+Bellwork

Define all vocabulary for Chapter 28

P546 (homogamy, propinquity, complementary needs, exchange, criterion)

P552 (readiness, jealousy, institution of marriage, potential, resolution)

+1. Many studies have found that people choose mates that are like themselves. This is the basis of homogamy (sameness).

2. Three levels of homogamy:1. Outer qualities – people are attracted to those who

share their outer qualities. Likenesses create comfort and ease in a new relationship. Race, age, religion, education, and family background are some common traits

2. Inner qualities – goals, interests, values; people who like and want the same things in life are more apt to have positive feelings for one another

Example: same kind of education or same religion =

1. Ideas about Roles – as couples become more serious about each other, their need to agree on roles becomes more important

+ 3. The expression opposites attract may be a comment on a pattern of attraction. This theory is called complementary needs. It says that people select others who complete, or complement, their personality needs.

Example: an outgoing person may be attracted to someone who is quiet; strong people may choose those who will support them

4. Social Exchange Theory -- Is related to the costs and rewards of the relationship. The belief that people ask themselves what they want in a mate; they look at material resources, personal qualities, and skills; then they look at what they can offer in return.

5. Propinquity - This theory means people are more apt to meet and get to know and stay with others who are physically close by. (Linked to social exchange theory) Relationships are more convenient when people live close to each other.

+ 6. Ideal Mate Theory - with this theory, people have a mental image of an ideal mate based on appearance, character, or other traits.

7. Right Time Theory - people pick a mate when the time is right. (may be after graduating high school or college, or when they are established in a career). A person may have had many suitable mates over the years, but none were right until the time was right.

8. Filter Theory - puts some of the other theories of mate selection together and explains how a couple moves toward marriage. A person chooses another according to several criteria. Each choice narrows the field. The filters are: a. Propinquity Filter – people meet and get to know each other b. Attraction Filter – different traits attract different people c. Homogamy Filter – people look for those who are similar in

age, education, religion, race, attitudes, and values. d. Complementary Needs Filter – the couple fills each other’s

needs e. Readiness Filter – When people are ready, they decide to

marry. Males tend to take longer to get past this filter than females

+Choose the Right Partner 1. Readiness is those traits and conditions that show

whether a person is prepared for marriage. Questions about readiness need to be asked and answered early.

2. Age - up to a point, the older two people are at the time of their wedding, the more apt the marriage is to be stable. Added years bring more life experiences. This effect levels off at about age 27 for men and 25 for women.

3. Independence: People who cannot stand on their own are not able to support someone else. Look at your own level of independence in readiness for marriage. And remember to ask the questions about a potential partner.

***A good marriage take two independent people.

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4. Parental Approval should not be a main reason for choosing a mate. However, parental input can be very helpful.

5. Knowing each other well is essential to the success of a marriage. One research study found that partners who had known each other for at least five years before marrying were the happiest.

+Warning Signs

6. Abuse - may be physical or emotional; it shows a partner’s inability to handle problems in a mature way. Without professional help, abusive relationships rarely improve and often get worse.

7. Jealousy is watchfulness in guarding a relationship with a loved one. Jealous people see their actions as signs of love. Their behavior is a desire to possess and control and another person. They show a complete lack of trust in their partners.

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8. Argument is emotional, poorly reasoned, and can be hurtful. May even lead to physical abuse. Argument does not solve a problem. Discussion is honest, thoughtful, respectful, and sticks to the subject; it leads to compromise and resolution.

9. Some important qualities that make a relationship work: a. communication b. compromise c. respect

+Challenging Issues When considering marriage, some issues are red flags:

1. One or more parents do not support the marriage

2. Either or both partners have had little or no dating experience

3. Pregnancy is involved

4. The partners are of different races, religions, or social classes

5. The couple’s educational levels and/or goals differ greatly

+Challenging Issues5. The couple will have to rely on family members for financial

or emotional support

6. Either partner came from a family where there were problems with alcohol, drugs, anger, or abuse.

7. Either partner has parents who had an unhappy or unstable marriage.

8. Marriage is thought to be a way to escape an unpleasant situation

9. The couple argues, breaks up, and then makes up often

10. The engagement is less than three months or more than three years old

11. The relationship became serious soon after one partner suffered a loss due to death or the breakup of a previous relationship.

+A Realistic Attitude

10. Love alone is not enough to solve the problems that married life brings. You must have a strong belief in the institution of marriage. (marriage as a way of living)

11. Important points to help you think realistically about marriage and potential marriage partners:

a. Love is more than sexual attraction.

b. Marriage is not a cure-all.

c. What you see is what you get.

d. Do not expect a perfect partner.