7 ways to improve your social skills 1

8/3/2019 7 Ways to Improve Your Social Skills 1

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Why you need social skills

Jayant Shah, an MBA from a prestigious college, is witty and intelligent. When he landed a job,his colleagues liked him at his first job. Initially, at least.

However, as they got to know him better, they realised he wasn't that much fun after all.

He would waltz into work late, argue with his seniors and crack nasty jokes about his colleagues.He would never be on time for meetings and would then rush for the only chair that was vacant,even if it was meant for the CEO.

Eventually, his colleagues started avoiding him. His seniors were wary of him. It became aHerculean task for him to get the smallest things done; no one wanted to cooperate with him. Hebecame isolated and slowly went into depression. Finally, he started wondering if something was

wrong with him.

Sounds familiar?

Jayant is a classic example of social skills gone wrong

Social skills and business etiquette -- the same thing?

No, they are not.

Business etiquette means polishing one's manners to suit the professional work environment.

Social skills are the ability to interpret situations correctly and behave accordingly. They are thebase on which manners are formed. Without social skills, it is virtually impossible to have any kindof etiquette or manners.

When do we start developing these skills?

We begin developing our social skills from the time we are born. An infant gives his first socialsmile when he or she is around three months old.

From then on, it is a never-ending journey. As we grow older, we learn how to interact with familyand friends. We also learn of or are faced with the problems associated with poor social skills.

Surviving in the corporate jungle

It is estimated that more than 80 percent of the people who are fired get the pink slip because oftheir lack of social skills. While instances of employee immaturity or lack of appropriate socialskills are not difficult to locate, suggestions from seniors as to where or how to enhance workethics and/ or maturity levels (often discussed as social skills or getting along with others) in theirsubordinates are not as easy to find.


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In spite of the lessons we learn at home, in the playground or at college, the corporate jungle isanother game altogether.

If one is not equipped with all the necessary social skills by now, things can be tough. In thecorporate world, the small fish have to learn to live with the sharks and survive. More important,they have to learn to perform.

Good social skills at work

Lisa (name changed) an ex-colleague of mine, joined the organisation six months before I did, atthe same level, along with a team of five trainers.

Her qualifications and experience were similar to what all of us had. Surprisingly, within a span ofa year, she moved from the post of senior trainer to assistant manager and had bypassed threelevels. How did she do it?

She had excellent people or social skills and she knew six to seven languages with nativefluency. "Different strokes for different folks," was her favourite one-liner. She spoke with graceand confidence to everyone from the watchman to the director, customising her technique to suit

whoever she was dealing with.

Everybody knew who Lisa was. She commanded awe and respect in the organisation. She alsohad a good dress sense, smiled a lot and looked into peoples' eyes while speaking. Her tone wassoft, yet confident. She was poised and no crisis was big enough to ruffle her feathers. She wasable to handle the most trying and seemingly impossible situations with a kind of ease mostpeople would kill to have. She knew what she wanted and got it.

This is a classic example of social skills at its best and most refined form.

Why do most people have trouble with social skills?

It is usually due to various reasons such as depression, rejection, anxiety, aggression, loneliness,etc.

So, how do you develop these skills? Are we born with them? Can you be trained in social skills?

Yes, yes and yes.

We are born with some skills, we develop others depending on the circumstances andopportunities that life presents us with. The more complex ones can be learnt through trainingprogrammes.

7 ways to improve your social skills. Practise taking instructions

This is easier said than done. Most of us think we already know what the other person is trying tosay. Secondly, we may be preoccupied with other thoughts when our boss is instructing us onhow to go about a certain task.

As a result, we may forget important details and make mistakes that could cost someone theirjob. Remember these points:


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~ Listen carefully for things said and implied.

~ Clarify.

~ Understand what has been told to you.

~ Acknowledge that you have understood.

~ Reconfirm instructions by quickly summarising what you have understood

ii. Practise explaining a problem to your supervisor/ boss

Do you feel butterflies in your stomach the moment you encounter a problem and need to involveyour boss?

Do you worry that s/he might think you are incompetent to handle it yourself?

These feelings are quite justified. However, you still need to explain the problem to your boss.The secret lies in the term 'explain' and not 'complain'. To explain effectively, pay attention to:

~ The volume of your voice and tone. It should not be too soft, loud or screechy.

~ Be respectful.

~ Keep your emotions in check. Be calm. You may be flustered by the problem; however, youdon't need to let your boss know that.

~ Remember to include all the facts of the problem. Try to find most of the answers yourselfbefore approaching your boss.

~ Offer a solution if you can. Your boss will appreciate your initiative.

iii. Practise asking for help

There are times at work when we are so overwhelmed by the things that need be done that weget all worked up and stressed out. We still do not ask for help, for fear that we mightbe perceived as incompetent.

However, when you have a task at hand that must be completed and you know you cannot do italone, you have to be humble enough to ask for help.

Identify people at work who handle a particular task better than anyone else and request them tohelp you if they have the time. They may be happy to help. Also, remember:

~ No man is an island. We all need people and people need us.

~ Two heads are better than one and, yes, four hands are better than two.

~ It is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice. Help others; they, in turn, will helpyou

~ Be gracious when you accept or refuse help. This will enhance your chances of building astrong support system on which you can depend when you need help.


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iv. Practise accepting feedback

It is natural for us to become defensive when we hear anything negative about ourselves.However, have you considered it might be just as difficult for the person giving the feedback to becandid?

Besides, it is possible for others to see things about you that you may not even aware of.

~ Appreciate the fact that someone has taken the risk of giving you feedback.

~ Be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking.

~ Don't take criticism personally because, even though it is about you, it is still the other person'sperception; his or her views need not necessarily be the 'real' you.

~ Feel free to accept or reject all or any part of the feedback without feeling obliged to explainyour choice

v. Practise giving constructive criticism

The word criticism spells doom for some. It need not be that way. There are two types ofcriticisms -- constructive and destructive. All of us have been at the receiving end of these typesof criticism at some point in our lives.

It depends on what you are criticising in a person and the purpose of the criticism. If the objectiveof criticising is to demean and insult a person, it would be destructive criticism. Such criticism isbest ignored.

Do remember, the situations that bring about the need to criticise can become sensitive andvolatile. It is easy for the person criticising, as well as the recipient of the criticism, to overreactand start accusing each other.

Giving constructive criticism and seeing that it is well received is a fine art. Things to remember:

~ Stay focused. Don't confuse the person with the problem.

~ Keep tempers down.

~ Use a suggestive approach rather than a dismissive one.

~ Reiterate that the person is good but the problem could be handled differently.

~ Be sincere, honest and caring while giving constructive criticism.

~ Express your faith in the person and his/ her ability to successfully implement and reap thebenefits of the suggestions given.

vi. Practise receiving compliments

Many of us are especially wary or shy when someone compliments us. Why? Do we think wedon't deserve compliments? That we are not worthy of them? Or is it plain modesty? Whatever itis, it is time to get over it.


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We need to understand that accepting compliments is not self-indulgence. So:

~ Don't feel embarrassed and brush it off.

~ Never counter it with something negative about yourself.

~ Don't be arrogant; accept the compliment graciously.

~ Smile and thank the person for the compliment. Express genuine happiness.

vii. Practise giving compliments

I have very often heard people saying, "She is excellent at her work but, if we tell her that, it mightgo to her head."

This may not always be the case. It depends on how one is complimented. There is a delicateline between flattery and genuinely complimenting someone.

If you keep these suggestions in mind, you can easily compliment someone without soundingfake:

~ Use simple language. Smile and look into the person's eyes while complimenting him/ her. Itsounds more genuine this way.

~ Using filmi dialogues and a lot of actions could make it look like your aim is to flatter, notcompliment.

~ Modulate your voice to match the expression of admiration on your face.

~ Don't laugh or giggle while complimenting someone. It could sound like you are being sarcastic.

Finally, remember a good social network will help you at work. You need social skills to find a joband to keep one. So, if social skills do not come easily to you, it will be well worth your time topinpoint your weaknesses and work on them.

7 ways to improve your social skills 1

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