how to stay calm

How to Stay Calm(control your Anger)

An inspiration fromAn inspiration from Management Articleg

Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself 'Here is an opportunity for you toto yourself,  Here is an opportunity for you to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever ismy own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary.'

Anthony RobbinsAnthony Robbins

Have you ever found yourself angry withHave you ever found yourself angry with people you care about and didn’t seem able 

to stop yourself?to stop yourself? 

Do people who love you tell you that you have anger management issues?you have anger management issues? 

Have you lost some important relationshipsHave you lost some important relationships or created problems for yourself at work because you couldn’t seem to control yourbecause you couldn t seem to control your 

angry behavior?

If this describes you, then you need to regain control and stop yourself from hurting others.

The first thing to do is to recognize that you are choosing your anger.y g y g

What? 

Choosing my anger? 

W ll h l lWell, there are several reasons people may choose anger. Let’s see which one best 

d ibdescribes you.

Some people use anger to intimidate others and subsequently get what they want. In this way, the angry person is able to control the 

behavior of others.

Some people use their anger as a way ofSome people use their anger as a way of getting attention. If a person needs attention, 

it doesn’t always matter whether thatit doesn t always matter whether that attention is positive or negative, as long as 

someone is noticing him or hersomeone is noticing him or her.

Anger can also be used as a tactic to avoidAnger can also be used as a tactic to avoid responsibility. If a person doesn’t want to do something anger can be a valid way to getsomething, anger can be a valid way to get 

out of it.

Similar to wanting attention sometimesSimilar to wanting attention, sometimes people are feeling small and insignificant and 

anger works to pump themselves up oranger works to pump themselves up or provide courage to do something scary.

Anger has energy.

When someone is experiencing things that are frustrating, he or she may not g y

be dealing with his or her anger.

Instead of processing it cognitivelyInstead of processing it, cognitively restructuring some belief systems or working out the energy physically anger can provide aout the energy physically, anger can provide a 

much needed release valve.

Do you recognize yourself in any of those scenarios?those scenarios? 

When you lose your temper, which one of these reasons best identifies what 

you are trying to accomplish? 

Perhaps you have yet another reason OnePerhaps you have yet another reason. One thing I know for sure is that you always 

behave in your best attempt to get somethingbehave in your best attempt to get something you want. Your behavior is never random and 

it never “just happens" to youit never  just happens  to you.

It’s a very subtle difference but an important one nonetheless.

All behavior is proactive.

You do not choose a behavior because of something that occurred outside of you. 

For exampleFor example, I can remember asking my youngest son to clean his room He said he would do it laterclean his room. He said he would do it later—only later never came. So, I patiently asked him a second time Again he said he’d do ithim a second time. Again, he said he d do it later. This went on for most of the day. Finally, in exasperation I lost my temper with himin exasperation, I lost my temper with him and yelled at him about cleaning his room.

The question is why did I get angry? 

Most people would say I got angry becauseMost people would say I got angry because my son wouldn’t do what I asked. However, the real reason is that I used my anger as mythe real reason is that I used my anger as my best attempt to get my son to clean his room. (Just for the record it didn’t work very well )(Just for the record, it didn t work very well.)

Why am I making this seemingly insignificant distinction?insignificant distinction? 

B b i f hBecause once you become conscious of the reasons you are choosing your behavior, then 

i l h t d thiyou can consciously choose to do something more responsible and more effective.

More responsible means you are getting yourMore responsible means you are getting your needs met without interfering with other people meeting theirs Effective means itpeople meeting theirs. Effective means it actually works to get you what you really 

wantwant.

When you use anger, it is not responsibleWhen you use anger, it is not responsible because anger almost always interferes with the other person getting his or her needsthe other person getting his or her needs met. You definitely have not only the right, but also the responsibility to get your needsbut also the responsibility to get your needs met but not at the expense of someone else.

Underlying most reasons for choosing anger, you are probably attempting to improve anyou are probably attempting to improve an important relationship in your life. Anger will never work to do that You may get the initialnever work to do that. You may get the initial satisfaction of getting the other person to do 

your bidding but you have damagedyour bidding, but you have damaged something in the relationship.

You must make a proactive plan about what you are going to do instead of using anger. It should be something that has at least an 

equal chance of getting you what you want while supporting others in their process of 

getting their own needs met.

Control your anger andand 

stay calm

Thank you, 

amirsaiftaz@gmail.com

www.amirsaiftaz.blogspot.comg p