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04/02/2014
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Dealing With Difficult People
Facilitated by: Ron Morris
Our team is committed to providing you with an interactive learning experience that is relevant to your career and your workplace. We believe
that fun is conducive to learning and we look forward to your participation.
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BE SOCIAL! Tweet or Facebook Ron’s Quotes and
Your Favourite Parts about The Workshop!
#MORRISTRAINING @MORRISINTERACTIVE
It Isn’t You, It’s Me
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People are Different
Communication Styles Controls
Emotes
Driver Control Responsive Tell Assertive
Analytical
Amiable Expressive
Control Responsive Ask Assertive
Emote Responsive Ask Assertive
Emote Responsive Tell Assertive
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SOCIAL STYLE ModelTM
Analytical Serious Exacting
Indecisive Logical
Driving Independent
Formal Practical
Dominating
Expressive Animated Forceful
Opinionated Impulsive
Amiable Dependable Supportive
Pliable Open
TELLS ASKS
C O N T R O L S
E M O T E S
Key Characteristics of the Social Style
Analytical Need: To Be Right
Orientation: Thinking
Growth Action: To Declare
Need: Results
Orientation: Action
Driving
Growth Action: To Listen
Need: Personal Security
Amiable
Orientation: Relationships
Growth Action: To Initiate
Need: Personal Approval
Expressive
Orientation: Spontaneity
Growth Action: To Check
TELLS ASKS
C
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Opinions
Beliefs
History
Opinions
Beliefs
History
Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning
Little Shared
Meaning
Significant Shared
Meaning
Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning
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The Need For Communication
Bad organizations –
Poor performers are first ignored, then transferred or fired
Good organizations – Directors eventually deal with the problems
Great organizations - Everyone holds everyone else accountable, regardless of level or position
Conversations Take Training • Pianists practice
the piano!
• Winnipeg Jets practice as a team
• Olympic Athletes train for years!
Conversations take training too!
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Definition:
Day-to-day conversations about tough
issues that affect your work life and team
performance
Courageous Conversations
Courageous Conversations
Courageous Conversations are the responsibility of the person who thinks
they have been wronged, or have knowingly wronged someone else.
• Keep emotions in check
• Address the issue, not the person
• Don’t involve third parties unless absolutely necessary
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Five Steps to Courageous Conversations
What are some things that are difficult to talk about?
• Giving feedback about behaviour either upward or downward
• Critiquing someone’s work
• Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments
• Confronting a coworker who hoards information or resources
• Giving an unfavorable performance review
• Dealing with a personal issue such as substance abuse or personal hygiene
Some Potential Courageous Conversations
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“It’s time for a courageous conversation.”
2. Tell the Truth Fast – 3 Parts
• Before you begin, state your positive intentions. Focus on what you hope to learn, and the intention for the relationship.
• “When… (1 Sentence describing behavior or events).
• “Then… (1 Sentence stating the consequences, thoughts and feelings resulting from When).
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
~Mark Twain~
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3. Mutual Understanding
• Each person discusses their responsibility, position, or point of view of the situation.
• Skills required for Step 3:
Generous listening, clarification, and inquiry.
4. State Desired Changes
Each person states what they want.
What do I want?
What do you want?
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5. Find Common Ground
• Find a resolution to the issue at hand based on your common ground.
• Commit to a plan.
• Follow up on mutual agreements.
Tips and Tools for Dealing With Dips and Tools
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Lateral Violence
Bullying is ultimately about isolation. Isolation from
employees and making them feel inadequate. If this is so, then the antidote is working
together.
Avoid Triggers
• Take the high road
• Remain calm
• Don’t stoop to their level
• Don’t believe what they say
• Remain on the offense
• Don’t argue with a bully … it’s fuel to the fire
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Bullying
Dignity + Respect = No Bullying
The solution approach to address bullying is to promote its real enemy…
DIGNITY & RESPECT
Taking on Bullies
Lesson 1 – Expect the worst from bullies • The battle might be a long one. Bullies don’t give in easily.
Lesson 2 – Expect the worst from yourself • Challenging a bullying will make you feel unsure.
- Don’t lose perspective
- You are not alone.
- Expect to feel overwhelmed at the beginning.
It is worth it to keep on task.
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Taking on Bullies
Lesson 3 – You can win the “war” without ever winning battle
• “war” is for your self respect.
• Standing up to a bully means standing up for yourself.
Knowing what to expect is half the battle!
Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 1
Clarify by paraphrasing his/her statement
Powerful Questions:
• Is this what your saying?
• Did I hear you correctly?
• Let me sure I heard you correctly. Is this what you mean?
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Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 2
Demand clarification – Don’t let criticism go unanswered.
• Do you think that I’m being__________?
• So you’re saying___________?
• Why?
• I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.
Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 3
Aggressively Question the bully.
• Keeps the bully off guard.
• Ask questions rapidly.
• Cut the bully off and ask another question to further keep him/her off balance.
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Did I ever participate in bullying?
Did I support this kind of
behaviour?
Did I intervene if and when I observed it?
Self-Reflection
Gossip
Gossip is an Energy
Vampire!
• Makes people small
• Diminishes the person being talked about
• Diminishes the gossiper
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3. Leave the Room
4. Defend the person
being gossiped
about
5. Go to the source – “Is this true?”
1. “Pile On” – Increase the
Swirl of Toxicity
2. Stay in the room, but
keep silent
5 Ways to Deal with
Gossip
How We Deal With Stress
• 75% talk to family, friends, colleagues
• 50% experience a desire to resign
• 49% lose interest in job, disengage
• 23% use more sick time
• 35% use formal channels:
– 23% Human Resources Representative
– 12% Union Representative or professional organization
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Listening: The Hidden Tool
• The definition of listening is not waiting for your turn to talk
• Better listening can be learned
Listening is about wanting to understand
Thank You for Participating!
Interested in more professional development? Check out our website for more
information!
www.morrisinteractive.ca Or you can find us on:
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