effective communication & conflict resolution skills
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Effective Communication &Conflict Resolution Skills
© 2008 Conflict Resolution Service, St. Stephen’s Community House
Workshop Overview
This workshop will help you look at conflict in a more positive way.
You will learn skills to: de-escalate tense situations, raise concerns in ways that don’t lead to defensiveness, and generate win-win solutions.
What is this thing called ‘conflict’?
Perceived incompatible goals Unmet interests Strong emotions Inevitable part of human relationships Opportunity for dialogue and understanding
Conflict Escalation: It Takes Two
Demanding Denying
Attack-defend cycle causes distrust, communication break-downs, misunderstandings.
Person A Behaviour
Blaming Yelling Attacking
Person B Reaction
Counterattack Shutting down Defending
How Do We Resolve Conflict?
Three common approaches:
Power-based Rights-based Interest-based
Power-Based Approach
Using force to make someone do what they otherwise would not choose to do
Examples: collective action, using one’s authority, physical intimidation
Advantages: clear outcomes, helps in an emergency
Disadvantages: win-lose outcome, harms trust
Rights-Based Approach
Using a general standard or rule that applies to everyone
Examples: cultural norms, policies, laws Advantages: clearly understood, can
anticipate outcomes, seen as ‘fair’ Disadvantages: little flexibility, individual
needs not met
Interest-Based Approach
Uncovers and meets the interests of both parties
Examples: mediation, negotiation Advantages: win-win outcomes, creative
solutions Disadvantages: may need to develop skills,
can be more time-consuming
Iceberg of Interests
Position
Feelings
Beliefs
Values
Needs
Experiences
Interests
Listening for Interests
Ignore Attacks Acknowledge What You Hear Invite More Information Repeat Above
Responding to Interests
“You’re treating me this way because I’m a woman. You should give me the service I deserve.”
“You feel entitled to service that you think
is being denied because you’re a woman. Is that
right?”
Re-stating
Responding to Interests
“You’re treating me this way because I’m a woman. You should give me the service I deserve.”
“What service were you hoping to
receive?”Clarifying Question
Responding to Interests
“You’re treating me this way because I’m a woman. You should give me the service I deserve.”
“You’re feeling disrespected in the way you’re being
treated. Is that right?”
Reflecting Feelings
Responding to Interests
“You’re treating me this way because I’m a woman. You should give me the service I deserve.”
“It’s important that you get the service
you deserve. Is that right?”
Validating
Two Sides of Interests
Active Listening
Listening for the other person’s interests
Raising a Concern
Speaking about your own interests
I N T
E R
E S
T S
Speaking About Our Own Interests
Why focus on our interests?
To avoid making the problem worse To increase opportunities for problem-solving To increase trust, communication and co-
operation
Speaking About Our Own Interests
Raising a Concern: How to do it?
Describe problem behaviour Describe impact on me Make a request
– New behaviour– To problem-solve
How to Raise a Concern
Instead of saying: “You're always late! This is the last time I'm going to warn you about it. If you can't get to the meetings on time, don't bother showing up at all!”
Try: “It’s a problem for me when you arrive at 2:30 for a 2:00 meeting. It puts me behind schedule with other clients relying on me. Can we work out a better plan?”
Speaking About Our Own Interests
I-Message (Alternate Format)
I feel… (state feelings/emotion) when… (specify problem behaviour) because… (describe impact on me) And… (make request for future)
Two Sides of Interests
Active Listening
Listening for the other person’s interests
Raising a Concern
Speaking about your own interests
I N T
E R
E S
T S
RC
RC
RC
AL AL
AL
Problem-solving
For more information contact us
www.ststephenshouse.comNancy Slamet 416-925-2103 ext 249crs.training@ststephenshouse.com
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