Pruning• Blackout order of 1942

Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-federal buildings occupied by the federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination

• President Roosevelt said:“Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.”

William Zinsser, On Writing Well

Word Choice

• Instead of:utilize

deem

during the course of

with respect to

make use of

despite the fact that

give consideration to

• Use:use

think

during

about

use

although

consider

Pruning• One evidence of this expected deep water production

increase is the large number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing.

• Check for these:– forms of the verb “to be” – prepositional phrases – “that” clauses

especially when they are all clustered together.

Pruning

One evidence of this expected deep water production increase is the large number of large number of tractstracts in water deeper than 5000 feet that were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing.

Precision and Clarity

X number of tracts in water deeper than 5000 feet were leased in the last rounds of the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) Outer Continental Shelf (OCS) leasing. This increase in deep water production confirms . . .

Pruning: Removing the Dead Wood

The following report outlines the different

aspects relating to the current feasibility of

constructing a magnetically levitated bullet

train in Central Texas.

Guide, section 5.2

Pronoun Reference

Be sure that the antecedent for each pronoun is clear. Notice the ambiguity of “their” in this example:

We reviewed controls protecting the computer from environmental hazards so that we could determine their effectiveness.

Pronoun Reference

In the future, the accountant responsible for the

proofs should initial and date appropriate

reports, sign out in the proof log, and revise

checklist procedures accordingly. This will

clearly indicate who has done the proof and

when it was performed.

procedure

Empty Pronouns

It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in.

Empty Pronouns

• It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (36 words)

• NOEX USA subsequently confirmed the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d, meaning the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. (30 words)

Abstractions: Turning Verbs into Nouns

• The thermal decomposition of the TMAH occurs rapidly at these temperatures and results in the formation of trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.

• TMAH decomposes quickly at these temperatures and forms trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.

Use these strategies to make concepts concrete

• Visual imagery• Examples• Comparisons

• Descriptions• Questions

In many clinical situations, such as mammography, there is a need to distinguish between different kinds of soft tissue – between tumors and normal tissue, for instance. Because the absorption is small to begin with, and differences in density and composition are slight, standard x-ray imaging is not as successful at this task.

Combining Sentences: longer sentences may produce a shorter passage.

• Does combining these sentences improve their readability?

• What problems does combining solve?

The population explosion in and around the

Austin area has proved to be problematic

regarding water-drainage structures. It has

particularly affected the Brushy Creek area in

southern Williamson County.

Combining Sentences

The population explosion in and around the

Austin area has proved to be problematic

regarding water-drainage structures, particularly

in the Brushy Creek area in southern Williamson

County.

Noun Strings

When you run a string of nouns togetherand make some of them act as adjectives, your reader gets really confused really fast. Phrases such as these:

• community environment decision making processes• volunteer group greenway initiators

make it hard to tell quickly who is doing what to whom.

Sometimes, you have to unstuff a sentence!

community environment decision making processes

Try adding prepositions . . . process by which a community makes decisions about environmental issues.

Noun Strings – these sentences need unstuffing

We must understand who the initiators of water-oriented

greenway efforts are before we can understand the basis for

community environment decision making processes. State

government planning agencies and commissions and

designated water quality planning and management

agencies have initiated such efforts. They have

implemented water resource planning and management

studies and have aided volunteer group greenway initiators

by providing technical and coordinative assistance.

Better . . . Though not shorter!We must understand who the initiators of efforts to

promote water-oriented greenways are before we can

understand the process by which a community makes

decisions about environmental issues. Planning agencies

and commissions of the state government and other

agencies that have been designated to plan and manage

water quality have initiated such efforts. They have

implemented studies on planning and managing and have

aided volunteer groups that initiate efforts to promote

greenways by providing them with technical advice and

assistance in coordinating their activities.