6 impossible things before breakfast nah fs 2015 powerpoints
TRANSCRIPT
SixThings Before Breakfast
How to understand, persuade, influence, calm, excite and motivate
your team, your donors and your colleagues
An NLP Smorgasbord ….
• How people understand the World (using sensory specific language to reflect their ‘truth’)
• Meta-programmes (finding words that get through ‘conceptual / filters’)
• Reframing (helping people get ‘unstuck’ from negative mindsets)
• Surface language and deep structure (Working out what people really mean)
• Working with the ‘emotional mind’ (you can’t wrestle a chimp)
Finding the right words for each individual, that will express what you mean in ways that they can relate to and believe and which
will therefore persuade, influence and motivate them more
effectively
‘Mine’s a better way to do it’
‘It was a very successful project’
‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’
‘Mine’s a better way to do it’
‘in what way is it better?’
‘It was a very successful project’
‘how do you measure ‘success’’?
‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’
‘‘How will we measure that, exactly?’How will we measure that, exactly?’
External Event
Delete, Distort & Generalise
Experience, Values, Beliefs, Memories, Culture
Physiology/State
Interpret / represent
Response
So, as we PROCESS external data, we CREATE AN INACCURATE ‘map’ of
reality, which makes us FEEL a certain way, which drives
our RESPONSE
By paying attention to the manner in which
someone communicates, you can gain information
about how best to communicate your thoughts to them
Visual
• Lots of gestures• Talks quickly, sometimes hardly stopping• Varied inflection • Looks up to think• Can jump from subject to subject• Happy to be interrupted• Makes quick decisions
Auditory
• Hold themselves still• Talk with measured pace• Flat inflection pattern• Look sideways to think or check info• Need to finish what they say before stopping• Hate being interrupted• Need to think things through before making decisions
Kinesthetic
• Laid back• Talks slowly, often with long silences• Low pitch• Looks down to think and check info• Gets annoyed when people finish their sentences• Makes well considered decisions after much
contemplation
Visual Auditory KinestheticImage Clear-cut Defined Perspective Scope Panorama See Observe Focus Outlook Inspect Glimpse Illustrate Demarcate Paint Cloud Graphic Show Reveal Expose Illuminate Picture
Tune Note Ring Tone Listen Mute Chime in Sound Hear Click Recite Static Chord Voice Alarm Say Clear Muffle Shout
Tell
Touch Handle Throw Shock Brush Blow Clash Strike Press Grope Pound Impact Stroke Irritate Tickle Feel Move Shape Bounce Toy with
You are a social worker based in hospital. A private landlord has been
in touch with you to say that the tenancy of a young woman who is
an inpatient with depression will end in a fortnight.
Visual Auditory KinestheticImage Clear-cut Defined Perspective Scope Panorama See Observe Focus Outlook Inspect Glimpse Illustrate Demarcate Paint Cloud Graphic Show Reveal Expose Illuminate Picture
Tune Note Ring Tone Listen Mute Chime in Sound Hear Click Recite Static Chord Voice Alarm Say Clear Muffle Shout
Tell
Touch Handle Throw Shock Brush Blow Clash Strike Press Grope Pound Impact Stroke Irritate Tickle Feel Move Shape Bounce Toy with
“I’m hoping that you might see your way to help us focus on a solution. Her outlook for recovery would be clearer if you could show a little
patience?
“She went really quite went I told her the news. I don’t want to sound
alarmist, but we might only hear that she’s recovering if I could tell her
that you’ve listened and will demonstrate a little patience
“It’s been a great shock to her. I’m sure you can grasp how she feels at the moment. It might help her move
forward towards recovery if you could throw her a lifeline – exercise
a little patience?”
People Projects
•Communicative•Gegarious•Sympathetic and understanding•Can be indecisive•Finds confrontation hard
•Makes things happen•Meets deadlines•Gets results•Can be edgy and anxious•Can ‘ride rough-shod’
RELATIONSHIPS/GOALS
In time Through time
•Fully in the moment•Concentrates on tasks•Emotionally and mentally ‘there’ for people•Often late•Too involved in too much
•Good planner•Good time keeper•Making lists more important than the tasks!•Not ‘in the moment’
EXPERIENCE OF TIME
Towards
Away from
•Drive•Goals•Positive energy•Gung Ho•Poor finisher
•Risk assessor•Safety first•Overly cautious•Negative thinker•Choices are based on avoidance rather than desire (no direction)
MOTIVATIONAL DIRECTION
Influencing Language
• MOVES TOWARDS• Gain• Achieve• I want• Progress
• MOVES AWAY FROM
• Stay clear of• I don’t want• Avoid
Options/Possibilities
Procedures/Certainties
•You like a wide choice•Explores options•Happy to test and break rules•May procrastinate
•Efficient•Methodical•Job’s worth•Inflexible
FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT
Influencing Language
• POSSIBILITIES/OPTIONS
• Alternatives• Flexibility• Choice• Let’s get creative• You have freedom of
action
• CERTAINTY/PROCEDURE
• Necessary• Step by step• Let’s do this the right
way
Internal External
•Self motivating•Will disregard good advice from others
•Will respond to praise and/or criticism•Can appear needy•Indecisive if no external feedback
FRAME OF REFERENCE
Emotional Mind
I think that you might
need to develop your interpersonal
skills
Talking to an ‘Internal’
Emotional Mind
I think that you might
need to develop your interpersonal
skills
Talking to an ‘External’
Do you? Really? O.K.
Emotional Mind
Is there anything
you’d like to improve
about your interpersonal
skills?
Talking to an ‘Internal’
Yes there is
Self focus Others focus
•Self sufficient•Doesn’t get entangled in others’ problems•May be perceived as arrogant or uncaring
•Good team player•Stressed•Unpredictable (bases decisions on what others think or how they react)•Welfare of team more important than the job
ATTENTION DIRECTION
Detail/Specifics Global/General
•Spots mistakes•Likes big documents•Can get bogged down in detail•May be seen as pedantic•Loses sight of overall purpose
•Good strategist•Can generate big ideas•Misses things•Tunes out details•Too many ideas, not enough execution
SCOPE – ‘THE SIZE OF THE PICTURE’
Influencing Language
• DETAIL• Exactly• Precisely• Specifically (followed
by sequential detail)
• GENERAL• The Big Picture• Overview• In general• In summary
Feeling Thinking
•Takes people’s feelings in account•Can get emotional
•Sound decisions based on facts and logic•Can appear cold and unfeeling•May not consider the feelings of others before speaking or acting
EMOTIONAL/RATIONAL SPECTRUM
Influencing Language
• FEELING• How do feel about
that?• How exciting!• That’s wonderful of
you
• THINKING• Does that make
sense?• The cold reality is …• The evidence
suggests that …• Let’s be rational about
this
Sameness Difference
•Likes repetition•Can be seen as unadventurous
•Happy to try new things•Gets bored easily•Fixes things that aren’t broken
ROUTINE
Influencing Language
• SAMENESS• Things will stay the
same• No change there then• It’s all very similar really• We’ll stick with the
familiar• Let’s keep doing the
same thing – but better!
• DIFFERENCE• I want to try
something new• Let’s change our
approach• This is a unique
solution• We can adapt
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
The good things that will stay the same if something changes
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
The good things that will stay the same if something changes
The bad things that will stay the same unless something changes
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
The good things that will stay the same if something changes
The bad things that will stay the same unless something changes
The NEW good things that they will get only if something changes
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
The good things that will stay the same if something changes
The bad things that will stay the same unless something changes
The NEW bad things that can be avoided if something changes
The NEW good things that they will get only if something changes
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
We all get to keep a job under the new structure – doing much the same kind of thing
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
We will continue to be under pressure, stressed and chasing our tails, unless we restructure
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
The new structure will give us flexible working AND opportunities for promotion
The Management of Change …
GOOD
BAD
SIMILARITY DIFFERENCE
Targets increase every year. Things will only get worse unless we accept a new way of doing things
Amiables
• Socially oriented• Team workers• High emotional intelligence• Focused on others• Not competitive
‘But’ emphasises the end of a sentence
‘Even though’ places emphasis on the start
‘And’ places equal emphasis on the beginning and the end
Discuss ….
• What happens when you use rationality on an emotional person?
• What happens of you try to pacify, explain, discuss an issue?
• What is your best course of action in this circumstance?