12th November 2013

“A courtroom is a barbaric venue in which to pick over the carcass of a

failed marriage”

Fiona Shackleton – Barrister for Sir Paul McCartney

Some of the reasons people come to mediation

I am contacting you for advice on how I go about mediation between me and my daughters mother. We just can't seem to come to any agreement at all that suits us both: its always ending in arguments please could you contact me as soon as possible on how I go about this

My husband and I have been separated for 1 month. Selling our home and would like help with finances etc. Our split remains very amicable. Could someone call to make an appointment for both please

I have recently split up with my sons father. He is refusing to speak with me and when he has my son I can’t contact him. He refuses to talk to me about any issues concerning our son and as there are many things that need to be discussed it is causing me to become rather stressed

I need help to communicate with my son's mother over access and court order issues. I don’t want to return to the court system and feel that we should be able to work things out directly...can you help please?

Most separating couples are kind, decent and intelligent people who want to maintain their self-respect and dignity.

These are good people at the worst time in their lives. Often, they are not proud of their behaviour.

They would like to feel that they have treated their partner fairly, done what was best for their children, and amicably resolved their differences.

Who needs mediation?

Divorce stats: in 2011 117,588 divorces 42% of couples married in 2011are likely to divorce

Separating couples & parents: the myth of ‘common law marriage’ 2.9 million non-married couples

Children – over 100,000 in 2011 By child’s 15th birthday 93% married couples still together, 7% of

unmarried couples

Costs £46billion per annum

Negotiation … Recognises the parties’ common goals for

their family. Encourages empathy. Acknowledges the fact that the parties will

be connected well into the future, even though they are no longer married/partners.

Mediation is a process to help couples to make changes when they have decided not to live

together. It is

voluntary impartial confidential, except…. legally privileged

Mediation is about:

mutual problem-solving the present and the future, not

the past legal information NOT legal

advice

Mediation deals with

Children where the children will live/when they will

see their other parent schools/doctors/holidays/birthdays/

christmas pocket money/friends/sleep-overs homework/discipline/boundaries extended families introducing new partners etc,etc etc

…andFinances

house/mortgage/loans income/savingschild and spousal maintenancepensionscredit cards/bank loans/other debtsTenancy

Can be complex, but rarely is in practice. Referral to Financial Advisor if required, eg company valuations

Can we mediate when there has been domestic abuse/violence?

Yes, but….

How mediation helps – a dvd from National Family Mediation

Dealing with separation

Legal aid for mediation Still exists – even after April 2013 Two-stage test: capital & income Covers all costs if eligible NOT reclaimed after settlement (The

Statutory Charge) For details see

GOV.UK website – for general guidance

Fees

For those who don’t qualify our costs are published in our leaflet and on our website

HFM – What will it cost? we aim to be clear and transparentGross

income Planning

(1hr) Mediation(1½hrs)

Typical max*

< £20k £80 £120 £500

£20-30k £90 £135 £555

£30-50k £110 £165 £665

£50-75k £120 £180 £720

> £75k £140 £210 £830

Top rate fees apply where joint assets exceed £1m

MOU Fee £60 Parenting Plan £30

*90% of cases finish in four sessions or fewer (fee quoted includes MOU). Complex cases may need more sessions.

Why are MIAMs important?

Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings

Expected and very strongly encouraged under the Pre-Application Protocol

will become compulsory when Children and Families Bill comes into force – April 2014

An individual will be required to have attempted mediation before they can go to court

Children in mediation

Children have a part in most mediations

Parents can agree that they both want what is best for children – even if they disagree about what this

Focus on views and needs of children

Children are routinely offered the chance to have their own meeting with the mediator

Their opportunity to ask questions, express worries, suggest ideas

Not responsible for adult decisions – and they don’t have to choose

Parents only hear what the children want them to hear

Parents/children: listening to one another/ being considered

Written record of session if desired Plans formulated/confirmed in ongoing

mediation

Outcome of child consultation

We find that most clients…

Can work together to gather the necessary information to resolve their case.

Want to spend their money on themselves and their children rather than on lawyers and court fees, so they’re willing to do homework.

Mediationand Litigation

Litigation can be demoralising, dehumanising, and destructive to families.

Litigation is a “Blame Game.”

Mediation changes the focus from WHO is at fault, to HOW to SOLVE the problem.

Is about creating the future you want

Successful outcome of mediation

Couple learns to communicate about the issues Focus on children and putting their needs first Recognise importance of adapting to changes, especially in

their children Equipped to deal with future issues – and know they can

return to mediation

Clients say…

They want to get through the divorce process as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Statistics show…The average mediation case is completed in 17 WEEKS; the average litigated divorce takes 17 MONTHS.

National Audit Office:“Legal aid and mediation for people involved in family breakdown” March 2007

Mediation can help [separating couples] settle disputes more cheaply, more quickly and less acrimoniously than is possible either through the courts or through legal representation

Since clients could take into consideration the individual needs of their family when exploring options this could help lead to more workable long term arrangements, particularly with regard to children, and the decisions made are the clients’, not imposed by the court

Why Mediation?

And because we don’t want this!

What can we do for you today?

Offer to attend a team briefing/workshop with your frontline staff - one of 12 mediators Send information for you to pass to your clientsHappy to accept referrals or enquiries at any time

How to refer to HFM

Call us – 0845 230 9818/02392 433388 Ask client to call us using one of these numbers Website

Self-referral form Callback request

Any questions?

For further information see our website

www.hantsfamilymediation.org.uk

or call us

02392 433388