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A Step-by-Step Guide to Divorcewww.cordellcordell.co.uk

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Cordell Cordell © 2018. All rights reserved.

Under no circumstances should this document be sold, copied, or reproduced in any way except when you have received written permission.

The information contained with the document is given in good faith and is believed to be accurate, appropriate and reliable at the time it is given, but is provided without any warranty of accuracy, appropriateness or reliability.

The author does not accept any liability or responsibility for any loss suffered from the reader’s use of the advice, recommendation, information, assistance or service, to the extent available by law.


Divorce proceedings cannot be commenced within one year of the marriage contracts being signed and the couple being declared legally married. However, judicial separation and nullity are possible alternatives within this time frame.

Note also that divorce proceedings will dissolve a marriage, and that this is distinct from a process known as ancillary relief proceedings, which seek to resolve financial issues. Although it is possible for the parties involved to conduct their own divorce proceedings, it is more usual to instruct experienced family law solicitors.

Although some firms may offer specialist women’s or men’s divorce lawyers, a good firm can represent either party in

divorce. Finding the right divorce lawyers in London or anywhere else in the country can seem daunting, particularly at a time of considerable emotional strain, but personal recommendations can often assist in the decision-making process.

INTRODUCTION1

A Step-by-Step Guide to D

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THE RESIDENCY ISSUESatisfying the residency question is a prerequisite of applying to petition for divorce in either England or Wales. There are several possible options. The main ones are listed below but there are others, and it is best to seek professional advice from divorce solicitors in London or your local area.

• Both parties to the divorce have their permanent homes (the parties are domiciled) in either England or Wales when they start the petition to divorce.

• Both parties are living in either England or Wales when the petition to divorce is begun.

• Both parties had their last residence in either England or Wales.

• One party is living in either England or Wales when the divorce petition is started.

• One party has been living in either England or Wales for a minimum of one year on the day the divorce petition is started.

• One party has their permanent home in either England or Wales and, on the day that the divorce petition is started, one party has been living in either of these countries for a minimum of six months.

THE DIVORCE PETITIONEither party to the marriage can be “the petitioner”; that is, the person to apply for a divorce petition. The petitioner sends the divorce petition (Form D8), an accompanying statement of arrangements for any children (Form D8A) and the marriage certificate to the court. To issue the divorce, the court currently charges a fee of £150.

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCEThe petitioner must demonstrate irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. This is done by proving one of five facts:

• The other spouse has committed adultery

• Unreasonable behaviour of the other spouse

• After two years, desertion by the other spouse

• After two years, separation with the consent of the other spouse

• After five years, separation without consent of the other spouse

Either party to the marriage can be “the petitioner”; that is , the person

to apply for a divorce petition.


NOTICE OF ISSUE OF PETITIONIn response to the divorce petition, the court sends the petitioner a notice of issue of petition (Form D9H). This confirms that the petition has been received and states when it was sent on to the respondent and, if one has been appointed, to their lawyer. If the cited reason was adultery, the third party named in the petition also receives a copy of the divorce petition.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF SERVICEThe respondent has eight days, which include the day of receipt, to acknowledge service of the petition and the statement of arrangements. This is done by sending Form D10 to the court. If the respondent intends to defend the petition, this information must be included.

DEFENDING THE PETITIONNot all divorce petitions are defended but a respondent who plans to do so has 29 days from the day of receipt of the petition and statement of arrangements to send their defence (or “Answer”) to the court. The parties to most defended divorces reach an agreement during the subsequent proceedings. Contested divorces almost always necessitate professional expertise.

DIRECTIONS FOR TRIALThe petitioner needs to apply for directions for trial if he or she knows that the respondent intends to defend the case and has not responded within the prescribed 29-day period. An application for directions for trial is made on Form D84. It should be accompanied by an affidavit of evidence on Form D80.

FAILURE TO RESPONDWhere the respondent fails to acknowledge service of the petition by returning Form D10, the petitioner must then request the services of a bailiff using Form D89. The form must be accompanied by a photograph or a description of the respondent or of the co-respondent, and the appropriate fee.

DECREE NISIWith undefended petitions, the court can be applied to for the decree nisi by the petitioner once the acknowledgement of service on Form 10 has been received. The petitioner must use Form D80 to provide a sworn affidavit verifying the contents of the acknowledgement of service.


CERTIFICATE OF ENTITLEMENT TO A DECREEOnce a judge has reviewed the paperwork and is satisfied that it is in order, the court will send the petitioner and respondent a certificate of entitlement to a decree. This lets them know the date and time when the judge will grant the decree nisi.

It is not mandatory for either the petitioner or the respondent to be present in court when the decree nisi is pronounced. Both parties, along with any co-respondent, receive copies of the decree nisi on Form D29.

DECREE ABSOLUTEThe petitioner can then apply for the decree absolute six weeks and one day after the decree nisi is granted. The notice of application for a decree nisi to be made absolute is made on Form D36. This form is usually processed within a matter of days. Once the court grants the decree absolute, the divorce is final. If the petitioner chooses not to apply for a decree absolute, the respondent is able to apply for it three months after the date on which the petitioner could have done so. In certain circumstances, the petitioner is able to prevent the respondent from applying for the decree absolute.

It is not mandatory for either the petitioner or the respondent to be present in court when the

decree nisi is pronounced.


As with any area of the law, divorce has its own particular language and terminology. The emotional turmoil and financial and practical stresses that all too often accompany a relationship breakdown do not usually provide the ideal circumstances for learning this new language. This clear and easily referenced guide will hopefully prove a helpful starting point for anyone navigating the road to divorce.

Acknowledgement of service: The form that the petitioner must include with the divorce petition when this is sent to the respondent and any co-respondents. The respondent must return the form in order to acknowledge that they have received the petition. The respondent must also use the form to indicate

whether they intend to defend the divorce. A defended divorce is likely to require the services of specialist divorce lawyers in London or elsewhere.

Adultery: One of the permitted five reasons for the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage. It must constitute a sexual relationship but it does not need to have occurred before the parties separated and it need not be the cause of the separation.

Answer: The defence to a divorce petition, disputing its allegations. If the respondent does not wish to defend the divorce, there is no requirement to submit an answer.

Barrister: A lawyer whose primary roles are to argue cases in court and to provide written opinions on the potential

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outcomes of a case. Barristers are sometimes also known as Counsel.

Co-respondent: A person with whom the respondent is alleged to have committed adultery.

Decree absolute: The court order that ends the marriage, freeing both parties to re-marry if they choose to do so.

Decree nisi: The court order that confirms that the court is satisfied that the parties have established grounds for divorce. By itself, a decree nisi does not dissolve the marriage.

Desertion: One of the five permitted grounds for divorce. It must constitute a minimum of two years’ separation to which one party did not consent.

District judge: The type of judge who is most likely to deal with divorce proceedings in the Family Court. Specialist divorce solicitors in London and throughout the country are experienced

at bringing proceedings before District Judges.

Divorce: The legal dissolution of a marriage by a court of law.

Family court: The Family Division of the High Court, which has particular responsibility for dealing with family matters, including divorce.

Family law: The term used to describe the areas of law that affect the family and family relationships. This includes divorce.

Family law solicitors: Solicitors who specialise in family law. Occasionally a firm’s entire specialism may be family law. Usually, the solicitors at the firm will practise in a number of different legal areas.

Judicial separation: A court-sanctioned separation, which enables the court to make orders relating to finances and property.

Mediation: A process by which trained mediators attempt to help a couple reach


an agreement on finances or children following their decision to separate or divorce. In this context, mediation is not an attempt at achieving reconciliation.

Men’s divorce lawyers: Solicitors or other legal practitioners who have a particular interest or specialism in assisting men with matters relating to divorce.

Order: A direction from a court that is legally binding and enforceable.

Petition: The document used to apply for divorce or legal separation. It must state that the marriage has irretrievably broken down for one of the five reasons permitted by law.

Petitioner: The party to the marriage who applies for the divorce by issuing the petition.

Pre-nuptial agreement: An agreement entered into by the parties prior to their marriage. It has no legal force but a court may take its provisions into account when deciding how to apportion the assets of the divorcing couple.

Respondent: The party to the marriage who receives the divorce petition.

Separation: One of the five permitted grounds for divorce. If both parties agree to a divorce, the separation must be for a minimum of two years. If one party does not agree, it must be for a minimum of five years.

Separation agreement: A formal agreement setting out terms agreed between the parties prior to a divorce. There is no legal obligation to enter into a separation agreement but where one exists it will usually be upheld by the court in the form of a consent order.

Solicitor: A lawyer whose primary roles are to advise their client and prepare a case for court.

Unreasonable behaviour: One of the five permitted grounds for divorce. It is something of a catch-all category and can cover a wide variety of behaviours.


Divorce is a big decision. Although it is usually the culmination of a series of events, it also signals the start of a new process. For most people, this will be their first direct experience of divorce and there are several essentials to consider:

1. TELLING YOUR PARTNERThis will not be necessary if you have reached a joint decision to divorce. However, if this is not the case, you will need to decide when - and where - to inform your spouse of your decision.

In addition, if you have reason to suspect that they will not welcome the news or may make attempts to hide assets, it is prudent to delay passing on news of your decision until you have gathered copies of relevant paperwork. This might include

mortgage details, house deeds, rent books, pension statements, bank account information and share statements.

2. SEEKING LEGAL ADVICEIt is possible to petition for a divorce without seeking legal advice or going to court provided both you and your spouse agree on the need for a divorce and the reason for seeking it.

You will also need to concur over who should pay the divorce costs and on how to deal with post-divorce financial arrangements and any child residency issues. Citizens Advice can usually provide help on how to fill out the divorce petition but, if more specialist advice is needed, you will need to seek legal advice. Word of mouth can sometimes be helpful but

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the Law Society also has an online search facility that can be used to look for divorce lawyers in London and nationwide. In order to find the right firm, it may be necessary to look outside your local area. In general, you should be looking for family law solicitors who specialise in divorce. It is also possible to find experienced men’s divorce lawyers.

2. FUNDING THE DIVORCEEven an uncontested divorce can be a costly business. This is a particular concern for those on low incomes. Legal aid is available for those who have been victims of domestic violence or abuse (appropriate evidence, such as a conviction or caution, will be required) and in situations where the local authority has child protection concerns. It is also possible to apply for legal aid where there is a history or risk of child abduction, or where someone has been a victim of forced marriage.

Unfortunately, recent changes to legal aid have seen funding withdrawn from almost all other divorcing couples. The most obvious solution to this - to agree on all aspects of the divorce - is not always practical. However, agencies such as

Relate or qualified independent mediators may be able to help, and some individuals whose income falls below a certain threshold may qualify for legal aid funding to assist with these costs.

Where mediation is unsuccessful and a matter proceeds to court, the Bar Pro Bono Unit or the Free Representation Unit may be able to provide free legal representation. Failing this, it may be possible to use the “Public Access” scheme, which permits direct access to a barrister without going through a solicitor. This can help to keep costs down and some barristers who take on public access work operate on a reduced fee basis for those on low incomes. Finally, it is possible to appear in court as a litigant in person. While this may have apparent financial attractions, it also poses plenty of practical, legal and emotional challenges for those unfamiliar with courts and the law.

3. CHOOSING THE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCEDivorces in England and Wales are granted only upon evidence of “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage between the parties. In turn, this requires evidence of adultery, unreasonable

Divorces in England and Wales are granted only upon evidence of

“ irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage between the parties.


behaviour, desertion, separation for two years with the consent of both parties, or separation for five years without the consent of both parties.

If necessary, divorce solicitors in London or elsewhere can provide advice on the best grounds to use. Unreasonable behaviour is the most frequently cited reason for divorce.

4. OBTAINING A DIVORCE QUICKLYThere is really no such thing as a “quickie” divorce in England and Wales. At a minimum, it usually takes at least four months for an undefended divorce to come through, and eighteen months is not unusual even in uncomplicated divorces. No divorce proceedings can commence within a year of the marriage, and all proceedings must include a wait of at least six weeks between the decree nisi and the decree absolute. A quick divorce also

means filing on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour.


In England and Wales, a divorce is available to any couple who have been married for at least a year and whose marriage has irretrievably broken down, provided:

(a) their marriage is legally recognised in the UK; and(b) at least one party to the marriage has a permanent home in the UK.

Family law solicitors can provide specialist guidance to anyone worried about whether or not they are eligible to apply for a divorce.

HOW TO APPLY FOR A DIVORCEAnyone seeking a divorce must issue a divorce petition. Essentially, this is a means of asking the court for permission

to divorce. It is not compulsory to engage lawyers to assist with the divorce process but many people choose to do so.

This is for a number of reasons, including unfamiliarity with the legal process and the emotional strain inherent to many relationship break-ups. It may be convenient to seek local advice but it is important not to be afraid to go further afield to find the right help. Divorce lawyers can represent parties just about anywhere in the country.

The divorce petition must give details of the parties to the marriage, the grounds on which a divorce is sought and provide evidence that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. It should be accompanied by the marriage certificate

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or another form of proof of the existence of the marriage.

There are five possible ways of proving irretrievable breakdown:

• (a) two years’ separation if both parties to the marriage give written agreement to the divorce;

• (b) five years’ separation if both parties have not provided written agreement to the divorce;

• (c) adultery, which means that the petitioner’s spouse had sexual intercourse with a third party. Note that it is not possible to rely on this ground if the parties to the marriage continued to live together for six months or more after the petitioner discovered the adultery;

• (d) unreasonable behaviour, which means behaviour making it unbearable for the petitioner to continue their marriage to their spouse. Domestic abuse, including emotional abuse, and alcohol or drug issues are commonly cited examples of unreasonable behaviour. However, this is a subjective test, meaning that many different behaviours have the potential to be classed as unreasonable; and

• (e) desertion, which means that the petitioner’s spouse has abandoned them without good reason and without seeking their agreement. The period of desertion must be for at least two of the past two-and-a-half years.

• Note that an annulment is not a divorce. Annulments are granted when a court considers that: (1) a valid marriage was not contracted because, for example, one party was below the age of sixteen (the marriage is void), or; (2) that a marriage was defective for some reason, such as due to a lack of consummation (the marriage is voidable).

CONTESTING A DIVORCE PETITIONThis is relatively unusual. Anyone wishing to contest a petition, or who receives a defence to their petition, is best advised to seek legal advice if they have not already done so. Divorce solicitors in London and across the rest of the country are skilled at helping parties contest and defend petitions. It is not necessary to seek out specialist women’s or men’s divorce lawyers: good family law solicitors can represent either party.

Divorce solicitors in London and across the rest of the country

are skilled at helping parties contest and defend petitions.


DECREE NISIIf the petition is undefended, the court will grant a decree nisi when it is satisfied that the petitioner is entitled to a divorce. The decree nisi is the precursor to the decree absolute.

DECREE ABSOLUTEThe decree absolute is the legal decree that dissolves the marriage and frees both parties to marry other people should they wish to do so.

It is permissible to apply for the decree absolute once six weeks and a day have elapsed since the decree nisi. If the petitioner fails to apply for the decree absolute within four and a half months of receiving the decree nisi, the respondent can apply instead.

The respondent must attend court to do this because there may be a good reason why the petitioner has not yet applied. Often this is to do with financial arrangements.

FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTSCourts are not always asked to address financial arrangements between divorcing parties. However, they are commonly asked to do so in a number of situations, including where: there are dependent children of the marriage; the parties have complicated financial arrangements; there is a disparity between the parties’ earning abilities; or there is a pre-nuptial agreement.

It is worth noting that a pre-nuptial agreement has no legal force. That said, if there is evidence that such an agreement was freely entered into by both parties, the courts will have to take into account its terms unless there is a good reason not to do so. The presence of children of the marriage is one example where a pre-nuptial agreement may not be upheld.When it comes to determining financial arrangements between a divorcing couple, the parties must disclose all of their assets and liabilities to the court. Any attempt to conceal assets may result in the other party receiving a more beneficial financial award than might otherwise have been the case.

Expert legal advice is essential for both parties when it comes to court-ordered financial arrangements.


It is natural and understandable that any parent contemplating divorce will worry about the effect on their children. And it is true that many children are bewildered, sad or angry when they hear that their parents are to divorce.

Some may refuse to accept that their parents will not get back together. Others may blame themselves for what has happened. It is also possible that a child may appear unaffected by what is happening, perhaps in an effort to protect their parents. Regardless of the history between the parents, it is vital that both focus on putting their children’s interests first.

As far as possible, this means presenting a united parenting front. It may be hard

to do this when going through a divorce, particularly if the split is acrimonious. However, it is important to remember that children are not parties to the divorce and that their relationship with each parent will continue after the decree absolute. Furthermore, parents, even once divorced, will have an ongoing relationship as co-parents of their children. This can sometimes be difficult to accept.

Counselling, whether undertaken together or individually, may help both parties move forwards in as positive a frame of mind as possible.

In England and Wales, the family law courts with responsibility for issuing divorces do not, as a matter of routine, make pronouncements on post-divorce

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arrangements affecting any children of the parties. Thanks to the “Statement of Arrangements for Children” form that must be submitted with the divorce petition, the court will be aware of the existence of any children. However, in the vast majority of cases, the court will only intervene in arrangements affecting those children if one of the parties asks it to do so. Moreover, in most divorce proceedings, there are other mechanisms that the parents should attempt first.

PARENTING PLANSSome divorcing couples are able to co-parent in a calm and cooperative manner. Others may need a little help. A parenting plan can be an excellent first step for separating parents, and can even be a means of avoiding court-ordered arrangements.

Properly thought out, a parenting plan is a written document that the parents work out between them. It covers the practical side of parenting, including, for example, where the children will live and where they will go to school. As such, it can be invaluable in ensuring both parents are on the same page.

A parenting plan is also useful if issues relating to the children later come to court because it will help the judge to see what the parents have agreed on and where they differ. Indeed, it is very likely that a judge will expect a couple to have attempted a parenting plan before coming to court, and good family law solicitors will point this out to their clients. The

Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass), an independent organisation that represents children’s interests in family court cases, offers a sample downloadable parenting plan on its website. Its site also includes a helpful “summary of progress” where couples can note areas on which they have agreed and those on which they think they may need a court’s help.

MEDIATIONWhere a divorcing couple cannot agree on post-divorce arrangements for their children, mediation is the next logical step. Divorce lawyers can often refer a couple to independent and impartial mediators.

COLLABORATIVE LAWThis can be a helpful way for a divorcing couple to determine arrangements for their children. As is usual, each party has their own lawyer but communications between each side are managed face- to-face in what are known as “four-way meetings” rather than by email, letter or telephone. Not all lawyers will be


accustomed to offering collaborative law but it should be possible to find firms of divorce solicitors in London and across the country with enough relevant experience for interested parties to have a real choice of legal services providers. Collaborative law is also only suited to divorces where the parties remain on reasonably good terms. If one party does not trust the other then it is unlikely to work.

COURT PROCEEDINGSWhen it comes to determining post-divorce arrangements for children, going to court ought to be the last resort.

Not only is it the most expensive way of resolving matters, it is often contentious and can be upsetting for parents and children alike. Although it is possible to self-represent, anyone thinking of involving the courts should at least consider seeking legal advice. They should also expect the court to involve Cafcass in order to ensure that the children’s interests are properly protected. Questions that the court may rule on

typically include residence (previously known as custody) and contact.

These can often be highly acrimonious and good legal advice can be very helpful. Parents, particularly fathers, sometimes feel that the court system is biased against them and consequently wish to seek out men’s divorce lawyers with particular experience in helping individuals in a similar situation. However, it is essential to understand that, at all times, the court will prioritise the child’s best interests. It is also important to realise that any court-ordered arrangements are legally binding and can only be altered by a return to court.


A divorce can affect children’s schooling in several ways. Most obviously and immediately, the practical upheavals and emotional distress that often accompany a relationship break-up can have repercussions in the classroom.

Children may struggle with their behaviour, their learning or both. There is even research to suggest that divorce damages children’s prospects at GCSE and A-Level, and increases the likelihood of inappropriate use of alcohol or drugs. Additionally, some children of divorcing parents must move schools, either because the parent with residency moves areas or, sometimes, because school fees are no longer affordable.

Most parents will want to reduce the chances of a divorce negatively affecting their children. However, if they are focused on the practicalities of the split or perhaps of finding the right divorce lawyers in London or elsewhere, ensuring that their child’s education and school experience is unaffected may slip under

EDUCATION – HOW SCHOOLS AND TEACHERS CAN SUPPORT CHILDREN GOING THROUGH DIVORCE

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the radar, at least for a while. This is where schools and teachers come in. With around 42% of UK marriages now ending in divorce, it would be unusual to find a classroom where no child has personal experience of divorcing parents. According to Resolution, the association of family law solicitors, this statistic translates into 100,000 children annually experiencing the divorce of their parents.

PRACTICAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR CHILDREN IN SCHOOLSUnfortunately, funding cuts have removed much of the support schools used to be able to access from local authorities and the voluntary sector. That said, schools are well placed to draw on their pre-existing experience to help children affected by divorce. First and foremost, it is important that every child has a named adult, whether that is a personal tutor or another trusted individual, to whom they can go for support and advice. Secondly, PSHE and Citizenship lessons can be a valuable way for schools to help pupils explore their own feelings in relation to divorce, as well as signposting additional agencies and resources to seek further advice and support.

This can help children whose families are currently going through a divorce feel less alone, as well as ensuring that all children have a basic grasp of what divorce is and how it can affect families. It is, of course, essential that teachers have the requisite resources to enable them to prepare effectively for these lessons and to deal with any questions that may arise.

CHANGING SCHOOLS AFTER DIVORCESchools also need to appreciate that a child’s educational situation may change as a result of their parents’ divorce. While the general rule is that it is best for the status quo to be maintained and children

schools are well placed to draw on their pre-existing experience to help children affected by divorce.


to continue at the same school, this is not always possible.

Parents, of course, have access to legal advice from divorce solicitors in London and across the country but schools usually do not, and must wait to be told if a child will be leaving them. Although changes to a child’s place of education can generally only be made by those with parental responsibility, a divorcing couple may sometimes disagree and may have to ask a court to decide for them.

If a child needs to move school as a result of a divorce, their old school can ease the transition by ensuring that the new school is fully briefed about its new pupil and receives all relevant reports, schoolwork and other paperwork. It is usually also helpful for a child to visit their new school for a transition or induction day before formally joining. They should also be allowed to say goodbye to existing school friends and be reassured that they will be able to stay in touch should they wish to do so.

SCHOOL REPORTS AND OTHER PAPERWORKSchools must be made aware that both parents are entitled to copies of school reports, letters and other communications, unless there is a court order to say otherwise.

This can be an administrative headache for office staff but usually helps both parents to continue to feel that they play a valued and important role in their child’s education. In turn, children are likely to

find a divorce easier to handle if both parents remain engaged and interested in all aspects of their lives.

CONTACT ARRANGEMENTSIt may also be necessary for schools to be kept up to date with contact arrangements affecting the children of divorcing parents. This is particularly likely to be the case where a split is acrimonious and contact with one parent begins or ends with the child being picked up or dropped off at school. Similarly, it is crucial that schools are informed if a court has ruled that a parent is not allowed contact with their child. This is an area where specialist legal advice is usually needed.

It is often fathers who feel short-changed when it comes to post-divorce contact arrangements and, as a result, they may seek the help of specialist men’s divorce lawyers. However, any good family law solicitor should be able to ensure that parents and schools stay on the same page when it comes to the education of the children of divorcing parents.


Both parents have a legal responsibility for the financial maintenance of their child. Child maintenance is a sum of money that is paid, usually by one parent to the other, following separation or divorce.

It is often known as “child support” and is intended to contribute to the child’s living costs. It is usually paid monthly but other payment schedules are possible.

In an ideal scenario, child maintenance is something that a divorcing couple with dependent children sort out between themselves without the need to involve divorce solicitors or the courts.

Many couples manage this, although some do not. Almost all couples begin the

process uncertain as to what is meant by child maintenance, who should pay it or how much should be paid.

There may be an assumption that the courts will resolve maintenance issues as part of the divorce process. However, the family courts that grant divorces do not automatically make arrangements for any children of the divorcing couple. This means that they will usually only address matters such as residency, contact and financial maintenance if they are specifically asked to do so. Moreover, for a number of reasons, it is prudent for most divorcing couples to question whether asking the court to address child maintenance is the wisest course of action.

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First, court-ordered arrangements are expensive to procure. Although it is possible to appear as a litigant in person, most individuals will seek the advice of family law solicitors. Depending upon the state of the relationship between a divorcing couple, when it comes to matters such as child maintenance, it sometimes makes more financial sense to attempt to reach an agreement between themselves.

Second, if the parties can reach an agreement between themselves, there is evidence to suggest that they are more likely to remain on reasonable terms, which will assist their parenting and the emotional well-being of their children. Third, reaching an agreement without court involvement also means that if the parents wish to alter the maintenance arrangement in the future, they can do so. A maintenance order imposed by a court may only be altered by returning to court.

CHILD MAINTENANCE: WHERE THE PARENTS AGREE BETWEEN THEMSELVESAssuming a couple wish to reach an agreement between themselves, it can help to know where to begin. Our dedicated child maintenance calculator can be useful in ensuring that all

possible expenses are factored in. Food and clothes are obvious, but it is also important to remember utility bills, transport costs and extra-curricular activities. As a general rule, a child should have the same standard of living with both their parents. In order to achieve this, the parents should consider one parent paying the other:

• a proportion of their income; • an agreed amount; or • a sum to cover particular expenses,

such as school uniform or clubs and activities.

In some circumstances, the parents may agree that neither parent pays the other

reaching an agreement without court involvement means that if the

parents wish to alter the arrangement in the future, they can do so.


anything. This is most likely to occur where a child spends 50% of their time with one parent and 50% with the other, and in cases in which both parents have a similar income.

Whatever agreement is reached, it is sensible to note it in writing in case of any future disagreements.

CHILD MAINTENANCE: USING A MEDIATORIf parents are unable to reach an agreement between themselves, they may wish to enlist an independent mediator. Divorce lawyers can often suggest suitable individuals, and some solicitors are also trained mediators.

Child maintenance agreed during mediation is often referred to as a family-based arrangement. Unlike court-ordered maintenance, a family-based arrangement is not binding on the parties.

However, if one party breaches the agreement, the other may be able to rely on a government scheme, run by the Child Maintenance Service, for an enforceable agreement, which will compel the defaulting parent to pay.

CHILD MAINTENANCE: USING THE CHILD MAINTENANCE SERVICE This service has three schemes:

• The 2012 scheme, which is open to all new applicants who cannot make a family-based arrangement. Applicants must pay a fee for access to the service, and a collection fee is levied on the paying parent.

• The 1993 scheme, for cases opened before 3 March 2003.

• The 2003 scheme, for cases opened on or after 3 March 2003.

Child maintenance agreed during mediation is often referred to as

a family-based arrangement.


CHILD MAINTENANCE: ASKING THE COURT TO MAKE AN ORDERIn certain circumstances, this may need to be the first course of action. This might include situations where: • there is a history of domestic violence; • one party is attempting to hide their

assets; • one party lives outside the UK; • the resident parent has extra expenses

that the Child Maintenance Service does not take into account, such as to cover private school fees or costs associated with a child’s medical needs;

• one party has a very high income and the other party wants the maintenance calculation to reflect this.

A court order is binding, which means that failure to pay may result in an attachment of earnings order to deduct the amount at source or a charging order on a property. As a last resort, the non-payer may be sent to prison for up to six weeks. It is possible to find specialist lawyers, particularly specialist men’s divorce lawyers, with specific expertise in dealing with these sorts of case.

A court order is binding, which means that failure to pay may result in an

attachment of earnings order.


Housing is often a major concern for anyone contemplating divorce. An income, or even a dual income, that may have comfortably covered a single family home does not always easily stretch to providing two of them. This may be compounded if a divorcing couple has dependent children.

Some couples have sufficient equity in their existing property or enough income to be able to ensure that, post-divorce, both individuals are housed in accommodation that is comparable to the home that they lived in prior to divorce. For others, compromises must be made. Sometimes a couple can reach these compromises themselves but it may be necessary to use the services of an independent mediator or a firm

of family law solicitors to achieve an outcome acceptable to both parties. Couples may need to engage the services of, for example, men’s divorce lawyers, who specialise in helping high-net-worth individuals through divorce.

The courts that grant divorces in England and Wales do not automatically adjudicate on property division. If asked to deal with this issue, a court will take each case on its own circumstances. This may include the length of the marriage, whether there are any dependent children and the existence of any prenuptial agreement.

When considering post-divorce housing options, there are several things to think about.

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PROPERTY OWNED BY BOTH PARTIESIf a property is owned by both parties, both individuals, even once divorced, have the right to return to the property and live in it. The only way of subverting this right is via a court order. Equally, both parties are responsible for the mortgage payments if the property is jointly mortgaged. Moving out does not absolve either party of responsibility. In England and Wales, there are two possible forms of ownership: joint tenancy and tenancy in common. If there is any doubt, it is essential to find out which applies to the property in question because they are dealt with in different ways under the law. Joint tenants own the property equally. When one party dies, the other automatically inherits their share of the property, and a will cannot override this.

Consequently, if a couple is divorcing, they may wish to convert a joint tenancy into a tenancy in common in case one of them dies before the divorce is finalised. With a tenancy in common, it is possible for the property’s ownership to be held in unequal shares (for example, 60%

and 40%), perhaps to reflect differing financial contributions to the deposit.

Each party can leave their share of the property to whoever they wish in their will. However, if there is no will, the property will pass under the intestacy laws. For a married person, even one on the road to divorce, this is likely to mean that their spouse inherits. Severing the joint tenancy is a simple process via written notification to the other party and does not require the other party’s consent. If the property is mortgaged, it is also important to notify the mortgage company. This is also an important step for anyone who fears that their co-

In England and Wales, there are two possible forms of ownership : joint tenancy and tenancy in common.


owner may renege on their mortgage obligations.

ONLY ONE PARTY TO THE MARRIAGE OWNS THE PROPERTYIf a divorcing couple lives in a property that is owned by only one of them, it is likely that both individuals will retain the right to live there until the divorce. However, this situation can be changed as a result of a court order. If a property is owned in this way, it is usually sensible for both parties to seek legal advice from divorce solicitors in London or elsewhere. The party who owns the property should not assume that the other party will have no rights to any equity in the property.

It may be possible for the person who does not own the property to register their interest in it via a Matrimonial Home Rights Notice. This will prevent

the owner from selling or otherwise disposing of the property or applying for a larger mortgage without notifying their ex-spouse.

RENTING UNDER A JOINT TENANCYAs with a jointly owned property, both tenants will have the right to stay in the rented home unless a court orders otherwise. Similarly, the obligation to pay the rent continues in relation to both individuals even if one party to the rental agreement moves out of the property. Disputes may need to be resolved by a court.

RENTING UNDER A SOLE TENANCYThis is a situation in which the individual whose name is not on the tenancy is best advised to seek urgent legal advice from divorce lawyers. Where appropriate, they will refer the matter to colleagues experienced in housing law.


It may be possible for the person who is not named on the tenancy to take it over in their own name.

SHARING A HOME AFTER SEPARATIONThis is unlikely to be the ideal situation for many couples but is more common than many realise. It can have particular advantages when it comes to providing a continued stable home for any children. Sharing a home will not necessarily affect a couple’s legal separation but they may need to seek legal advice on this point.

Dividing an Owned Home after DivorceAn owned property may be divided in several ways.

• The property may be sold, with both parties moving out and receiving a share of the proceeds.

• One party may buy the other out. • The home may be kept, with one

party continuing to live in it and any sale postponed. This is often achieved via a court order. A Mesher Order postpones the sale until a particular event occurs, such as until the youngest child finishes full-time education. A Martin Order postpones the sale until the party who is living in it either remarries or dies.

• An interest in the property may be transferred from one person to another. This usually occurs as part of a financial settlement, and often when there are dependent children to be housed. The party that retains

an interest in the property will receive a certain percentage of its value when it is sold.


Even for the party who initiates the split, a divorce usually places considerable strain on the person’s physical and mental health and well-being. Even the best divorce lawyers are not ideally equipped for helping their clients with some of the more unexpected challenges that divorce can bring. That said, most family law solicitors will have some good ideas about where someone who is struggling can seek help and advice.

Below are some of the most common health and well-being problems associated with divorce, and some ideas for overcoming them.

DEPRESSIONThis can arise for all sorts of reasons at almost any stage of life. Although

perhaps most frequently occurring for those on the receiving end of an unwanted divorce, often as a result of feeling unwanted, unloved or rejected, it can also cause problems for those pursuing a wanted divorce.

By its very nature, divorce changes lives. Not only are relationships broken, living arrangements are also altered, houses sold, finances divided and so on. Many of the emotions generated are entirely natural and will settle in time, or with the assistance and support of kind and sympathetic friends.

Sometimes, however, it may be necessary to seek a little extra help. This is when it may be worth paying a visit to your GP. Antidepressants are not always

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the inevitable outcome of such a visit, but neither should they be feared. Alternatively, cognitive behavioural therapy can assist some people, although this is not always available on the NHS in a timely fashion.

STRESSIt is entirely to be expected that someone facing divorce will have concerns about the future. These can range from the specific (where will I live?) to the general (how will I cope alone?). Whatever the questions causing concern, the best way to keep them at bay is to find an effective coping strategy.

Different things work for different people. For some, walking the dog and enjoying a chat with fellow dog walkers can be enough to get them through the day, while for others it will be the day-to-day routine of familiar work or a lively evening out. Exercise can work miracles for many people, thanks to the mood-boosting endorphins that it delivers. And it doesn’t have to be jogging or lengths at the local pool: salsa dancing, an afternoon on a dry ski slope or striding the hills can be just as beneficial.

SLEEP PROBLEMSMoney worries and concerns over children or future housing are just some of the specific concerns that can adversely affect sleep during the divorce process. Even someone getting help with these issues from divorce solicitors may find that they are not sleeping as well as usual.

Firstly, a good bedtime routine can help. This means going to bed and getting up at the same time and ensuring that the room is neither too hot nor too cold and is free of electronic distractions. A warm, milky drink and a hot bath before bedtime could also improve sleep, as can reducing overall alcohol and caffeine consumption.

It is entirely to be expected that someone facing divorce will have

concerns about the future.


Some people swear by lavender on their pillow or using a herbal remedy, such as valerian. Others wind down with a book; this tends to work best if it’s not a gripping page-turner that is difficult to put down. If these traditional remedies do not have the desired effect, it may be worth visiting your GP. Sleeping tablets are often seen as a last resort but, with proper guidance, they can be a useful temporary measure to get your sleep back on track.

EATING PROBLEMSIt is common for eating patterns to alter during times of emotional stress. Some people overeat, seeking the comfort of large portions, frequent snacks or high-calorie treats. For others, eating becomes a chore. They may stop cooking or planning balanced meals, or they may eat irregularly. Neither scenario is wise from a health perspective. Equally, unless it is affecting someone with specific health problems, such as diabetes, neither is likely to do much harm in the short term. However, it is important that normal eating patterns are resumed as soon as possible. This may be easier if there is someone else, perhaps a child, to cook for. Someone living alone may benefit from getting together with friends for the occasional meal.

ALCOHOLThe problems associated with excessive alcohol consumption are well documented. However, even those who are well aware of the recommended maximum weekly intake and who do not normally binge drink may find themselves

using alcohol as a crutch to get through difficult times.

The occasional drink, particularly when enjoyed in the company of friends, is unlikely to pose a problem even to someone struggling with their divorce. However, drinking regularly, and perhaps heavily, while alone can indicate a potential problem. There is help available for anyone with an alcohol problem, and GPs, and sometimes even women’s and men’s divorce lawyers, can signpost the way to that help, but it is far better to recognise the danger signs and to nip the problem drinking in the bud.

CONCERNS ABOUT CHILDRENMany divorcing parents worry about how the split will affect their children. Initially, concerns about where the children will live and how they may feel if they have to move houses or schools may take precedence.

However, some children manifest emotional distress in very physical ways. These can include bed-wetting, eating problems, temper tantrums and poor behaviour at home or school. These can be distressing for all concerned but are usually relatively short-lived, provided that the child receives appropriate parental love and attention. It is also important to keep schools up to date on how events are affecting a young person in their charge.


Going through a divorce can be difficult and it may be hard to see the correct path ahead. Of course, the help and support of family and friends, as well as good legal advice from divorce lawyers in London or your local area, can go a long way towards easing the

journey. Soon, the time will come when you will receive your decree nisi and, ultimately, your decree absolute. The decree absolute is what dissolves the marriage and frees both parties to marry again should they wish to do so. It also marks the stage where many people no longer require the services of their family law solicitors and must think about moving forwards. This can be trickier than anticipated. Although some people mark their decree absolute with a divorce party, for others it can feel rather anticlimactic or upsetting. Some people also have ongoing concerns about how they will deal with their new life. In order to ensure that you greet your decree absolute with positivity for the future, below are a few things to think about before your divorce is finalised.

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CONCLUDE ANY LEGAL CONCERNSIssues relating to children, including residence, maintenance and contact, should all be arranged before the divorce is finalised. However, don’t be afraid to take any concerns or questions you may have to your divorce solicitors in London or elsewhere. It is also worth remembering that arrangements can be renegotiated in the future, although court orders can only be changed if you are prepared to go back to court. In this case, your solicitors will be able to advise you further. If you are a father concerned about future access to your children, you may wish to seek out specific men’s divorce lawyers who are experienced in these matters.

LOOK AFTER YOUR MENTAL HEALTHIt’s often easy to become introspective or depressed following a divorce. This is particularly likely if the split has been challenging or is unwanted. Questioning your self-worth is not an uncommon reaction, but try to remember that divorce can be a fairly difficult process for many. You need to look after yourself in terms of both your physical and your mental health. It may help to talk to sympathetic friends, family or even a counsellor. The key to moving on after a divorce is to focus on your own well-being. Often, the simple things in life can make a big difference to mood: fresh air and exercise, for example, can have a very beneficial effect on mental health.

LOOK AFTER YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTHAgain, exercise is crucial, as is eating

well and ensuring that you have any recommended medical check-ups and tests. The aftermath of a divorce is a common time to turn over a new leaf and start a healthy eating plan or diet. Provided you do so sensibly, these can be very positive reactions to divorce.

THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU LIVEPerhaps you’ve moved house as a result of the divorce. This can be a great opportunity to begin again in a new place. However, if you’re still in the same home, you might like to consider redecorating as it can help you to feel that you’ve made a fresh start. If redecorating is not a possibility, perhaps you could move your furniture around or plant something new in the garden.

JOBS AND CAREERSFor many people, a divorce signifies a watershed moment in their working lives. It may be necessary to return to the workforce after a long time out or to look for more hours or a higher-paying


position. There is an increasing amount of support available, such as women’s networking schemes, which are aimed at assisting workplace returns. Now is also a good time to consider your long-term career. For example, are there any areas in which you would like to retrain? Would additional qualifications help? Local further education colleges can be invaluable sources of assistance. If financially viable, you may also wish to consider voluntary work – for altruistic reasons, to meet new people or as a way of easing your way back into paid employment.

PENSIONS AND OTHER FINANCIAL PLANNINGA divorce can often set back even the best-laid financial plans. It can also highlight existing gaps. Perhaps you have already sought specific advice from a financial adviser but, if you haven’t, now might be a good time to do so. A new plan for your future financial needs might include helping children with university costs or house deposits. It should almost certainly include pension provision for yourself. As a start, you should find out your current state pension prediction. This takes into account whether or not you ever opted out of the State Earnings-Related Pension Scheme (SERPS); if you did, your private pension will be expected to fill the gap. If you have a private pension, make sure you look carefully at its projected future value. There are several mechanisms, easily accessible online, for calculating your eventual pension entitlement and also for working out how much extra you

need to save in order to have a retirement income of a particular amount. If you don’t have a pension, or don’t have enough money in your existing pension pot, consider how you might plug that gap. This could be through property or other investments, or perhaps through portfolio or part-time work as you get older.

INHERITANCEThe estate of a married person automatically passes to their spouse if there are no provisions to the contrary in a will. Contrary to many people’s expectations, divorce does not automatically nullify a pre-existing will. This means that if you have not already done so, you may wish to write a new one. This is something that your legal adviser can help you with.

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