self esteem – an islamic perspective dr. kanwal kaisser

Self Esteem – An Islamic Perspective

Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

Session Overview

• Self-Esteem: What is it?• Effects of High and Low Self

Esteem• Link between self esteem and

Islam• Secret to Better Self Esteem

Self-Esteem: What is it?

Self-esteem refers to the way we see and think about ourselves.

Self-Esteem: What’s it made of?

• All the experiences• Interpersonal

relationships• Everyone you’ve ever

met has added to or taken away from how you see yourself!

Levels of Self-Esteem

The Personal Level

• A person might change according to what an imperfect society or culture sees fit.

• These changes happen to a person’s philosophy, opinions, and values.

The Social Level

• In a social he is bound to suffer feelings of worthlessness.

• Peer groups or family members may bring about gatherings where a person is harassed or mocked for who he or she is.

• A self-esteem deficit here might lead a person into depression or social anxiety.

Effects of High and Low Self Esteem

Characteristics of People With High Self-Esteem

They like to meet new people.

They don’t worry about how others will judge them.

They have the courage to express themselves.

Their lives are enriched with each new encounter.

They are nicer to be around.

Their ideas are met with interest because others want to hear what they have to say.

They are magnets to positive opportunities!

Characteristics of People With High Self-Esteem

People with high self esteem have an “I think I can” attitude!

Characteristics of People With Low Self-Esteem

They don’t believe in themselves.

They see themselves failing before they begin.

They have a hard time forgiving their mistakes and make themselves pay the price forever.

They believe they can never be as good as they should be or as others.

They are afraid to show their creativity because they will be ridiculed.

They are dissatisfied with their lives.

They spend most of their time alone.

They complain and criticize.

They worry about everything and do nothing.

Characteristics of People With Low Self-Esteem

People with low self esteem have an “I can’t do it” attitude.

Negative Effects of Low Self Esteem

Diseases of the Heart

Ungratefulness

Envy

Backbiting

Anger

Resentment

Arrogance

More Negative Effects of Low Self Esteem

Leads to approval seeking and attention getting.

Affects sincerity in relationships: seek their approval.

Insecurities distort our intentions, they do not do things for the sake of Allah.

Negative Effects of Low Self Esteem

We become competitive and constantly compare ourselves to others

Sometimes we become judgmental in order to make ourselves feel superior

Other times we compare ourselves negatively to others and develop inferiority complexes.

This leads to envy.

What Caused Low Esteem?

• External forces and internal forces. • Sometimes, people are highly sensitive and

internalize criticism. Take their criticism to heart.

• Sometimes we are taught to think about things in distorted ways.

• Other times, we look for other people to validate us, as opposed to turning inwards and turning to Allah to make sure we are doing the right thing.

Self Esteem and Islam – What’s the Link?

Faith Adds to Self Esteem• Faith adds an entirely new

dimension to our sense of self-worth.

• We exist because Allah willed for us to exist

• We have a purpose in life because He does not create aimlessly.

Faith Adds to Self Esteem• The sense of self-worth comes

from the Divine rather than coming from the human

• By focusing inward, connect with the inner source of peace, happiness, comfort, care, hope, and light that characterizes our link with Allah.

Faith Adds to Self Esteem

• “We matter to Allah”. • Even if no one else seems to care

about us, He does, and experiencing His love towards us teaches us to value ourselves.

• Ultimately, faith and dignity are strongly linked, so true faith can bring the deepest sense of self-worth.

Self Worth Of A Muslim

• Muslims have countless reasons to feel blessed, worthy and honored, and never give in to despair, hopelessness or self-hatred – resulting ultimately in high self esteem.

A Muslim has high self esteem because he…

1. Is honored by Allah

• “We have honored the children of Adam and carried them by land and sea. We have provided good sustenance for them and favored them specially above many of those We have created” (Al-Israa 17:70)

Bر@ Dب BاهKمD فHي ال Dن Hي آدBمB وBحBمBل Bن Bا ب مDن XرB BقBدD ك وBل DمKاهB Dن BاتH وBفBضXل @ب BاهKم م@نB الطXي قDن Bز BرBو HرDحB Dب وBالeيالHضDفB Bا ت BقDن ل Bخ DنXم@م jيرH Bث عBلBىl ك

2. Isn’t Weighed Down By Guilt

• “Say: O my servants! who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah.” (Az-Zumar 39: 53)

Bال DمHه HسKفD Bن فKوا عBلBىl أ Bر DسB XذHينB أ BادHيB ال ب Hا عB قKلD ي

HهX حDمBةH الل Bر DنHوا مKطB BقDن ت

3. Knows There Is A Way Out

• “And for those who fear Allah, He always prepares a way out,.” (At-Talaaq 65: 2-3)

جeا BرDخBم KهX BجDعBل ل هB ي Xـ XقH الل Bت وBمBن ي

4. Knows Relief Comes With Difficulty

• “So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.” (Ash-Sharah 94: 5-6)

Steps to High Self Esteem

Three Key Themes

• Conscious determination,

• Spiritual connection with Allah

• Emotional balance.

#1 – Personal Evaluation

• Perform a personal ‘Strengths’ and ‘Weaknesses’ analysis.

• The best references for evaluating yourself are the Quran and Sunnah because they are the manual for right and wrong.

• Once you’ve reviewed your weaknesses, cross out the word and rename it ‘Challenges’ – these are the areas to work on to transform.

#2 – Develop a Muslim Psychology

• Boost your faith (Imaan). • You should not pay heed to the worldly

standards.• Know that you are a creation of The Majestic

Creator; and secondly, you are of the Ummah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him).

#3 – Develop Positive Skills and Habits

• Enrich your mind through recitation of the Quran with translation and Tafsir.

• Establishing Salah.• Initiate your own project.

#4 – Personal Grooming

• Dress code in deen• Looks??????• Habits

#5 – Find Birds of a Feather

• Find a supportive peer group. • If your gatherings are full of folks that

ridicule your beliefs and values, then you are bound to feel worthless.

• Mingle with the righteous who acknowledge your worth, help you identify your weaknesses, and are indulged in productive and wholesome habits.

#5 – Find Birds of a Feather (Contd.)

• If you have good friends who relax and enjoy themselves within the wise bounds that Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) has set, and your productive activities include:– Attending halaqas– Praying in congregation at the mosque– Discussing Iman– Understanding and memorization of the Quran– Similar positive topics

• Then you are bound to feel secure and benefit from the gathering.

#6 – Develop Your Defense

• Perform a simple self-check: test your response to wrongful criticism.

• You should speak calmly and articulately, assertively and firmly, with the Quran and Sunnah as reference.

• Remember being assertive and firm does not mean speaking harshly or rudely.

Other Ways to Increase Self Esteem

Become physically fit.

Engage in volunteer work.

Follow the example of successful people.

SELF WORTH COMES FROM WITHIN!

The key point to remember when trying to build self worth is…

Don’t Base Self Esteem on External Factors!

• culture, • nationality,• language, • wealth, • social class, • ancestry,• profession, • educational level.

Don’t Base Self Worth on External Factors!

• We can lose everything external.• So basing our self-worth on transient

things is extremely dangerous• Allah often tests us by taking those

things we are most attached to.

Final Thought…rememberrrrr

• Very low self-esteem…….. Corrosive.

• Too much self-esteem…….extremely destructive.

• Measure your self-worth by Islam and not by

society• Sync your life with your faith, you can

overcome the self-esteem deficit soon.

Remember…

• You are a unique individual. No one else is like you in the whole world. This makes you special already!

• Our time in this world is limited. Make it happen for you so you leave your mark in history!

Questions?

Jazakallah Khairan!Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

May 2012

Resources Used From the Following Places

• http://www.productivemuslim.com/ways-to-build-self-esteem/

• http://www.balancedleader.net/psychology/depressed.html

• http://azizaizmargari.wordpress.com/2007/03/29/diseases-of-the-heart-low-self-esteem-and-insecurities/

Dr. Kanwal Kaisser