transforming relationships west dunbarton dr elizabeth morris self-esteem
Post on 24-Dec-2015
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What is the difference – if any – between self-esteem and self-
confidence?Self imageSelf image
Believe in himselfBelieve in himself
At easeAt ease
Good with other peopleGood with other people
Content with themselvesContent with themselves
ConfidenceConfidence
AssuranceAssurance
Able to take risksAble to take risks
Able to stand up for herself
Able to stand up for herself
EnergeticEnergetic
Self -confidence and Self-esteem – What are they?
• Both attitudes of mind. • Can both be high or low; positive or
negative.• Interactive. High self confidence and high
self esteem, low self confidence and low self esteem likely to go together.
• SELF CONFIDENCE: how we think and feel about what we are able to do - or not do.
• SELF ESTEEM: how we think and feel about who we are. Feeling valuable as a human being and liking ourselves.
Research on self-esteem by Stanley Coopersmith identified three critical elements to developing it in children. Children who displayed high self-esteem had: • Carers who valued and loved them and expressed
this • Carers who provided firm, fair boundaries and stuck
to these• Carers who involved them democratically in making
certain decisions. School of Emotional Literacy • (carers who model positive self esteem)
Best Approach
• Whole home or whole school approach- Same messages/permissions- Same values- Consistency- Regularity- Self esteem building team- Empowering actions- Individual response
Strokes
A stroke is a “unit of recognition”.Strokes may be:
• Verbal v nonverbal• Positive v negative• Conditional (doing) v unconditional
(being)• Direct v indirect• More or less intense.
The Stroke Grid
NEGATIVE POSITIVE
UNCONDITIONALFor Being
Put-Downs
Expressed Love
CONDITIONALFor Doing
Negative Feedback
Praise
How People Treat Us and as a result How We Feel About
Ourselves A person’s self esteem is determined by the ratio of positive to negative unconditional strokes (for being):• Lots of expressed love and few put-downs leads to
high self-esteem.• Lots of put-downs and little expressed love leads to
low self-esteem.• A person’s self-confidence is determined by the ratio of
positive to negative conditional strokes (for doing):• Lots of praise and limited negative feedback leads to high
self-confidence.• Lots of negative feedback and limited praise
leads to low self-confidence.
Receiving Positive Strokes
1. Slow down2. Eye contact3. Keep breathing4. Don’t discount 5. Don't shoot back6. Repeat7. Ask to be repeated8. Thank.
How to boost your “stroke account”
• Positive self talk• Avoiding/refusing unconditional
negative strokes• Avoiding/refusing undeserved
conditional negative strokes• Asking for positive strokes• Letting positive strokes in.
Giving Negative Feedback
1. Avoid shaming - usually in private
2. Behaviour – doing, not being3. Specific 4. Ask for change / reparation5. Personalise6. The + - + sandwich 7. Avoid battles to be right.
Giving praise/appreciation
1. Work out what they want to hear2. Public or private?3. Behaviour/doing and/or person/being4. Specific and general5. Make & keep good contact6. Take your time7. Personalise8. Thinking and feeling9. Verbal and non-verbal10. Repeat
11. Make sure they have taken it in.
Self Esteem Torpedoes• Catastrophising - this is TERRIBLE• Overgeneralising – EVERYTHING will be
terrible• Fortune telling – everything will ALWAYS be
terrible• Filtering - nothing good happened• Jumping to conclusions – don’t bother me
with the facts please• Hanging on to a belief
- Yes but… if only- If I fail I am bad
• Name calling – he’s stupid• Personalising – she meant ME
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