a dad's secret weapon: parental discussion...it isn't having a secret weapon come in for a...

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A Dad's Secret Weapon: ParentalDiscussion

Do you think of your wife as a teammate? I'm not talking about when she feeds thekids, changes their diapers, dresses them and then gives them to you to play with.That's hardly teamwork.

The kind of teamwork I'm thinking of isn't even like a machine-like eleven-manoffense marching a football ninety yards to score. It isn't having a secret weaponcome in for a fourth-and-long desperation play.

The kind of teamwork I'm thinking of is more like what happens at half-time in thelocker room. Coaches review the stats, talk about what the players are and aren'tdoing well, and give encouragement for the second half.

In fathering, we call it parental discussion, and more and more of us are reaping itsbenefits. It's where you compare notes with your wife, ask for feedback on howyou're doing, and gather the strength to love your kids through whatever strugglesmay arise tomorrow. Part strategy, part pep talk.

The benefits are threefold:

First, your wife can provide you with information about your children. She is withthem in situations you're not. When the kids are finally settled quietly in bed, herstories about the events of the day-and how your children reacted-will tell you muchabout who your kids are.

Second, your teammate wife is giving you a different angle. In a sense, you see onlyone portion of your child's life-your perspective. Your wife has a completely differentperspective, and it can be quite illuminating when you compare notes. (Her insightwill be especially handy when it comes to understanding your growing daughters.)

Third, she's probably a pretty good model and teacher for you! Mothers are naturallysensitive to the needs of their children, and they often know how to meet thoseneeds. That sensitivity makes them experts on the kids you share. Ask her foradvice, and listen. Or sit her down, look her in the eye, and ask, "Honey, how am Idoing?"

Our research shows that every dad's number one fathering resource is his wife. As awise father, take advantage of the benefits of parental discussion.

Ken Canfield