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SupportingSupportingSupportingSupporting

9: Inter-Act, 139: Inter-Act, 13thth Edition Edition

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The cognitive and affective process of perceiving the

emotions others are feeling and then acting on our

perception

EmpathizingEmpathizing

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3 Types of Empathy3 Types of Empathy

• Empathic Responsiveness

• Perspective Taking

• Sympathetic Responsiveness

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Empathy – Empathy – the cognitive and affective process of perceiving the emotions others are feeling and then acting on our perception

Empathic response – Empathic response – an emotional response parallel to another person’s actual or anticipated display of emotion

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Perspective Perspective TakingTaking

Imaging oneself in the place of another

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Sympathetic Sympathetic ResponsivenessResponsiveness

Feeling concern, compassion, or sorrow for another person because he/she is in a distressing situation

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Guidelines for Improving Guidelines for Improving EmpathyEmpathy

• Take time and make the effort to understand people.

• Pay attention to nonverbal and paralanguage cues.

• Pay attention to the emotional content of the verbal message.

• Employ one of the three types of empathy.

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Supportive MessagesSupportive Messages• Social support: providing emotional,

informational, and instrumental resources

• Supportive messages: communications that provide intangible support for your partner, including emotional support, information, advice, and motivation

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Effective Support Effective Support MessagesMessages

• Clearly state the aim to help the other.

• Express acceptance, love, and affection for the other.

• Demonstrate care, concern, and interest in the other’s situation.

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Effective Support Effective Support Messages (contMessages (cont’’d)d)

• Indicate that you are available to listen and support the other.

• State that you are an ally.• Acknowledge the other’s feelings and

situation and express sincere sympathy.

• Assure the other that feelings are legitimate.

• Encourage the other to elaborate.

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Ineffective Support Ineffective Support MessagesMessages

• Condemn and criticize the other’s feelings and behavior.

• Imply that the other’s feelings are not warranted.

• Tell the other how to feel.

• Focus attention on yourself.

• Impose advice on a relative stranger.

Supporting Positive FeelingsSupporting Positive Feelings• Capitalization: sharing successes and leveraging

the good feelings with the expectation that others will celebrate with us

• Active-constructive: celebratory messages whose goal is to leverage partner’s positive feelings that stem from a happy event or accomplishment

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Supporting Negative FeelingsSupporting Negative Feelings• Comforting messages: active, constructive

feedback whose goal is to alleviate or lessen emotional distress

• Supporting skills include empathizing.

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Supportive Interaction Supportive Interaction PhasesPhases

• Phase One: Support Activation

• Phase Two: Support Provision

• Phase Three: Target Reaction

• Phase Four: Helper Responses

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Clarifying Supportive Clarifying Supportive IntentionsIntentions

• Directly state your intentions by emphasizing your desire to help.

• Remind your partner of your commitment to the relationship.

• Indicate that helping is your only motive.

• Phrase your clarification in a way that reflects helpfulness.

Buffering Face ThreatsBuffering Face Threats• Face-threatening act (FTA): a statement of

support that a person in need may interpret as a threat to his or her public self-image

• Positive facework: providing messages that affirm a person or a person’s actions in a difficult situation to protect his or her respectability and approval

• Negative facework: providing messages that offer information, opinions, or advice to protect a person's freedom and privacy

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Positive FaceworkPositive Facework

• Describe and convey positive feelings about what the other has said and done.

• Express your admiration for his or her courage.

• Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation.• Express your belief that the other has the

qualities and skills needed to endure.

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Negative FaceworkNegative Facework• Ask for permission before giving

advice.

• Verbally defer to the opinions and preferences of the other person.

• Use tentative language to hedge and qualify opinions and advice.

• Offer suggestions indirectly.

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Using Other-Centered Using Other-Centered MessagesMessages

• Ask questions that prompt the person to elaborate on what happened.

• Emphasize your willingness to listen to an extended story.

• Use vocalized encouragement and nonverbal behavior to communicate continued interest.

• Affirm, legitimize, and encourage exploration of feelings expressed by partner.

• Demonstrate that you understand, but avoid changing the focus to you.

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FramingFraming

The skill of providing support by offering information,

observations, and opinions that enable the receiver to better

understand or see his/her situation in a different light

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Giving AdviceGiving Advice• Ask for permission to give advice.• Word the message as one of many

suggestions in a way that the recipient can understand.

• Present any potential risks or costs associated with the following the advice.

• Indicate that you will not be offended if the other chooses to ignore your recommendation.

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Social Support via Social Support via Social MediaSocial Media

• Advantages

• Creates social distance

• Hear from people around the world

• Useful for introverted, shy, or lonely

• Easier to manage messages

• Crosses age/status/education boundaries

• Time/place less important

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Gender and Cultural Gender and Cultural SimilaritySimilarity

• Desire to be comforted is universal.

• Both men and women place high value on emotional support from partners.

• Little difference reported between genders or among cultures

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CultureCulture• European-Americans believe that

openly discussing feelings is valuable.

• Americans are more sensitive to other-centered messages than are Chinese.

• Chinese view avoidance strategies as more appropriate than Americans.

• Chinese and American married people view emotional support provided by their spouses as most important.