Emotionally strong people manage the stresses of daily life more effectively, and

recover more quickly from challenges and crises when they arise. Since emotional

strength refers to a person’s internalcoping abilities, can we accurately judge a person’s

internal fortitude based on what we see on the outside?

Popular culture often portrays emotionally strong people as quiet, stoic types who never

complain and whose emotional expression during crises is limited to jaw-squaring, fist-

clenching, and silent dramatic stares into the horizon. Any signs of emotional ‘leakage’

(i.e., expressing emotional distress in any way) or tears (especially in men), is often

viewed as evidence the person has difficulties coping and is emotionally weak.

Such notions are not only incorrect but tremendously misleading. Emotional strength

has little to do with stoicism and even less to do with any momentary reaction. Rather,

emotional strength is something that can only be assessed over time. By definition, it

involves a person’s ability to deal with challenges and bounce back from them, not how

they respond in any given moment.

For example, if two entrepreneurs invested five years in a startup that fails, which of

them is emotionally stronger—the one who feels heartbroken and bursts into tears when

funding falls through, or the one who feels heartbroken but keeps their emotions in

check?

The answer is neither—it was a trick question. (Sorry.)

The person’s immediate reaction matters much less than what they do thereafter. Someone might break into tears in the moment, feel terrible for a week, but then bounce

back and start working on their next big idea. A seemingly stoic person might appear to

cope better in the moment, yet feel so defeated that they give up their

entrepreneurialdreams altogether. In such a comparison, the "crier" clearly has more

emotional fortitude than the "jaw-squarer," despite displaying greater emotional distress

in their immediate response.

Many of us judge ourselves incorrectly in exactly such scenarios. If we react emotionally

or tearfully to challenging situations, we chastise ourselves for being "weak," even

though we intend to persist and move forward, or even when we believe we will

eventually succeed.

Tears are usually a sign of frustration and disappointment, not defeat. What you believe

about your future chances of success and how discouraged you feel in the long term is

far more important than how your tear ducts respond to stresses and bad news.

Wondering if you have emotional strength? Here are 7 ways to assess yourself and others:

Emotionally strong people ...

1. are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments.

2. are more adaptable to change.

3. are able to recognize and express their needs.

4. focus on getting around a hurdle rather than on the hurdle itself.

5. can learn from mistakes and criticism.

6. tend to see the larger perspective in a challenging situation.

7. are able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as failure or

rejection.

People are rewarded in public for what they practice for years in private. – Tony Robbins