how to suck at email marketing

MASS MAIL GENERIC

STUFF TO YOUR

ENTIRE LIST

(BECAUSE EVERYONE W

ANTS YOUR

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE)

Instead, segment your list and create different versions of each email campaign that are tailored to specific industries or titles.

WRITE LONG

EMAILS THAT GO

ON FOR PAGES

(YOU LOST ME AT HELLO

)

Instead, make your point in 10 sentences or less. Better yet, do it in less than 5 sentences.

SELL YOUR SOLUTION

IN THE EMAIL

(CLICK HERE TO BUY A

NEW HOUSE)

Instead, create low-pressure calls to action, such as a request for an appointment or link to a landing page on your website.

TALK ENDLESSLY

ABOUT YOURSELF &

YOUR COMPANY

(BECAUSE YOU ARE THE

MOST

INTERESTING PERSON IN

THE WORLD)

Unless you’re the Dos Equis Guy, recipients don’t want to hear about you. Instead, send useful information like tips, trends, and best practices that will help them.

ONLY SEND IMPERSONAL

CORPORATE EMAILS

(FROM: NOREPLY@BLAHBLAH.CO

M)

Instead, send emails on behalf of each sales or customer service person so the recipient can reply directly to the Rep who manages the relationship. Be “huggable.”

ASK A STUPID

RHETORICAL

QUESTION

(DO YOU HATE BEING A

SKED DUMB QUESTIONS?)

Instead, don’t be gimmicky and focus on stating your purpose.

EXPECT EMAIL TO

DO ALL THE WORK

FOR YOU (10 EGGS, 1

BASKET)

Instead, follow up with a phone call when appropriate and blend email with other marketing tactics (singing telegrams are nice).

RATTLE OFF A LIST OF

FEATURES & PRODUCT

INFORMATION

(BEHOLD, THE HUMAN PEZ DIS

PENSER)

Instead, focus on a single, primary benefit or result you can deliver. Keep it simple.

CREATE SUBJECT

LINES THAT LOOK

LIKE SPAM(SUBJECT: F

REE TRIAL, 101% OFF!)

Instead, create subject lines that build curiosity or leverage what you know about the recipient.

USE LOTS OF BULLET

POINTS AND CREATE

LONG LISTS

(HOW DO I LOVE THEE? LET

ME BULLET

POINT THE WAYS)

Instead, make sure the the email is more conversational and less formal.

DON’T SUCK AT EMAIL MARKETING

(THERE ARE BETTER THINGS TO SUCK AT)

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