Abbacadabra By Alain Boublil and David Wood (story and dialogue),

Don Black (lyrics), Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus (music)

Note: this file is a transcription of most of Act 1 of Abbacadabra, with a few small cuts. (Act 1 is a lot longer than Act 2.) It also includes the lyrics of four of the important songs in Act 2.

ACT 1

The School Library. There are bookshelves all around and, in the centre, the school computer with a large screen. A class of bored children, including Linda and Peter, are listening to Miss Williams.

Miss Williams: The square of the hypotenuse1 of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares of the two adjacent sides. Who said that? Linda?

Linda: You did, Miss.

The children laugh.

Miss Williams: Ha, ha, very funny. Pythagoras2 said it, didn’t he? To help us work things out. Look.

She presses the computer keyboard. A right-angled triangle appears on the screen.

Miss Williams: Right angle. Adjacent sides. This side is four metres, this side is three metres. Square them up.

The computer spells out the sum.

Miss Williams: Four times four is sixteen plus three times three is nine equals twenty five. So the length of the hypotenuse is the square root of twenty five which is …

She turns, hoping for a response from the children, but there is none. The computer spells out the answer.

Miss Williams: Five. Five metres.

There is a knock on the door. John enters.

John: Excuse me, Miss Williams, the head teacher says can he speak to you.

Miss Williams: Oh. Thank you, John. Look after the class till I come back, please. And no noise please. (She leaves.)

John: (Looking at the computer.) What’s all this, then?

Linda: Pythagoras.

1 Hypotenuse = the longest side of a right-angled triangle (the side opposite the right angle). 2 Pythagoras = the ancient Greek philosopher and mathematician.

1

Peter: Boring.

The other children murmur their agreement.

John: Fancy something better?1

He presses the computer keyboard and removes a cassette from the computer.

Linda: Can you work it?

John: Course.

He takes a cassette from his school bag and loads it into the computer. The Abba song “Dancing Queen” starts to play. With a roar of excitement the children leap up and start dancing. There is chaos. Books are thrown around. When the excitement peaks, Miss Williams suddenly returns. She looks horrified. John turns off the video and ejects his cassette.

Miss Williams: What on earth is going on? John, come away from that computer. It’s not a toy. (Seeing the cassette.) Give me that.

John: It’s mine, miss.

Miss Williams: Give it to me.

John hands her the cassette. There are boos from the class.

Miss Williams: Now settle down.

The bell rings. The children noisily dash out, almost knocking Miss Williams over.

Miss Williams: Come back! Stop!

Only three children are left in the classroom – John, Peter and Linda.

Miss Williams: You three, stay here!

John: But it’s dinner-time, Miss.

Miss Williams: You’ll stay here till you’ve tidied all this mess. Do you understand?

Linda: But Miss …

Miss Williams: Or … or else.

Miss Williams leaves, taking John’s cassette.

John: It was only a bit of fun.

Linda: She’s really mean.

Peter: She’s growing old.

John: Eh?

Peter: Grown-ups don’t like growing old, so they take it out on children.2

1 Fancy something better? = do you want something better?2 Take it out on children = make children suffer.

2

John: Oh well. Come on.

The three children resign themselves to the situation and start tidying.

Peter: (Looking at a book.) Hey, look. Stories. Fairytales!

John: You don’t want to read them.

Peter: I like them.

John: They’re boring. Old-fashioned. (Finding a book.) Here’s a good book. About space modules.1

Peter: (Choosing a book.) The Sleeping Beauty.

John: Load of old rubbish.

Peter: It’s not.

Linda: Stop arguing, you two. We’ll miss our dinner.

John: Listen, I’ll show you the best place for those silly fairytale people.

From his bag he takes out another cassette.

Linda: What’s that?

John: My new video game. Birthday present.

He loads the cassette. The computer screen flickers.

Linda: But what if Miss Williams comes back?

John: She’s busy stuffing her face with her dinner. We’ve got ages.

Pictures appear on the screen.

Linda: How do you play?

John: Well, you have to help Aladdin, Cinderella, Pinocchio …

Linda: (Pointing to the fourth character.) Who’s that?

John: The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. You have to help them across the Enchanted Forest to the Magic Castle over there.

Linda: Have a look at this Peter, it’s great.

Peter: No. I’m reading.

John: And there are all sorts of hazards to stop them getting through. You score points the further you go. (He indicates the “Scoreboard.”)

Linda: What happens if you win?

John: I don’t know. It’s so difficult I’ve never won. Ready? (Linda nods.) Coming, Peter?

1 Space modules = parts of a spacecraft. There was lots of talk in the 1970s of how a space station could be constructed from different modules.

3

Peter: No.

John starts the game. There are the usual bleeps.

Peter: (Reading.) Once upon a time a princess was born. The King and Queen were very happy and invited everyone to her christening. Everyone, that is, except the wicked witch, Carabosse …

At the mention of the name “Carabosse” there is a strange rumbling sound. All the children react, puzzled. The bleeps continue. John and Linda return to the game.

When the christening was nearly over, suddenly, as if by magic, Carabosse appeared …

There are more rumblings, louder and more disturbing. Also, the bookshelves begin to pulsate with light. The children show signs of nervousness.

John: What the …?

Peter: “Who are you?” asked the King. The witch cackled, “I am Carabosse …”

There are more frightening rumblings and pulsating light. John and Linda dash out through the door as books crash down from the shelves. The game freezes frame. Peter alone remains, still absorbed in his book. Music plays as, from the bookshelves, Cinderella slowly and magically appears. She carries her broomstick and, advancing in dreamlike fashion, looks around uncertainly. Peter looks up from his book.

Peter: (Recognising her.) Cinderella!

Next, Aladdin emerges magically from the bookshelves, accompanied by an eerie version of his theme tune.

Peter: (Recognising him.) Aladdin!

Then Pinocchio appears. He walks jerkily, as if his wooden joints have stiffened through1 misuse.

Peter: (Recognising him.) Pinocchio!

Finally, the Beast, even more nervous than the others, appears tentatively from the bookshelves.

Peter: (Recognising him.) The Beast!

As the music ends, the fairytale characters stand dazed and uncertain. At first they don’t see Peter.

Cinderella: (Whispering.) What’s happened?

Beast: Are we free?

Peter: (Coming forward.) Hallo. I’m Peter.

The fairytale characters see him, gasp and back nervously away.

1 Through = as a result of.

4

Peter: It’s alright …

Pinocchio: You don’t-a1 want to hurt us?

Peter: Course not. Are you really real?

Cinderella: Are you? Or are we dreaming?

Aladdin: Where are we? Arabia?

Peter: No. St. Mark’s comprehensive.

The fairytale characters look bemused.

My school.

Suddenly John and Linda tentatively open the door.

Linda: Peter! Are you OK?

The fairytale characters retreat.

Peter: Yes.

He goes to the door.

(To the fairytale characters.) It’s alright! Stay there.

John: Who are you talking to?

Peter: Shh! Listen. (He whispers to them.)

John: Come off it!

Linda: Don’t muck about, Peter. Cinderella? Ala …

John and Linda come into the classroom. They stop abruptly when they see the fairytale characters.

Aladdin: Greetings.

The fairytale characters all bow.

John: What’s all this, then? Fancy dress party? Bit of a laugh?

Beast: (Indignant.) Laugh?

Linda: No. Hang on, John. Look. They were all in the game.

Pinocchio: Game?

Linda: Yes. We were playing this game …

Peter: And I was reading The Sleeping Beauty.

He shows the fairytale characters his book.

John: Don’t be silly, Linda, they’re having us on …2

1 Don’t-a. This is Pinocchio’s distinctive way of talking, designed to highlight the fact he is Italian. 2 Having us on = tricking us.

5

A flash of recognition overcomes the fairytale characters. They all produce a piece of white card.

Beast: The Sleeping Beauty!

Cinderella: It’s all coming back.

Pinocchio: I remember.

Aladdin: (To Linda.) Look.

He holds up his card. Linda hesitates, then takes the card.

Linda: (Reading.) You are cordially invited to the wedding of the Sleeping Beauty on the eighth day of December, eighteen eighty-three.1 RVSP.

Aladdin: Exactly. We were on our way to the Sleeping Beauty’s wedding …

Cinderella: Through the Enchanted Forest …

Pinocchio: To the Magic Castle …

Beast: When we were caught. (Remembering fearfully.) By Carabosse.

There are slight rumbles.

John: (Nervous.) Look, pack it in.2 A joke’s a joke.

Peter: (Taking no notice.) What did Carabosse do to you?

Aladdin: She locked us up.

Cinderella: In storybooks.

Linda: For a hundred years!

Pinocchio: (Appalled.) A hundred years?

Linda: Well, it’s nineteen eighty three now.

Pinocchio: Nineteen eighty three?

Peter: Yes.

Pinocchio whistles with amazement. The others react too.

Linda: (With sudden realisation.) Listen. In Sleeping Beauty’s story, Carabosse pricks Sleeping Beauty’s finger and she sleeps for a hundred years, right?

Aladdin: Well?

Linda: A hundred years have gone by. She’ll be waking up!

Peter: For her wedding!

Linda: Today!

1 David Wood has a note here: “The date should be the actual date of performance – different each day – but a hundred years earlier.”2 Pack it in = stop it.

6

Cinderella: (Holding up her invitation.) And we’re invited!

Pinocchio: Andiamo!1 We must go.

John: I’ve had enough. (He goes to the door.)

Beast: Wait! How do we find the Enchanted Forest?

Aladdin: How do we reach the Magic Castle?

From the computer suddenly come five magical notes. These are repeated. John hears and stops, as the others react to the sounds and cross to the computer. On the screen the castle is flashing.

Aladdin: Jumping genies, what’s this?

John: (Gradually getting involved.) It’s my video game.

The fairytale characters are puzzled. John tries to explain.

John: On a computer. (Pointing to the screen.) They’re you. And there’s the castle.

The fairytale characters show no reaction.

Linda: You see, a lot’s happened in the last hundred years. New discoveries. Inventions.

Pinocchio: So, to get to the wedding, we must play this giddyo game?

John: I suppose so.

Linda: But you’d have to play it for real. Inside.

Beast: But we don’t understand this new-fangled2 contraption.

Peter: John does.

Beast: (To John.) Then will you come with us? Help us enter.

Cinderella: Please, John.

Linda and Peter look at John. Finally he succumbs.

John: Well, yes, but … we can’t go inside the video game.

Aladdin: Why not?

John: It’s impossible.

Aladdin: Nothing is impossible.

Linda: Then how do we get in?

Pause.

Peter: By magic.

1 Andiamo! = let’s go! (a well-known Italian word). 2 New-fangled = recently invented and hard to understand.

7

John: Don’t be silly, Peter.

Aladdin: (Horrified, to John.) You don’t believe in magic?

John: (Uncomfortable.) Well … no.

Aladdin: Believe in magic and anything is possible.

Music starts to play.

Peter: I know a magic word! Abracadabra.

Aladdin: Abracadabra, yes! Abanazar uses it in my story!

Linda: Let’s try it.

John: OK. You spell it out. I’ll punch it in.

John clears the screen. The others form a magic circle. He punches in the letters as they are called. The computer bleeps. The letters appear on the screen.

All: A.B.R.A.C.A.D.A.B.R.A. (With a shout, stretching upwards.) Abracadabra.

The lights fade. All that is visible is the word “ABRACADABRA” on the screen. Exciting spooky sound effects are heard as the screen magically grows and grows. The school library disappears and the video world gradually becomes discernible. Strange electronic trees with TV monitors. During the following song, the fairytale characters and the children “enter” the video screen, passing through into the video world, starting to explore.

Aladdin: It’s another world [CD 1]An amazing sightIt’s a silver dreamIn a made-made lightIt’s a wire forest, it’s a magic eyeIt’s a twisting thread that reaches to the sky.

Pinocchio: It’s another worldAnd it’s very strangeThere are metal treesWell it makes a change.

Cinderella: It’s a spotless1 setting, it looks really cleanIt’s the brightest place that I have ever seen.

Aladdin: It’s another worldPinocchio It’s another world.Cinderella

Beast: Better be carefulCos I can smell dangerOh, we must be waryWhere are we going?Let’s think it over

1 Spotless = completely clean.

8

It could be scary!

Children: We can’t wait, there is so much that we want to doWe are gonna go far with you … pure magicCan’t think of a better gameAren’t you glad that we all cameWe are gonna winCome on let’s begin.

All: It’s another worldAn amazing sightIt’s a silver dreamIn a made-made lightIt’s a wire forest, it’s a magic eyeIt’s a twisting thread that reaches to the sky.It’s another worldIt’s a sight unseenIt’s a fairy taleOn a silver screenTakes your breath away and makes your spirits soarIt’s a magic tube we’re longing to exploreIt’s another worldIt’s another world.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, towards the end of the song, Fred, a robot, enters, moving in an agitated fashion. The others don’t see him. Fred presses knobs on his console body and dramatically lifts an arm. Immediately there is a flash, a loud “sting”1 from the orchestra, and all except Fred freeze on the spot and stop singing. Fred checks that all are still, extends his aerial, and presses a button.

Fred: Beep. Beep. This is Forest Robot Enemy Detector calling Boss H.Q. Urgent. Over.2 Beep. Beep.

Suddenly we are aware of the presence of Carabosse. She magically appears, or light finds her.

Carabosse: Boss H.Q. receiving Forest Robot Enemy Detector. Come in,3 Fred. Give us the lowdown.4 Over.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Enemies detected. Intruders in forest. Instructions awaited. Over.

Carabosse: Who are these intrepid travellers who trespass in Carabosse’s territory? Over.

Fred: Beep. Beep. (He presses a button.) Whirr. Whirr. (Receiving a print out.) Three children. Identities unidentifiable. Other identities identified as Aladdin, Cinderella, Pinocchio and the Beast. Over.

1 See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sting_(musical_phrase)2 Over = end of message (a standard term used on the radio). 3 Come in = go ahead and speak. 4 Lowdown = the facts (the information you want to give me).

9

Carabosse: What? Those insufferable fairytale creeps? Escaped from their musty books? I thought I’d snuffed their stuffy stories5 a century ago.

She spots the fairytale characters in their frozen positions.

Let the game begin …

Cackling, Carabosse exits. Fred presses a button on himself.

Fred: Stage One. The Battling Broomsticks. [CD 2]

During the following sequence, an instrumental version of “Money, Money, Money” is played. A line of broomsticks “marches” into position. The fairytale characters and the children unfreeze, and in a choreographic sequence struggle to get through the brooms, which attack or close ranks if anyone gets near. The choreography should resemble the stylised movements of a video game.

Cinderella uses her broom as a duelling sword to either defeat each broom, or to keep it occupied while another character slips past it. Eventually all have passed through. Cinderella has triumphed and the brooms lie defeated. All exit towards the second stage of the game, or freeze in triumphant poses. Enter Fred.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Fred to Boss H.Q. Over.

Carabosse’s area lights up.

Carabosse: Well? What’s the score, Fred? Over.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Er … Intruders eighteen, broomsticks nil. Over.

Carabosse: Aaaaaah! Miserable broomsticks. They’re not fit for firewood. Fred. On with the game.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Message received. The game continues! Over.

Carabosse: Over? It’s hardly begun! (She cackles.)

The lighting fades in Carabosse’s area and Fred exits, laughing mechanically. The scene changes to deeper in the enchanted forest. Music plays as the fairytale characters unfreeze or enter, still jubilant after the defeat of the broomsticks.

John: I think we’re safe now.

Beast: Thanks to Cinderella.

Pinocchio: Bravo, Cinderella. You wield-a the mighty broomstick!

Linda: Where did you learn Kung fu?

Cinderella: Kung who?

Peter: Maybe, if you behaved like that in your story, your sisters wouldn’t bully you so much.

Cinderella: Maybe!

5 Snuffed their stuffy stories = put an end to their old-fashioned, conventional stories.

10

Aladdin: (Serious, breaking the mood.) You know what this means?

John: What?

Aladdin: (Whispering ominously.) Carabosse is about. Still up to her tricks!

Linda: How do you know?

Aladdin: Well, whoever heard of a few old bits of wood coming to life? It’s not normal.

Pinocchio: How dare you! I’m perfectly normal.

Aladdin: Not you. The broomsticks. Sent by Carabosse. (Meaningfully.) She knows we’re here. (They all show signs of alarm.) If only I had my magic lamp with me, I could …

Cinderella: (Annoyed.) If only you’d stop making everybody nervous. (Changing the subject.) Come on, everyone, let’s have a rest before we go on.

They all sit down. The Beast sits apart from the others.

John: As long as you don’t go to sleep.

Cinderella: Why not?

John: Well, if you go to sleep, you’ll stop playing the game.

Linda: And if you stop playing, the game will end.

John: You’d all go back to the beginning.

Peter: You’d have to start again.

Cinderella: And meet those broomsticks again. No thanks.

Pinocchio: So we rest but not sleep. Right?

Children: Right.

Cinderella: (Noticing.) Beast. What are you doing over there? Join us.

Beast: No, no. I’m alright here. I’m quite happy, thank you.

Cinderella: Come on!

Beast: No, really. I’m used to it. People get embarrassed if I … when you look like I do … you get used to being on your own …

Cinderella: But we’re your friends.

Beast: Well, yes, thank you, but, well, you have to … like someone to be their friend … and no-one could be expected to like … an ugly monster … a beast.

Peter gets up and moves over to The Beast.

Peter: I don’t think it really matters what you look like. It’s what you are inside. (After a pause.) I like you.

Beast: Thank you, Peter.

11

If I had to make a list of all the pretty girls I’ve kissed, [CD 3]That list wouldn’t have one name,My face is not the kind of face anyone would want to face,If I were them I’d feel the same.It is no secret information, I’m no work of art,I’ll never be a Fairbanks or a Gable.1

I shy away from conversation but I have a heart.I’d give it to you If only you knew’Till then I’ll search in the dark

I am the seekerThe dreamer, the believerI know I’ll find you one day.I’m walking through a forest and it seems without an endAnd though I’m losing my way,I am the seeker, The dreamer, the believer, There’s only one thing I knowI’ve come too far to give up now and go back to the start,For you must be out there waiting, I can feel it in my heart,I am the dreamer, the believer, But where are you?

If only I could change my looksLike the beast in story booksSomebody might come my way.I wish I had a wishing well,To wish someone would cast a spell,Maybe they will one day.And then my flashing eyes would twinkle And my smile would shineIn a while I’d have style and charismaI would not have a single wrinkle I’d be so divineMy search would be through I know I’d find youIn just a matter of time …

I am the seeker, etc.

Peter: One day you’ll find your Beauty, like in your story.

Beast: Yes.

John: I think we ought to be going.

Cinderella: John’s right. We don’t want to be late for the wedding. Come on. 1 Douglas Fairbanks (1883-1939) and Clark Gable (1901-60), both famously handsome Hollywood stars; both men were known as “The King of Hollywood.”

12

They all get up and start moving in different directions. They stop.

Aladdin: Ah. Problem. Which way?

All: (Pointing in different directions.) This way.

Linda: If only there was a signpost.

As if by magic, accompanied by the five magic “Abracadabra” notes, a signpost appears in the centre of the stage. They rush to it. The children reach it first. It has three signs, pointing in different directions. All read “To the castle.”

John: (Reading one sign.) To the castle.

Linda: (Reading another.) To the castle.

Peter: (Reading the third.) To the castle.

Aladdin: Funny signpost.

Cinderella: Which way’s the right way?

Beast: We could split up and try all three.

John: Too risky.

Linda: I know. Pinocchio’s nose.

Pinocchio: I knows? I don’t.

Linda: No. Your nose. In your story, it grows when you’re not telling the truth, right?

Pinocchio: I always tell the truth.

There is a noise. His nose grows.

Linda: See? Now, listen. Is the castle in that direction? (She points.)

Pinocchio: I don’t know.

Linda: I know you don’t know.

Pinocchio: Then why ask a silly question?

Linda: You’ll see. Answer yes or no. Is the castle in that direction?

Pinocchio: (With a shrug.) Yes.

There is a noise. His nose grows.

Linda: See? You’re not telling the truth. It’s not that way. Now. (Pointing in the second direction.) Is that the way to the castle?

Pinocchio: Yes.

There is a noise. His nose grows.

Linda: That means no! So the castle must be in this direction. (Pointing in the third direction.) Yes?

13

Pinocchio: No. (There is a noise. His nose grows.) I mean yes!

His nose retracts to normal. Noise.

All: It’s that way!

They set off on their journey.

There is a cut here. Pinocchio sings a song called “I Can Pull Some Strings,” sung to the tune of Abba’s “The Piper.” The song advises the others to “Come follow my nose.” The group arrive at a river and, by putting questions to Pinocchio’s nose, decide they should follow it. They proceed beside the river and Pinocchio continues singing his song. They come to a hill and, by again putting questions to Pinocchio’s nose, decide that they should climb it. Pinocchio continues singing his song until they reach the top of the hill and then …

They all stop excitedly, looking off. They have seen the castle.

All: The Magic Castle! Come on! etc.

All except Pinocchio exit at speed.

Pinocchio: (Sings.) OH YES I CAN PULL SOME STRINGS! (Shouts.) Wait for me!

Pinocchio exits. Fred the robot enters.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Fred to Boss H.Q. News flashes.1 Over.

Carabosse’s area lights up.

Carabosse: Come in, Fred. Latest update. Over.

Fred: Beep. Beep. Good news flash and bad news flash. Over.

Carabosse: Flash me the good news first, Fred.

Fred: Beep, beep. Intruders located. Intruders located.

Carabosse: Excellent. So what’s the bad news?

Fred: Beep, beep. Intruders proceeding eastwards, towards castle. Over.

Carabosse: (Furious.) What? They must not reach the castle, do you hear? If they reach the castle they win and if they win I lose and if I lose …

She thinks about the consequences almost fearfully. Then snaps out of it.

They must be stopped. Neutralised. Disposed of. Nobody would miss their childish stories. They’re out of date. They deserve to be out of sight, out of mind, out of action. (Cackle.) Come on, Fred, let’s give them a real bad time! On with the game! What’s the next stage? Over.

Fred: Beep, beep. The crows. Over.

1 News flashes = some new bits of information.

14

Carabosse: Ah yes, the crows. (Laughing in evil anticipation.) Let the fairytale folk face the fearful Flying Caws. (She cackles and exits.)

Fred: (Punching button.) Stage Two. The Crafty Crows.

Fred exits. There is a whooshing sound as Joe the Crow enters. He is a twitchy, would-be gangster-type crow. He lets his wings slow down, then looks round aggressively.

Joe: OK, so where’s the action? I’m Joe the Crow and I’m ready to go. Mention my name and worms squirm. Nobody bugs1 me, not even bugs. So don’t push it. Don’t give me no aggro,2 see, ’cos I’m tough. No scarecrow scares Joe Crow. This crow don’t scare easy.

Another crow has entered – Zeke the Beak. He is a cool crow. He approaches Joe the Crow, who hasn’t seen him arrive.

Zeke: Hi, Joe.

He pats Joe the Crow on the back. Joe the Crow leaps in the air.

Joe: Aaaaaaah! (Seeing who it is.) Don’t do that! You scared me.

Zeke: OK, OK, stop flapping.3

Joe: I’m not flapping.

Zeke: You’re flapping. Keep cool, crow, keep your feathers on. I’m your friend, Zeke the Beak, remember?

Joe: Hi, Zeke.

Zeke: Hi, Joe.

There is a whooshing noise from above. They both look up.

Together: Way up in the skies, hey take a look. It isn’t a ’plane, it isn’t a rook – it’s … Supercrow!

Music plays as Supercrow whooshes in breezily. He is smaller than the others and wears a cloak.

Supercrow: Hi gang!

Joe, Zeke: Super to see you, Supercrow.

Supercrow: Sorry I’m late, sky guys, I was having trouble with my croke.

Zeke: Don’t you mean your cloak, Supercrow?

Supercrow: No, Zeke, my croke. (He produces a can.) My croka cola. I flew in for a quick one. At the crow bar.4 (He winks.) That’s one for the birds.5 Are we all met?

1 Bugs = bothers.2 Aggro = aggression. 3 Stop flapping = calm down. 4 Crow bar. A crowbar is a metal tool used in construction work, etc. The joke is about the double meaning of this and the idea of a drinking place for crows. 5 Birds. In British slang, “birds” can mean “girls.”

15

There is another whooshing noise. They all turn. Another crow enters, dressed as a spy – wearing trilby,1 dark glasses, long coat.

Supercrow: Say, who are you? You’re new round here.

Flo: Hi, guys, I’m Flo the Crow. Fly me!

She opens her coat to reveal female crow clothing.

Joe: There’s no flies on Flo.

Zeke: Great disguise, Flo.

All male crows: Cor, Cor, Cor, Cor! Cor, Cor, Cor, Cor!

Flo: OK, crows, on your toes. We’ve got a job to do.

There is a cut here. The crows sing a song to the sound of Abba’s “On And On And On.” It says that crows are dangerous and that you should “never cross a crow.”2 They then go on to say that they have to do what Carabosse wants them to do, as she is dangerous: “Carabosse will kill us if we let a stranger through.”

As the song ends, we hear electronic bleeps. The crows take out walkie-talkies. A frontier post or gate appears – the other side of it lies the route to the castle.

Voice of Fred: Beep. Beep. Crows stand by. Intruders approaching. Over.

Supercrow: OK, Crows. This is the big one. Ready. Steady. Spread.

The crows spread out. The fairytale characters and the children enter.

Supercrow: Halt!

The fairytale characters and the children stop.

Supercrow: Over to you, Joe.

Joe: (Nervous.) What, me? OK. (Approaching, trying to look tough.) Er … Where are you and who are you going? No. No. I mean, what are you and who are you doing? I mean, why are you and what are you going? …

Supercrow: OK, Joe. (Joe retires.) (To the travellers.) This is private property. You’re trespassers and trespassers will be electrocuted.

The other crows clap appreciatively.

Cinderella: But we’ve been invited. To the wedding.

Supercrow: What wedding? (To the crows.) Any of you crows getting married?

Crows: No.

Aladdin: But look.

1 Trilby = a kind of hat. 2 Never cross a crow = never upset a crow.

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The fairytale characters and the children produce their invitations. The crows take them and try to read one.

Crows: (Mumbling.) Invited … wedding … Sleeping Beauty … December … eighteen eight three.

Joe: Rersvp. Rersvp? What the heck is Rersvp, Supercrow?

Children: R.V.S.P.

Joe: Shut up.

Supercrow: Sleeping Beauty, eh? She’s not here. And if she were here, she’d be asleep. And no-one sleeps on their wedding day. (The crows cackle.) You’re wasting your time. These are forgeries.

The crows tear up the invitations. The fairytale characters and the children react. The crows move in threateningly.

Supercrow: Clear off!

Zeke: Vamoose!1

Flo: Move!

Supercrow: Or we’ll do it for you.

Joe: We crows are moon and meady.

Others: No! Mean and moody.

The crows look threatening. The fairytale characters and children turn, temporarily defeated. Music plays as the crows start marching, like soldiers on guard, preventing anyone from passing through.

Pinocchio: How are we going to get through?

The fairytale characters and the children go into a huddle to discuss a plan, then emerge determinedly. An exciting choreographed sequence follows during which the fairytale characters, helped by the children, fight their way through the crows, diverting their attention, narrowly avoiding capture. The crows act efficiently and savagely, but seven against four proves too difficult even for them.

Pinocchio is the last to try to pass through. Four to one proves too hard for him and the crows catch him. He struggles. The next scene should resemble a frightening nightmare.

Zeke: Hold still, boy, or you’ll feel my beak.

Flo: Who are you?

Pinocchio: Pinocchio.

Joe: Pinocchio? I’ve heard of you. The boy that tells lies, right?

Pinocchio: No.

1 Vamoose = leave quickly!

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There is a noise. His nose grows.

Zeke: Then why’s your nose growing?

Pinocchio: I don’t know.

There is a noise. His nose grows.

Supercrow: Hey! I remember your story. You’re not a boy at all.

Pinocchio: I am! I am!

There is a noise. His nose grows.

Supercrow: You’re just a puppet! (The crows cackle.) Frisk him.

The crows search Pinocchio. Each discovers a string attached to an arm or leg.

Joe: What are these?

Flo: His strings.

Supercrow: Come on, puppet, dance!

The crows hold the strings as high as they can and manipulate Pinocchio.

Joe: Dance!

Zeke: Dance!

Flo: Dance!

Music plays as Pinocchio is forced to do a grotesque puppet dance routine. The tempo quickens.

Supercrow: Faster!

Joe: Faster!

Zeke: Faster!

Flo: Faster!

Eventually Pinocchio falls in a heap, exhausted. The crows look at him. Carabosse enters. Tension music plays as Fred wheels in the menacing-looking video camera. The crows position Pinocchio, then retreat behind the camera.

Carabosse: Zap him!

Fred presses a button. There is a flash and a bang. Fred disappears, then reappears, in cartoon form, on the TV monitors. Carabosse cackles.

Carabosse: Gotcha! Captured for keeps1 in living colour on a Carabosse cassette. Tune in tomorrow to your favourite TV station, CBS,2 the Carabosse Broadcasting Service, presented in person by Carabosse, the most beautiful video nastie3 in

1 For keeps = for ever. 2 Part of the joke here is that there is a CBS television network in America: the Columbia Broadcasting System.

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the business. See Pinocchio as you’ve never seen him before in the spine-chilling adventure, “Pinocchio plays with a chain saw!”

She cackles. They all exit, triumphantly evil. Lighting comes up deeper in the forest. It is dusk. The children, Cinderella, Aladdin and Beat enter, exhausted. They sit down sadly. John is the last on.

John: (Looking back.) No sign, I’m afraid.

Cinderella: The crows must have got him.

Linda: Poor Pinocchio.

Beast: There was nothing we could do.

They all look miserable.

Aladdin: Hey, come on, cheer up, all of you. In his story Pinocchio has worst scrapes than this. The magic always saves him. (The others don’t react.) Believe in magic and anything is possible. (Still no reaction.) If I had my magic lamp with me …

Beast: If you had your magic lamp we wouldn’t be in this mess.

Aladdin: It’s not my fault. I told you, Carabosse took it …

Cinderella: Stop arguing, you two. (The children yawn, and Cinderella gestures towards them.) I think it’s time for a rest.

Aladdin: John said the game will be lost if we sleep.

Cinderella: Not for us. For the children. We’ll stay awake.

Beast: Is it safe for the children to sleep?

Cinderella: I don’t see why not. They’re helping us to play the game, not playing it themselves. Right, John?

John: (Yawning.) Right. We’re not programmed into the computer. You are.

Cinderella: Come on then. Close your eyes.

Magic carpets in the sky [CD 4]Pirate ships go sailing byDistant world where stallions ride on cloudsDrifting through a land of dreamsOh how warm and safe it seemsFlying dragons from the seaNot too close to you or meIn this place that’s full of magic thingsNo one criesIt all comes true when dreamers close their eyes.

3 Video nastie = this expression was used a lot in the 1980s. It referred to a film that could not be shown in the cinema or on television because of violent (or sexual) content, but that was privately distributed on video tape. Carabosse seems to mean that she makes such films.

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Waterfalls and circus clownsKings and Queens and golden crownsMountains made of cream and chocolate cakeHandsome heroes bold and braveSearch for princesses to saveColoured kites and summer skiesHum with birds and butterfliesIn this place that’s full of magic thingsNo one criesIt all comes true when dreamers close their eyes.

No one criesIt all comes true when dreamers close their eyes.

By the end of the song, the children are asleep. Cinderella, Aladdin and the Beast watch them as the action temporarily freezes. Stealthily and unnoticed by the others, Supercrow emerges from hiding. He talks into his walkie-talkie.

Supercrow: Supercrow to Boss. Over.

The light finds Carabosse above.

Carabosse: Well?

Supercrow: I’ve found them, Boss. Aladdin, Cinderella, Beast.

Carabosse: What are they doing?

Supercrow: Nothing much. The children are asleep.

Carabosse: Asleep? (Getting an idea.) Did you say asleep?

Supercrow: Yes, Boss.

Carabosse: That’s it. That’s the plan. We send them to sleep.

Supercrow: But they’re asleep already, Boss.

Carabosse: Not the children, you cretinous1 crow. The fairies. Once they nod off, the game’s up2 and they’re ripe3 for zapping. Tell Fred to bring the gear. And I want you and your flying caws on red alert, ready to scramble. Move it,4 Supercrow, move it. (Supercrow exits, looking confused.) Right you three, “simpy,” “wimpy” and “limpy” (cackle), Carabosse’s turn. Stage Three means me. And I mean business!

Carabosse cackles and gestures dramatically. There is a musical sting. The lighting changes. The fairytale characters ‘unfreeze.” Carabosse remains visible, though in the shadows.

Beast: I shall go for a walk. That’ll keep me awake.

1 Cretinous = very stupid. 2 Up = over.3 Ripe = ready. 4 Move it = hurry.

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Cinderella: Don’t go too far. (The Beast exits.) Aladdin, how will you stay awake?

Aladdin: (Nervous.) It’s getting darker. I can never get to sleep in the dark.

Cinderella: That’s lucky.

Aladdin: Darkness brings the evil spirits, eager to snatch our unsuspecting souls. The powers of darkness, ghosties ready to pounce …

Cinderella: Stop it!

Aladdin: That’s why I can’t sleep without a nightlight. I could sleep if I had my magic lamp with me …

Cinderella: (Sharply.) It’s just as well you haven’t, then, or the game would be lost.

Aladdin: What about you, Cinderella? How will you stay awake?

As she speaks, Cinderella moves from Aladdin, leaving him in virtual darkness.

Cinderella: Easy. I’m not tired at all. In my story, my stepsisters make me work so hard I fall asleep without thinking. But tonight I’ve done no work at all …

Carabosse gestures off stage. Musical sting. Voices echo from offstage. Cinderella reacts to them as though suddenly in a dream.

Voices of Joe and Zeke: (Calling.) Cinderella! Cinderella!

Cinderella: My sisters!

There is a cut here. Joe and Zeke enter, dressed as the Ugly Sisters. Their voices are not natural, but projected as echoing “voice-overs” so as to create a strange dreamlike atmosphere. They say they have to get ready for “the Ball” and they need Cinderella’s help. They shout more and more instructions at her and eventually she collapses in a heap, exhausted.

Carabosse: (With evil anticipation.) Come in, Fred. (He enters with the camera.) Zap Cinderella!

Fred aims and presses the button. There is a flash. Cinderella disappears, instantly reappearing in cartoon form on all the TV monitors. Musical sting. Carabosse cackles. Fred, Joe and Zeke exit, exultant.

Aladdin creeps through the gloom.

Aladdin: (Calling.) Cinderella! It’s so dark! Where are you? I’m frightened. (Carabosse make an owl hoot; he jumps.) What’s that? Oh, if only I had my magic lamp with me. (Imploring.) Believe in magic and anything is possible …

Carabosse gestures. Musical sting. Magically, the magic lamp appears.

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Wonder of wonders! (He picks it up.) Maybe my genie would come if I …

He rubs the lamp. Carabosse gestures to offstage. Sudden bagpipe music. Enter Flo the Crow dressed in tartan, doing a Highland jig.1

Carabosse: Not that sort of Jeannie.2

Flo: Oh. Sorry. (She sidles off, embarrassed.)

Carabosse: (Exiting.) Stone the crows.3

Aladdin: (Still rubbing the lamp.) Please, Genie, please …

Supercrow, disguised as a genie, enters with a flash and puff of smoke.

Supercrow: You called, O mast … ? (He coughs and splutters in the smoke.)

Aladdin: Genie. Is it really you?

Supercrow: Who else, O master? Speak and I obey.

There is a cut here. Aladdin sings a song about the power of magic to the tune of “Super Trouper.” As he sings the song he recovers his confidence and sense of power.

Supercrow: Your work is done, O master. Your magical powers are restored. Now rest. Lie back. Surrender to slumber.

He produces a cushion and tries to make Aladdin lie down.

Aladdin: (Aware that he should not go to sleep.) No, no, genie.

Supercrow: (Producing a drink.) Drink this. ’Twill4 soothe your weary spirit.

Aladdin: No, thank you.

Supercrow: Remove your shoes. Loosen your belt …

Aladdin: Stop it. Stop it. I don’t want to relax. I have to stay awake. Play a game with me.

Supercrow: A game, O master? Your wish is my command. (He gestures offstage.) We will play a counting game. To keep your mind alert. See how many sheep you can count.

He claps his hands. There is a flash and puff of smoke. Enter Joe, Zeke and Flo, all disguised as sheep. It is clear that they are not enjoying the experience. They circle Aladdin.

There is a cut here. Joe, Zeke and Flo, soon joined by Fred the robot too (also disguised as a sheep), move round Aladdin faster and faster all going “Baaaaaa!” as music plays. Aladdin tries to count them but finds himself yawning more and more. The scene develops into a sort of nightmare, then Aladdin falls asleep. Carabosse is

1 Dressed in tartan, doing a Highland jig = dressed in traditional Scottish clothes and doing a traditional Scottish dance. 2 Jeannie = a typical Scottish name. 3 Stone the crows = I don’t believe it (how stupid these crows are). 4 ’Twill = it will.

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heard cackling.

Supercrow: (Loud whisper.) Fred, the zapper!

Fred exits. The crows congratulate each other and start removing their sheep gear. Fred returns with the camera.

Supercrow: Zap Aladdin!

As Fred lines up the camera, a voice is heard from offstage, approaching.

Beast: (Singing offstage.) I am the seekerThe dreamer, the believer,I know I’ll …

Fred and the crows register and hurriedly exit, leaving Aladdin prostrate on the ground. Enter Beast.

Beast: … find you some dayI’m walking through a forestAnd it seems … (He sees Aladdin.)Oh no! (He rushes to Aladdin to wake him.) Aladdin, wake up!

The Beast is suddenly affected by changing light and music. He turns and sees, softly lit, upstage, a vision … a beautiful girl (in fact Carabosse, disguised). During the following song, the crows enter as a chorus to encourage Carabosse.

Beast: (Forgetting Aladdin.) Oh no! It can’t be … it can’t be Beauty? [CD 5]

Carabosse: I can’t believe my eyesAre you a dream?Are you the one I’ve been seeking?You have a way with you1

Maybe at lastI’ve found the loveThat I was afterI like the way you lookI like your smileYou have no need to look furtherYour journey ends with meNow you can restCome closer dearI need to feel you near.

Beast: Looks as though my chase at last is endingLooks as though I’ve found my beautyEvery day I’ll thank the Gods for sendingSomeone so lovely.

Crows: He’s a dreamer!He has fallen!

1 A way with you = something special about you.

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How romantic!Everything’s so niceEverything’s so sweetOne day you feel lostOne day you feel lowNow you feel completeFlowers need the sunPeople need a mateHurry up and kissCome on fall in loveQuick it’s getting late!

Beast: I’ve never felt like thisNow suddenlyI have the sense of belonging.

Carabosse: Someone to think aboutSomeone to touchSomeone who cares if I am lonely

Beast: Someone to be besideSome place to beI love this sense of belongingThere’s something nice aboutThinking in twos

Both: What shall we do?The world’s wide open now.

Carabosse: Looks as though your chase at last is endingSo relieved that you have found me

Both: Every day I’ll thank the gods for sendingSomeone so handsome/lovely.

Crows: Celebration!Jubilation!Transformation!Rivers need the rainPeople need a mateHurry up and kissCome on fall in loveQuick its getting late.

Fishes need to swim!Ha ha ha ha haHurry up and kissCome on fall in loveHa ha ha ha ha!

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As the song ends, Beast, in a reverie, approaches “Beauty” to kiss her. He suddenly sees who it really is.

Beast: Aaaaaaah! Carabosse!

He crumples into a heap, powerless. The crows stand guard over him. Fred enters with the camera.

Carabosse: Yes, you ugly monster, it’s Carabosse. Did you really think you’d ever find your precious Beauty looking like that? You’re revolting! You’re disgusting! You’re a beast! Fred. Zap him!

Fred aims the camera at Beast, who is still crumpled on the ground. Suddenly Carabosse notices Aladdin, still lying asleep.

Carabosse: Wait! Who’s that?

Supercrow: (Proud.) That’s Aladdin, Boss, ready for zapping …

With a roar, the Beast sees his chance. With everyone’s attention diverted from him, he leaps up and runs screaming into the forest.

Supercrow: … hey!

The crows start to chase Beast.

Carabosse: Wait! (The crows stop.) Leave him till later. Zap Aladdin. He’s bigger box-office.1

Fred aims and presses the button. There is a flash. Aladdin disappears, instantly reappearing, in cartoon form, on all the TV monitors. Music sting. Carabosse cackles.

Carabosse: Fred. Punch up that insufferably saccharine2 Cinderella.

Fred punches a button on himself. One screen changes from Aladdin’s to Cinderella’s image.

Carabosse: And punch up that wooden dum-dum3 Pinocchio.

Fred punches a button on himself. One screen changes from Aladdin’s to Pinocchio’s image. Now all three characters are clearly visible on three separate screens.

Carabosse: (To the screens.) You fools. You might have escaped from the books. But you’ll never escape from my video. I’ve got you taped! I, Carabosse, the Video Queen, claim you as my subjects, to be subjected to my every wickedest whim. For ever! (She cackles and turns to the audience.) Pinocchio will never be a real boy! Aladdin will never get out of the cave! Cinderella will never go to the Ball! Carabosse wins! Carabosse rules!

Escorted by her crows, Carabosse climbs on her motorbike and roars off. The curtain falls as the crows and Fred push off the camera. Nobody sees or takes note of the sleeping children.

END OF ACT 1.

1 Bigger box-office = more valuable in the cinema. 2 Saccharine = artificially sweet; sickly and sentimental. 3 Dum-dum = stupid person.

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Four Important Songs from Act 2

1. At the beginning of Act 2, the children wake up, puzzled to find that they are alone, but still in the game. They think of home.

Linda: Picture books and fairy stories [CD 6]Will always take your breath awayWhen you are in your bed

Peter: Magic lamps and giant beanstalksJohn: And a castle and a forest

Where you always dreamed you’d goLinda: But they always look much better

When the curtain’s drawnAnd all the lights are low.

John: There’s witch on a broomstickHow exciting to see her whenShe’s painted on a page

Linda: When your head’s on a pillowIt is easy to enjoy a sceneWhere prince and dragon fightWhen the battle’s doneAnd you have read who’s wonYou only have to say goodnight.

All Three: Are they staring at an empty chair’Cos I’m not thereBack home nowAre they waiting at the garden gateIt’s getting lateBack home nowIn my mind I hear my mother’s voiceCall out my nameWhat I’d give to feel her holding meI long to beBack home nowWhat I’d give to feel her holding meI long to beBack home now.

Peter: Never thought I’d miss my homeworkJohn: Never thought I’d long to brush my teeth

Or crave to wash my hairPeter: I could even drink more milk nowJohn: If my little sister wants to

Ride my bicycle she canLinda: If my mother wants me to I’ll play the piano

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And I’ll scrub the frying pan.

All Three: Are they staring at an empty chair ., etc.

2. When the Beast kisses the Sleeping Beauty she immediately wakes up and the two of them sing together.

Beauty: Time, time, the peaceful waters shine [CD 7]Underneath the winter’s moon

Beast: Time, time, village bells will always chime As the piper plays the tune.

Both: Wheels are turning, seasons come and goLike the morning lightFires are burning, soon our world will knowOf the love we feel tonight.

Beast: Time, time, finally we find As the evening sun descends

Beauty: Time, time, the future’s yours and mine Nothing ever really ends.

Both: All the love songs since the birth of manTime will never take awayThough it’s so long since the world beganWe grow strong from day to day.

Let the world changeLet it change in timeAs the years go onBut the mountainsThat we choose to climbWill be standing when we’re gone.

Beauty: Time, time, the peaceful waters shine, etc.

Both: Let the world change, etc.

Beauty: Time, time, the future’s yours and mineNothing ever really ends.

3. After Carabosse gets “zapped,” thanks to John’s use of the mirror, she sings before fading away and reappearing in cartoon form on the screens.

Carabosse: I know it is too late [CD 8]From this moment time And tide will not waitYet I was master of my fateBeing the ruling queenI never wanted a change of scene.

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Like an image passing by I see my lifeIn the twinkling of an eyeMy lonely lifeAnd at this my darkest hour Fading like a flowerBeauty is bound to dieFrom the present to the past I see my lifeCatching up with me at last My empty lifeNow the hourglass is turningAnd in my eyes are burningTears I should have cried long agoNow I’ll cry forever.

Now it’s my turn to sleepOh how true that beauty’s Only skin deepI was wrong thinking I could keepEverything in my handKnowing my castle Was built on sand.

Like an image passing by, etc.

4. Immediately after Carabosse has been defeated, the fairytale characters and the children sing together.

Aladdin: Wonder of wondersThese mem’ries will always live on.

Beast and Beauty: We’re both happy nowThanks to Linda and Peter and John.

Cinderella: Those children are reallyQuite special you know.

Pinocchio: When I say I love themMy nose will not grow.

All: We’re so glad we all metThese are mem’ries we’ll never forgetSo we say thank you for the magicAnd all you’ve taught usThanks for all the joy you’ve brought usIt has been amazing I say in all honestyWe all agree you can forget what fun life can beSo we say thank you for the magic and sharing it with me.

John: We’ll have great stories

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To tell everyone that we know.Linda: About dancing crows

And strange Carabosse super show.Peter: No other children

Have travelled so farWith fairytale friendsOh how lucky we are.

3 Children: We will read your books and thenWe will read them again and again.

All: So we say thank you for the magic, etc.

Beast: We’ve been so luckyI want to write across the skyI want to say thank you to everybodyFor the laughs and the songs and the dance:We say –

All: – thank you for the magic, etc.

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