a long time ago but still in the future (1)

8/7/2019 A long time ago but still in the future (1)

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The World as We Dont Know It

A long time ago but still in the future presently, in a place that nobody

but me knows about, there was a man (yes, a man and the reason it is not a

woman is I dont want to worry about having to write what she thinks she is

feeling when it isnt what she is feeling). This man was an average man no

outstanding or weird characteristics except he still had his mind and since it

was a mind and not a hunchback or large oversized gun it was easy to

conceal from the S.G.E. (Salt God Enforcers). These self-proclaimed god

enforcers would hunt down anybody suspected of not conforming to the Salt

Gods will, and take them to the Pacification Center. At the Pacification

Center the S.G.E. will basically take a human being to the point of breaking

and then break you to where you do not question anything, you would justgo about everyday life except now you would do everything the so called

Salt God instructed you to do. So anyways, this man with a mind did what

anybody with a mind could do in this situation, he decided that he must turn

the tables on the Salt God and the S.G.E. by making them the hunted. So

now, youre probably thinking oh that wont be that hard but you most likely

failed to realize that this man is the only one in this world that still has his

mind and is not a servant of the Salt God. Yes, I know I repeated myself but

oh well because if you have read this much you will just have to get over it,

and I know you wont quit reading because youre curious. Okay enough of

that, so the man was walking down the street, and no it was not raining for

all of you negative people, and it wasnt sunny either for you pollyannic

people( which means overly happy like the fictional character Pollyanna). So

it was just your normal day, and the man was walking down the street in a

very nice olive Armani suit, and the man was just being a man with a mind

by walking against the flow of the mindless, yes, cocky, but he doesnt need

to worry because he has a mind and dare I say it maybe his greatest ability,

and it is that he has learned the sight.

As the man strolled down the middle of the mindless he noticed that

there are five mindless that appear to be exactly the same. The man stopped

and waited because he knew what was coming, the S.G.E. had sent five

enforcers to try and bring him in for pacification, but shouldnt they have

known that it would take more than five enforcers to bring him in. Then the

mindless traffic that had filled the street started to move away the enforcers

started to form a wide circle around the man. The leader of these five


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enforcers said to the man Cocky aint you, this battle will not turn out like

the last, the time of your pacification is at ha-!!!UGH then as the leader was

about to finish his statement the man was already in front of him and the

man punched the lead enforcer in the stomach, now keep in mind that this

was not a normal punch, this punch went easily through the leaders skin,

stomach, and the various other parts till he unclenched his fist to grab the

spleen, and then as he pulled back his punch, still holding the spleen, he

proceeded then to stab the closest enforcer with the spleen. Then there was

only three, then next enforcer, well tried to use a gun on the man but who

would really think that a gun would work on a man that could stab someone

with a spleen, the man actually took offence at this and just turned towards

the gun wielding enforcers held out is arm with a clinched fist and then these

words erupted from his mouth BOOM-FIST, and as soon as those words

were out of his mouth the enforcers just exploded into red mist and settled

on the pavement. Before the mist fully settled the man was already holdingthe still beating heart of the fourth enforcer, the man then brought both

hands around the heart and squeezed with the hands of sight, when he

opened his hands out flew a white dove. Now, there was only one enforcer,

after seeing the other four annihilated before his eyes, he had lost all control

of his body. The man just turned and looked at him, glared and started

walking away. The final enforcer was like what the crap, then for a reason

unknown to him he reached up and pulled his ears off and all the blood in his

body immediately drained out of his body.

So, by now you are probably wondering what exactly does a Salt GodEnforcer look like, a S.G.E. resembles a human but through tortures and

other horrendous acts of madness (and no that does not mean I dont know

what the other acts are its just I dont feel like writing them, so get over it).

These acts transform normal people with a liking for madness whether

hidden or not, into stronger, faster, smarter beings, that will do the Salt Gods

bidding. The S.G.E. appear like any other mindless when they appear in

public but the way that you can tell them apart is that when they appear in

groups they all look exactly the same, and this is how the man was able to

identify them in the previous battle.

Now, after easily dispatching the enforcers, the man walked over to

this old man , who had long grayish hair and a similar looking beard (you

could say he looked like Kris Kristofferson from Blade, and if you havent

seen Blade, then go to Google or your preferred search engine and search

Kris Kristofferson, Blade)when he reached the old man , he slapped him

across the face with sight, then the old man was like Ugh, what happened?


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The man replied You had lost your mind to the Salt God, and I just gave you

back your mind. And then the man asked What is your name? the old man

replied My name is Boba Eddy. Then the man reached into the inner

pocket of his Armani suit and produced a can of Mountain Dew and handed

to Boba, and he left Boba with this Always keep this on you at all times, and

I will contact you in the future, also dont ever leave your house or you will

die!

After freeing Boba, the man returned to his home, the man walked up

to the solid brick wall of the dead end of the alley by the intersection of

Shyster and Bongo Street, at this wall which seemingly was just a brick wall,

the man pulled out a wooden flute and started playing a rendition of

Beethovens 5th, as soon as the last note was played a handle appeared out

of the wall, the man touched the knob and the door slid outward and

attached itself to the right side of the wall and then the man went in and the

door closed itself behind the man. The mans house was a basic home with a

few random items he had collected over the years, he had a stop sign, a

sonic menu, a LAPD police cone, a steering wheel from a ice cream truck,

and a brick from the MGM Grand. The man walked over to his couch and fell

asleep on the couch, and no, he does not have a bed, he actually prefers the

couch to a bed.

The next day, after the man woke up, he took off his Armani suit, and

hung it up in the dirty section of his spacious closet. He then chose the black

Kenneth Cole 3-piece suit with a nice vibrant green tie. Once he got dressedand made sure the tie was straight, he decided today was the day he ended

the Pacification Center in the southern part of town. The man goes down to

his garage and after some thought decides to take the 1936 Ford Hot Rod

with the midnight blue paint job. The man started the Hot Rod, then swung it

out of the garage and down a tunnel, then grabbed a remote out of the glove

box in the passenger seat, and pushed the button that had a symbol that

resembled a phone booth on it. The tunnel was about to end then what

looked like the end started leveling out and the roof started rising up, and

the man drove the car hot of this opening onto the road, and headed for the

Pacification Center, and as he drove away the phone booth settled back intoits original place.

On the way to the Center the man was speeding, because all the cops

where mindless, so who wouldnt speed? The man wove his way through the

morning traffic, and headed south towards the Center, once on the freeway

he dropped the Hot Rod into 5th and floored it, the Hot Rod roared off


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towards the Center at about 130 mph, so it didnt take him long to get to the

Center. Once he reached the Center, he calmly parked in one of the spots

designated for visitors only, got out and locked the car. The man then strode

up the very nice solid marble steps of the Pacification Center and opened the

door. Everybody in the Pacification Center stopped what they were doing and

had a wide eyed open jawed look on their faces, because they knew what

was about to happen and the only reason they knew what was coming is

because all the workers at Pacification Centers are S.G.E., so they still had

some capacity for thought. There was about 20 or so S.G.E. in the

antechamber of the Center, so the man did not want to waste any time so he

started his non-patented (non-patented because the Salt God controls the

patent office) disco-jitsu ( yes, I said disco-jitsu, it is a combination of Japans

most deadly martial arts techniques and disco, and you probably thought

disco was dead, oh no, this disco will make you dead!) I wont go into detail

on this fight because it was a disco-jitsu fight, so you know all the S.G.E.workers were killed so horrible I couldnt bare to describe it, and there is no

since in explaining how disco would have killed them. After disco ending the

S.G.E., the man pulled up the security camera feed from the main computer

(which just happened to be a Mac) in the antechamber and found the Head

of the Pacification Centers office, and left the Mac. Now, the man headed

towards the Heads office, once there he knocked quietly on the door that

said Iden Desser Head of the Southern Pacification Center Iden replied to

the knocking with I am not supposed to be disturbed, now get the **** away

from my door, the man then walked right through the door and grabbed

Iden by the throat and said You have pacified people for far too long and

then threw him against the wall, then said Get up and defend yourself if you

can. Iden then pulled out from the wreckage behind him, a scimitar he had

had concealed in the painting of two white doves sitting in a cherry blossom

tree and then charged the man, and they preceded to have a very elegant

sword versus fist fight, but then one of Idens slashes clipped a tuff of hair

from the mans head. Iden the said Ha, you have been touched by my

blade, now you will bleed. The man responded with No, you have cut that

which should never have been cut, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, then his

hands started to glow with sight, until it was like he was holding two whitesuns in his hands, then he brought them together and the light got even

brighter and then started to fade, and once all the light of sight had faded,

the man was left holding a SW .500 Magnum, and shot Iden through the

heart, then put the gun in the front pocket of the black Kenneth Cole suit.

Then strolled back to the Mac, and pressed the weird clover like button and

held down Ctrl Alt B, and then the Mac started making strange noises, the


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only decipherable part was Rosa Helicopter. The man walked briskly to his

car, started it then quickly got out of the parking lot and headed back to his

house. When the man had gotten about a mile away, there was a blinding

flash of blue light, then a huge sonic boom, and when the man turned around

there was only and apple shaped cloud. The man then pull a cd from the

glove box, inserted it into his cd player, turned the volume up and then

Boom by P.O.D. started playing.

On his way the man decided instead of return to his humble abode, he

would have a drink at the Shell of Man Saloon and Cantina. Instead of turning

down the intersection of shyster and Bongo, he continued on and after 2

blocks, he had arrived at the cantina, parked, locked, got out of the car and

then press the button on the key chain that resembled a boomerang and not

and Escalade, as soon as the button was released the car started, and drove

off heading towards the garage. The man walked up to the Shell of Man

Saloon and Cantina, opened the very nice wrought iron and stained glass

doors that had a pair of doves on each door, with handles in the shape of

doves. Once entering the saloon he proceeded up to the bar and order a dry

vodka martini stirred not shaken (as to avoid copy-right infringement). The

man after taste his concoction was like Mmmm, thats good. Once he had

finished his drink, he left the Shell of Man to its own devices. The man was

walking through the street that so happened to be the Merchandary district

of the town, as he strolled through the district he came upon a fruit vendor,

and glanced through the fruit, there was this silver apple that caught the

man eye. He buys the apple, then walks over to the oddly placed Mac truck,leans against it, takes a bite out of the apple, and after pondering the taste

that has now engulfed his mouth, he glances at what is left of the apple then

looks toward the cheerful looking fellow that is selling windows up the street,

walks over to the fellow and poses this question I would like to exchange

this useless apple for a shiny new window, the fellow promptly replies That

would be most appreciated, sir. So , they exchange items, and the man

continues his pleasant stroll through the market of the city, and before long

he was walking along the outskirts of the city, he didnt pay it much thought

that there werent any mindless milling around as they tend to do, the man

noticed to the south of the city there was a vast plain that had a few weird

animals grazing, the man thought this weird, not only because the animals

so closely resembled men but where not men, but simply shells of men, the

other weird part of this is that shells of men tend to only graze at night.

Since this was a rare sight the man decided he would sit and watch the shells

grazing. Right as the man had got comfortable, he noticed something very


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large coming over the horizon. Now, youre probably think o so hes gonna

fight some more S.G.E. and how many will it be this time 30, 40 or maybe

even a 100, but you would fail if you thought that, because he is gonna fight

1,000 S.G.E. So after seeing this, the man stood up and started waving his

hands around similar to gun-fu but without the guns, as the S.G.E., who

where in cars, trucks and all manner of other land vehicles reached the half-

way point on the vast plain, the man released the sight he had been building

up, this cause the ground under the S.G.E. to react in a similar manner to the

ocean that is caught in the tremendous wrath of a hurricane. The earth

waves caused death for about 4/5ths of the S.G.E. but because the where

under the massive influence of the Salt God, they showed no fear and still

proceeded to charge the man. When they came within about 50 yards of the

man, they started launching apples at him but the man did not worry he just

pulled out the shiny new window he had acquired earlier, and all the apples

fell into the mighty window and where rendered useless. After seeing thisblasphemy, the S.G.E. pulled out their xenosabers ( a xenosaber resembles

a normal steel sword except the blade is composed entirely of lightning, and

the hilt is of the alloy rubanium). The man then got his feet to glow with sight

along with his hands, then he ran , he ran so far away, that the S.G.E.

thought he had left but no he was 100 yds above them, while using the feet

of sight to hover, the man concentrated his sight energy and started raining

down Eggs of Doom. So, youre probably wondering what are Eggs of Doom,

they are eggs that are about the size of a Yoshi egg, but they contain

napalm and 2o flame-proof flesh-eating robots, and these robots resemble a

man from the waist up, except they have three scythe like claws on each of

their eight arms, the head resembles that of a turtle, and these robots are

propelled by tracks. The Eggs of Doom completely obliterated the remaining

S.G.E. The man settled lightly back on the ground and walked over to a

injured shell and touched the nose with sight, and said softly Go, you have

been healed, and tell the others what you have seen because it will not be

the last. The man after delivering his message to the shell raised his eyes to

the tall but not overly tall but still slightly tall mountains and noticed a man

was standing on one of the lower lying mesas of the mountain chain. So the

man floated over to one of the slightly damaged off-road vehicles that theS.G.E. had road in on flipped it over, put the drivers seat back in its rightful

place in the vehicle, and then got in. Surprisingly the key was still in the

ignition, the man turned the ignition, and the vehicle came to life, then the

man proceeded on a course straight towards the mesa he had seen the man

standing on watching his previous battle. So by now youre probably

wondering if he can hover and fly around then why does he need to use cars


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and other vehicles, well to simply put it he needs them, because as per the

unwritten laws of sight you have to act with randomensity to use sight not

just because you want to be lazy or cool, so enough of your stupid

wonderings. So once the man reached the mesa, got out of his borrowed

vehicle and floated up to the top of the mesa where the man had been

standing, and of course the other man was still standing there, well not really

standing more of a sitting by the fire standing, anyways so the man walked

up to the fire, took a seat and asked Who are you and why where you

watching my battle? the other man replied My name is Stavros Archeon,

and the reason I was watching your battle is that I was curious about this

place. The man then said You mean you arent S.G.E. or a mindless?

Stavros replied You are correct. The man then exclaimed but the author

stated in the beginning that I was the only man that still had his mind on this

world. Stavros the said The author is right, because I am not from your

world, I am from the planet the Salt God left before coming here, and that iswhy I am curious so that I may be able to decided whether or not this world

is worth saving. The man then said I have one more question, why are

your hands and feet shackled Stavros had heavy looking steel handcuffs

around his wrist and 2-inch thick steel wrapped around his feet and welded

together with holes cut in them to allow adequate aeration to his feet.

Stavros replied to the man with this I have restricted myself so that I do not

annihilate another world. The man replied Hmm, dont want to destroy

anymore worlds, so I take it that there is a story behind that? Stavros

replied Yes, you would be correct there is a very long story behind it. The

man then posed the question Well, it seems that I have just come into so

free time if you would not mind I would like to hear this story, if you dont

mind? Stavros answered with Since it seems that we are going to be

working together, I assume that my background information will ease and

answer some of your questions, very well then lets begin. Once you go

through the wormhole labeled X2 Alpha Fish, you will reach the parallel world

of Stavros Archeon called Rancocku (If you dont know what a parallel world

is, it is a world almost exactly like the other world except with very small

details changed). About five years before the events on Earth. The Salt God

landed on Rancocku and began his slow domination of the planet. Stavros inthe five years prior looked exactly as he does now black hair a good beard,

tall, and well muscled except now his hair and beard are Super Saiyan 3

length and he has not acquired his chains yet. At first Stavros did not really

notice the Salt God, except what the news told him about how he was so

great and godly. Stavros and his wife, Andrea and the sons Methos and

Cyrus had no problems with the Salt God until the fateful day about a year


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after he had first appeared, stuff that should not have been possible started

happening for example (be prepared there are going to be many examples)

fish started swimming in desert sands and attacking bats, birds of all kinds

started burning hobbit holes, rocks started reproducing, volcanoes erupted

liquid ice instead of lava, bats started trying to make webs and cling to walls,

gnomes started jumping of cliffs trying to fly like robins, and snakes began

surfing on flying turtles. These random acts never hurt anybody but then the

Salt God began his conquest. The calm had really been the slow and silent

movement of the Salt God through the army until he was the leader of all of

Rancockus armed forces. He then evoked the madness of demon salt sight

which caused all the soldiers to start killing everything that lived around

them. The Salt God was searching for the Chosen on this planet because a

long time ago he was given a prophecy that there will be Chosen born on

random parallel planets that are born with the ability to kill gods. So the Salt

God began the wave of death, hunting down the Chosen, killing them andrendering there planets lifeless, so that he may gain his immortality. The Salt

God was sitting on his newly acquired gold throne of the rare Uberantius

design, when his lieutenant came in to the throne room; he turned and

asked, Lt. Duke Sabertactius how goes the death of the Chosen?

Sabertactius replied We still have not found the Chosen but I feel that we

are getting close and when we get the Chosen cornered I will go and end it

myself. The Salt God the said All is coming into its rightful place and after

this world we only have one more left, Earth before total domination.

Stavros was in a hurry to get all his families essential items so that they

could hurry and hopefully escape to the mountains and possibly evade the

enmaddened army. He finally got all the items and his family collected into

the hover car and quickly head toward the mountains hoping that the army

and the Salt God would not be able to find them. But all things did not go as

Stavros had hoped; they got about half way to the mountains when

seemingly out of nowhere appeared the army out of these blood red portals

in the air. There were thousands of soldiers and the weirdest thing Stavros

had seen a saber-toothed tiger standing upright on two legs, with a raptor

skull with what appeared to be two of his saber-teeth attached to the skull on

his head along with a monocle and was holding a double bladed bone swordspear staff which materialized out of two more of his saber-teeth that regrew

somehow. The sword spear staff had two single edged bone swords facing

opposite directions on each end joined together by a bone staff. The tiger

then began to yell to the mad army in a British accent and somehow was

able to get the enmaddened army to respond. Before Stavros could react the

army were already surrounding his hover car and ripping it to pieces with


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their bare hands. Stavros and his family where held by the army until the

tiger appeared and said to Stavros So, this is the Chosen, hmph, he looks

kind of puny for a Chosen, and his power hasnt even been awoken yet, well

as a service to him lets awaken it. The tiger then yelled to the army Grab

the wife and kids and do what you will with them but make sure he watches

what happens. If you have ever seen a zombie movie then you probably

know what it looks like when mad people eat other people, and if you

havent you fail. SO, the enmaddened army began eating and ravishing

Stavross wife and kids right in front of his eyes. After at most 5 seconds of

hearing the screams of his family Stavros let out a yell and the soldiers that

were holding him just evaporated into nothingness. The tiger then said Ah,

the power has been awakened; now I will have a little sport before we

leave. Stavros who had been overcome with sight charged the tiger. Before

he could even get close to the tiger, Stavros was grasped by demon salt

sight and his body was racked with red/black lightning. Stavros fell to theground, only alive because of the power of sight. Stavros got back up and

charged again and got electrocuted again and again until he couldnt even

get up anymore. The tiger walked over to him and said Well this was all and

good but its time for you to die, Chosen. As the blow from the sword spear

staff fell, a blow that would have instantaneously severed Stavross head,

Stavros teleported, he had been building his sight for one final move of

desperation. Stavros teleported upright in front of the tiger and in what

seemed to be in the same move roundhouse kicked the tiger and the said

Well if I am Chosen to die then I am going to take you with me

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Stavross whole body started glowing

with sight energy. The tiger then came to the realization that that this time

he had awoken a power that was greater than he could handle. Then Stavros

imploded in blinding flash of sight that caused the annihilation of the

Rancocku. But the tiger had been teleported away by demon salt sight by

the Salt God who had sensed the impending death of his Lt. and the world,

so he teleported himself and Sabertactius away from Rancocku to begin the

long journey to Earth. But they felled to realize that Stavross implosion was

not a true implosion more of the annihilation of a world the teleport while

imploding to the surreal realm of the Chucku Norric monks. Stavros awoke ina very comfy bed with 12 Chucku Norric monks around him and what

appeared to be the leader of the monks said. Do not be surprised, but you

have been asleep for two and a half years since you destroyed Rancocku, so

here take the Ramen of Chucku, it will conquer your hunger and thirst, and

when you finish the bathroom is down the hall to the right and then come to

the main ante-chamber that is 3 doors down and to the rightof the


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bathroom. Then all the monks left, Stavros began to eat the Ramen, and

when he finished the Ramen, just as the monk had said he had to go to the

bathroom. After an hour had passed he walked down to the ante-chamber.

When he arrived there the monks were already waiting for him, and had a

chair set out for him, he sat down and then the head monk said Welcome

Stavros Archeon, my name is Seto Hiryama, and I am of the Chucku Norric

order of monks. We now of all the events that took place on Rancocku, but

we could not aid you because we only have the ability to see not to act on

worlds that far away. Now do you see those large steel handcuffs, chains and

boots, you will start your training on learning to control your power of sight,

so that we dont have any more worlds being destroyed and because you will

need control to defeat the Salt God and end his reign of terror. So Stavros

began his training of control, I dont really need to describe this training

because if you dont know what type of training monks would most likely do

then you fail again. So when Stavros had finished his training a year hadpassed and he had learned how control sight and use it well from the monks.

So then Seto came to Stavros and told him It is now time for you to begin

your journey to Earth where the Salt God has went to kill the last Chosen,

who you must find along with the master and founder of our order for he has

some special training for you.

So the man was like hmm, I understand the chains and the hair now,

so then we have to find the Chucku Norric monks master, I think I know the

place to begin our search, Stavros. Stavros replied with And where would

that be?In the Valley of the God like Martial Artist, because I once heardthat a man of unspeakable power lived there. replied the man, having said

that his feet started glowing with sight and he started floating up. Stavros

the asked How did you learn to do that with sight? The man replied I dont

know, I just thought to myself I want to fly and then I started flying. Stavros

then thought to himself Hmm I wonder if his ability to fly is because his

sight is different than mine, I will have to test this theory later. Stavros

turned to the man and said Well, then lets make our way to the Valley of

the God like Martial Artist. Stavros then grabbed his sight so that he may

keep up with the mans ability to fly sub-sonically. It took them about an

hour to finally reach the valley and when they arrived in the Valley they were

greeted by this enormous statue of a man with what Stavros thought was the

greatest beard he had seen exploding the head of another man with a round-

house kick. Stavros said to the man This statue resembles what Seto

described to me as what the master looked like. The man then said Well it

looks like we are at the right place then, so lets continue. So they


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continued walking through the valley until they came to this large hovel and

a hovel is another name for a hut for you idiots out there. They knocked on

the door but nobody answered, so they opened the door to be greeted by

a hologram of the master, and then the hologram said Ah, I have been

waiting for you. The man then asked master what is it you need to teach

us? The hologram replied You must ask the right questions to get the

answers you seek. Then the man asked Okay, Master why where we told

to come see you? The hologram replied I had you come to me because by

the time Stavros reached the monks and met you I would have already been

imprisoned by the Salt Gods treachery and I need you to free me. Stavros

asked Where were you taken? The hologram replied Come sail away my

wayward son to the dark side of the moon. Stavros asked with a confused

look on his face Wait, what, how are we going to sail to the moon, because I

can only teleport inter-dimensionally? The hologram answered with You

must ask the right questions to get the answers you seek. Stavros startedgoing through ideas on how to get to the moon but everyone turned out to

fail but only failed once though. Then the man turned to Stavros I know how

we are going to get to the moon. Stavros then asked Okay, so how are we

going to get to the moon? The man answered with I have an acquaintance

that was a mindless but I freed him and I just remembered he used to work

for NASA and they have a shuttle that we can commandeer. Stavros replied

with That sounds like a good plan, but how are you going to contact him.

The man said With this. And he produced a can of Mountain Dew out of his

front suit pocket and opened it and then said into the can Boba, it is time

for your assistance, I will be there shortly. And closed the can and placed it

back in his suit, then turned to Stavros and asked Could you teleport us to

his house? Stavros replied with No, I can only teleport from dimension to

dimension. The man then said Well, then we are going to have to try

something new, Stavros grab on to my legs when I hover up then hold on.

So once Stavros had grabbed onto his legs the man accelerated to his

maximum speed and then said Hang on, here comes the new stuff. Then

the man started accelerating even further until there was a loud boom which

signified the sound barrier had just been broken, the man kept accelerating

through Mach 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and once he reached Mach 7 the man decidedthat was fast enough for now. Boba had just put the can of Mountain Dew

back in his fridge when he heard a loud roaring noise that sounded like

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM then through his back door

walked the man that had freed him and another man that had a beard and

hair to his waist. Boba said What the crap, how the aww never mind. The

man then said Boba we need your help, we need you to help us get into


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NASA, and get a space shuttle, because we must save Earth from total

annihilation. Boba said Okay, I can get you the shuttle, but why is the Earth

gonna be annihilated? Stavros answered with We dont have time now but

we will explain on the way there. Boba replied Well, then lets get going

then. So they headed towards the space center that Boba worked at, and on

the way there they explained the whole situation to Boba. Boba was able to

get them onto the base with relative ease except for they had to ride in his

trunk. Once they got to the shuttle, they turned to Boba and said Thank

you, only after we have succeded will you know how much you have aided us

and the Earth. Boba replied Just bring it back in one piece. Stavros and the

man got into the lift elevator thing that they use to get up into the space

shuttle, and if you dont know what it looks like then you fail, and so if you

have failed this time, you have probably failed the other two times therefore

you have failed three times and are demoted three ranks for failure. So they

put on their space suits and boarded what they thought was a space shuttle,and began prepping the shuttle for launch. Once they had got the shuttle

ready for launch, NASA had begun to wonder why the shuttle was preparing

for launch and contacted the S.G.E., when the time came for them to press

the ignition button, there where S.G.E. swarming all over the launch platform

but they were too late, because the shuttle was already taking off before

they could board it. Stavros and the man had left Earths atmosphere, when

the man noticed this orange button on the command console that had a slot

above it which engraved above the slot was Insert key chain here.

Followed by a figure that resembled the key chain that the man used every

day, so he sits there for a little while the says Ahh what the heck. And then

inserts his key chain in the slot and the orange button begins to glow, and he

presses the button. Then what they thought was a shuttle had random lines

appear and start glowing on the hull, then it seemed like the shuttle

exploded, but it hadnt. The shuttle had been transformed into what looked

like a cross between a bird and a fighter jet. The man was like Well, this

certainly changes things a little bit. Stavros replied Yeah, now we dont

have to steal a large mobile suit that is made of almost completely

indestructible armor from the moon. So, your probably wondering why they

would need a large mobile suit made of almost completely indestructiblearmor to attack the moon, well it is because the moon is where the Salt God

first arrived and began constructing his doom machines to conquer the world

with. Now that I have answered another of your silly thought questions, I will

now continue with the story. Stavros turned to the man and said You just

couldnt resist, could you? Nope, had to push the envelope retorted the

man. So lets see what this large mobile suit made of almost indestructible


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armor, can change into a bird, and become invisible in the shadows, swim,

use a double beam trident and a mystery cannon said the man. On their

way to the moon the man and Stavros learned the intricate workings and

maneuverability capabilities of a large mobile ah hell a gundam so that

when they reached the moon they wouldnt have to crash their gundam

into the moon killing everybody including themselves. Instead of spending all

kinds of time listing all the mobile suit training of how they learned to

expertly pilot the gundam, I am going to skip to their arrival to the moon.

The moon has appeared on our scopes, Stavros prepare for attack said the

man.

The S.G.E. that where stationed on the moon where milling about

as usual until one S.G.E. peon (the lowest rank in the S.G.E.) was watching

the radar when he noticed a blip a shuttle sized blip that was moving to fast

for any shuttle know to the multiverse (know I hope I do have to explain what

a multiverse is because Im not its your problem if you dont know what it

means). The peon turned and said Commander, I have a shuttle on the

radar that is traveling at gundam speeds. The commander can and

peered down at the radar screen That is no gundam, they dont exist, it

must be a glitch. But then another peon exclaimed Sir, there is a white,

blue and gold object heading towards the base I can see it out of the plasma

window. Well, what kind of object is it PEON? said the commander. Its a,

its a, its a, its a, its a a a a a GUNDAM NO, You fool your stupidity has

just condemned us all to de-. Everybody that heard the peons exclamation

died from spontaneous combustion. The gundam began its systematic shutdown of the moons defenses by turning it into a marble. The S.G.E. began

scrambling its Tauri space combat fighters but this proved futile because

Stavros and the man just shot them down with their machine guns. The man

said to Stavros and said No, no more machine guns for them, shut them

down. Yes, time to fire the special beam boom cannon said Stavros. The

special beam boom cannon turned everything on the moon into glass except

for one building that was ray shielded. The S.G.E. where not safe though

because even though the ray shields prevented glassification, ray shields

can be beat by walking through them. The man and Stavros walked through

the ray shield and got out of the gundam and began searching for the

master but since there was only one building it was kind of obvious where

the master was being held. They entered the building which was oddly still

unguarded, but when they entered the first room they realized why the

building was unguarded, the room was full of six inch tall gnome (the tallest

they could find because they dont get any taller) that simultaneously


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squeaked the word Mac over and over. Had Stavros and the man not been

gifted with the power of sight they would have ripped their ears off and run

around like chickens with their ears cut off (yes, chickens do have ears). With

sight Stavros and the man conjured up thousands of robins to eat the

gnomes. After the swarm of gnomes was neutralized, the man noticed a

pedestal in the middle of the room with a button on it, the button had the

words Press me or you will die written on it, so the man pressed the

button. Then all kinds of lights started flashing in many different colors and a

voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman can over a loud speaker saying

Youre fucked, you have activated the Funk now you must Funk eternally.

Stavros said What did you do, ugh I dont even remember how to Funk.

The man then said to the loud speaker Quit your shit or I will end you. The

voice replied Nev-, the voice didnt get to retort before the man used sight

to un-press the button. Stavros turned to the man and said I see the

lieutenant duke is pulling duke tricks, we will have to be careful so we donthave to Funk. But little did Stavros know that the man secretly like the Funk

music and lights, and had Stavros know this he would have understood why

the man pressed every button in every room until they reached the one

entitled Kitchen. When they walked into this kitchen, they were shocked

to find a normal kitchen except there was a large, man-sized big mac contain

in the center of the kitchen that had yelling and screaming of uncountable

profanities. They rightfully assumed that the master was in there. Now, the

only question was how do you open a big mac container. They began trying

to open it using normal methods like you would use on a normal big mac but

it didnt work. Next, they tried using cleavers, which went about as well as

the last method except they broke 467 cleavers. Stavros started charging up

his sight energy and then the container opened and out from it stepped the

master. The master was a man about 6 feet tall, he had what most would

call the perfect beard, and white kung-fu robes with a blood red belt (the

level after 45th degree black belt). The man said Master, we have found you

finally, so what technique was that you could teach us? You must learn

how said the master. The man replied What, how do you learn how, thats

not even possible, Stavros I think we got the wrong master, this is just some

old Chuck Norris look-a-like that worked making fortune cookies for to long.This is gonna be good commented Stavros. The master turned to the man

and said I was about to congratulate you on your skills for freeing me but it

seems that I have one thing I must attend to before that. The man blinked

and the master was gone. What is crap, whered he go, I didnt feel any

sight so he couldnt have teleported? said the man. You might want to

look above you said Stavros, who was enjoying what was happening to the


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man. The man raised his eyes upward to see the master standing on the

little toe on his left foot while swinging the largest sword known to the galaxy

the glamzanbatore (a sword made of the highest quality steel, about 7 feet

wide and 157 feet long, with the back edge serrated and the blade has a

slight curve in it similar to that of a scimitar but not quiet as sharp of a curve

but the curve is for only the last 75 feet of the blade while the rest of the

blade is straight like a broad sword)and standing on a single piece of the

mans hair. After seeing the flabbergasted look on the mans face the master

said Yeah Im just that damn good, then he did a quadruple back-flip off

the mans head and then swung the sword so quickly that it not only broke

the sound barrier but it travelled back into time and cut Titanic in half and it

still had a life preserver from the Titanic attached to one of the serrations

when the sword came back into this time. Then the master threw the afore

mentioned life preserver at the man, the life preserver was about 3 feet

from the mans face when it disappeared and then reappeared behind himtraveling just below the speed of light and slammed right into the back of the

mans head. The man was instantly knocked out. When the man finally

regained consciousness, Stavros walked over to the man and said So, now

do you believe he is the master now? Shut up, smart ass retorted the

man. The master then said I see now you understand that I am the master,

so dont ever cross me bitch or you will feel my sword do more than time

travel through you, and believe me you want like me when Im an angry

pissed off son of a bitch that has the largest motherfucking sword in the

land. But I have one question, how did they capture you then? said the

man. The master walked over to the man and then bitch slapped him with a

napkin he uses to polish his sword and then the master asked Stavros Does

he ever learn? Stavros replied No.

Once the man became conscious again, they were able to get on their

way back to Earth. They landed back on Earth and at the masters house

oddly enough. The master walked over to the hut that the man and Stavros

thought was where he lived and he began whistle Through the Fire and

Flames by Dragonforce(this really amazed the man being that he never

thought that was possible even for a master because its Dragonforce, whos

guitar work he thought could not be fully whistled) and when the last note

was out the shanty hut imploded forming a person sized portal, then he

turned to Stavros and the man then said Follow me I have one task for to

see if you are worthy of my training you must storm the gates of Hell and

bring me the caged canary of destiny. Well this sounds like fun, storming

the gates of Hell, hmm I guess its better than you challenging us to a battle


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on a ps2 fighting game that takes place in the future and a gay stick boy, 4

stereotypical Asian chicks, Elvis, a masochist, lesbian incestual sisters, a

bondage faggot, a samurai made from Rurouni Kenshin, a Arnold-Lizard, a

big red man that is not Hell-Boy, a pink, green and blue elephant man, a

purple pirate, a Fabio look-a-like who kills with a giant sword, a suit of

animated armor that fights with a squid, Samuel Jackson in brand new

adidas, a emo chick with a hoola hoop, and a roid enraged gremlin with a

scythe said the man. The master replied No, that would be to easy and you

would fail, because I dont use those cheap characters, I make my own

character and give him grieve edges, then your character just go poop and I

win, this way I have more fun and you dont have impossible odds. Now, just

walk through the damn portal or Im going to make you. So they walked

through the portal, and where greeted by the sight of a land of confusion and

to better describe it I will now go into a monologue. In this land of confusion

everything was burnt even the floor tiles, the only thing that flew in the skieswhere ravens because they are the only birds that serve a darker master,

the sky was in flames, and past the broken city, down a blood-stained path

lay this immense fortress that that had walls 300 feet high made of bones

from all kinds of life, the gate to this fortress was made of the skulls of men

whos eyes still glowed with an eternal hatred, and at the center of the

fortress stood this immense tower that was made of bone and not just

normal bones but these bones where not from any creature that was known

to the mans or Stavross world, around the top of the tower there is a ring of

skulls(the skulls where approximately 11 times larger than a human skull

and had canine teeth that came to a more extreme point than even that of a

vampire and the teeth on the lower jaw resembled that of a shark except

larger) from the same creatures the large bones where made of and the had

an endless flow of blood coming forth from the mouths that rained down the

tower making the tower resemble a spine that has just been torn from a

living beings body and finally at the very top there was a large fireball

burned in dark red and black fire. The man, the master and Stavros began

walking to the fortress when it starting raining blood. As the blood rained

down the man said Well, this is definitely a change from whence we came.

When they got close enough to the fortress to be able to study it, theyclimbed to the top of one of the still standing skyscrapers to observe the

defenses of the fortress of Hell. The fortress of Hell had from their estimates

around 4 .6 million demon soldiers, two demon commanders and one demon

lord. They began formulating a plan on how they would storm the gates of

Hell. They waited for about 3 days before they began the afore mentioned

storming so that they could establish the guards patterns. The storming


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began with the man flying over the wall and he landed in the practice yard

silently as a gnat (yes they are very silent have you ever heard one, no

because they are silent)and then he used sight to conjure a guitar and a

4,000 watt amp, and he began playing the metal of doom, metal that is so

awesome that if you are not the one playing it you are shredded by the

metal even demons cannot handle the metal of doom, this attack caught the

demon guards off guard but it only took about 2.56 million of them dying for

them to catch on that if the put something in their ears that they wont

instantly die. But as soon as they figured that out Stavros ripped apart the

front gate of Hell with hands of sight and then began crushing the demons

with the hands and the more he killed the bigger the hands got until they

grew so big that they reached the point of critical mass (not the maximum

speed an object can fall in this context), and then the hands fused into the

shackles Stavros had on his hands and feet (this which you dont know

because I just invented it, gave Stavros the ability to fly, shot lasers andbeams from his mouth, or you could say he gained the ability to fight like a

Dragon Ball Z character). Once they where infused with the hands of sight,

Stavros began super-sonic annihilation of the demon guards by flash flip

head butting , where he did the typical DBZ move of flying incredibly fast

while hitting with a flash, but instead of using typical parts to hit with Stavros

attacked with his head and his hair. With his hair he was able to impale

hundreds of demons with just one head butt. This slaughter continued until

the field of battle between the fallen gate and the tower was covered in a

layer of black blood. Then from the gates of the tower stepped the two

demon commanders, the man and Stavros tried what they had used on the

guards but it failed, so they first split the two commanders apart as to avoid

any double teaming. The man tried using disco-jitsu but the commander just

avoided all of his attacks the whole time laughing in sinister hissing manner.

Then the man tried gun-fu but it turned out to be just as affective as disco-

jitsu , but then he was hit with this thought He seems to be able to predict

all my moves what can I do, wait I know. The man then began glowing with

sight, and then unleashed the 1,000 Fists technique of the Rouge School, the

demon commander was owned by this technique, because with his moves

empowered with sight the demon was no longer able to predict his moves.Once the demon had fell he yelled to Stavros telling him what he had to do.

Once Stavros had flip head butted his commander to death, they heard a

loud rumbling coming from the top of the tower, and then a deep voice

yelled You have disturbed my slumber now you will die. Out of the fire ball

atop the tower stepped the demon lord, a demon that was eight feet tall with

a sword made from bones of various creatures of our world and other worlds.


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Stavros and the man began this fight charged with sight but their normal

attacks where not as effective against the demon lord as they were against

the commanders, the man generated a sword of sight and Stavros gave his

hair sight as to be able to wound the demon lord. Stavros jumped into the

and tried to perform the meteor head-smash but when he reached the zenith

of his flip the demon caught him and threw him on the ground and was about

to split him in half when the man through his sword of sight which the demon

had to parry or he would have been the one in half. Stavros shot a beam out

of his mouth at the demon but he dodged, then the man charged the demon

with a newly made sword but the demon Spartan kicked him into the air, as

the man was flying through the air Stavros jumped into the air right at the

point where the man was turning around to where his feet where facing

Stavros, the man then jumped off Stavros and flew straight towards the

demon with a spear of sight instead of the sword, and the demon tried to

counter the flying sight thrust but he only had a sword and the man had alance and lances always beat swords. The demon was speared through the

heart, and instead of falling over in death the demon just disintegrated. Then

the master appeared and said Well, it sure took you fuckers a long ass time,

but youre the only ones that where not killed in this test. The man replied

You never had any expectation that we would succeed did you? No, I

thought you would fail like the millions before you, every demon that you

killed was a person I brought here to test them and the lord was the first one

to fail but his torment of fail is over now said the master. The man then said

So, does that mean the demon lord was the devil? The master answered

No, because we are not really in hell we are but in Stavros and your mind,

hahahahaha, now lets go back to my house.

Back at the master's house, Stavros and the man were still trying to

wrap their minds around going to hell in their minds and how they where

able to be in each others minds at the same time, when the master said

Now it is time for the next phase in your learning of the how. So now we will

go to this special training place I have made just for this exercise and before

you ask we will be going to a real place and not one in your minds so bitches

follow me if you want to live, but if you even think about the semi-question I

just posed I will kill you then teleport your dead body to the place and revive

you so you will get there one fucking way or another, hmmm aw why the

fuck not? The master then killed both the man and Stavros and then

teleported their dead bodies through a portal he tore open in time and flung

them into the future where their training would begin. Once the man and

Stavros where revived, they noticed a tower of 100 Marshall MF350 amps


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each with 350 watts of power, they also noticed that they where in a large

open area similar to a large plain but nevertheless the same. The man

began to wonder how the amps where going to be plugged in when the

master appeared in front of the amps with a Candy Apple Red with Maple

Vintage 57 Fender Stratocaster Hot Rod and he some how had all the amps

running into one cord that he then plugged into the guitar and started

adjusting the guitar till it got to what appeared to the man as the right

settings for the master. Then the master turned to them and yelled Okay,

fuckers now for this exercise and I would suggest that you stand a good

distance away from each other before we start and dont think about why

because you dont need to so just fucking do it. Stavros and the man then

moved about 200 yards apart from each other and then turned to the

master, and then the master started playing a combination of rifts that

sounded like killswitch merged with disturbed, nightwish, papa roach and

psychostick. Stavros and the man where both about to think that hmm thissounds good but how is this gonna help us learn how? When they felt this

ungodly pain coursing through every part of their body the pain was so great

that after mere seconds they had both blacked-out. When the man came to

he noticed that everything seemed smaller and he was wondering why until

he brought what he thought was his hand up to scratch his head when he

saw that his hand was not his hand but a robotic arm in the shape of a

tyrannosaurus arm, so the man immediately turned to look where Stavros

had been before he had blacked out, but instead of seeing Stavros he saw a

gigantic robot spinosaurus, it looked just like a normal spinosaurus like the

one out of Jurassic Park 3 but 3 times larger and robotic. Stavros had oddly

done the same exact thing the man had done except instead of seeing a

giant robotic spinosaurus he saw a giant robotic tyrannosaurus and

concurred that that must be the man. Then the master started playing the

same rifts again but with dragonforce speed thrown in there. This caused the

man and Stavros to lose control of their minds and return to their inner

animalistic nature which is to fight and kill the large animal invading each

others territory. The master said to himself I wonder if this will turn out like

it did in Jurassic Park 3. The man charged Stavros with his head down with a

weird energy shield coming from his head but Stavros used his booosters tododge out of the way then fired a kamehameha from his finger cannons but

the man blocked it with his energy head shield and then shot a buster beam

from his mouth, the beam caught the sail of Stavros thus destroying it

completely which rendered Stavross particle cannon useless. Stavros then

uses his death missile ball attack (which is where 12 missile pods placed on

random places on Stavross body open and fire 120 dark red missiles that on


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impact form mini death balls). The death balls destroyed a portion of the

mans face leaving missing his right eye and his body had four 20 meter

holes across it, this severely weakened the man. Right when Stavros was

going in for the kill, the man cracked in half and fired five large double

bvoomerangs at Stavros , he managed to dodge all but two of the

bvoomerangs with his booosters but the ones he couldnt dodge sliced off his

left leg and tail. The man then walked over to Stavros and bit off and

proceded to eat the other leg of Stavros thus ending any chance of getting

back up. Stavros then in a last ditch effort fired with his last amount of

energy a destructo disk from his mouth and before the man knew what

happened the disk had slashed off the mans legs as well. So now both of

them had no legs, so they began crawling toward each other making weird

grunting noises until they came in range of each other and then started

biting and snarling, then Stavros started gaining the upper hand but then the

man gained SAAAAAMMMOONNNII!!! and then transformed into a superomega battleship tank and then used his special move full frontal flash

attack and Stavros was like NOOOOOOO but that attack gave Stavros the

ability to regenerate and then after using his special attack the man

transformed back into his dino form fully healed. Stavros began charging his

particle cannon as did the man, then they both fired at the exact same time,

this caused the beams to clash and Stavros and the man had to dino-funk to

try to over-power the other but since the man was naturally better at funking

than Stavros he won the dino-funk off. The man being the victor walked over

to Stavross ravaged body and then tore off his head and sat down and

began roasting it with his flame-thrower but right when he had bitten down

on the first part of the head, the masters song ended and thus everything

was back to normal, except the man and Stavros had full memory of what

had happened. They turned to the master and where about to ask questions

when the master said Fuck no, you die, we go back to my house and then

while dead you contemplate what has happened.

The Salt God strode down a long corridor that went underneath his

fortress of salt for a damn distance. Once he arrived at the end of the

corridor, he was met by a large bulkhead door locked with an aura lock. The

Salt God placed his hand into the slot of the aura lock; he then sent a wave

of dark sight aura down his arm into the lock. The lock began to beep, and a

gasping whooshing sound, once the noises where done, the door slowly

swung open. The Salt God began walking towards a large glass window with

a sign above the door that read Animal Mutagenic Experimentation. The

Salt God went to the large window and peered inside. Hes eyes beheld eight


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different kinds of animals: a monkey, duck, moose, lion, bear, barracuda, bat

and a snake. Each animal was hooked up to an intricate IV system of

different types of mutagens. The monkey was being infused with a fire

mutagen for fire control. The duck is given a metal mutagen for control of

metal. The moose is given water mutagen for full water manipulability. The

lion is infused with a mutagen for speed. The bear is given a stone mutagen

to turn it into moveable stone. The barracuda is given the mutagen for flight

and invisibility as to not be stupid said label on mutagen pouch. The bat is

given a mutagen for the ability to turn into a kitten. Finally, the snake is

given the control of lightning. All of these animals had just been born

recently, so that once the mutagenic exposure was done, they would be the

height of a three story building, but the bat still transformed into a normal

kitten. After seeing that none of the animals have died from the exposure,

the Salt God continued walking till he reached the massive foundry and

factory, which had a sign above its large door that read Very Big WeaponsFactory , the Salt God continued into the factory till he found the head

engineer deep inside the heart of the factory. He then asked What is the

progress on the Titan? We are having problems adjusting the power supply

for the lasers and the geosynchronous orbit gyro.

WWWHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT then the Salt God grabbed with dark

sight the closest technician and shocked him so violently with dark sight

lightning that in 5 seconds all that was left was black dust and said to the

engineer Make them work soon or else I will put you in a cave full of

terrorists and a doctor and force you to make the Titan with two right hands

on your feet and no arms. We might have just made a break through, your

aurisciousness replied the engineer. The Salt God walked off leaving the

engineer with only the phrase Thats good.

a long time ago but still in the future (1)

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