3 seconds...make them count

8/9/2019 3 Seconds...Make Them Count

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Communicate from your Core

Why First Impressions

Matter...

You never get a second chance to make

a first impression - so make it count!

A Step-By-Step Guide To Making The Right

First Impression In A Meeting Or Interview



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Introduction

Welcome to Why First Impressions Matter - A Step-By-StepGuide To Making The Right First Impression In A Meeting Or

Interview

If, like me, you've ever been disappointed at not being successful

in a job interview or prospective client meeting...if you're

frustrated at not knowing why or what you could have done

differently to improve the results your getting...or if you'd just like

to know how to make a lasting and positive first impression - then

you've come to the right place.

In this report I'm going to show you everything you need to know,

in step-by-step detail about the key factors that often make the

difference between success and failure in an interview or

meeting. I'll show you exactly what to do in those first few crucial

seconds of a meeting and how you can make a positive and lasting

impression in an interview.

But most importantly you will learn something invaluable,something you can use to improve the instant connections you

make with people not just in job interviews, prospective customer

meetings, networking events but also in your personal

relationships. You'll gain a precise understanding of what truly

influences people in those first vital seconds of a meeting. Once

you understand and apply these invaluable principles then there's

no limit to how successful you can be in your next meeting or

interview.

Probably about 95% of people make the same mistakes I made all

those years ago - don't become one of these statistics!



© 2010 Aled Davies All Rights Reserved 3

1. Against all the odds a promotion that resulted in my client

doubling his income overnight.

My client had been working for the same employer for 8 years,slowly making his way up the career ladder. His ambition was to

become a partner in his firm. It was a very competitive field and

many of his peers had similar aspirations to him, they all wanted

the status that came with being a partner but most of all they

wanted the income and security as well. 12 months previously

he'd gone through all the interviews, jumped through all the

hoops only to find out he didn't make the cut. But what was

worse he was told he just didn't have what it takes and that as far

as they were concerned he'd reached his full potential.

As you can probably imagine he was devastated, especially

because he saw some of his peers (who probably weren't as bright

or academically able as him) go through and become partners.

12 months later, after working with me and putting the strategies

and techniques into action his bosses started noticing changes in

his behaviour to the extent that they gave him one last chance.

Now to put this into perspective - no one had ever failed thepartnership interviews and been invited back a second time, so as

far as he was concerned this was an amazing achievement in

itself.

But there was more success coming his way!

'...working with Aled, changed my whole approach to influencing and opened

my eyes to the small things that were holding me back. The proof was in the

pudding though - I sailed through the partner interviews, all 5 stages and out

of 60 applicants I came in the top three! I think I proved a point, oh and

doubled my income!' David West, Partner in a Big 4 Accountancy Firm



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2. How a change in approach helped recover over £10,000 in

outstanding bills from a difficult customer.

We've all experienced an awkward or difficult customer in ourlives and if we could chose we'd rather not do business with them.

But what do you do when they give you 40% of your business?

My client had a customer who personified the customer from hell,

he never paid on time and disputed every single bill his company

received. he also took advantage of the fact that my client's

company was reliant on his business (a position we should never

get into by the way, but that for another day). My client never

looked forward to the meeting and would dread every minute andalways came away dejected. He soon realised why his boss always

sent him to these meetings, because he himself couldn't face the

client from hell! He was under huge pressure to recover these

fees and his job now hinged upon his success at getting his client

to pay up.

He applied some simple but powerful techniques he'd learnt

during our coaching sessions and in the next meeting walked

away with a cheque for the outstanding fees but best of all withhis head held high - he couldn't wait to show his boss the cheque.

It wasn't long before he developed a reputation in his company as

an expert in dealing with difficult customers and with that he

practically became indispensible.

'..I used to get so worked up, I was almost terrified in the lift. I just couldn't

fathom how I would ever get him to agree to pay the fees. I never imagined

for one minute he'd write a cheque on the spot. Sometimes the smallest

things make the biggest difference, these tools without a doubt made the

difference when it counted. Thanks again Aled.' Amar Aggarwal, Account

Director, London




3. Getting the job of her dreams in a tough economy after being

out of employment for over 12 months

Getting your foot in the door can be a challenge at the best of

times especially when the economy is suffering and more peopleare competing for same jobs.

My client had good academic credentials and a pretty good CV but

had been out of employment for over 12 months. In a 3 month

period she attended 16 job interviews and each time didn't

advance past the first stage. She was totally fed up with hearing

that she just 'wasn't the right fit' or reading letters that said;

'...thank you for attending the interview, it was good to meet you but

unfortunately on this occasion we won't be taking your application further.

We wish you the best of luck in the future...'

When I work with a client one of the key things I do is to try and

identify their blind spots. Quite often when we are in influencing

situations we make mistakes without even knowing we're making

them. I call this the DKDK Zone (Don't Know what I Don't Know).

After a series of short coaching sessions with my client we not

only identified her blind spots but she was able to learn some

simple strategies to try at her next series of interviews. 3

interviews later she was offered the job of her dreams, which

involved International Travel (not serving coffee) but sitting in

business class!

'...I was really struggling even getting my foot in the door, what was most

frustrating of all was not getting any feedback. So I didn't even know what I

could do differently at the next interview. I really needed to make an impact

and tried out some of the techniques I'd learnt with Aled. The first time felt a

bit different and by the third time the change to my body language seemed just natural. I'm thrilled! Neysha Ahmen, Consultant Oil and Gas Sector

These results are some of the few results I've helped clients

achieve. The great thing about it is knowing that they are fulfilling

their own potential and not limiting themselves to what others

say.



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Remember more often than not it's the smallest things that make

the biggest difference when it comes to success and failure. In this

report I'll be sharing with you the smallest things that can make

the biggest difference in your career, especially when it comes tomaking a positive and lasting first impression.

So How Was I Forced To Develop This And Many Of My Other

Communication Products and Strategies?

Believe me, I often ask myself this question, and I get asked it all

the time. In a nutshell, I've had many interviews for dream jobs

but never got very far with them. I've had many business ideas

that have completely flopped. I started my own business in Africaand raised some pretty serious venture capital only to watch the

business fail after working long and hard to try and make it a

success.

I knew if I kept on doing what I'd always done then I'd get what

I've always got and frankly if I wasn't prepared to change then as

far as I was concerned I'd deserve everything I got (or didn't get if

you know what I mean).

So I started learning about communication, to begin with in the

area of conflict resolution but as I learnt more about how people

communicated when in conflict and high pressure situations I

started to get more curious about how communication impacted

on us in different aspects of our career and lives.

And I discovered one thing and probably the most important

lesson - the quality of your communication determines the quality

of your life.

All the qualifications and knowledge in the world meant nothing if

you couldn't communicate. And slowly, the more I learnt about

communication, and applied the strategies and techniques I learnt

the better I got, the more I practiced the more I refined what




worked and what didn't work. The better I got, the more

successful I became, in my business and in my personal life. The

more successful I became, the more successful my clients became.

My listening skills improved so I could listen to my clients and

really begin to understand the problems and frustrations theywere experiencing and it became one big self fulfilling prophecy.

But it took me years of searching, practicing and refining these

techniques and strategies to the point now where many of the

things that I teach have become second nature to me.

So I really hope the tools, tips, strategies and techniques that I

share with you along the way help you turn the smallest changes

into the biggest results.



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Preparation

Success always comes when preparation

meets opportunity

Before you even start thinking about what to say or do in that

meeting or interview, there is so much you can be doing to stack

the deck in your favour before you even leave your home. Being

an effective communicator and making a positive and lasting

impression doesn't just start when you meet someone for the

first time.

The night before an interview or important meeting I would often

spend the vast majority of the evening worrying about what

could go wrong, imagining the meeting being a complete disaster

and just generally panicking. Now you may or may not be going

through similar feelings and thought patterns as me but all I can

tell you is this was a massive waste of my time and emotional

energy.

It's normal and natural for us all to experience some level of nervousness and anxiety before an important event but when it

starts to preoccupy our thoughts, stops us from having a good

night's rest and generally impacts on the quality of our life then

we need to do something different. But what?

Research

The internet is a wonderful thing and we can research pretty

much anything we want from the comfort of our own home or atthe very least an internet cafe and we can do this very quickly.

One of the things that frustrates most clients and interviewers is

when someone arrives and it's obvious they haven't done any

preparation. That might be something as simple as knowing some




of the history of the company, some of the challenges they are

facing or something current about the industry in general. Yet I'm

always surprised at how many people fail to do this simple task.

Spending 30 minutes of focused research on the company or theindividual you're meeting before you turn up will accomplish 3

things;

1. You'll feel more confident going into the meeting, and we can

all do with a bit more confidence, right?

2. It gives you some material to discuss with your interviewer or

client and helps to build rapport. This is the least they'll expect

but I can guarantee most people won't have done this simpletask. When you carry out your research come up with 3 questions

or talking points for your meeting.

For example; let's say you had an interview with a publishing

company and you discovered that more people were

downloading eBooks than actually buying hard copy books - you

could say something like;

'I noticed that sales in hard copy books are decreasing year on year, how isthis affecting your business / recruitment drive etc..? '

Turning your knowledge into a question demonstrates your

awareness and interest at the same time. Easy to do and easy not

to do!

I even research the individual I'm meeting and try to find out as

much about them as possible, again you could say something like;

'Dev, I read in XYZ publication that you thought the outsourcing industry

would grow rapidly over the next 18 months , what challenges do you think

such rapid growth might bring this company?'




often print out any research I find on the company or individual

and bring it along with me, I then spend that 25 minutes prior to

the meeting reading through my research and coming up with

those three key questions. The last 5 minutes I spend walking the

short distance to my meeting place, so that I arrive at thereception 2-3 minutes early. That's what I call being punctual.

So just to recap:

Don't spend your time worrying, invest it wisely. Do your

research and come up with 3 interesting questions for your

prospect or interviewer - start to build rapport.

Look your best - Make sure you're dressed for the

occasion, dress up not down. (for my very first interview Iborrowed my friends suit and a tie from my father - I cringe

when I look back at this interview!)

Don't be on time - be early. Be 30 minutes early, and arrive

at the front desk with at least 3 minutes to spare before

the agreed time - stay relaxed and sharp.

Remember one thing

WHEN YOU FAIL TO PLAN YOU PLAN TO FAIL

OK, you're now ready for that critical first introduction and here's

where it gets really interesting...



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Powerful Introductions

If you deliberately plan on being less than you are

capable of being, then I warn you that you'll beunhappy for the rest of your life. Abraham Maslow -

Psychologist & Author

Every moment of interaction is an opportunity to influence and

there is none more important than that very first introduction.

Bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book titled Blink.

According to his research he concluded that we all make snatch

judgements and form instantaneous opinions about other people

in the blink of an eye. We determine whether we like them, can

trust them, can believe them. We also make a decision about

whether we think they are competent or not.

Think about this, it doesn't really matter whether you are or

aren't competent, what matters is whether they think you are

competent - based almost entirely on that first three second

blink. There are some exceptions of course such as if you want to

become an astronaut but you failed your Physics and

Mathematics and have a fear of flying. But we're not talking

about astronauts, we're talking about getting the slight edge and

making that positive first impression.

When I read his book, all the pieces started to fall together. I used

to wonder how some people, less qualified or able than I, would

get promotions or jobs that I had previously been turned down

for. I'd wonder how some people would persuade their business

manager to give them a business loan when their last two

companies went bankrupt. It even got me thinking about how in a

large room full of people, some people just seemed to hit it off

and make successful business connections with others.




Getting your introduction right can change the entire landscape

beyond that first three seconds.

So let's breakdown that first three seconds - because that's what

we're talking about right. 3 small seconds that can make thedifference between success and failure.

Body Language

Back in the 1960's and 1970's there were two famous studies that

I know of carried out by two psychologists called Birdwhistle and

Mehrabian. They were studying the way people communicated

with each other and the relative importance of each different

aspect of their communication.

The results were staggering. Approximately 90% of the

communication was non verbal and less than 10% verbal. In other

words people automatically, without thinking, attributed more

importance to the body language than of the other less

important aspect of communication, namely the words they were

using. All of which backs up Malcolm Gladwells Blink theory.

So let's just put this into perspective.

If you've got 3 seconds to make an impact and 90% of that impact

is down to your non-verbal communication then that means

you've got less than 3 seconds to make your impact and all before

you've even opened your mouth! I know it doesn't quite work out

that way but I remember thinking long and hard about what I was

going to say in that opening introduction and even more time

thinking about what I was going to say in the meeting. It didn't

cross my mind that the other person would be making their mindup about me based on what I wasn't saying.

But to control what goes on on the outside - you need to control

what goes on on the inside. I'll come onto that in a moment, but



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let's just take a look at what you're trying to accomplish in that

initial 3 seconds.

The Rule of 3

In those vital first 3 seconds your goal is to accomplish 3 things;

1. First you want to create a positive impression.

2. Second you want to be able to represent yourself at your

best.

3. And finally you want to establish a connection with the

other person.

So there's a lot to do and very little time to do it in, which when

you think about, has got to be to your advantage.

Controlling What Goes On Inside

I don't know about you but normally before an interview or

important meeting I used to feel very nervous and anxious,

desperately wanting to make the right impression. But if I'm

feeling anxious or nervous can you imagine what the expressionon my face looked like?

There's a very good chance that if you are feeling nervous or

anxious then the expression on your face and other body

language indicators would give this away - if you weren't aware of

it.

The good news is now that you are aware of it then there are

things that you can control to ensure that in those first 3 secondsyou come across as a confident, relaxed and alert individual- this

is probably the picture you'd rather paint for the other person;

someone who's confident, relaxed and alert.




It's the most obvious thing to suggest, yet time and again when I

observe people in these situations they actually look nervous and

anxious so much so they even forget to smile!

Reframing

If you imagine a beautiful picture of a landscape with a stunning

sunset hanging on the wall but the frame that surrounds the

picture is old, decrepit and generally pretty ugly to look at. This is

likely to affect your perspective of the picture within the frame.

However, the very same picture displayed in a new, clean,

contemporary frame will be much more enjoyable to look at.

You haven't changed the picture - just the frame.

Reframing is an incredibly powerful technique you can use to

start to influence the way you think about and perceive an event,

to the extent that it directly affects your emotions, behaviour

and results.

Let me give you an example, I was recently driving to a client

meeting, naturally I allowed myself enough journey time to arrive

well ahead of the scheduled time. En route to their offices I tooka wrong turn and got completely lost, which you might imagine

could be quite frustrating. You're right it was, I started to panic -

thinking that I'd be late (you know how I feel about punctuality).

Immediately I noticed myself feeling anxious and worried - it was

a familiar feeling but I've learnt to pay attention to my feelings

because that's useful information for me.

As soon as I noticed myself feeling anxious, I stopped the car, I

opened the map to see where I'd taken the wrong turn andcalmly figure out the best route to take (I was on a highway so I

couldn't just do a U-turn in the road). I then said to myself; 'how

exciting, I've never driven around this area before, I wonder what

I can learn about this place and also about how I took the wrong

turn'.



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Now for some of you this might sound incredibly strange but

there's a very good reason for this. I knew I had to change my

frame of my mind I knew as soon as I could do this that my

emotions would quickly change from anxiety and panic tocuriosity and calmness - two very useful emotions to feel when

you're lost, by the way! So rather than screaming 'AAAArghh,

YOU IDIOT! Why did you take that wrong turn, you're going to be

late and arrive all stressed.....' , I chose to say 'how exciting, I've

never driven around this area before, I wonder what I can learn

about this place and also about how I took the wrong turn' .

Now here's the best bit...

I not only arrived on time (3 minutes early of course) but to my

surprise I discovered on my detour a large lake with lots of people

sailing small boats on it. When I arrived at my client's offices, my

client came down to the reception area to meet me and on the

walk to his office I mentioned the lake and the sail boats, to

which he replied; 'yes that's where I spend my Sunday mornings

sailing my boat'.

We spent the next 10 minutes talking about his passion of sailing,which gave me a lot of information about him and what

interested him but crucially it put him in a really good mood for

my meeting with him and started to build a good rapport. So

whenever we speak or meet I know exactly what to talk about to

create a positive connection with him.

So imagine yourself sitting in the reception area waiting to meet

your interviewee or client and repeating to yourself;

'I'm really excited about this opportunity and really looking

forward to meeting Mr....., I can't wait to see what I can learn

from this conversation.'




Just notice how different you're feeling already when you imagine

saying these words.

Now the last part of this sentence '...I can't wait to see what I can

learn from this conversation.' is very important because too oftenwe just try to get through the experience and say to ourselves 'I

can't wait until this is over'. When we do this we focus our

attention on the outcome and not the process, which means we

potentially switch off to the experience and miss out on potential

opportunities that present themselves during the conversation.

So rather than perceiving these conversations as challenges or

difficulties, by changing the emphasis to a learning conversation

then we'll automatically be more alert and responsive during theconversation.

This technique is called REFRAMING, and you'll hear me talk

about this a lot.

Reframe- change your perspective to change your life!

So if you want to change your emotion and feel confident,

relaxed and alert before that interview change your perspectiveby changing your frame.

Strategies That Work

It would be easy for me to tell you to smile and be confident and

people pay money just to have coaches and consultants tell them

to smile and be confident. But as I said earlier, I am only

interested in giving you strategies and techniques that work

because that's all I'm interested in - the things that work. If youpractice and apply the strategies and techniques they will work

for you.



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Visualisation - Play your favourite movies

If you went to the cinema to watch a movie and the movie turned

out to be a complete flop, so much so that half way through themovie you got up and walked out, you wouldn't pay to go and see

it again, right? If the movie was that bad I'm guessing you

wouldn't go out and buy the DVD and watch it again, right? Nor

would you watch it again when it came on TV, right?

Now imagine yourself sitting in the reception area waiting for

your client or interviewer to greet you and walk you to their

office for the meeting. You see them approaching and look

nervous and anxious, they walk up to you and as you try to standup you drop your papers over the floor so you scramble around

and try to collect them up at the same time they are standing

over you introducing themselves. You gather your papers

together and they extend their hand to shake yours but your

hands are full of papers, so you fumble around and nervously

extend your hand to shake theirs and instead of smiling, making

eye contact and introduce yourself, you act apologetically and

look around to see what else is lying around that you'll need to

gather up.

Now I know that probably wouldn't happen but if you're like me I

bet you've imagined this scenario or something similar happening

in those crucial first 3 seconds of an important meeting.

Don't worry it's perfectly normal - it's just not helpful that's all.

We all run movies in our minds of events that have happened in

the past, it is normal and natural. We also run movies in ourminds of events that are yet to happen and sometimes those

movies are positive ones and sometimes they are negative ones.

The challenge for us all is when we are anticipating events in the

future that generate higher than normal levels of anxiety (just like



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end pay attention to how you are feeling and notice just how

relaxed and calm you are. Remember to replace my name with

yours!

Imagine yourself sitting in the reception area, see yourself sitting upright, looking alertand confident.

Notice how relaxed you are also feeling and excited at the prospect of meeting thisperson and being given this opportunity to shine and be at your best.

Imagine yourself engrossed in a newspaper or book or browsing through the companyliterature or research you did the night before.

Now begin to notice what's going on around you, notice every little detail; the colour

and texture of the furniture you are sitting on, the level of lighting in the room, otherpeople coming and going around you.

Start to notice the noises around you of people typing, walking, talking, thebackground noises of the traffic.

Notice the temperature in the reception area, notice the aromas and smells in thereception area.

And as you're noticing all this, notice too how relaxed and confident your feeling andhow eager you are to meet your prospect or interviewer.

Now you see him or her approaching you out of the corner of your eye.

You start to fold your paper away and rise out of your chair just as they approach.

You notice their stride pattern and begin to notice a welcoming smile on their face.

You are standing upright, shoulders back , feeling alert and confident and have awarm smile on your face.

As they get closer you extend your hand out, make eye contact and introduce yourself with a smile and firm handshake say; "Good morning Mr Jackson, I'm Aled Davies.I've been really looking forward to meeting you today."

3 seconds later...you're on your way!

Even today I use this visualisation technique to create the ideal

movie, I close my eyes and run the movie over and over adjusting




the movie until it is perfect and exactly how I want it. I find

closing my eyes helpful when I do this, you mind find that helps

you too.

Before you start to wonder whether you can control the futurewith this technique - I'm sorry to say you can't, well not exactly.

The purpose of this exercise is to give you the very best chance at

accomplishing 3 things in those vital 3 seconds;

1. To create a positive first impression.

2. To represent yourself at your best.

3. To establish a connection with the other person.

What you can control is how you think and how you feel. Onceyou do this you start to have more control over your emotional

state and when you control your emotional state you will

experience different and better results - I guarantee.

Like any new behaviour, it will feel unusual at first maybe even a

little challenging. At this point it would be easy for you to say,

'you know what this just isn't working' and go and do exactly

what you've always done and yes, you've guessed right - get what

you've always hot. Changing behaviour requires consistent anddisciplined practice. I'm not asking you to climb Everest or run a

marathon - I'm just inviting you to think differently.

The Toolkit

So let's just quickly look back at the road travelled so far in this

guide.

When I hear a so called expert say '...just smile, be confident and assertive..' my immediate inclination is to ask How? In this guide

I've not only shared with you some of the How To's, but I've

shared practical tools and techniques that work and get proven

results quickly.



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Some people suggest that as long as you 'do the behaviour' then

everything else will follow. I am a firm believer and advocate that

changing your mindset and thinking will lead to quicker more

lasting and fundamentally more congruent results.

What do I mean by more congruent results?

Congruency

This is something I am passionate about and has made the

biggest difference in my success, not just in business but also in

my personal relationships. This stuff can also be perceived by

some conservative individuals as a bit esoteric. So stay with me

for a bit longer as I explain what I mean...

We'd all just like to be ourselves, liberated from the expectations

of others and free to pursue our goals and aspirations that matter

most to us, right (or is that just me!). The biggest challenge and

barrier to this lies in our perceived expectations of what others

think we should and shouldn't be doing.

The result of this is that we end up behaving in a way that isinconsistent with who we are and who we aspire to be.

When we start to think about how we think, consider what our

values are and explore our core beliefs we start to shape an

identity that is in harmony with our thinking. When we do this we

increase the chances of acting more consistently with our values

and therefore just be ourselves without even trying - now how

does that sound?

Time and again I meet clients who have big aspirations but try

way too hard and their pursuit of success feels like a big effort -

like walking through thick mud. When they learn how to be

themselves more often, the barriers come down and they get to

where they want to get to in half the time.




This is what I mean by being congruent.

When you Communicate From Your Core, conversations that

before were tough now become easier. People with whom you'vestruggled to connect with in the past, want to connect with you

and the results and successes you've been avidly pursuing come

much easier and sooner. What does all this mean? We are

happier, more content, more secure and more available to

helping others. I know that may sound a bit too heavy but

Communicating From My Core is at the heart of everything I do.

I'll delve more into this at some later point but I wanted to give

you something profound to think about as well as some proventips, techniques and tools, so back to the toolkit!

The Toolkit

1. Fail To Prepare, Prepare To Fail

Don't spend your time worrying, invest it wisely. Do your research

and come up with 3 interesting questions for your prospect or

interviewer.

Make sure you're dressed for the occasion, dress up not down. (for

my very first interview I borrowed my friends suit and a tie from my

father - I cringe when I look back at this interview!)

Don't be on time - be early. Be 30 minutes early, and arrive at the

front desk with at least 3 minutes to spare before the agreed time.

2. The Rule of 3 - Remember Your Goals

In those vital first 3 seconds your goal is to accomplish 3 things;

1. First you want to create a positive impression.

2. Second you want to be able to represent yourself at your best.

3. And finally you want to establish a connection with the other person.



..........3. Reframing - Change the frame, not the picture

See challenges and obstacles as opportunities to learn

'I'm really excited about this opportunity and really looking forward to

meeting Mr....., I can't wait to see what I can learn from this

conversation.'

4. Direct Your Own Movies

Visualise in your mind the outcome as you want it and NOT as you

don't want it

Play with the colour, sound, textures, smells and tastes of your movie

until you create that perfect movie Play it over and over in your mind

5. Communicate From Your Core

Think about how you think

What are YOUR values and beliefs?

Who do you want to be?

New Habits of Mind

Like all the strategies I teach these are all easy to do but they are

also easy not to do. Those that experience success and notice

changes in their communication, their impact and their capacity

to positively influence others, perform the small little disciplines

and techniques on a regular basis until they become new habits

of mind.

BAD HABITS ARE EASY TO FORM BUT HARD TO LIVE WITH,

GOOD HABITS ARE HARDER TO FORM BUT EASIER TO LIVE WITH

GOOD LUCK!

3 seconds...make them count

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