30 quotes by mark twain
TRANSCRIPT
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30 Quotes by Mark Twain
1. Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too
great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally
abstain from total abstinence itself.
2. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of
eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
3. The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the
American was, however, one degree better off than the average
Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father
was.
4. Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some
observers hold that there isnt any. But this wrongs the jackass.
5. There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him
early.
6. There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white
mans notion that he less savage than the other savages.
7. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in
society.
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8. The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he
can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the
supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is
not already a consummate ass.
9. The report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The
report of my death was an exaggeration.
10. Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your
dog would go in
11. Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide,
and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.
12. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
13. Ah, well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am Gods fool, and all
Hisworkmust be contemplated with respect.
14. I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion
and politics a mans reasoning powers are not above the monkeys.
15. I would rather have my ignorance than another mans knowledge,
because I have so much more of it.
16. In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made
school boards.
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17. Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the
undertaker will be sorry.
18. Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he
is hollering about.
19. To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and
no trouble.
20. It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three
unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience,
and the prudence never to practice either.
21. Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because
we are not the person involved.
22. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
23. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and
not deserve them.
24. Some people get an eduction without going to college; the rest get it
after they get out.
25. The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't
distributed right.
26. Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to
pause and reflect.
27. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
28. Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he
believes and wishes he was certain.
29. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
30. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.