5 Step Emotional Intelligence (Ei) Model

Based on |”The Emotional Intelligence Pocketbook”, by Margaret Chapman, Management Pocketbooks Ltd, Reprinted 2002

What is Emotional Intelligence (Ei)?

• A learned ability to perceive, understand and express our feelings accurately and control our feelings so they work for us, not against us.

It is about:

• Knowing about how you and others feel and what to do about it

• Knowing what feels good and what feels bad and how to get from bad to good

• Possessing emotional awareness, sensitivity and the management skills that will help us to maximize our long-term happiness and survival.

Originally coined by two US psychologists, Peter Salovey and John Mayer.

Why Ei Now?

• Changing nature of work

• Increasing complexity

• Rapid pace of change

• Rising stress levels

• Recognition of the need to maximize individual performance: not just know how and the ability to do, but how you feel about what you know and do.

IQ + EQ = Success

Five-Step Model

This is the inner-intelligence we use toknow, understand and motivate ourselves.

1. Self-awareness2. Emotion Management3. Self-Motivation

This is the outer-intelligence we use toread, sense, understand and manage

relationships with others.

1. Relationship Management2. Emotional Coaching

The CoreCapabilities

Self-Awareness

• Emotional self-awareness: Reading one’s own emotions & recognizing their impact, using “gut sense” to guide decisions

• Accurate self-assessment: Knowing one’s strengths & weaknesses

• Self-confidence: A sound sense of one’s self-worth & capabilities

Self-Management• Emotional self-control: Keeping

disruptive emotions & impulses under control

• Transparency: Displaying honesty & integrity; trustworthiness

• Adaptability: Flexibility in adapting to changing situations or obstacles

• Achievement: The drive to improve performance to meet inner standards of excellence

• Initiative: Readiness to act & seize opportunities

• Optimism: seeing the upside in events

Social-Awareness

• Empathy: Sensing others’ emotions, understanding their perspective, & taking active interest in their concerns

• Organizational awareness: Reading the currents, decision networks, & politics at the organizational level

• Service: Recognizing & meeting follower, client, or customer needs

Relationship Management• Inspirational leadership: Guiding &

motivating with a compelling vision

• Influence: Wielding a range of tactics for persuasion

• Developing others: Bolstering others’ abilities through feedback & guidance

• Change catalyst: Initiating, managing & leading in a new direction

• Conflict management: Resolving disagreements

• Building bonds: Cultivating & maintaining a web of relationships

• Teamwork & collaboration: Cooperation & teambuilding

Model Approach• Both the

intrapersonal and interpersonal skills need to be developed to become emotionally intelligent.

• The focus is on five core capabilities, each one taking a step closer towards Ei.

Step 1: Self-Awareness

“There is only one corner of the universe that you can be certain of improving; and that is our own self.” Aldous Huxley

WHO AM I AS A MANAGER? Internal and External Dimensions

Self-talkI’m not good atHandling conflict

JudgementsIndividuals are difficult when they …A good team member is …

Driver behaviour

Emotions Own and others

RulesAs a …I must …I should …I ought …

Self-Confidence

Fears &Anxieties

Hotbuttons

BeliefsAbout self & others

Non-verbalbehaviour

PersonalStyles

Skills

PhysicalpresenceImpact on

Others

EnergyLevels

Self-Awareness

• The ability to see ourselves with our own eyes, to be aware of our …

• Goals, immediate and long term

• Beliefs about ourselves and others

• Values, those things that we hold dear

• Drivers that effect how we work

• Rules, that we live by, the shoulds, musts and oughts

• Self-talk, the inner voice that tells us we can or cannot do something

Self-Awareness

You can identify the filters (hot buttons) that trigger your emotions, and use this information to positively change events and achieve a more positive outcome.

You can identify your emotional responses by:

• Tuning into your senses

• Getting in touch with your feelings

• Knowing your goals

Tuning into Your Senses• Pay attention to

what you see and hear and not what you think you see and hear.

• All to often our filters get in the way of information that hits our senses.

The higher your level of self-awareness, the greater your ability to recognize and

distinguish between what is fact and what is the result of a filter.

Exercise: Gauging The Mood• When you are next in a

meeting at work, assess the mood of the group by simply relying on sensory information – what you see and what you hear.

Seeing: • How do people look at

one another while they are speaking or listening. Do they look each other straight in the eye (which may indicate confidence)?

• Does the speaker looks at everyone or focus on one individual? (The former could reflect comfort with the group as a whole and a sense of the group being a team.)

• Do listeners stay focused or do their eyes wander? (The former suggests interest in what is being said, the latter indicates lack of inter4est.)

• Do you see people, smile, smirk, frown or glare?

Exercise: Gauging The Mood (cont’d)

Hearing: • Tune into the sounds in the room,

people’s voices.• When a person’s speaks, is there quite

except for the person’s voice or do you hear people moving in their chairs? (The former suggests interest, the latter boredom.)

• Do people speak stridently (this might reflect anger or frustration) or hesitantly (this might reflect a lack of knowledge of the subject)?

• Do you hear a lot of mumbled conversations while someone is talking (this could indicate enthusiasm with what the person has to say and eagerness among individuals to comment further. Or, it could denote disapproval, with individuals expressing their disagreement to colleagues?)

• Do people yell or whisper, moan or interrupt?

Exercise: Gauging The Mood (cont’d)

At the end of the meeting look at all the information you have collected and see what you can deduce about the mood of the group;, based solely on this information.

• Was the team enthusiastic?

• Did the seemed please that management was willing to try some new idea?

• Did they appear to want to work together as a group to implement the changes?

• Did they appear to grasp the importance of making the changes?

• The exercise shows how sensory information can be used to influence your assessments. It helps to move from what you think you see, to what you actually observe.

Getting In Touch With Your Feelings

What we think – our interpretation of events that produces a particular

emotional response or thought

What we feel – a label that we use to describe a particular state

How our bodies react – e.g. racing heartbeat, feeling tense

How we behave – e.g. running away, hitting out or hugging someone.

Getting In Touch With Your Feelings (cont’d)

• Although our feelings are internal, they are accompanied by external (physical) manifestations.

• For e.g. butterflies the stomach (excitement or fear); glowing face (embarrassment); relaxing into a chair (at ease)

• Certain feelings drive behaviours.

• By tracing the link between a physical response, your interpretation and the feeling, you can begin to identify your emotional responses in any given situation.

Keeping a feeling (emotional) diary

Date/Time Automatic thought(s)

What do you think?

Emotion(s)

How do you feel?

Response

What did you do?

Outcome(s)

What were the consequences?

Describe

• Actual event

• Stream of thoughts, daydream or recollections leading to emotions

•Any physical sensations

Write down:

Thought that preceded the emotion(s)

Specify:

• Emotion (e.g/. sadness, anxiety, happiness)

Detail:

• What happened

Example • Presentation to the Meeting

• I’ve really not had enough tome to prepare; it was dropped to me at the last moment

• Stomach churning; pressure at back of neck

• Management should have done presentation

•I am going to blow it

•They are going to see that it is not clearly thought through; it will be my fault

• I’ll look like a fool

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Just manage to get through

• Presentation not really convincing

• Asked to re-present in a month

Keeping a feeling (emotional) diaryanother example

Date/Time Automatic thought(s)

What do you think?

Emotion(s)

How do you feel?

Response

What did you do?

Outcome(s)

What were the consequences?

Example • Presentation to the Meeting

• Ideally, boss should do t have come up

• Short notice but done my best within time available

• Sight churn in my stomach

• Team has worked hard and I really believe in our approach

• Feel positive

• Adrenalin pumping, to be expected

• Feeling anxious but I am going to knock them dead

• Presentation went great

• Go a go-ahead

Know Your Goals

• Goals spur us into action.

• These may be short-term or longer-term.

• The value of becoming aware of our goals is that we can use this information to help us develop the strategies necessary to get what we really, really want.

Tips for identifying your goals

• Believe in your behaviour

• Trust your feelings• Be honest with

yourself

Setting Your Goals:

• Positive Statement (What you want rather than don’t want)

• Owned by you (own it)• Sensory-based (What will it feel like when you

achieved your goal?)• Intention preserved (What will you gain or lose?)• Ecology check (remember we exist in a system,

family friends, work: if you achieve your outcome, what or who else might be affected?)

Step 2: Emotional Management

“There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

Managing Our Emotions• Controlling

unproductive behaviours that does not get us anywhere.

• Winning a shouting match with a difficult colleague is only a short-term and transitory gain.

• In addition, raising your blood pressure is not good for your health in the long term.

• Instead, try to understand the link between your interpretation of an event and your responses to it. You can choose an alternative way to feel.

• This is the key to Ei capability.

Dynamics of EmotionReal

Imagined

Rational Response

Irrational Response

Evoke Feelings

Leads to Behaviour

You can choose how you see a situation

“People are disturbed not only by things, but by views they take of them.

Greek philosopher Epicletus

You can change your interpretation of what you see and you can change your responses to it.

No one can make us feel anything.

Remember

When you become anxious or angry or worried about doing something (e.g. a presentation), ask yourself the

following questions

• Where is the evidence for the way I am thinking?

• What is the logic in my interpretation?

• What do I have to lose if I do/say this?

• What do I have to gain/if I do/say this?

• What would be the worst that could happen if I do/don’t say or do this?

• What can I learn from saying/doing this?

Worry Buster Technique

Learn to live with worries

• Live one day at a time

• Get the facts

• Practice the worry buster technique

• Adopt the six-second rule

The six-second rule

• Six seconds is the time it takes to capture the fight or flight response.

• When someone has said or done something to upset you, take a deep breath and count six seconds before you respond.

• Just try it – what is the worst that can happen?

The 5-Step Freeze-Frame Technique

1. Recognize stressful feelings and freeze-frame them. Take time out!

2. Make a concerted effort to shift your focus away from the racing mind or disturbing emotion(s).

1. Be calm and recall a positive, fun feeling that you have had and re-experience it.

2. Ask your heart, What’s a more effective response to this stressful situation?

3. Listen and do what your heart says.

Step 3: Self-Motivation

E-motion is the spirit that moves

Motivation

• Comes from the Latin to move.

• In order achieve higher levels of motivation, we must be able to manage our own internal states, harness our emotions and channel them in the right direction to achieve our objectives

YesYesI can do it!

Remember the acronym SAME

1. Adopt positive Self-talk

2. Build an effective support network (your ‘A’ team)

3. Visualize an inspirational Mentor (real or fictitious)

4. Create a conducive Environment (air, light, sound)

1 2 3 4

Step 4 & 5: Interpersonal Intelligence – the outer intelligence

Relationship management

Emotional coaching

Step 4: Relationship Management

“The ways that people treat us are reflections

of the ways we treat ourselves”,

Linda Field, The Self-Esteem Workbook

Relationship management = effective at managing relationships and building effective networks

Relationship - The coming together of two or more people for their mutual benefit.

• Types of relationship: Personal relationships Friendships Relationships with work colleagues

• Reasons why we get together Companionship Sense of belonging Establish a support system Build our identity Personal development Love Enhance a sense of common

purpose Develop a sense of teamwork Produce a product or service

Why relationships fail?

• Unrealistic expectations

• Lack of empathy

• Immaturity (low Ei)

• Dependency/co-dependency

• Inability to assert own needs

• Poor communication

• Ineffective strategies for conflict resolution

• Personality differences (different maps of the world

Effective Relationship

1. Reciprocity: You support – I support

2. Skills: Dynamic listening; Establish empathy; Use of questions

3. Relating over time: Continuity; Build trust

4. Engage in exchange – Iterative process

Don’t mind read. Remember, to

ASSUME is to

Make an ASS out of U and ME!

Relationships are not made outside, they are made

inside.

Tips for sharing thoughts, feelings and ideas

• Be in a good frame of mind

• Tune in to how the other person responds

• Set a positive tone to the discussion

• Check out any feelings of discomfort

• Remember when we communicate our emotions:

• 55% is non-verbal (through our body language)

• 38% is the tone of voice

• 7% is dependent on the content (the actual words we use)

It isn't w

hat you say, it’s the way you say it!

Six Steps to Effective Relationships

• Know the boundaries (what can and cannot be said or done)

• Check out expectations (respective needs and wants)

• Review your perceptions (avoid making assumptions)

• Review the other person’s perception of you (take a risk, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen – use the worry buster to help)

• Examine interactions (consider what worked well or not so well, and why this might be the case)

• Determine the desired outcomes (set exceptional goals that have power)

10 tips for building exceptional relationships with colleagues at work

1. Appreciate their individual skills, knowledge and capabilities

2. Make time to get to know them and actively listen to what they say

3. Remember you can have a good relationship without having to be their bosoms pals

4. Spend some social time as well as work time with them

6. Give positive feedback for a job well done

7. Seek their advice and opinions whatever you can

8. Support them through tough times

9. Recognize individual uniqueness, be flexible in your styles and approach

10. Use common courtesies and friendly greetings

Final ThoughtYou cannot change other

people.All you can do is to change

yourself

If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep on getting what you have always got!

Things and actions are not themselves annoying: the annoyance lies within ourselves, in the response.

Step 5: Emotional Coaching

E-Coach help others to:

• Develop their emotional capabilities

• Resolve differences

• Solve problems

• Communicate effectively

• Become motivated

As an E-Coach, what you need to know

• What coaching means

• What coaching process entails

• How to manage relationships and agree the boundaries

• Where coaching fits in the overall scheme of things

• How people respond to change and how to overcome resistance

• How people learn and how to assess differences in learning styles

• How to apply different models and ways of assessing values, beliefs, motivation, personality, Ei

• What competencies need to be developed either personally or for a specific job role

As an E-Coach, what you need to have these skills

• Actively listen

• Use different questioning techniques

• Influence, persuade, challenge

• Engage in problem-solving and use creative techniques

• Have good time/personal management skills

• Help the learner to set goals and identify possible strategies

• Network and access resources that will help the learner

• Help the learner to put together an Action Plan

As an E-Coach, what behaviours you need to demonstrate

• Empathy and capacity to build rapport

• Act as an Ei role model

• Be non-judgemental

• Maintain confidentiality

• Recognize your own limitations

• Continually critical of your performance

• Be commitment to your own personal and on-going development

• Seek to build learner’s confidence an self-esteem

As an E-Coach, what qualities & experiences should you possess:

• Supporting learners

• Being coached or mentored

• A sense of humour

• Tact and diplomacy

• Integrity

• Persistence and resilience

• Willingness to share experiences

• Confidence

• Passion

• Congruent, journeying along your path with a heart

• Ei

8 Steps coaching model

1. Diagnosis

2. Alliance

3. Assessment

4. Analysis

5. Alternatives

6. Action Planning

7. Application

8. Review, Feedback and Evaluation

IQ + E-coaching = Competencies + Ei = Performance, Productivity and Prosperity

Building EI Organizations

• EI & resonance in the workplace may draw on the ancient human organizing principle of 50 to 100 hunter-gatherers

• People share a vision of who they are collectively & they share a common chemistry

• It is the responsibility of EI leaders to create such resonant organizations

Discovering the Emotional Reality

• Respect the group’s values & the organization’s integrity - Know what the sacred center is actually is - from the perspective of others,not just oneself; See clearly what must change; People need to drive the change themselves - it cannot be forced; People need to be motivated by hope and a dream, not by fear

• Slow down in order to speed up - Use coaching & democratic styles to slow things down enough to get a sense of exactly what’s needed

• Start at the top with a bottom-up strategy - Top leadership must be fully committed

Visualizing the Ideal

• Look Inside

• Don’t align – attune

• People first, then strategy

Sustaining EI

• Turn vision into action

• Create systems that sustain EI practices

• Manage the myths of leadership

Ei is a Change Management Strategy

• Leadership development from inside-out, not outside-in like training managers participate in

A Four-Step Model

1 Secure commitment

2 Prepare forchange

3 Train &develop

4 Maintain &evaluate

Move when timing is right

Establish business case

Identify/assessEi needs

Set goals/Build support systems

Find Ei championsDesign/deliverEi interventions

EiOrganization

feedback

Leadership is about Emotions