negotiation and influencing slideshare 2013

Negotiation and Influencing Skills

Good Morning!

• Houskeeping

• Intro’s

• Aims

What are your aims?

Setting the context

• L.A. moving from delivery to commissioning

• Increased collaboration with all sectors

• Collaboration and partnership needs negotiation and influence

• ‘Commercial’ approach to include small contracts and entire functions

Mark’s Aims:

• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes

• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate

• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready

• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills

This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:

• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes

• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate

• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready

• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills

This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:

• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes

• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate

• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready

• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills

This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:

• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes

• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate

• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready

• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills

This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:

• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes

• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate

• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready

• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills

This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:

3 Key Elements

Key Principles

Powerful Influencing Tools

Negotiation Techniques

Today …

What is Negotiation?

Planning the Negotiation

Handling the Negotiation

Today will help you to avoid common mistakes

• Wanting something too much

• Thinking the other side has all the power

• Getting hung up on one issue

• Thinking short term

• Talking too much

• Taking it personally

• Not doing your homework

• Not seeing their side

This first session …

• Get started by having a go

• Understand the 2 Key Approaches

• Consider your potential negotiating situations

• Identify when to negotiate ( & when NOT to negotiate)

• Introduce the 4 stage negotiation structure

Welcome to the Conference!

Cottonmill Island

Wheatleigh Island

Pit IslandCowpat Island

Negotiation (definition)

Negotiation (definition)

Discuss with a view to mutual settlement

(Collins Gem Dictionary)

Negotiation (definition)

...the process whereby interested parties resolve disputes, agree upon courses of action, bargain for individual or collective advantage, and/or attempt to craft outcomes which serve their mutual interests.

(Wikepedia)

Negotiation (definition)

Confer with a view to compromise or agreement

(concise Oxford Dictionary)

“The art of letting someone get your

own way”

Types of negotiation

Satisfying needs of others

Satisfying own needs

Submit

Demand

Dovetail

Withdraw

Compromise

The ‘Flinch’

Will’s first offer …

Will’s second offer

Satisfying needs of others

Satisfying own needs

Dovetail =Optimal Position

Them Us

AssertiveAssertive Win Win

CompetitiveCompetitive Lose Win

SubmissiveSubmissive Win Lose

AggressiveAggressive Lose Lose

‘positional’ or ‘principled’?

Positions =

I win, you lose

Disadvanges

• Positions become locked in

• Ego and face saving become the driver

• You miss opportunities to progress your interests

Talks breakdown 1960

The positional negotiation spectrum

Hard Soft

Wants to win

Sees ‘tough’ as good

Ends up with damaged relationships

Wants to avoid conflict

Makes concessions

Ends up feeling ‘mugged’

Interests

Harvard Negotiation Project

• Principled negotiation

• Hard on the merits

• Soft on the people

• Win / Win

E.G’s of Win / Win

• Jack and Mrs Sprat

• Israel and Egypt

• Good Friday Agreement

• Some Industrial disputes

Advantages

• More enduring agreements

• Better relationships

• Is fairer, meets legitimate interests

Your experience…?

• Examples of win / lose

• Examples of win / win

• What is the prevalent culture here?

• What style did you use during the

exercise?

Coffee?

4 Ways to get to ‘win / win’

• Separate the people from the problem

• Focus on interests not positions

• Generate as many options as possible

• Agree objective criteria at the start

People

• Empathise

• Legitimise any emotions

• Talk about your feelings not their behaviours

Interests

• Look for mutual interests (where can you agree)

• Legitimise their other interests

• Look to dovetail interests

Israel, and the territory gained in 1967

The Egyptian flagged, demilitarized zones

Options

• Don’t just look for one answer (broaden options, don’t narrow gap)

• First generate, then choose

• Look for mutual gain

• The pie is not fixed

IdeaWorks - 7 ways to generate options

1. Establish common goals of what this "collaboration" would create.

2. Establish the rules of engagement. 3. Trust is key, establish physical proximity. 4. Add diversity (gender, culture, extroverts,

different work specialties, experts, outsiders) to the group.

5. Work in small groups. 6. Sleep on it 7. Take your time, no rush

Options

• Don’t just look for one answer (broaden options, don’t narrow gap)

• First generate, then choose

• Look for mutual gain

• The pie is not fixed (Dreamliner)

Agree Objective Criteria

• For example, are price negotiations based on market value, replacement cost or depreciated book value

• Are contract negotiations based on value, or delivery cost

High Projection

High EmpathyLow Empathy

Low Projection

Persuasive

Take it or leave it

High pressure

Weak

Seeing their point of view?

Positional Thinking

POTENTIAL NEGOTIATIONS

• Turn to Page 6 of your workbook

• List negotiations that you may get involved in

• Work and personal

For example …

• Do you negotiate with colleagues about how a task should be done?

• Do you negotiate with family members?

• Do you negotiate when buying or selling?

Page 7: ALTERNATIVES TO NEGOTIATION

When to negotiate?• When we are given no choice

• When we need each other’s consent

• When it is the only way to get what we want

• When the outcome is uncertain

• When the stakes justify our time and effort

Gavin Kennedy – The Perfect Negotiation

Build the negotiation

• Plan

• Lay foundations

• Build

• Complete

Update your learning log

Session 2

How will you ensure that the parties exchange all relevant

information?

What preparation will be required if there is an emotional dimension to the negotiation?

How will you mentally prepare yourself?

How will you identify the issues for both sides?

What are your limits?

What planning might you need about the concessions you

might need to make during the negotiation?

Transfer this information to page 9 of your workbook …

Collect in advance …

E.G. Buying a car …

• What do the price guides say?• Are there lots of similar cars out

there?• History of the vehicle• Condition?• How long has this car been for

sale?• Why is owner selling it?• Who is the owner?

Why find out about the negotiator?

Collect Information DURING the negotiation…

1.Prepare questions

2.Prepare answers

3.Identify and prioritise

4.Set negotiating range

5.Establish best alternatives

Key idea - Find out as much about the other side as you can with questions

• Want do they want and/or need?• What is important to them?• Is your existing info correct?• What else do you need to know?• Are your assumptions correct?• Do they see things the same

way that you do?

What might they ask you?

Research shows that skilled and average negotiators devote the

same amount of time to preparation. But the average

negotiators focus on the numbers. The best negotiators focus on the

strategy and the soft issues

The best negotiators …

• Ask more than twice as many questions

• Do more than twice as much testing, summarising, and seeking clarification

• Use fewer arguments – sticking to one or two key central, positive reasons.

Identify and Prioritise: Page 11

Set the negotiation range: Page 12

Negotiation Range – 3 ‘anchor points’

• Opening

• Target

• Walk Away

OO ptimal ptimal

DD esired esired

EE ssential ssential

B.A.T.N.A.

African Safari

Pick a real scenario• Pick a real negotiation

scenario

• Describe to partner

• Prepare questions you need to ask

• Anticipate questions you may be asked and prepare answers

• Feed back to group

Remember! - Find out as much about the other side as you can with questions

• Want do they want and/or need?• What is important to them?• Is your existing info correct?• What else do you need to know?• Are your assumptions correct?• Do they see things the same

way that you do?

Update your learning log

Stage Two: Lay Foundations

Time for a chat

Building Rapport

How your subconscious

is really in charge

What we’ll cover

• Body Language

• Commonality

• Listening

Rapport is like money: it increases in importance when you do not have it, and when

you do have it, a lot of opportunities appear

Genie Z Laborde; ‘Influencing With Integrity’

“Rapport is POWER. With it you can get things done you can’t get done any

other way.”

Tony Robbins

Characteristics and

behaviours of the influential?

Two Types of Communication

Verbal

Non-verbal

3 Ways to Connect

what you say

how you say it

what you look like when you say it

The Merhabian Circle

Words

Tone

Body Language

55%

38%

7%

‘All that matters is delivery, delivery,

delivery’

Demosthenes

384-322 BC

Important researchers into communication

• Charles Darwin

• Albert Mehrabian

• R L Birdwhistell

Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell

• We use almost 1,000,000 non verbal signals and cues

• The average person speaks for 10 minutes a day

• The average sentence lasts 2.5 seconds

• We use and recognise 250,000 facial expressions

Hysteria Idiocy Innocence

ShockObstinacy

Anger Love

InterestSadness

ReliefDisdain

Surprise Mischief Surprise

Happiness

Using Body Language

ACTIVE

PASSIVE

“No, honestly – I find your proposal fascinating”

Nixon v Kennedy 1960

UCLA, home of

Professor Mehrabian

How does this help you influence?

m b a

What’s going on …?

m b a

What’s going on …?

m b aHigh Performance Capacity Building

Using your palm to influence others

… … The Blyth wayThe Blyth way

Submissive and Aggressive Palm Gestures

Taking Control

Giving Control

m b a

Commonality

Milton Erickson

Mirroring:

The matching of certain behaviours of the other

person

Mirroring

Mirroring and Leading

Tone

empo

High

Low

Fast

Slow

Voice

Movement

Posture

I rest my case!

Touch

Personal Space

Breathing

The Bus To Town

Develop Your Listening Skills

How easy is it?

What stops us from listening?

• Distractions

• Lack of training

• Filtering

• Self absorbtion

“La la la la la”

Most people aren’t listening

• We forget 50% of what we are told immediately!

• 95% within 24 hours

Listening – Problem Behaviours:

Daydreaming Nit Picking

Micky taking Assuming

Waiting until they SHUT UP!

“True listening is an active pursuit designed to achieve full understanding regardless of the exact words spoken …

… sometimes in spite of the exact words spoken”

In fact we only listen when we

are truly interested or we

have to

And so?

• We need to tune in

• We need to understand their motivation, feelings, desires, perceptions

• We need to dovetail our our outcomes and theirs

How to tune inHow to tune in

Qualify meaning

‘Mine’s a better way to do it’

‘in what way is it better?’

‘It was a very successful project’

‘how do you measure ‘success’’?

‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’

‘‘How will we measure that, exactly?’How will we measure that, exactly?’

Deal with ‘universals’

• Look for ‘always’, ‘never’ or ‘all’ or

‘none’

Examples

She is responsible for the whole team and its actions

‘The whole team – and all of their actions?

Examples

‘They are all against the idea’

‘All of them?’

‘The whole idea?’

Good listeners

• Give 100% attention• Orient towards the

speaker• Are comfortable with

silence• Encourage with good

body language• Feedback their

understanding• Don’t assume

Noam Chompsky

• Surface language

• Deep language

And sorting this out is difficult because …

By now, most of the issues should be out in the open, and it

is time to move towards agreement

Stage Three: Build

• Opening position• Sounding out• Pause• Appropriate

Response• Towards Agreement

First Offers

Framing

Sounding Out …

Use the ‘If …. would’ formula

Page 18 of your workbook

Scenario 1

If you are prepared to increase your figure it might be possible for me to make

some movement on my asking price.

Scenario 2

If you fill the tank with petrol and provide the car with road

tax, I might be able to get closer to your price.

Scenario 3

If you spend the next 15 minutes tidying your

bedroom I may be able to let you stay up a little

longer tonight.

Your offer must be ‘tentative’ – not ‘absolute’: Put the ball back

into their court.

Once a tentative suggestion is accepted – move to a firm offer.

See page 19 of workbook

Hit the button!

• When you have just made an offer

• When they have made a proposal to you

• Stops you rejecting a bad offer outright

• Keeps you both talking

Respond Appropriately …

• Question the offer

• Is there anything you do like? – then tell them

• Make a counter offer

The ‘Nibble’

The ‘Set Aside’

Higher Authority

Beware of dirty tricks …

•Smoke Screen

•Creating Physical Discomfort

•Positional powerplay

•Puppy dog eyes

•‘Absolutely unacceptable’

…And some more quick tips …

1. Use silence2. Take notes3. Promote a good feeling4. Take plenty of breaks5. Be generous at the end6. If stuck, try ‘doorknobbing’7. Try walking side by side when ‘stuck’ – face

each other square on when agreeing8. Start closing at the opening – build a personal

relationship

Stage Four: Completion

• Closing successful negotiations

• Closing unsuccessful negotiations

Successful

• Summarise what is agreed

• Congratulate each other

• Affirm next /first steps

Unsuccessful

• Summarise what is agreed

• Leave the possibility of future discourse open

• Build rapport even as you leave the room!

Pine Furniture!

Negotiation & Influencing Skills

(Day 2)

Good Morning!

HandCaseMeCar

BookAndBrainMe

HereTree

MississippiOf

DoorAnd

MusicMe

HomeFilm

WhiteAnd

Influencing with integrity means ‘dovetailing’ outcomes

For this to happen you need to fully understand the other person

Belief

Trust

Influence

Influence is like electricity

• You can turn it on and off

• Its invisible, but its results are not

• It will give you power

Key

Principles

Of

Influence

Key principles:

Reciprocation

The 3C’s

Social Proof

Click, whirr!

Sabre Tooth Blenny

Conditioned response (a.k.a. habit)

Another name for a funny story, beginning with ‘J’?

JOKE

Another name for Coca Cola?

COKE

Unpleasant thing to do with a sharp stick?

POKE

Pleasant thing to do in a hot tub?

SOAK

The correct name for the white of an egg?

DID YOU SAY YOLK?

DON’T YOU MEAN ALBUMEN?

Reciprocation Rule

‘We are human because our ancestors learned to share skills in an honoured network of obligation’

Archaeologist Richard Leakey

‘The Web of Indebtedness’

Anthropologists Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox

EXAMPLES OF RECIPROCATION

$5,000 sent between Mexico and impoverished Ethiopia in 1985

Prof Dennis Regan, Cornell University ‘Joe and the Coca Cola’

Hare Krishna Society – ‘BENEFACTOR BEFORE BEGGAR STRATEGY’

MORE EXAMPLES OF RECIPROCATION

Vance Packard the Cheese Counter Salesman (worth 1,000 pounds)

The Amway Bug (worth 1.5 billion dollars)

Eibl Eibesfeldt’s soldier (worth a life)

The Rule IsOVERPOWERING

How to use the rule of reciprocity

• Register a future obligation (don’t say ‘don’t mention it’)

• Don’t disengage when rejected, but retreat ‘within’ the negotiation

How to use the rule of reciprocity

How to use the rule of reciprocity

How to use the rule of reciprocity

Think laterally about concessions

• i.e. think beyond £££ - consider delivery speed, additional credit, prompt payment schedule, publicity, etc.

• What can you give away that doesn’t hurt you but generates reciprocity.

Think of ways to use the Reciprocation Rule in a negotiation or pre-negotiation

context:

Who?

What could you do for them?

What do you want in exchange?

The 3 C’sConsistency

Commitment

Compliance

Commitment - Steve Sherman

The principles of ‘consistency’ and ‘commitment’ when used together, mean we can get people to change their behaviour, by getting them to

view themselves differently

Compliance

Change someone’s behaviour

Make someone view themselves differently (and therefore act differently)

Make a small commitment

Can you use the 3C’s (in a negotiation or pre-negotiation situation) to :

How this is used in sales

Die Leiden des jungen Werthers (The Sorrows of Young Werthers)

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Social ProofFriends

Buskers

Billy Graham

Children in Need

Club Bouncers

Buskers

Remember ‘framing’?

• University of Bristol studied 300,000 donations

• 1 donation of £100 increased next 20 donations by at least £10

Billy Graham

Club Doormen

For applause on entrance, if a gentleman 25 lire

For applause on entrance, if a lady 15 lire

Ordinary applause during performance, each 10 lire

Insistent applause during performance, each 15 lire

Still more insistent applause 17 lire

For interruptions with “Bene!” or “Bravo!” 5 lire

For a “Bis” at any cost 50 lire

Wild enthusiasm – A special sum to be arranged

How to use Social Proof?

• Model the behaviours

• Find endorsers

• Find champions and advocates

Presenting your message with

clarity and power

What goes wrong with language?

Jargon

“The resources allow a fluid response to mobilise our assets based on analysis that is inputted to HQ.”

A Northumbria Police spokesman commenting on

the new motorbikes bought by the force

“a multi-agency project catering for holistic diversionary provision to young people for positive action linked to the community safety

strategy and the pupil referral unit”?

A Go Kart Track

Why use it at all?

Complex

Orwell’s Golden Rules of Writing

“Ask ‘what am I trying to say? … Ask ‘could I

have put it more shortly? … Never use a

figure of speech that you are used to seeing

in print … Never use a long word when a short one

will do … If it is possible to cut out a word, always

cut out a word … Never use jargon if you can think

of an everyday equivalent”

George Orwell

“Speak the speech I pray you …”

1. detrimental2. sufficient3. ongoing4. verify5. ascertain6. parameters7. utilise8. modify9. remuneration

10. facilitate11. magnitude12. optimum13. viable14. close proximity15. augment16. implement 17. expedite18. terminate

19. concur20. adjacent21. maximise22. endeavour23. accomplish24. acquire25.advantageous

Session 2

Presentation SkillsPresentation Skills

Advantages of standing up

• People will pay 25% more

• 79% sign up against 58%

• You, more professional,

persuasive, credible, interesting,

prepared

University of Pennsylvania Study

Consensus

Action

Perception of you

How We Take Information on Board

Universities of Wisconsin, Harvard, Columbia and Wharton School of Business

Learning improved by 200%

Retention up 38%

Time to explain complex

ideas down 25%

Mark’s favourite

words are ….?

Primacy: HAND, CASE.

Frequency: ME, AND.

Recency: FILM, WHITE.

Peculiarity: MISSISSIPPI

4 Elements of Successful Structure

Primacy

PeculiarityFrequency

Recency

RECALL

PrimacyRecency

100%

Time

0%

Primacy and Recency

Primacy and Recency

RECALL

Primacy

Recency

100%

Time

0%

RECALL

Outstanding Information

100%

Time

0%

Add ‘outstandingness’

Original curve of recall

Engaging Openings – the rhetorical question

‘How many of us thought that the internet would transform the way we do business – so quickly, so completely, and for ever?’

Engaging Openings – the hard hitting statement

‘The fact that in this our called civilised society, a child can live the short tragic life of Baby Peter – is nothing short of a national disgrace’

Engaging Openings – the intriguing fact

‘‘We make more telephone calls in the U.K. every day, than we made during the whole of 1983.”

Engaging Openings – critical contrast

‘‘We spend more money on ice cream in Europe each year than we do on emergency aid to developing countries”

Jan Egelund, the United Nations.

Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s

‘The World will miss him. The Church will miss him. I will miss him’.

Cardinal Cormack Murphy O’Connor (on the death of Pope John Paul).

The Rule of 3s

‘My priorities can be summed up in 3 words. Education. Education. Education’.

Tony Blair.

The Rule of 3s

‘My priorities can be summed up in 3 letters. N. H. S’.

David Cameron.

Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s

‘You can’t be in business today, use yesterday’s tools and still be in business tomorrow’

Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s

‘..for the youth of today, the athletes of tomorrow and the Olympians of the future’.

Lord Coe on London’s Olympic bid.

’

Engaging Endings – Call to action

‘We need you. Join us’