all rights reserved © 2013 how to trigger excitement in ...€¦ · 3 all rights reserved 213 how...

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All Rights Reserved © 2013 How To Trigger Excitement In Other People

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ContentsThe Triggers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

What Is Going On in Their Mind? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4The Perception Paradigm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5Reading the Signs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Body Language . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7Fixation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8The Power of Language . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9The False Negative . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

The Five Most Powerful Psychological Triggers in the World . . 13Tool #1 - The Power of Scarcity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14Tool #2 - Endless Curiosity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17Tool #3 - Make them Earn It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Tool #4 - Trust through Honesty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Tool #5 - Using Labels Effectively . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Earning the Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28Social Responsibility in Persuasion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Are You Using these Tools Wisely? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

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The Triggers

People have a habit of getting excited - REALLY excited - about a whole host of things.

New episodes of their favorite TV show.

An upcoming trip out of town.

The McRib sandwich.

It doesn’t take much, and yet when we approach those people with a new idea, a product, or a service we want to offer, they don’t always look so excited.

Blank stares, shrugs, empty nods - sometimes you’re lucky if they’re even paying attention, let alone interested.

And when they are excited it’s for someone else.

Why? And more importantly how?

How can you have the exact same effect on them? How can you trigger that kind of instant, near uncontrollable interest and eagerness to want to know more, to be apart of what you are doing?

How do you get someone to be excited to the point that they CANNOT help but watch you with eager fascination?

It doesn’t take some mystical mind trick. No hypnosis. No tricks. All you need is some basic insight into how the human mind works, how we form opinions, and how to trigger those strong, overwhelming urges that make people excited in the first place.

In the next 30 pages I’m going to show you exactly how I do just that when talking to potential students, business partners, and customers alike.

I’m going to show you how I can make someone want to buy what I’m selling, invest in what I’m building, or read what I’m writing - not just because I ask, but because to them,

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in that moment, it’s the most important thing on the planet.

And I’m going to show you how you can do it whenever you want, at any point of the day and to anyone in your life.

This is not a parlor trick. It’s not magic. It’s all based in science and in the way people automatically respond to things that interest them.

Let’s get started.

What Is Going On in Their Mind?

While talking with a student not too long ago, I was asked a very important question:

How do I know what someone what someone wants?

The biggest obstacle in marketing, at least when you’re first starting in an industry and don’t know your audience as well as you one day will is trying to figure out what is going on in their head.

What are they thinking?

What do they want?

What are they afraid of?

The vast majority of people keep all of this stuff bundled up and hidden inside so you can’t see it - they don’t go around blurting it out every time someone looks them in the eye.

There are exceptions of course. No one rule applies to everyone.

But for the most part, the vast majority of the people you run into on the street, talk to at work, or communicate with online, are blank slates when you meet them.

Unless of course you know what to look for.

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As it turns out, a lot of people are far less enigmatic than they think. When you learn what to look for and what triggers are most likely to set someone off in either a good or bad direction, you can discover a lot about someone from that initial impression.

The key is to understand how people want to be seen and then how they tend to react in certain situations. Here’s what I mean.

The Perception Paradigm

Why do you give to charity?

You want to help people, right? If you asked 100 people on the street that question, 99 of them would say the same thing (and number 100 would be the one who doesn’t give to charity at all - the bum).

People SAY they are giving to charity because it helps others, but that’s just the surface explanation.

Deeper down, subconsciously, most people have a second reason - one they don’t tell themselves, let alone others.

They give to charity because they want to be perceived as a good person.

I’m not being cynical. There have been studies on this as part of a greater psychological response the vast majority of us tend to have.

There are almost always two “motives” when someone does something.

The one they tell themselves and the one that really motivates them.

Good marketers and smart salespeople are able to dig past the surface explanation and go deeper.

Why do people go on diets? To get healthier, or to make the opposite sex stop and stare on the sidewalk?

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Why does someone buy a bigger gift than expected for their spouse? Because they want them to have the one thing they wanted? Or because they want to build up some brownie points for knocking the gift-exchange out of the park?

Look, I’m not saying everyone is selfish all of the time.

But in a lot of cases there are hidden motivations that are MUCH more powerful than the ones we tell ourselves.

Before you can really get someone to do something for you and respond the way you want them to respond, you need to understand what those hidden motivations are and how to bring them to the surface.

What someone says is not always what they mean - the moment you can dig past that first barrier you’ll be well on your way to understanding what is going on in their mind.

Reading the Signs

So we know people tend to have hidden motivations and in all fairness, most people don’t realize they have them.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves pretty blatantly. Sure, sure, sure, this yogurt is “healthy” but really I just want to fit in these jeans by October. That’s a pretty harmless white lie that has a good effect.

But for the big ones, or the more complicated ones - especially when it comes to spending money - people rarely realize they are doing it.

So you need to learn the signs of those mini-self deceptions and how you can take advantage of them - at least on a small scale.

Here are just a few of the ways people tip their hands when they want something:

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Body Language

I could write a whole book on body language and how it betrays someone’s true intentions. For now, here is a list of things to look for when talking to someone:

•Eye Contact - Eye contact is key when talking to someone. Avoiding eye contact has too many connotations. Dishonesty, repulsion, discomfort or nervousness. Not only can you build up trust in someone by making eye contact while talking, but it will calm them as well.

•Posture - If someone is slouched over they are self-conscious and uncomfortable. If they are standing straight with head held high, they are more confident and sure of themselves. There are a dozen spots in between but you get the idea.

•Hand Placement - Where are their hands? In pockets to keep from fidgeting? Folded across the chest? Actively conveying part of a speech? On your arm? Hands are a major giveaway when someone is trying to hide their emotions.

•Head Position - The head can betray a number of truths behind someone’s normal barriers. Where it is positioned, the direction it is tilted, and how it is angled towards you. Look for eye movement too. Frequent eye movement when someone is speaking can be an indication of a lie.

•Smile - Are they smiling? Is the smile natural? Don’t over think a smile too much - most smiles are faked to some degree and when they are real, you’ll know. But if there is no smile or if it looks particularly forced, ask yourself why.

•Leaning In or Out? - Look at the overall angle of their body. Is it leaning in eagerly or leaning back to create distance? In a business meeting, the latter doesn’t mean much but on a date it can mean everything.

It takes a great deal of control to go against your natural inclinations when it comes to body language. How you orient yourself, what you say, and how you say it are all immediate reflections of your subconscious and how you feel.

If you learn to read those signs, the vast majority of people become almost immediately open books.

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Fixation

Fixation applies to just about anything that someone cannot help but focus on, whether consciously or not, and it can apply to objects, people, events, or a particular topic.

The human mind learns through repetition. At the same time, our social nature makes us inherently more likely to talk about people. Some scientists believe that our entire civilization is built around “gossip” - it’s how we connect with the 150+ people that the average human being knows in their social circle.

So when someone fixates on something, it’s for good reason. It can be they are:

•Changing the Narrative in their Mind - Are they embarrassed? Did they just get dumped or fired? Maybe the story doesn’t reflect favorably on them - if not, the narrative can change many times in the telling.

•Justifying an Action or Decision - At the same time, if they made a decision or took an action that could be considered controversial, they may fixate on the response of others to justify it.

•Processing an Emotion or Thought - Being upset can generate a number of emotions. Fixating on them and what caused them is how many people work through those emotions and come to peace with them.

•Upset About a Situation they Don’t Understand - Whether someone did something rash or unexpected, or they were in the crossfire of something bigger (mass layoffs, a natural disaster, government shutdown), it can take time to understand and process what just happened.

•Want Something - Of course the number one reason MOST people get fixated on something is because they want it. Whether they can’t give it up or they are trying to justify taking action, this is a common one.

In any case, if you can connect the dots by following the track of their fixation, you’re going to learn a LOT about them and be able to use that to your advantage.

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The Power of Language

You’ve probably heard that 90% of what you communicate is done through body language, so learning how to read that body language is incredibly important.

But too often, communication gurus focus far too much on the unspoken and forget just how much impact the right words can have at the right time.

This is all about listening.

Most of us hear each other all the time - we hear each other so much that we want a nice big pair of headphones.

But are you really listening to what someone is saying and thinking about WHY they are saying it?

When you understand how to parse the language someone is using, both consciously and subconsciously, you become that much better at communicating with them - and ultimately, you can use the same tools to communicate your ideas in turn.

We’ll get into more detail about how to use language and persuade someone with subtle cues that they won’t pick up on consciously, but for now I want you to focus on how you can listen to what they are saying and respond to the meaning, not the words.

For example, when someone is complaining constantly about someone else, why are they really upset?

Is it actually because of something they did or is there a deeper problem that is channelling negative energy into the current issue?

Pay close attention to these situations and look for moments when what someone is saying doesn’t match up with what they are thinking or feeling. When the body language doesn’t match the words. When the words don’t match the meaning being conveyed by the person.

This happen all the time in relationships. Let’s say she’s upset with him for doing

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something but she either doesn’t want to start an argument or she wants him to realize what he did wrong and say something BEFORE she does.

The words might be the same - “welcome home and how was your day”, but the inflection and tone are all wrong.

Will he realize it? If he learns to listen and pick up on those cues, he certainly will and then he will be able to persuade her that he made a mistake and will learn from it.

The bottom line is that to really get inside someone’s head you have to understand where they are coming from, and that won’t be apparent until you stop thinking about what you will say next and start thinking about what they are saying right now.

Better yet, become an active listener and engage with what they are saying. Don’t try to solve their problems, but don’t ignore the words either and sit there not-so-quietly waiting for you chance to talk.

Too many people do this and it can kill a conversation and a relationship.

The False Negative

When he was two my son would ask for a lot of things.

Some of them he couldn’t have.

TV at certain times of the day. Sugar at almost any time of the day. Trips that we didn’t have time to take. Two year olds are discovering a whole new world around them and they want to experience ALL of it as often as possible.

But when he knew he couldn’t have something, he would do this funny thing where he’d repeat it over and over again, telling himself whatever the reason was we had said no.

For a two year old, this is how to process a situation and come to terms with disappointment. For an adult, it is a way to train ourselves NOT to care.

How many times have you found yourself explaining to a friend or your spouse why you

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didn’t really want a promotion anyways because of reasons X, Y and Z?

How many times did you tell yourself that you couldn’t have afforded something anyways after it was sold out at the store?

We do it all the time because it’s one of the easiest ways to process disappointment - create a NEW situation in which you never wanted that thing in the first place.

But a lot of the time it turns into a scorched earth response.

Not only do we change our minds, we make ourselves HATE the thing we once wanted.

And when someone enters that stage, it’s evident to everyone around them.

They will fixate as mentioned above and they will continuously try to change the narrative of a situation to make the thing they wanted seem less desirable and less attractive. You can use that to your advantage.

These are all signs of someone actively or unknowingly giving away their true desires and they’re generally easy to catch if you pay close enough attention. The key of course is to be paying attention.

You don’t need to be a cold reader who can pull the emotion out of someone’s face or manipulate someone with the arch of an eyebrow to see these things.

Honestly, just listening to someone and paying close attention to how they act and interact when they are talking - that’s enough 99% of the time to get a feel for a situation.

And if you stop reading right now and use only what we’ve talked about thus far, you’ll already have a much keener understanding of what people need and want in their lives.

You’ll be able to empathize more easily.

You’ll be someone they want to talk to.

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You’ll be someone they trust more easily.

Trust alone is such a powerful tool that it can get someone on your side faster than any number of observations or carefully placed statements.

But there is more of course. If you’re ready to take the next step and really start planting ideas in their minds that can eventually lead to success for you, keep reading because we’re about to go a little deeper.

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The Five Most Powerful Psychological Triggers in the World

We know so much about the human mind today that we didn’t even 50 years ago, it’s astounding really.

And yet at the same time, there are many things we don’t understand or are just beginning to understand.

For this reason, the handful of people - mostly marketers and advertisers - who understand the effect that key actions and words have on someone have immense power that most of us don’t realize is being used against us every day.

From the ads we see on TV to the billboards that pop up on the side of the road to the small advert written in a magazine - every one of these has hundreds of hours of thought and energy poured into it to create a pitch perfect message that will speak to that particular corner of our subconscious that’s actually willing to buy whatever they are selling.

So most of these tools get associated with selling - and while they can certainly be used for that (and if you are a salesperson or if you are attempting to sell yourself, these will be a HUGE help) - they are also powerful in almost every other walk of life.

Getting your children to clean up their rooms.

Convincing your spouse to go with you on a trip.

Getting your friends to do what you want to do.

Landing a promotion at work.

Every single situation in which you need to convince someone to do something YOU want them to do - these tools will be useful.

But they are not magic tools. You can’t fire them off whenever you want and expect

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them to work. You still need to observe and understand what is going on in the mind of the person you are talking to.

What do they need?

What do they want?

What hidden desires are they hiding from people behind a flimsy explanation?

When you understand these things you can take action much more decisively and it will show in the response you get.

We have five such tools (among many others) that can be used immediately to influence and persuade the people around you.

Tool #1 - The Power of Scarcity

Big companies have this one down. They know exactly how hard to hit us when we want something and how to hold it back just long enough to trigger that desire.

The idea is simple.

When something is limited supply, it becomes SIGNIFICANTLY more desirable.

Everything from an ex-girlfriend who just announced she is getting married to the last slice of pizza in the box can trigger a guttural, uncontrollable urge to take action.

As someone who has made his fortune online selling information products, this one is bread and butter to me.

Information is the ultimate scarcity driver - only a select few have the specific information I have and so I can sell it to those who don’t.

The next time you are online (probably right now), look at some of the ads that pop up on the side of whatever article you are reading. Pay close attention to the language:

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Hurry! Claim it Now!

Only 48 Hours Left!

Only 250 At this Price

Have you ever wondered why so many companies seem to make fewer products than there is a demand for? Or why sales are always so short?

It’s not because they can’t afford to make more or a company is legally obligated to keep their sales under a week.

It’s because people respond better when things are scarce.

J.C. Penney, a major department store chain in the United States, recently made a major change to their stores that was so off-base and so against everything we know about human nature that it actually got their CEO fired - he only had the job for a little over a year and a half.

For years J.C. Penney has sold itself on price and value - they would have sales like most other major retailers on everything from pajamas to dinette sets and curtains.

But in 2012 they switched their entire marketing scheme to an “everyday value” system, intentionally showing how the sausage is made in retail sales.

Most stores will mark up everything they sell a lot more than is necessary. If they sell at that price, great, but really they do it so that they can then run sales and slash the price.

People see signs for 40% Off - 24 Hours Only and jump on it, wanting to get that deal NOW.

But J.C. Penney decided to forego the process completely. They reduced the prices of everything in the store, stopped holding sales AT ALL and had featured items on certain days of the week and then each month.

It was a complete disaster.

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Despite the fact that people could now get EVERYTHING in the store for less money on any given day and despite the fact that there were still sales in the form of featured items, the motivation disappeared.

It lasted for only a few months before the store completely reversed course. The sales tags are back.

In this is a valuable lesson about how people assign value and what drives them to take action.

When something is limited supply, a sale is short, or a product is rare or hard to find, they are MUCH more likely to buy it than if it was always that cheap and there were thousands of them.

When it comes to persuading other people to do something for you or to agree to your line of thinking, this is a powerful motivator and it works in a number of ways.

Make your time more scarce in the office so only a select few people can talk to you each day.

Offer an award to the first of your children to finish their chores each day - only one chore so if they’re not done first, they’re out of luck.

Look for other jobs or consider another job offer even if you want to stay with your current company. If your boss really values your contributions she will find a way to keep you - much faster if it looks like you’re leaving.

There’s another trigger at work here too.

Human beings are terrified of loss.

It’s a LOT harder to sell someone something they don’t already have than it is to sell them something they don’t want to lose.

A sale is a perfect example. Right now, if you buy this gravy boat you can SAVE $10 on it. If you wait until next week, you’ll LOSE $10 effectively.

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It doesn’t matter if they were never going to buy a gravy boat - if you can plant that seed, that they will lose $10 by NOT taking action right now, they are much more likely to act. If someone was ever going to buy a gravy boat, now would be the time.

The same is true in your personal and professional interactions. No one wants to lose something, even if they don’t realize how much they value it. No they will.

Tool #2 - Endless Curiosity

Human beings are easily one of the most curious creatures on this planet. We need to know everything and will stop at nothing to know it.

How many times have you literally followed your spouse around the room asking them to repeat something they said offhand on the phone. You NEED to know, right?

It’s human nature.

That’s not news. Human beings have been, are, and will always be curious - nothing particularly insightful in that statement.

But psychologists have quantified it to some degree and marketing gurus have learned to use it in the most effective ways possible - to get people to take action.

In fact, this tool is even more powerful today because of the Internet, where we can measure immediate response and action when using this marketing tactic in campaigns. But it still works equally well in person.

It’s called the Zeigarnik Effect and it’s an incredibly powerful tool that I’ll explain in just a bit but first....

.........

........

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........

Before we continue, what went through your mind when you read “I’ll explain in just a bit but first....”?

Did you immediately start scanning down, eager to read what this technique is and how it works?

This is one of the oldest tricks in the book and it shows up literally everywhere in pop culture, in marketing, and in business literature.

People fell in love with Dickens because his novels were published a chapter at a time in the newspaper every week.

People religiously record, watch, and talk about their favorite soap operas and prime time dramas because they carry over episode to episode, week to week.

People will click on anything that even remotely suggests sex because the human mind wants to fill in the gaps and know more about whatever is suggested in that call to action.

And you kept reading this section because I made a promise and then delayed fulfilling it.

I gave you a cliffhanger and you are eager to see where it leads.

That is the Zeigarnik Effect. It is the human’s mind compulsive desire to fill in the blank, to fulfill the promise of a complete story, sentence, idea, or product.

It’s why people obsessively collect spoons, stamps, comic books and baseball cards. It’s why people will stay up late to watch the news to see that one story that probably has nothing to do with what the promo promised. It’s why people will click a button for no reason other than to see what happens when they do.

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We’re curious and we don’t just want, but need to see the conclusion of something that is started.

This is literally used in everything - from magazine articles to TV commercials, movies setting up sequels, to bosses driving a few extra hours of work out of their employees.

So how can you put it to use?

Start by learning to tell great stories. Some people tell amazing stories. Others tell rambling collections of stories. Others avoid it altogether.

The people who attract the most attention and drive the most action from the people in their lives are those that tell great stories and convince people to want to know MORE about what they’re saying.

It works in business, in love, at home with family, and with just about anyone else.

It works exceptionally well in marketing.

Story telling is a lost art that has been replaced by this urge to get everything instantly and whenever we think of it.

Instant gratification is a barrier to persuasion and yet it can be a problem as well - one that you can solve by telling an entertaining story with a big pay off at the end.

Tool #3 - Make them Earn It

So far, nothing is that surprising, right?

Human beings covet what they don’t have, are afraid of losing what they do have, and are immensely curious.

I hope you’ve learned some valuable insights into how to use those facts to your advantage, but I imagine you’re not THAT surprised by them either.

Here is one that might surprise you, though, and it has to do with how people respond

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when you make a request a bit harder than they expect.

Imagine this scene - a man walks up to a woman in a bar and she asks him to buy her a drink. He obliges. Dance as old as time, right? She then asks him to buy drinks for all of her friends. He obliges again. She then asks him to hold her purse while she dances with those friends.

Ouch.

Guys are constantly warning each other not to be too eager to please - it generally backfires. For the record, this is true in both directions, but guys tend to cave more often than women, especially in the classic “buy me a drink” setting.

Here’s what happens in a situation like this.

First, there’s his side.

When he eagerly does whatever she asks, he shows no confidence. He is so eager to please that he’ll do whatever she says, thinking it’s the only way to get her attention. Not only is this a turnoff, there’s no challenge.

She wants to feel like she EARNED his attention and is worthy of it. At the same time, she wants to earn his attention.

Now from her side. When she asks him to do a small favor and he says yes, buying that drink, she opens his mind to doing the same if she asks again. And again. And again.

There have been studies on this and without fail, the vast majority of people are significantly more likely to say yes a second time if they’ve already said yes once, no matter how small the initial request might seem.

I am an Internet marketer so my requests are often related to various products I’m selling online.

But if I blasted everyone who landed on my website with a “buy this product!!” link I probably wouldn’t convert very many visitors.

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So instead I ask them to do me a small favor.

Supply an email address and subscribe to this list. They are then on my list and I can connect with them repeatedly over the course of weeks, eventually converting them to a sale.

The same is true about big dollar products. I can’t necessarily sell someone on a $500 package on day one.

So I offer free reports, eBooks, and other smaller products with less risk, then I make the upsell.

Businesses are constantly doing this. McDonald’s has long touted their Super Size options (not an option everywhere any more due to health concerns, but it’s still an interesting case study).

When someone orders a “value meal” - any type - the employees are instructed to ask if they want to super size the meal.

For McDonald’s the biggest profit margins are on fries and sodas. They make a LOT of money on those two products, and very little on everything else. So a $0.50 Super Size fee is probably $0.30 in profit for them. For the customer it’s an easy yes. Add 10% to their meal cost and they get 40% more soda and fries.

But if those same employees asked everyone who walked in the door if they wanted to buy a super sized fry or drink, they’d probably get a lot more no’s. The precommitment isn’t there yet.

How can you use these strategies in your own life?

In just about every way, honestly, and here’s why.

The reason people are willing to do something after you ask them the first time is because of their desire to be consistent.

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If I “Like” something on Facebook, I now partially “own” that thing. I am a fan of it, and have publicly declared my support of that product, person, or place. It’s why I scoff when people tell me that Facebook marketing doesn’t matter.

Of course it does.

Even if someone NEVER visits a page again, a seed has been planted. They’ve said “I like this” and will now act to remain consistent to that declaration. They’re more likely to trust your products, visit your site, and say yes if you ask them to click or rate something in the future.

Do the same with the people in your life and you’ll be blown away by their responses.

Ask your boss if you can work at home for a half day so you can go to your daughter’s soccer game. Next week ask for a full day at home.

Ask your friend to give you a quick ride to the store. Now ask if he wants to help you install all the bricks you just bought for your front porch.

It doesn’t always work - sometimes people will draw lines and you can’t cross them.

But if you have a big favor or request in mind, start small and create footholds that will make people feel committed to the idea of helping you and saying yes to your requests. They’ll follow through on those commitments later.

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Tool #4 - Trust through Honesty

This might sound like a no brainer - people trust you if you are honest.

But there’s more to it. This is a very cool and very effective marketing tactic that can actually help you in many areas of life if you use it right.

It’s so cool in fact that most marketing books and courses use this as a prime example of how it works:

That is one of the most famous ads in modern advertising. Everyone does stuff like this now, but when Volkswagen did it, people were appalled.

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This was a time when ads still looked like this:

Everything you bought was a fountain of youth that would make you feel amazing for the rest of your life. To openly admit “yeah, it’s not that great, but look how compact and affordable it is” was a revelation.

The key here is perceived honesty.

By default, when selling something - whether it’s yourself, a product/service, or an idea to a friend or family member - they are likely to be skeptical.

What do they want out of me? is the first thought on most people’s minds.

By admitting openly up front that there are issues and that you’re okay with them, you create a stronger bond.

It sounds more legitimate, it’s easier to trust you and generally speaking, they will listen to you a lot more closely.

If a company makes a mistake, this is called damage control. Get out in front, admit the mistake and then fix it. The longer you delay, deny, or argue about the mistake, the worse it will be.

The same is true in your life.

Here are some examples:

•Admitting You Messed Up - So you forgot to send in a purchase order and it cost the company a few hundred dollars. Your job may be on the line, but you won’t do

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yourself any favors by making mistakes.

•Admit fault (unless someone in HR tells you otherwise), accept responsibility and take action to ensure it doesn’t happen again. People will respect you for it and trust that it won’t happen again because you are taking action.

•Admit Shortcomings by Augmenting Strengths - In a job interview, it’s easy to get carried away. To say that you are the best at everything and that you will be amazing at this job. But recruiters hear that all the time.

•The people who really make an impression are the ones who are honest and then build on that honesty. No, I haven’t used that software before, but I taught myself another software program in two weeks over the summer so I am confident I can do the same when I start working here. Don’t be afraid to admit when you can’t do something or aren’t in a good position.

The key to all of this is to build on your admission. Sure, you can say you don’t know how to do something, but if you don’t follow it up with examples of how you learn how to do other things, are proactive without training, and pick things up rapidly in a high stress environment, none of this will matter.

Always focus on the positive at the end of a statement.

Honey, I forgot to mail the check last week so we’re a bit behind, but I’m going to call them first thing in the morning and personally straighten it out.

Our product costs a bit more than the competition, but we feel it is well worth the difference as it is self-cleaning, rated for five years full replacement, and comes in five colors to match your home’s layout.

A negative statement is not always a bad thing.

The honesty is refreshing and it will generate trust from anyone you’re selling to - the key is to use them wisely and at the right time. Don’t admit all of your shortcomings and expect to get a pat on the back for honesty.

At a certain point, they can and will hurt you, or it will come across as low self-esteem.

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Tool #5 - Using Labels Effectively

Before we get into the fifth tool, here’s a short disclaimer.

Every one of these tools can be misused and marketers do it all the time. This one is misused more than most and if done so poorly can backfire BIG TIME.

It’s powerful. It’s effective. And it’s dangerous.

So if you are unsure what I’m talking about or if you can’t think of a good way to use this particular tool in your own life, I urge you to hold back for a while - don’t put yourself in a position that could backfire and cause problems for you or the person you’re trying to persuade.

Now, to the technique.

The reason this one is so potentially dangerous is because we ALREADY do it every day, often in a negative way.

Human beings WANT there to be labels on things.

We want an easy way to digest new information, meet new people, and process them before putting them into categories.

At the extreme end of the spectrum are race and religion. At the every day spectrum are things like what types of movies you watch, where you work, and the clothes you wear.

These aren’t the types of labels I want you to use.

Using labels like this can be dangerous because A) it’s prejudicial and you’re going to hurt someone, B) it’s narrow minded and will hurt YOU and C) it keeps you from ever truly knowing or understanding the person you’re trying to persuade.

So don’t do it.

When I say “label” I mean an identifying statement - a self-belief that someone carries

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with them and in almost every case, it is positive.

People do this all the time to themselves.

I’m not very smart.

I’m fat.

I’m unattractive.

I can’t figure this out.

I’ll never get that job.

It’s normal but it holds us back and no one actually WANTS to feel like that - it’s just a defensive mechanism that keeps us from getting hurt. If you believe you can’t do it, you’ll never try and then you’ll never fail.

What we can do when trying to persuade someone is to teach them how to change that label and believe they can do something.

The goal is to label people in a way they LIKE and that they will try to follow through on.

Weight loss ads are a great example.

Do you ever see a weight loss ad that says “you are so fat, why aren’t you at the gym right now?”

Of course not. Shame is effective at times, but it’s ineffective much more often and it can create a lot of negativity both in the person and towards the person or company using it.

Imagine how well your business would perform if you went around calling all of your customers fat.

So weight loss ads - for diet plans, books, gyms, and supplements - are positive and

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generally affirming.

You can do it!

I lost this weight and now you can too!

You are ready to lose weight!

The ads are general, but the message is always the same. It’s why they use case studies so often too. They show people that these results are possible, then they affirm that the person reading can get those results.

When I’m selling an affiliate marketing product I don’t say “You’re going to go bankrupt if you lose your job”. I focus on the positive, saying “You have every tool you need to start making a passive income online today.”

It’s positive and affirming and people WANT to believe those statements.

Now, here’s why it works.

When someone hears something they want to believe, they apply that label to themselves. They attach it and then they want to live up to it. When you tell your children they are intelligent and capable of anything, they believe it and they will try their hardest to live up to that belief.

On the other side, if you told a child every day that they were not smart enough and shouldn’t bother trying, most will give up and not try. It’s awful, but it’s true.

Earning the Right

It isn’t as simple as going around telling people they can do something they’re struggling with. If it was, there would be no smokers, everyone would be fit and thin, and our colleges would be bursting at the seams.

You need to earn the right to offer that affirmation.

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You need to tell them your story, where you were and how you learned to do the same thing. Sure your children will roll their eyes when you explain how hard you studied in school, but it still works.

They still feel that positive energy and they understand that you see in them a potential they might not yet feel.

It works in all walks of life, even with a boss or potential employer.

You want someone who is detail oriented yet open to try new things and utilize the creative minds around him.

That’s a perfect statement for a job interview and it works wonders when trying to convince someone to buy from you.

Tell them what they want and then follow through on that belief. Label them as your ideal customer and then show them how to become that customer or to hire you and make you a part of their team.

Whether you are trying to generate trust in a potential boss or selling a big product to a partner company, the bottom line is that this works incredibly well.

Social Responsibility in Persuasion

The power of persuasion is immense - if you understand how to use these tools effectively, they can sway anyone from your spouse to your boss to a random stranger you meet on the street and they’ll all respond comparably. People will WANT to do what you ask of them.

They will WANT to please you because you’ve given them every reason in the world to trust and respect you.

So it’s easy to take things too far.

That’s the best part about these tools and the entire process of persuasion, though. Sure there are some “enterprising” individuals who will use anything they can get their

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hands on to take advantage of the people in their lives, but most of us don’t want to do that.

And without some clever hackery, you’ll never be able to do that here either. People will see it coming.

The key is subtlety and scarcity.

If what you’re selling is good enough - especially if it is YOU - you don’t need a whole lot. Maybe a nudge or two to get someone to take action. Otherwise, you’re set.

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Are You Using these Tools Wisely?

One of my favorite books in recent years is Daniel Pink’s To Sell Is Human. Pink is a great writer, but he’s also exceptionally skilled at getting out of the way of his stories and letting them speak for themselves.

In this case, we can see just how powerful the urge in human beings is to sell ourselves to the people around us.

Everything I’ve just shown you is a response to that.

The urgency to be recognized, to feel important, to trust someone - it’s because we want to be seen as the best and most reliable and when someone gives us that feeling, we cling to it.

It’s only natural.

So this idea that selling yourself and influencing other people through persuasion is somehow wrong is a little silly.

We’ve been doing it since we were born and will continue doing it until we are old and trying to get another piece of cake. So why not formalize it a bit?

Why not organize all the things we ALREADY do and use them to make an impact on people - to build trust, generate authority and become someone others are more than happy to say yes to.

It’s that simple.

It’s not about manipulation.

It’s not about taking advantage of people.

It’s about getting someone who already WANTS to say yes to give the green light and if you can do that, you can get a long way in life.

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It’s not a magic trick. You can’t turn proverbial lead into gold here and have every situation in your life suddenly come up on your side.

There will be disappointments. Some people will still say no. You’re not a Jedi after all.

But when you understand better some of the motivations that push people to do what they do and the triggers that get them to take action, you can be a more effective salesperson - whether you actually sell things or are selling yourself to a boss, spouse, parent, or friend.

That, my friends, is a surefire ticket to a life of wealth and success.

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