dialogue retreat boston theological institute religion and conflict transformation program robert...
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Dialogue RetreatBoston Theological Institute
Religion and Conflict Transformation Program
Robert Stains
Public Conversations Project
Today
Welcome, intro to day and dialogue
Exercise: Beginnings
Sharing objects
Exercise: Questions for persuading or eliciting
Presentation: Identity, threat, inquiry and dialogue
Exercise: Questions in service of the asked
Lunch
Preparatory interviews
Dialogue practice and debrief; Q and A
Closing
Beginning questions
In Pairs:
1. What is something of interest to you, or that energizes you, that others here might not know about you?
2. What expertise or life experience are you bringing with you today that might be useful for others to know?
Questions for beginnings
Evoke curiosity
Invite personal connection
Elicit competence
Reduce anxiety
Raise energy
Get the body involved
Object and what it represents about your faith path
Speak for up to one (1) minute
Person to speaker’s left times with watch
Pass watch to speaker when time ends
Pause a beat between speakers
And so on around the circle
No commenting on others’ speaking
At conclusion, place your object on the table if you wish to
Core Premises• We need community to get things done
• We need relationships to create and maintain community
• We need conversation to create and maintain relationships
• The quality of conversation drives the quality of relationship
• “Stuck”, destructive conversations have self-sustaining properties.
• Relationships shift when the content and process of conversations shift.
Emotional Dysregulation
Triggering
Vigilance
Attack/Defend
Patterns/cycles
Cycle of Defensive Response
Trigger
Vigilance
Attack/DefendTrigger
Vigilance
Attack/Defend
What Helps“Mindsight” (Siegel)–Reflection, Attention, Intention
Prevent destructive loops via preparation and structure
Invite and amplify positive deviations
Develop “Islands of Reflection”
Shape conversational environments
Notice, name, discern, choose
Inquiry
Dialogue
Purpose: better communication for mutual understanding.
Not: debate; problem-solving; education
Effected by:Reflection on one’s own and others’ perspectivesShared agreements that guide the conversationStructured exchanges that prevent old patterns and
enhance speaking and listeningOpportunity to explore genuine interest in the other
Questions for Persuasion or Understanding
Pair up
Round one:
Speaker 1: something you believe is true: one sentence
Asker: ask questions to persuade the speaker otherwise (2 min.)
Switch roles and repeat with Speaker 2
Round Two
Speaker One: say something you believe is true again
Asker: ask questions to understand speaker’s perspective, thinking, feeling, choosing, etc. 2 Min.
Switch roles and repeat with Speaker 2
Return to circle
Debrief
What was going on for you –as asker or listener- in each condition: persuasion and understanding?
What did each kind of asking evoke?
Was there a question that stood out as particularly useful?
Keep in mind
Intention and Impact: “Mind the gap”
Attention gives life
Potentially problematic questions:AttributiveProblem and past-focusedKnowing, distant, instructiveRhetorical or pseudo“Why?” questions
16Questions to shift conversation
In advance; to prepare to bring “best self”
To help notice what goes unnoticed/unrecognized: meanings, capacities, personal and shared history, choices
To develop fresh perspectives: time, value, relationship
Elicit hope not fear
Questions and Contexts
Before a first session
Between sessions
Questions to all in a group
Questions to individuals alone and together
Questions parties ask one another
Asynchronous questions
Questions to advance reflection
History and context
Hopes and concerns
Effects of conflict
Positive experiences
Ideas for change
Questions in service of the asked
By yourself: a dilemma
Headline, if you wish; state the dilemmaWhy it’s a dilemma for youMinimum essential factsSpecific example
Groups of 4Time-keeper
In your groups
Speaker speaks: 3 min. Headline, if you wish; state the dilemma Why it’s a dilemma for you Minimum essential facts Specific example
Listeners ask, scribe writes: 3 min.
Speaker tells effects of questions: 3 min.
Repeat X3
Debrief as group: 5 min.
Return to circle
Process
Purpose
People
Prevent
Promote
Prepare
Plan
22
Preparation Planning Worksheet
Individual Interpersonal Tools
Prevent
Promote
Creating the space for dialogue
•Pre-meeting connection•Pre-dialogue meal•Seating: circle, pro/con•Agreements•Questions to all•Responses within a structure•Questions of one another•Questions to close and transition
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