I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable, animal and mineral;

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,

aI Em D´ vE|I mÅd: ´v ´ mÅd´n meIdZ´ dZEn´®´:

aIv Inf´meISn` vEdZ´t´b:`, œnIm: ´nd mIn´®´:

aI n´U D´ kINz ´v INgl´nd œnd aI k∑´Ut D´

faIts IstŮIkl`

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o'news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,

frøm mœ|´TÅn tu wOt´lu In Od´ kœt´gÅ|Ik:`

aIm vE|I wEl ´k∑eIntId tu wIT

mœt´z mœT´mœtIk:`

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

aI ønd´stand Ik∑eIZn`z b´UT D´

sImpl` œnd kwOd®œtIkl`

´bAUt baIn´Umj´l Ti´®´m aIm timIN wIT ´ lÅt ´v nIuz

wIT mEnI tSI´f´l fEkts ´bAUt D´ skwE®´v D´ haIpÅtInjuz

aIm vE|I gUd ´t Int´g®´l ´nd dIf´®EnS´l kœlkjUl´s

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous

In short, in matters...

vegetable...

...animal, and...

...mineral...

I am the very model of a modern

Major-General

aI n´U D´ saI´ntIfIk nEImz ´v bi.INz œnImœkjUl´s

In SOt In mœt´z vEdZ´t´b:, œnIm: ´nd mIn´®´:...

aI œm D´ vE|I mÅdl ´v ´ mÅd´n mEIdZ´ dZEn´®´:

I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General (continued)

aI n´U A mITIk hIst®I, kIN AT´z œnd s‰ kœ®´dÅksaI Ans´ hAd ´k®ÅstIks, aIv ´ p®ItI tEIst fO pœ®´dÅksaI kw´Ut In El´gi.Iks Ol D´ k®aImz ´v hiliogœb´l´sIn kÅnIks aI k´n flO pIkjuliœ®ItIz p´®œb´l´s

aI kn tEl øndAUtId ®œfajElz f®´m gE®Ad dAUz ´nd zÅf´nIzaI n´U D´ k®´UkIN kO®´s f®´m D´ f®Ågz ´v œ®IstÅf´nIzDEn aI k´n høm ´ fjug ´v ∑ItS aIv h‰d D´ mjuziks dIn ´fO´nd ∑Is:` O: Di Ez f®´m Dœt Inf‰n:` nÅns´ns pIn´fO

DEn aI k´n ®aIt ´ wOSIN bIl In bœbIlÅnIk kjunIfOmœnd Tel ju Ev®I ditaIl ´v k´®œktIkøsIz junIfOmIn SOt In mœt´z vEdZ´t´b:, œnIm: ´nd mIn´®:aI œm D´ vE|I mÅd: ´v ´ mÅd´n meIdZ´ dZEn´®´:

In fœkt, ∑En aI n´U ∑Åt Iz mEnt baI mœm´lÅn ´nd ®œv´lIn∑En aI k´n tEl ´t saIt ´ maUz´ ®aIf: f®´m ´ dZœv´lIn∑En søtS ´fEz ´z sOtIz œnd s´p®aIzIz aIm mO wE®I ´t´nd ∑En aI n´U p®IsaIslI ∑Åt Iz mEnt baI kÅmIsE®I.´t

∑En aI h´v l‰nt ∑Åt p®´Ug®´s hœz bIn mEId In mÅd´n gøn´®I∑En aI n´U mO®´v tœktIks Dœn ´ nÅvIs In ´ nøn´®IIn SOt wEn aIv ´ smœt´®IN ´v El´mEnt´: st®œt´dZIjul seI ´ bEt´ mEIdZ´ dZEn´®´: h´d nEv´ sœt ´ dZI

fO maI mIlItE®I nÅlIdZ D´U aIm pløkI ´nd ´dvEntS´®Ih´z ´UnlI bIn b®Ot dAUn t´ D´ bIgInIN ´v D´ sEntS´®Ibøt stIl In mœt´z vEdZ´t´b: œnim:` ´nd mIn´®´:aI œm D´ vE|I mÅd:` ´v ´ mÅd´n mEIdZ´ dZEn´®´:

I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’sI answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradoxI quote in elegiacs all the crimes of HeliogabalusIn conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and ZoffaniesI know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of AristophanesThen I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din aforeAnd whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

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Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiformAnd tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’s uniformIn short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineralI am the very model of a modern Major-GeneralIn fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin”When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelinWhen such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary atAnd when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat”

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunneryWhen I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunneryIn short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategyYou’ll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventuryHas only been brought down to the beginning of the centuryBut still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineralI am the very model of a modern Major-General.

international phonetic alphabet

IPA

Gilbert and Sullivan's I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General serves us here as a means to explore a heightened Received Pronunciation accent. Some-times known as Standard British in North America, RP has been the standard speech form since the late nineteenth century for politicians, military officers, aris-tocrats and upper middle class speakers alike. In the late 20th century, RP's popu-larity dropped, and many speakers in these classes of British society now speak with a more regional speech form, or in what is quickly becoming the new stan-dard speech, Estuary English.

Photos from stock.xchng (http://www.sxc.hu) and Google Images (http://images.google.com) Got any feedback? Email me at <earmstro@yorku.ca>

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