20 problems only skyrim fans will understand
TRANSCRIPT
20 Problems Only Skyrim Fans Will
Understand
http://www.gamebasin.com/news/20-problems-only-skyrim-fans-will-
understand
When was the last time you devoted hundreds of hours to something that wasn’t work, study or
sleeping? Well since you’re reading this, the obvious answer is almost certainly only one thing. In
fact, the aforementioned activities are nothing but hindrances once you start your new life; your
real life, in Skyrim. Do you really want to go to that friend’s party on Friday? Well of course not ‐
you’ve got serious smithing to attend to, perks to unlock and dragons to slay dammit! Let’s be fair,
the outside world looks absolutely dire compared to the epically handcrafted lands of
Tamriel anyway. Jump 200 gaming hours into the future and you now own houses in every possible
Hold of Skyrim; are a proud Harbinger of the Companions and the Listener of the Dark
Brotherhood. You’re a Nightingale; have restored the Thieves Guild to the ultimate strength and
are now (depending on your choices) a badass Vampire Lord with your very own castle. Now that’s
quite an impressive CV; but it’s not an easy one to accomplish. Here are the most frustrating (and
equally hilarious) Skyrim problems we’ve all encountered at some point in our epic journey through
Tamriel.
20. Missing Something Important During A Cut
Scene Because You’re Too Busy Admiring
Yourself In Third Person
You spent a good 40 minutes crafting the face of your character, only to never see it. Naturally then,
you’re gonna check yo’ fine self when that cut scene comes on. It’s only when the Jarl has finished
speaking and you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing that you regret it.
19. Realising You’ve Spent More Time Staring
At Loading Screens Than Actually Playing
Skyrim
Three things we spend most of our time doing on Skyrim: killing things, stealing things… and
waiting for the game to load. At least we can increase the already enlarged Skyrim trivia‐section of
our brain while we twiddle our thumbs on the controller.
18. Regretting The Person You Chose To Marry,
And Never Being Able To Divorce Them
Skyrim: a world where mass murder is routine, but adultery is out of the question. The only way
you can get rid of a partner is by being a total nasty bugger and killing them, which still leaves you
unable to marry again, even if you continue to wear the Amulet of Mara. So you remain in a loveless
marriage with a woman who sells lockpicks in your living room, occasionally makes food, and
doesn’t seem to mind the other woman you spend the majority of your time with (that just so
happens to be living in your bedroom). Hey, it might work…
17. Finding A Ridiculous Glitch, And
LOVING It
The ultimate
feeling ‐ coming across a backwards‐flying dragon or seeing a villager half‐morphed with a
parsnip ‐ even though over time most have been patched out, Skyrim is a bevy of hilarity when it
comes to stupid visual glitches. Unless you play PC, that is, in which case there’s a crazy amount
of mods/exploitsto discover that’ll let you tweak everything from randomly falling cheese to
multiple followers. You lucky, lucky people.
16. Discovering About 90% Of People You Meet
Are Racist
The raging racism among the Holds of Skyrim becomes obvious the moment you begin interacting
with characters. Whether it’s a mere “Damn Elves” or a full blown “I can’t believe we let provincials
like you wander Skyrim” (ouch), you’ll probably have gotten yourself into a few pub brawls due to
it.
15. Dreaming About Skyrim More Than You Dream
About Your Own Life
Whether it’s being served by Aela the Huntress in Burger King, fighting off Draugrs in your back
garden or coming into work to find an infestation of Mudcrabs: there comes a time when Skyrim
world not only starts to infiltrate your thoughts in the working day, but enters deep inside your
unconscious mind too. Real life? What is this devilry you speak of?
14. Having To Walk The Entire Journey To
Whiterun Because You’re Too Greedy To Drop
Items
“You cannot fast travel while over encumbered.” “You are carrying too much to be able to run.”
Absolute first world problems. What’s worse is the fact your follower is maxed out on capacity,
too. Time for the excruciatingly slow crawl back home where you’ll find yourself selling cack‐
tonnes of rubbish to merchants, simply to level up your speech, leading to more perks; all so you
can sell more rubbish to them. Ah, the vicious circle of greed and commerce.
13. Breaking A Dozen Lockpicks To Open A
Master Locked Chest, Only To Find Two Gold
And A Potato Inside
Oh.
Everyone’s. God. Lockpicking in Skyrim isn’t the most difficult of tasks, but it can soon turn you
Hulkish if your endless twiddling is delaying a quest. Not forgetting the absolute violent rage as
your last lockpick snaps.
12. Having More Gold Then You’ll Ever Need,
Yet Still Scouring Every Urn For 3 Coins
Which May Or May Not Be There
It’s physically impossible to resist running past a selection of urns without looting: even if they’re
empty, we simply can’t help ourselves. The same goes for pretty much anything we can pick up –
we’ll break our necks before we dart past a wildflower patch without grabbing ‘em. The only
exception is wooden bowls – which you’ll pick up EVERY TIME without intending to.
11. Going On A Killing Spree And Accidentally
Saving The Game
“Wait! I know you…” After a tough day at work, sometimes all you need is a murderous rampage
on Skyrim to make it all better. Virtual massacres are the stress relief they don’t tell you about at
the doctors, and boy do they work… all up until the point you fumble onto that Save button rather
than the Load. Hello, Prison.
10. When Your Horse Jumps Into Battle To Help
You Fight… And Dies
You can’t help but feel a little attached to your first horse, so when your valiant steed jumps in to
tackle an enemy – it can all become a little emotional. Not to mention that’s 1000 in gold down
the shoot. Then you acquire Shadowmere, and things get personal (that is, if he hasn’t gone missing
yet). Keep those damn arrows away from thy steed, bitches.
9. Realising Your Hoarding Obsession Is
Getting Out Of Control
Skyrim hoarding is a debilitating disease. Piling as many inanimate objects as possible on the floor
of your home and accumulating the entirety of your gems and gold ingots in the cellar: it can all
get very Smaug‐ish. It’s when you start getting naked, oiling yourself up and writhing through it all
though, that you need to start worrying. A word of advice: if you try stacking stuff immediately
after dropping, it won’t stay there the next time you load in, instead going right back to the position
it was dropped (as you may have already annoyingly discovered) – so once you’ve dropped
something, leave, THEN return to the room and arrange them in your hoarder‐esque fashion. Less
lag, and easier stacking. Get going, you truly, truly outrageous person.
8. Thinking Someone Is Friendly Then Suddenly
Hearing The Words “Never Should Have Come
Here!”
We’ve learnt to trust nobody in Skyrim: seemingly approachable bandits can turn vicious in seconds,
and suddenly turn to angry red dots on your radar. Can’t we all just be friends? Time to get the axe
out.
7. Realising You Can’t Actually “Thu’um”
In Real Life
You know
those slow‐walking people you find in your way when rushing through town? Imagine if you could
literally shout them out the way – now that would be awesome. Not to mention the fact you’d have
the best party trick ever and probably make loads of money on some ‘Extraordinary Bodies’
Channel 4 documentary. That said, those slow‐walkers (in Skyrim reality) are probably just poor
over‐encumbered travellers trudging back home to drop off a back‐breaking amount of dragon
bone.
6. Having Arachnophobia And Playing Skyrim
Holy spider‐
balls. Welcome to your greatest fear, come true. The moment you see mounds of ominous web on
Bleak Falls Barrow is the moment your controller begins to suffocate from your profusely sweaty
palms. Is the Golden Claw really worth this?
5. Accidentally Fus Ro Dah-ing
Someone You’re Sneaking Up On
Even worse,
when you’re on a mountain‐top and hit the shout button instead of the sprint button; resulting in
you shooting off a cliff to your death. Good job, Nooby Noobington of Noobrim.
4. When A Quest-Giver Is Killed Before You
Get Back To Them
So you’ve gone on a lovely little bear‐killing quest for Aela the Huntress, and fast traveled to
Windhelm to drop some stuff off at the house first. When you get there, you’re greeted by
a courier saying that Aela died and left you inheritance. Inheritance? I want to finish this quest
dammit! Whats worse is when you’re following the waypoint for miles upon miles… to find nothing
but a corpse at your destination. Great.
3. Forgetting To Save After An Epic
Accomplishment…And Then Dying
Possibly the worst thing a gamer can ever do. You’ve just spent your entire evening fighting
torturously through a series of caves, only to get past them and die without having actually saved.
The final kick in the teeth? Discovering the Autosave isn’t your friend either. Here we go again…
2. When The Battle Music Starts, And You Know
Sh*t Just Got Real
HUH.HUEA.HUH! Then all of a sudden… DRAGON. It usually happens at the point you have no
potions, no arrows and a mere inch on your health bar. It’s worth it though; for the moment you
finally land that killing blow in Sovngarde and watch Alduin’s hide blow off at the most
intense crescendo of the song. Most epic sh*t in the world, right there. Be sure to listen to
this during your next workout, you won’t regret it. Beast mode: activate… Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin,
for the sake of Skyrim!
1. Realising You’ve Completed 100% Of The
Achievements, To Find Out Bethesda Are Not
Releasing Any More DLC
Is this it? Is this the end? So long, my friend… it’s been emotional. Many Rimmers say that the game
doesn’t end, which is true – to an extent – if you count the radiant quests. Devoted hardcore
players who have discovered every location, cleared all dungeons, finished all storylines and side‐
quests, own (and have built) houses in every city, have all the words of power, acquired full sets of
armour, spells, weapons etc (and have done this with a character of every race) have the right
to officially – maybe – say they’ve ‘completed’ the game. Still, it could get insanely boring taking
multiple playthroughs to such levels, and you’ll probably have no friends left in the real world.
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