introducing consulation at ebbf milan - trip barthel

The Whole World is Talking

is Anyone Listening?

Don’t try to find the answer

the answer

the answer is not

the solution

the solution is not

the goal

the goal is consultation

Dynamic Consultation: 9 Keys to Unity

Welcome

Please talk with someone new about your goals in attending this conference.

Class Ground Rules

• There are no right answers in this class, there are only better questions.

• Please consider brevity and wisdom before responding.

• Let everyone speak once before anyone speaks a second time.

• Be honest, open, detached, creative and joyful.• Consultation is an ocean, this program will only

consider a small pond.

“Some Aspects of Bahá'í Scholarship” by Peter J. Khan

Bahá'ís who achieve expertise in a field of knowledge could well find it fruitful to pursue the relationship between issues and concepts in that field and the

Bahá'í teachings in areas such as the following: the dynamics of group decision-making, and the

principles of conflict resolution and of mediation, related to the Bahá'í approach to consultation and

group truth-seeking ;…

I have been teaching conflict resolution across the US and around the world for the past 20 years, including the last seven years full time in China, India, southeast Asia and Europe.

For 10 years I taught the 40 hour Mediation Program through the Baha’i Justice Society.

Positive, Meaningful and Productive Environments

• World Cafe • Positive Psychology • 4MAT: Teaching to Learning Styles • Appreciative Inquiry • Getting to Yes • 6 Thinking Hats • Participatory Decision Making • The Reflective Practitioner

Tonight I hope to share with you some of the wisdom

I have gleaned in my practice of mediation and facilitation.

Reciprocal Negotiation

Ethical Decision Making

Consultation provides the perfect foundation.

2 examples of research supporting consultation

Creativity

So let’s start with some history - 170 years ago no one was thinking in terms of consultation.

The world was stuck in the same repeated patterns with no end in sight. Conflicts were consuming people and resources. Wars were becoming bigger and more destructive.

The world needed a new model for resolving difficult issues.

Then in 1844 there was the spark of a new paradigm.

The Baha’i model of unity first appeared in the consciousness of humankind.

The purpose of consultation is to bring justice to the world for the

establishment of unity and eternal spiritual happiness among all

people.

Baha’i consultation stood out as a new way of decision making.

Baha’is were eager to share this model with the world but the world was not ready to listen.

About 40 years ago that the world caught up and began to pass the Baha’is.

Baha’is no longer have a corner on the consultation market.

Now everyone is talking. But is anyone listening?

• National Conference on Dialogue and Deliberation - 350 models of dialogue

• KAICIID - King Abdul Bin Abdulaziz International Center for Interreligious and Intercultural Dialogue

• Study Circles Resource Center • International Association of Facilitators • Association for Conflict Resolution • World Cafe, Conversation Cafe, Open Space, • Participatory Decision Making, Grove Consultants,

Graphic Facilitation

All of these models encourage these transitions

Transitions Process Formal to Informal Time Past to Future Empathy Me to We Emotions Negative to Positive Issues Positions to Interests Choices Few to Many

The Whole World is Talking Is Anyone Listening?

Listening is at the heart of empathy and EQ.

Conflict resolution is a 2 step process - empathy and options

Let’s see what we know about empathy

2 Empathize (feeling and connecting)

We can never exert the influence over others which we can exert over ourselves. If we are better, if we show love, patience, and understanding of the weakness of

others, if we seek to never criticize but rather encourage, others will do likewise.

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, October 26, 1943)

By God! Should one who is in affliction or grief read this Tablet with absolute sincerity,

God will dispel his sadness, solve his difficulties

and remove his afflictions. (Tablet of Ahmad)

2 Empathize (feeling and connecting) I don’t care how much you know until I know

how much you care. - Theodore Roosevelt

Insert free RSA video on Empathy from itunes

Our physical attunement allows our moods to align and when our moods align, we build rapport.

Emotional Intelligence

! Emotional Intelligence begins by being ! aware how we feel. ! manage our feelings. ! aware the feelings of others. ! Finally we try to use feelings to promote positive

relationships.

! Difficult issues inevitably involve a high level of emotion. Emotion is what shows others how deeply we care.

! Negative thoughts are found to most directly disrupt decision making

! Unresolved issues of negative emotion limit the group’s working relationship

! The chemicals the body produces during a high state of agitation take at least 15 to 30 minutes to dissipate.

!Thoughts in the mind are associated by content and mood

!Good moods enhance the ability to think flexibly and with more complexity

!A sense of humor helps find a creative solution !People in good moods are more expansive

and positive in their thinking.

! Suggestions on improving Emotional Intelligence ! Build the social bonds of the group. ! Consider the other’s perspective ! Take a break for 15 to 30 minutes after a difficult

discussion to reflect on the issues ! Ask fact based questions to dissipate emotional

intensity.

See It’s Not About the Nail video from Youtube

It’s Not About the Nail

What’s it about?

Low Moods are not all bad

• Melancholy sharpens the spotlight of attention. • People in low moods remember 4 times more. • Downcast moods correlate with better writing samples. • Sadness improves focus and more likely to persist.

Emotional Intelligence and Positive Psychology

Empathy builds emotional rapport through positive questions and heartfelt responses.

Skills for Empathy

1. Listen with your whole being. Listen actively and attentively, 2. Speak from your heart. Speak openly and honestly, Be humble and detached.

3. Ask questions that promote caring. 4. Consider the views of others before advancing your own views

5. Silence for the spirit (yes, silence is a skill)

In theory, theory and practice are the same.

In practice, they are not. ― Albert Einstein

Skill - Asking Caring Questions

Scenario: I’m sick and tired of all the gossiping that goes on around here.

How would you respond? Don’t name their feelings, solve the problem and ask for facts. What are three good empathetic questions or statements?

“Tell me more.”

“How are you feeling about this?”

Reciprocity is the essence of the Golden Rules.

It ask that we treat one another as we would like to be treated.

It is empathy in action.

Reciprocal Negotiation

I was working with a married couple several years ago. Things weren’t good enough for them to stay married, but they weren’t bad enough for them to get divorced. So I asked them to sit quietly and answer these 2 simple questions:

What are you wiling to do? What would you like to ask the other party to consider doing?

Willing to do Ask other to consider

| | | | ______________________________________________

Robin wants to start a nightclub in an old warehouse near the edge of a residential area with several apartment buildings. Robin has purchased the property and has all of the necessary permits to begin construction on his nightclub.

Tony, the representative of the residents of the apartments is concerned that a nightclub will play loud music and the patrons of the nightclub might drink too much and become a nuisance in the neighborhood.

Hallmarks of Group ProcessBe open

Ask Better QuestionsEmpathy first and Options second

Matching people that care with questions that matterEncourage full participation Teach new ways of thinking

People learn at different rates and in different waysListen to others first and listen to the minority

Seek first hand knowledgeSpeak from your heart and mindOffer ideas as gifts to the groupDevelop a shared understanding

Wisdom of CrowdsDecentralized, independent, diverse, aggregate

Foster inclusive solutions2 periods of sleep for difficult decisions

Work for consensusTruthfulness, Trustworthiness and Unity

Thank you for your time.

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