xojane.com-fatshion a truly ridiculous number of cute plussize swimsuits to jam your excellent fat...

7/27/2019 Xojane.com-FATSHION a TRULY RIDICULOUS Number of Cute PlusSize Swimsuits to Jam Your Excellent Fat Ass Into This

1/14


2/14

Marilyn Monroe Rose Cross Back Swimdre ss, $88, in sizes 18 to 24.

out that Yours Clothing cartoon-print dress before I got one.)

I dont have many f ashion rules I hold to . Actually I probably have none except f or this one: never buy a white

swimsuit if you plan on gett ing it wet. My mom had a super hip white swimsuit back in the day that was way

awesome until she hit t he ocean and then it became a litt le, uh, transparent. Now if you are looking f or a

transparent swimsuit, rage on, badass you! But I am not. Generally speaking.

Nows the part where I throw that rule right out the window because LOOK AT THIS SUIT:

ARE YOU DYING LIKE I AM? Itscalled the Marilyn Monroe Rose

Cross Back Swimdress and the only

way I would love it more is if the

leafy bits were actually green, but

whatever. On the up s ide, it has one

negative review that says, There is

a sheer like material underneath that

does no thing but let t he f at jiggle,

and I am all up in here going YEAH

THE FAT JIGGLIN.

And, yes, I know most people on

earth hate swimdresses BUT I LIKE

THEM, especially when theyre

adorable and retro-y like this one.

WHICH I have already ordered as my

swimwear f or t his year, so as to not

repeat t he cartoon-print heartbreak

of my last f atshion post. Heres

hoping the rose suit is lined enough

that transparency is not a problem.

SPEAKING OF SWIMDRESSES:

I know. I can sense your horror. But

WAIT: ask yourself , is this s uit

ACTUALLY horrif ying, o r are the

narrow limitations imposed upon

your mind by an awesomeness-

oppressive culture only making you

THINK it is horrif ying? Because I

think it is GREAT and also t hat I ama STYLE GENUIS for thinking so.

You have to admire it. This is a suit

that leaves no sto ne unturned -- a

one-shouldered leopard-print

flowered bandeau sheath shirred
http://www.swimsuitsforall.com/Leopard-Tropical-One-Shoulder-Swimdress?p=4194http://www.swimsuitsforall.com/Marilyn-Rose-Cross-Back-Swimdress?p=4287http://www.xojane.com/clothes/spring-fatshion-guide-how-to-look-skinny-when-you-are-enormously-fat-secrets-revealed


3/14

Leop ard Trop ical One-Shoulde r Swimdre ss, $68, in sizes 10 to 24

sw m ress. a y

has no reviews, probably because

everyone whos bought it has t ried it

on and been immediately assumed

into the special FABULOUS HEAVEN.

SPEAKING OF ONE-SHOULDERED

SUITS:

Big ups to f atshion bloggerAmanda of Fashion Love and

Martinis f or buying this ombre one-

shoulder tank hotness and putt ing it

on Instagram so I knew it existed. I

am not usually an ombre f an but f or

some reason I really love this suit --

I just wish it wasnt a one-shoulder

deal because I always f eel weirdly

of f -balance in them. Like I'm carrying

an invisible messenger bag that isf illed with my whole body.

Right now youre probably thinking

DUDE WHERE ARE THE BIKINIS?

OKAY IM DOING IT.

Monif C kills at swimwear every

f reaking year and this year is no

exception. Her s tylized-peacock-

print bikini separates come in

orange and turquoise and arecurrently on sale, so if youre f ence

sitting, you might want to move f ast

before they sell out. The halter tops

and high-waistedbottoms are sold

separately so you can get a

gorgeous f it.

And bonus? THAT TOP HAS AN
http://monifc.com/plus-size-swimwear/sao-paulo-high-waisted-plus-size-bikini-brief-orange-multi.htmlhttp://monifc.com/sao-paulo-high-waisted-plus-size-bikini-brief-turquoise-multi.htmlhttp://monifc.com/plus-size-swimwear/sao-paulo-high-waisted-plus-size-bikini-top-underwire-turquoise-multi.htmlhttp://monifc.com/plus-size-swimwear/sao-paulo-high-waisted-plus-size-bikini-top-underwire-orange-multi.htmlhttp://www.swimsuitsforall.com/Longitude-Orange-Ombre-Plus-Size-One-Shoulder-Tank-Swimsuit?p=3884http://www.fashionloveandmartinis.com/


4/14


5/14

Monif C Sao Paulo Swim Separate s, in size s 16W to 24W

like a bra, so o stensibly if you know

youre down with a certain Lane

Bryant bra size then getting one of

these to f it should be an easy

effort.

I know not all of you are on the

f atkini train, and Im here to assure

you that s T OTALLY OK. Maybe youneed an interval suit to get there, or

maybe youre just more a tankini

person. I spent a couple summers

trying to be a tankini person myself

-- mos tly because they seem like

theyd be easier to go f or a pee in --

but I never could quite get there.

Maybe its my long and f leshy torso

but I was yanking that shit down ALL

DAY LONG like f reaking Captain

Picard.

Nevertheless, I have shopped for

tankinis f or you EVEN THOUGH I

WILL NEVER WEAR ONE. Like this

vintage-y, only-slightly-grandma-ish

floral tankini top from Lands End:

Okay, so it's sorta reminiscent o f a

bedspread, but I like the

uxtapos ition. On the other hand, it

has an underwire in it! And given that

Lands End legitimately makes t he

best swimwear in the universe this

is a prett y sure bet. Many of my
http://www.landsend.com/pp/womens-lela-beach-floral-underwire-tankini-top~238651_57.html?sku_0=::UT9http://www.lanebryant.com/shimmer-dot-balconette-bikini-top/p180141/index.pro


6/14

Gab iFresh for s 4a Yog a Bikini, $68, in sizes 10-24

f avorite suits over the years in

terms o f f it have come f rom Lands

End -- I just wish their suits were,

yknow, cuter? A litt le more diverse in

st yle? And generally more

obnoxious?

Torrid has a couple of more trendy

tankini options as well, like this

obligatory but nevertheless

adorable cherry-print keyhole top:

Or this pink mesh top, which needs

to GET OUT with that ruf f le:

And a variety of bot toms to pair

them with. Heh, bot toms.

For t he old-f ashioned tank-lovers

among us, finding a non-fumpy

one-piece suit is almost as hard as

finding a swimdress that doesnt

suck (hey does anyone remember

SPARKLEBOOBS?). But a little-

known FASHION SECRET is that

you can put polka dots on pretty

much anything and I will instantly

want t o wear it. WITNESS:

Exhibit A:ASOS red and white po lka

dot wide-st rap belted tank. In any

other print t his s tyle would look

to tally unappealing to me, but thepolka dots make it.

Exhibit B: This navy polka-dot ted

ruched tank. I know navy is like

barely a step up f rom black so f ar

as swimsuit colors are concerned,

and I vowed years ago never to buy

another black swimsuit. But I still

'
http://www.swimsuitsforall.com/Marilyn-Navy-Polka-Dot-Ruched-One-Piece-Swimsuit?p=4285http://us.asos.com/ASOS-Curve/ASOS-CURVE-Exclusive-Swimsuit-with-Spot-Contrast/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=2924345&cid=9577&Rf900=1598&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Redwhitehttp://www.xojane.com/clothes/plus-size-swimsuits-with-skirtshttp://www.torrid.com/torrid/Collections/HeatWave.jsphttp://www.torrid.com/torrid/Collections/HeatWave//Black+Cherry+Tankini+Swim+Top-514112.jsp


7/14

Joe Browns Striped Bikini Set, $58, in sizes 8 to 28

Exhibit C: THIS WILL NEVER FIT ME

because it's junior plus sized, but it

is seriously so freaking adorable.

Somebody else should buy it. It's

pretty cheap too .

At t his po int I am pret ty sure t hat

Ive included just about every cuteplus size swimsuit on THE WHOLE

INTERNET. Im actually sick o f

looking at them, which I wouldnt

have thought possible. What do you

think? Do you like any of them?

Have I lost my mind? Also why am I

so inexplicably drawn to one-

shouldered suits right now? Tell me

all your swimwear-related hopes

and dreams in comments.

Special note to those who wear

extended sizes, A.K.A. greatbigfats!

Several of the above suits go up to a

26 or 28, but if you need bigger,

allow me to point you atLove Your

Peaches, which makes gorgeous

swimwear up to a 6x, and also back

to Swimwear For Allagain, which has

suits up to a 34 and can be sorted

by size.
http://www.swimsuitsforall.com/One-Piece-Swimwear-Department?go=Y&c=2&total=&all=0&page=1&sort=&dismissLargeSizeModal=N&shopBySizeSelection%5B%5D=14http://www.loveyourpeaches.com/shop/category.aspx?catid=26http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=80561&vid=8&pid=373601022#close


8/14


9/14

Land' s End Floral Underwire Tankini Top, $ 35 (on sale from $69), in size s 16W to 26W


10/14

Black Cherry Tankini Swim Top, $ 34 (on sale from $ 49), in size s 0X to 4X


11/14

Pink Mes h Dot Tankini Swim Top, $ 34 (on sale fro m $49), in size s 0X to 4X


12/14

ASO S Curve Exc lusi ve Sp ot Swims ui t, $ 42, in si ze s 14 to 22


13/14

Marilyn Monroe Navy Polka Dot Ruche d Swimsuit, $88, in size s 18 to 24


14/14

Forever 21 Polka Dot One-Piece , $28, in junior s izes XL to 3X

xojane.com-fatshion a truly ridiculous number of cute plussize swimsuits to jam your excellent fat...

Documents