8 Ways to Stop Over-Thinking and Find Peace in the Present MomentDR. KELLY NEFF

We all do our best to stay positive, but occasionally we can slip into negative thinking patterns that can wreak havoc on our lives. We might worry about our past mistakes or current stresses, and how these could lead to negative outcomes in the future. We might obsess about or over-analyze regular experiences and interactions, reading into them things that aren’t actually there. We might find that as soon as one bad thing happens, we associate it with all the other bad things that have happened in our lives and begin to feel miserable. We might feel anxious in the present, having a hard time getting out of our own heads as we worry and obsess about the things that could go wrong.

If you find yourself in this place frequently, you are what psychologists call a ruminator, or, an over-thinker, and this way of thinking can be harmful to your health. Psychologists have found that over-thinking can be detrimental to human performance, and can lead to anxiety and depression, especially in women, who are much more likely than men to ruminate on stress and disappointments than men.

As a psychologist and recovering over-thinker myself, I have a lot of compassion for people who end up in these spiraling negative thought patterns. Many over-thinkers are lovely, intelligent, nurturing people who value relationships and care deeply for the people in their lives. Unfortunately, they often push away the very people that they are worrying about or seeking support and reassurance from, because they can become obsessive, anxious, depressed, negative and difficult to be around. This is not a switch in the brain that can be easily flipped off, but rather, a pattern from which it requires dedication and work to recover. Based on research in psychology and my personal experiences, here is my advice for how to stop over-thinking and find peace in the present moment:

1) ACCEPT THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OVER-THINKING.

The first step to healing is acknowledging that you have a problem. If you feel like you can’t get out of your own head and over-thinking is stopping you from living a happy life, making decisions, getting things done, or forming meaningful relationships, then you have a problem. If you find yourself spiraling into negativity and depression when a bad thing happens, you have a problem. If your anxiety about the future is stopping you from enjoying the present, you have a problem. Burying your head in the sand or denying this reality will only make the situation worse. If you are not sure if you have a problem, ask your friends and loved ones to be honest with you, because they are usually the ones who will see it even if you cannot.

2) FORGIVE YOURSELF: OUR BRAINS ARE HARDWIRED THIS WAY

Once you can admit that you are an over-thinker, forgive yourself, because the brain is actually wired to make over-thinking a natural tendency. According to Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, the leading expert in this field, “the organization of our brains sets us up for over-thinking” because our thoughts and memories are intrinsically woven together, not

compartmentalized. So when stressors are triggered or you get into a bad mood, it can unlock a ‘cascade’ of racing negative thoughts that have nothing to do with the original trigger for the bad mood. Nolen-Hoeksema gives the example of “when poor job performance causes you to think about your aunt who died last year.”

Furthermore, when something bad happens or someone is feeling negative, they are more likely to think negative things and also see connections (that may not actually exist) between all the bad events that have happened in their lives. The more frequently this happens, the more likely the individual is to engage in this over-thinking pattern in the future.

While the brain might be wired to make these associations, once you become aware you can begin to solve the problem.

3) BREATHE MORE

If our brains are wired in this ‘interconnected spider web’ where one bad event can trigger a tidal wave of negative thought associations, how can we break this pattern?

The first and easiest thing you can do is BREATHE. Breathing will relax you, calm you, connect you to the present moment, and ground you to Mother Earth. It sounds so simple but often when our mind starts to race to bad places, we become manic and frantic when what we need to do is relax the body and mind.

The breathing technique that works for me involves lying down and taking a two-second long deep inhalation in through the nose, followed by a four-second long exhalation out through the mouth. This breathing pattern increases the CO2 in the bloodstream, which can relax the body and calm the adrenal system’s response to the obsessive thoughts. Do this for 10 minutes or until the excessive thinking slows down.

4) TALK LESS

So many over-thinkers, especially those of us of the female persuasion, can’t help but want to ‘talk it out’ when we are feeling stressed and worried. While talking about the worries can sometimes help, it usually will make things worse, especially if the person you are talking to is also an over-thinker, and you spend the entire time over-analyzing and dissecting every detail of every negative problem in your lives. You might end up working yourself up into a frenzy of negativity and feeling even more upset after the conversation.

This type of co-rumination, where two ruminators get together to over-think about their lives together, can lead both people deeper into negativity and stress. For example, research has uncoveredan association between co-rumination amongst female friends and increases in the stress hormone cortisol.

If you really feel the need to express your issues, you can always write them down, to clear them out of your mind and realize that your concerns might sound silly when you read them back to yourself. This type of free-association journaling has been incredibly beneficial for me.

5) GET PHYSICAL AND GET BUSY

What should you do instead of talking? Well, you already know to breathe to calm the body and mind, but sometimes you just want to let the energy out! In this case it can be incredibly beneficial to do something physical, whether it is going for a brisk walk, playing with a pet or children, doing yoga, playing sports, swimming, or running. Activities that are both mentally and physically engrossing are the best, because they require enough absorption to pull you out of obsessive thinking patterns and into a state of flow.

In addition to physical exercises, engrossing activities that stimulate the brain can also be effective for redirecting obsessive thought patterns. Playing cards, learning a language, or playing all different types of games can be great diversions or interrupters of these thoughts. Or you could always learn a new hobby, make art, draw, paint or take up crafting, such as making jewelry, clothes, dream catchers, hair extensions, really anything, You might actually discover a hidden talent you never knew you had, or be able to start a new career or meet new people as a result.

6) PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

One of the big things that over-thinkers struggle with is the ability to live in the present moment. So consumed by the failures of the past and the worries over the future, the present moment does not get the attention and love it deserves. Lao Tzu said that “if you are depressed you are living in the past, if you are anxious you are living in the future, and if you are at peace you are living in the present.” So how can we live in peace in the present moment?

Well, we have already discussed some of the strategies that can help you quiet the mind and ground yourself to present moment, including breathing, talking less, getting physical and doing other activities that help redirect attention and bring the mind into flow. But one of the best things you can possibly do is practice mindfulness, a form of meditation where you focus on the present moment without judgment. As the obsessive, worrying thoughts come in, you acknowledge them, and then let them go, energetically releasing them and clearing your space. I strongly recommend learning mindful meditation techniques such as Transcendental Meditation, or if you are having trouble doing it yourself, seeking counseling from someone who practices Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy.

7)     SURRENDER TO THE UNIVERSE

When we worry, we are essentially hoping to control the flow of life because we are attached to the outcome of a situation. We want things to happen a certain way, and we are terrified that things could go wrong or that bad things could happen. In reality, we have little to no control over the unfolding of events in life, at least not from the conscious standpoint that our worrying will directly impact the outcome in the way we want. So, we can worry and obsess, or we can accept all that IS and let go of our attachment to the outcomes. The universe is way older and wiser than us, and instead of obsessively worrying, we can let go of control and with love and trust, surrender to the universe.

Surrender does not mean giving up; It just means you are willing to go with the flow of the current, instead of trying to swim against it and getting repeatedly bashed into the rocks. Surrender is a form of release and a form of peace, because it means you are willing to trust

that everything will work out as it is supposed to: Trust that everything happens in its proper time and place and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Even the concept of worrying about ‘good’ or ‘bad’ outcomes is flawed from this perspective and nothing more than a symptom of duality, which is only an illusion. As you zoom out to the grand scheme of the universe, there is no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it is all ONE, two sides of the same coin.

8)     REMEMBER, YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR REALITY

Even though I just said that ‘we have no control over the unfolding of events in life,’ and this is true at least from the part of the conscious mind and its ability to dictate events, our thoughts do energetically shape and create our reality over time. Like attracts like, and so the more you worry about something, the more you will begin to attract exactly the energy you are worried about! If you still haven’t seen the wonderful online series Spirit Science, I strongly recommend you view Episode 1, which does an excellent job explaining how our thoughts create our reality.

We must be mindful of our thoughts because our thoughts have power, more than we realize. If you obsessively fear losing your job, you are actually INCREASING the likelihood of getting fired, not decreasing it. Same if you are worrying about contracting a life-threatening disease or medical condition: The more energy you send in that direction, the more likely you are to unknowingly give permission to your body to manifest this condition.

Your thoughts and feelings will energetically create your life, which is why my life partner, sound healer Jimmy Ohm always says, “Worrying is a misuse of creative energy.” Do you want to create a happy life, living at peace in the momentt? If so, you have all of the tools to make this a reality by being mindful and present in your thoughts. You also have all of the tools to create a life of worry and negativity, if you continue to over-think and obsess about negative events. The choice is yours and I lovingly hope that you choose wisely. Blessings and Love!

How to Stop Overthinking Everything and Find Peace of Mind

When we talk about overthinking, we're talking about a couple of different

things. On one hand, overthinking is when you get caught in those loops where

you're just thinking about one single event over and over. You might start over

analyzing something that happened, regretting an action you took, or worrying

about the future of something. On the other hand, you can overthink decisions

in a similar way. Here, you'll often analyze them into the ground to the point

where you can't make a decision anymore. 

Either way, overthinking is basically when you can't think about anything else,

and it's affecting your life in a negative way. The end goal here is the same: get

out of that thinking loop and move on.

Take Action Now

If you're overthinking an idea you can actually do something about, the best

thing you can do is take action now. This doesn't mean you have to suddenly run

off to make something, it just means you start taking a step forward. 

For example, let's say you're considering moving to a new city. You can't move

immediately, but if you sit and think about the process, you're going to go

around in circles in your head. So, it's important to do something. In this case,

you can start planning. Make a list of where you want to go. Start researching

housing prices, jobs, and whatever else. Create a financial plan and goals. Write

out a timeline. It doesn't matter what you do, you just need to make a move

toward the idea you're overthinking. Making those plans and comparisons may

even help you make your decision

Moving is a pretty simplistic example, but the basic process works for

everything you're overthinking related to your own future—from quitting a job

to asking someone out on date—you can draw up a plan of action to make

yourself feel better. Writing for the Huffington Post, author Bob Miglani sums

up this idea:

One tip that I've learned that did more than detox my mind from overthinking is to turn my often worrisome thoughts about the future into effort and work. Taking action, doing something, working on your craft does wonders for your soul.

Each time I would start getting worried about the future, I would make a proactive choice to physically get up from the place I was sitting and walk to the computer to start writing or working on my book. Sometimes I would go outside to work on planting the tomatoes in my vegetable garden. If I was at work during the day, I started writing ideas on how to improve my work or work on something really interesting. Whatever the work or project we choose — make sure it is a difficult one because that's when we start to get flow or momentum. That's the place where so much of our success happens.

As we've pointed out before, getting started is everything , and that's a big part

when you're overthinking projects. We tend to overthink because we fear

failure, but if we just start working, that dissipates quickly.

Direct Your Attention Elsewhere

Sometimes, you can't take action, and the only thing you can do to get past

overthinking an idea is to distract your mind. Find a hobby, task, or activity that

engages your mind. When you're doing this, you allow yourself to put off

overthinking and eventually those thoughts start to disappear.

Personally, I usually go for exercise during these moments. Like getting deep

into a project, exercise can shut your brain down for brief periods of time so you

can just relax without your stupid thoughts bothering you. Author Haruki

Murakami describes this feeling as "the void" in his book, What I Talk About

When I Talk About Running:

I just run. I run in a void. Or maybe I should put it another way: I run in order to acquire a void. But as you might expect, an occasional thought will slip into this void. People's minds can't be a complete blank. Human beings' emotions are not strong or consistent enough to sustain a vacuum. What I means is, the kinds of thoughts and ideas that invade my emotions as I run remain subordinate to that void. Lacking content, they are just random thoughts that gather around that central void.

When I'm criticized unjustly, or when someone I'm sure will understand me doesn't, I go running for a little longer than usual. By running longer it's like I can physically exhaust that portion of my discontent. It also makes me realize again how weak I am, how limited my abilities are. I become aware, physically, of these low points... I quietly absorb the things I'm able to, releasing them later, and in as changed a form as possible...1

Of course, exercise isn't the only way to do this. Throwing yourself into anything

can usually produce what Murakami refers to as the "void." It's that place

where your mind is close to blank and you're just concentrating on what you're

doing. For me, exercise has always been my go-to for this because I can force it

with exercise. If I'm overthinking something, it's hard for me to get invested in

anything else. My mind's too distracted and I'm too paralyzed with the

annoyance of having an idea pop into my line of thought all the time to dive into

anything too productive. So, like Murakami, I run until my mind's as empty as

possible.

For others, meditation is a great way to calm your overthinking brain , but it

can backfire if you're not in a good space. Likewise, most techniques to deal

with anxiety , like listening to music or practicing personal rituals help distract

you from your thoughts. 

Stop Talking About It

When faced with the type of difficult decision that causes most of us to

overthink, it's natural to seek out advice from others. This usually means we

talk through a problem with so many people that it's impossible not to

overthink. 

As we've pointed out before , too many cooks in the kitchen leads to poor

decision making. As you talk with more people and get more data, you get more

confused, which leads to more overthinking. Psychology Today explains what's

going on in your brain:

The human mind hates uncertainty. Uncertainty implies volatility, randomness, and danger. When we notice information is missing, our brain raises a metaphorical red flag and says, "Pay attention. This could be important..." When data is missing, we overestimate its value. Our mind assumes that since we are expending resources locating information, it must be useful.

We all want to get details and information from other people, but at a certain

point it stops being helpful. When we limit information, we can look at it more

productively. Psychologist Gerd Gigerenzer refers to this as the "take the best"

strategy:

"Take the best" means that you reason and calculate only as much as you absolutely have to; then you stop and do something else. So, for example, if there are 10 pieces of information that you might weigh in a thorough decision, but one piece of information is clearly more important than the others, then that one piece of information is often enough to make a choice. You don't need the rest; other details just complicate things and waste time.

Even if you're overthinking an event that happened to you, your relationship

with your significant other, or a mistake at work, limiting how many people you

talk with can help make the process better.