psychological needs of pre-schoolers psychological needs of pre-schoolers fremont chinese...

學前儿童的心理需要學前儿童的心理需要 Psychological Needs of Pre-SchoolersPsychological Needs of Pre-Schoolers

Fremont Chinese Evangelical Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free ChurchFree Church

Parenting GroupParenting Group

Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.Licensed Clinical PsychologistLicensed Clinical Psychologist

www.ChristianMentalHealth.comwww.ChristianMentalHealth.com(510) 794-8898(510) 794-8898

Outline of Parenting Workshop

Fremont Chinese Evangelical Free Church Welcome You!

Session 1Fundamentals of Child PsychologyFundamentals of Child Psychology

Questions & Answer Session Session 2

Current Issues & Child DevelopmentCurrent Issues & Child DevelopmentQuestions & Answer SessionPlease Stay for RefreshmentPlease Stay for Refreshment

What Makes your Baby Tick?What Makes your Baby Tick?

AA

BB

CC

DD

EE

A: 5-months: 45 gm = 1.56 ozA: 5-months: 45 gm = 1.56 oz

B: 6-months: 110 gm = 3.85 ozB: 6-months: 110 gm = 3.85 oz

C: 7-months: 210 gm = 7.35 ozC: 7-months: 210 gm = 7.35 oz

D: 8-months: 300 gm = 10.50 ozD: 8-months: 300 gm = 10.50 oz

E: 9-months: 400 gm = 14.00 ozE: 9-months: 400 gm = 14.00 oz

Brain weight in grams/ouncesBrain weight in grams/ounces

1-yr old: 800 gm = 28 oz

2-yr old: 1000 gm = 35 oz

3-yr old: 1200 gm = 42 oz

5-yr old: 1300 gm = 46 oz

AdulthoodAdulthood

Brain weight stabilizes, Brain weight stabilizes, maximized around 12-14 yr oldmaximized around 12-14 yr old

Understanding Brain Growth in Understanding Brain Growth in Neonatal DevelopmentNeonatal Development

• The brain grows in stages– Most rapid growth between baby to 6 year old

– 80-90% of brain growth completed: 6 year old

• Obstacles to brain growth (generally irreversible)– Toxic substances: Drug-alcohol-radiation-stress hormones

• Pickling of brain cells causing hardening & deterioration

– Head traumas: Tearing of brain connections

• Enhances to brain growth (Brain is a muscle)– Eye-hand activities, happy mood, secure environment

Good Or Bad to hold your Child?Good Or Bad to hold your Child?Security Building: Physical Attachment gives rise to Pleasure

““Hush a bye baby on the tree top…”Hush a bye baby on the tree top…”

Develop Happy Emotions & Childhood Fun

Don’t let Negative Emotions last too longDon’t let Negative Emotions last too long

Stages of developmentStages of development

• Babies & Children grow in stages & phases• Weaned from nursing, Toilet training

– Learn to eat Solids: Self-Feeding

• Learning to walk, learning to talk• Learning to be independent of mother

– Testing separation & attachment: Security

• Leaving mother & attaching to father– Exploring the environment: Understands others

Stages of developmentStages of development

• Identity as an individual develops (Imitational learning)

– Around 18 months to 48 months

““Monkey See Monkey Do”Monkey See Monkey Do”

Stages of developmentStages of development

• Identity as an individual develops (Imitational learning)

– Around 18 months to 48 months

• Gender-Identity Imprinting & Formation– Around 18 months to 48 months– Sons attach to Father: Masculine Identity– Daughters attach to Mother: Feminine Identity– Opposite sex parent helps to polarize Identity

• Some parallel play• Reading & educational training can take place• Learning to separate from parents: Preschool

Brain growth and IQ issuesBrain growth and IQ issues

• Frontal Cortex is the last part to grow– Moral issues & Empathic understanding

• Pre-Frontal Cortex is the second last to complete– Execution of decisions & higher judgment

• Important to help kids in delay gratification– “Self-Regulation of Emotions & Desires”

• Best time to increase kids’ curiosity & fun– “Stimulus Response” (Libraries & Book Stores)

Practical Ways in Building up the Confidence Practical Ways in Building up the Confidence and Security of your Childand Security of your Child

• For every 6 or 7 praises you may admonish once

• Talk Positively instead of Negatively– ‘Don’t spill your milk or I will beat you up!”– ‘Hold your cup carefully, I know you can make it!”– “Don’t let me find you hitting your baby sister!”– “Let’s love your baby sister! You are a good brother you can take care of her!”

• Avoid “Shame” and “Blame”– “Why are you so stupid and your brother so smart?”

• Say often to your Child “I am proud of you!”• Hold and Touch your Child in Good times & Bad

Questions & Answers SessionQuestions & Answers Session

Issues of Brain DevelopmentScheduling Nursing & Feeding (organized world)

Sleep Routine

Eating Routine: Feed him or let him feed self?

Timing of Potty Training

Terrible Two: How to enrich your kid?

What's wrong withWhat's wrong with "I bring up my child the way I "I bring up my child the way I

was brought up by my parents!" was brought up by my parents!" • This is a secure-sure fire position: Tried & True

• May not fit the current context of child rearing– Asian: More extended-family community based

– Western: More personal-individually based

• When parents have problems: Kids will suffer

• Needs flexibility in parenting: Kids are flexible

• Issue of corporal punishment: Negative outcome

• Authoritarianism: Threatening & force: – Adversarial positions: Win-Lose paradigm

““More…Punishment…Child…More Violent”More…Punishment…Child…More Violent”

Physical Punishment: Disrespect

““Physical Punishment Hereditary!”Physical Punishment Hereditary!”

What Is Silicon Valley CultureWhat Is Silicon Valley Culture

Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

Priorities of Silicon Valley CulturePriorities of Silicon Valley Culture

Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

Priorities of Silicon Valley CulturePriorities of Silicon Valley Culture

Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

““Greed Drives Silicon Valley Culture?”Greed Drives Silicon Valley Culture?”

Picture credit: Time (Digital) Magazine

The pitfalls of the “Affluent The pitfalls of the “Affluent Silicon Valley Culture"Silicon Valley Culture"

• “As long as I am Smart everything will work out”

• “Competition is the name of the game!”– “He who has the most toys wins!”

• “If I can pay for it, it will be fixed”– Over-use of therapy and self-help groups

• “Everybody will be young, beautiful, perfect, pain-free”– Kids don’t know how to take failure

• “If you only work hard, you will get ahead”– No accommodation for individual differences & timing

What breaks the Spirit of a Young ChildWhat breaks the Spirit of a Young Child

Fear is experienced more often than LoveFear is experienced more often than Love• Threats are used to make child obey

– Physical punishment in the name of discipline– Oppressiveness over logic in demands for obedience

– “Hate” begins to take hold for the oppressor– Child “hates” self and others

• Anger turned Inward becomes Depression– “Lazy” “Slow” “ADD” “Disorganized” Kid– Video games & TV becomes only interest

Good Father & Mother Relationship & Parenting

• When relationship is Good between Parents– Child Feels Happy & Secure: Not Abandonment Fears– Parents give kids Positive example of Marital Relationship

• Child learns Optimism in adult dating relationships• Unconsciously sets up an “Marriage Anticipation framework”

• When relationship is Bad between Parents– They use kids as “Messengers” “Go-Between”

• Kids bear the Emotional Burden of Adults– “Tell your father I hate him!”

– Love-hate Dilemma: Increases kids attention• Reduces academic performance: Family is priority

Divorce and Re-Marriage Divorce and Re-Marriage IImpacts on Child Developmentmpacts on Child Development

Pre-Divorce: Family environment is tensePre-Divorce: Family environment is tense• Kids are sensitive to the tension between parents• Kids try to avoid this tension: Start Defenses

– “Be Perfect, my parents will stay together”– “Take care of parents’ Emotional needs”

• Role Reversal: Missed out on Self-Development

• Kids grow up to become “Rescuer” “Hero”– Fear of abandonment & Separation: Dependency– Sacrifices self development to avoid separations

Bilingualism: Should I speak Chinese at home?Bilingualism: Should I speak Chinese at home?

"This may slow down my child's speech!""This may slow down my child's speech!"

• Brain functioning of a Child is “Robust”– Language is like learning musical instruments

• Bilingual Kids’ language Development is slower– Preschooler will catch up to speed within 3-6 months

• Bilingualism is a Strength and not a Weakness– It’s easier to learn a new language before 12– New language skills Stimulate brain functioning (exercise muscle)

– Helps in Novel problem Solving Skills: Innovation

• Kids develop diversity & multicultural understanding

Multilingualism

““Children brought up Children brought up to speak two or to speak two or more languages more languages find it easier to find it easier to

develop other skills develop other skills too”too”

The Sunday TelegraphSeptember 2, 2000

London, United Kingdom

Moral Issues: Violence, Pornography, Child-Moral Issues: Violence, Pornography, Child-Abuse, Homosexuality and Child DevelopmentAbuse, Homosexuality and Child Development

• Violence: Feeds the darker side of all people– Depressed kids like it: It gives them a “lift”– Angry kids like it: One way to get even

• Pornography: Internet (Supply & Demand)– Sexual curiosity is normal but not addiction

• Child-Abuse: Emotional Time-bomb– Kids are defenseless: As Adults they defeat self

• Homosexuality: Sex education begins at home

Questions & Answers SessionQuestions & Answers Session

Recommend some Good Books

Questions & Answers SessionQuestions & Answers Session

Recommend some Good Books

What to do with a Fussy Eater