zombie shakespeare

8/9/2019 zombie shakespeare

1/15

Romeo and Juliet

JULIET

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

ROMEO:Auugh?

JULIET:Deny thy father and refuse thy name;Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

ROMEO

(aside) auuuuughghhgh

JULIET

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;What's in a name? That which we call a roseBy any other name would smell as sweet;And for that name which is no part of thee

Take all myself.(HITS WITH RUBBER CHICKEN)

ROMEO

Aughhhghh

JULIET

What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in nightSo stumblest on my counsel?

ROMEO

Aughghhgh?


2/15

JULIET

My ears have not yet drunk a hundred wordsOf that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

ROMEO

Auuuughgaughhhaghhhgauggh

JULIET

How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?

The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,And the place death, considering who thou art,If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

ROMEO

Auuughh

JULIET

If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

ROMEO

Auugh?

JULIET

I would not for the world they saw thee here.

ROMEO

Aughaugh


3/15

JULIET

By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

ROMEO

Aughaughaugh

JULIETCome to thy heart as that within my breast! (Beats with balcony pole)

ROMEO

Augh

JULIET

What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?

ROMEO

Brains?

JULIET

I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:And yet I would it were to give again.

NURSE:

[Within] Madam?

JULIET


4/15

I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well,I do beseech thee--

ROMEO:Auuugh?

NURSE:

[Within] Madam!

JULIET

A thousand times good night!

(Nurse attacks Juliet. Juliet screams and is eaten horribly. Romeo looks sad and dejected. Wanders off andzombie keeper pats him on the head and takes him off.)

SIGN 1

Calontir Hunter

Zombie Othello

OTHELLO

It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul,--Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars!--It is the cause. Yet I'll not shed her blood;

Nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow,And smooth as monumental alabaster.Yet she must die, else she'll betray more men.Put out the light, and then put out the light:Be thus when thou art dead, and I will kill thee,And love thee after. This sorrow's heavenly;It strikes where it doth love. She wakes.


5/15

DESDEMONA

Auuurrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

OTHELLO

Ay. Desdemona.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Have you pray'd to-night, Desdemona?

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

If you bethink yourself of any crimeUnreconciled as yet to heaven and grace,Solicit for it straight.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Well, do it, and be brief; I will walk by:I would not kill thy unprepared spirit;No; heaven forfend! I would not kill thy soul.

DESDEMONA


6/15


OTHELLO

Ay, I do.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Amen, with all my heart!

DESDEMONA:


OTHELLO

Ay, and for that thou diest.

DESDEMONA

Auuurrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh.?

OTHELLO

Peace, and be still!

DESDEMONA

Aurgh


7/15

OTHELLO

That handkerchief which I so loved and gave theeThou gavest to Cassio.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Sweet soul, take heed,Take heed of perjury; thou art on thy deathbed.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Yes, presently:Therefore confess thee freely of thy sin;For to deny each article with oathCannot remove nor choke the strong conceptionThat I do groan withal. Thou art to die.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

I say, amen.

DESDEMONA



8/15

OTHELLO

I saw the handkerchief.

DESDEMONA

(conversationally) Auuurrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

OTHELLO

He hath confess'd.

DESDEMONA

Auuuurrrggghhhh

OTHELLO

That he hath used thee.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Out, strumpet! weep'st thou for him to my face?

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Down, strumpet!


9/15

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Nay, if you strive--

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

Being done, there is no pause.

DESDEMONA


OTHELLO

It is too late.

He stifles her

He stifles her

He stifles her

He stifles her

pause.

He stifles her

Pulls out the axe.. ;)


10/15

Dean breaks character, goes happy and goes off stage to call his agent

Taming of the Shrew

Petruchio: I will attend her here,

And woo her with some spirit when she comes.Say that she rail; why then I'll tell her plainShe sings as sweetly as a nightingale:Say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clearAs morning roses newly wash'd with dew:Say she be mute and will not speak a word;Then I'll commend her volubility,And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

KATHARINA (Tess)

Aaaaauurrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh..

PETRUCHIO

You lie, in faith; for you are called plain Kate,And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom

Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Why, what's a moveable?

KATHARINA


11/15


PETRUCHIO

Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Women are made to bear, and so are you.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Alas! Good Kate, I will not burden thee;

For, knowing thee to be but young and light--

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.

KATHARINA



12/15

PETRUCHIO

My remedy is then, to pluck it out.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Whose tongue?

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

KATHARINA


She strikes him

PETRUCHIO

I swear I'll cuff you, if you strike again.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

A herald, Kate? O, put me in thy books!


13/15

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Why, here's no crab; and therefore look not sour.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Then show it me.

KATHARINA



14/15

PETRUCHIO

What, you mean my face?

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so.

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

No, not a whit: I find you passing gentle.

'Twas told me you were rough and coy and sullen,And now I find report a very liar;For thou are pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers:Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will,O, let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.

KATHARINA


15/15


PETRUCHIO

Did ever Dian so become a grove

As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?O, be thou Dian, and let her be Kate;And then let Kate be chaste and Dian sportful!

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Am I not wise?

KATHARINA


PETRUCHIO

Marry, so I mean, sweet Katharina, in thy bed:And therefore, setting all this chat aside,Thus in plain terms: your father hath consentedThat you shall be my wife; your dowry 'greed on;And, Will you, nil you, I will marry you.Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,Thy beauty, that doth make me like thee well,Thou must be married to no man but me;For I am he am born to tame you Kate,And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate

Conformable as other household Kates.Here comes your father: never make denial;I must and will have Katharina to my wife.

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