wtf? magazine

Download WTF? Magazine

Post on 08-Mar-2016

215 views

Category:

Documents

1 download

Embed Size (px)

DESCRIPTION

Student Magazine from DurhamCollege

TRANSCRIPT

  • WTF?

    10 Tips to perfect your beer belly

    WTF?WTF?Make money Save money

    BIG moneyMONEY!

    Learn to turn the contents of your fridge into a culinary masterpiece

    Dating for cheapskates

  • - WTF? - 2 -

    Welcome readers to WTF? We thought long and hard about an idea that would tweak peoples interest and we thought whats better than a good laugh? You are about to read articles full of comical delights that will have you laughing from the inside out. I hope that everyone will enjoy this magazine and by reading the articles get an under-standing of the spunky, crazy people that have worked hard for this. I, being the hyper, joyful person that likes to get a laugh, also likes to get down to business, which would explain why I am the editor. I have always liked reading ar-ticles that can make me smile and I think that this magazine has some unique and cre-ative stories that are different but hilarious. Ithinkalotofyouwillbeabletorelatetosomeofthearticlesthatyouwillfindin this magazine, whether youre looking for a new recipe or looking for a perfect gift for that special someone with a twist of course! This magazine is a humourous take on issues that affect students everyday life. Have some tissues ready to wipe up your tears... From the laughter of course!I hope you all enjoy WTF?

    Sarah Manns Managing EditorWTF?

    WARNING: magazine may cause Lower back problems, diarrhea, pregnancy, polio, hunger, slight nasal problems, occasional erectile dysfunction, cancer of the toenails, bed sores, ran-dom coyote attacks, swelling of the earlobes and stds. enjoy.

    A letter from the Editor

  • - WTF? - 3 -

    WTF?

    11. Who Needs Dignity When Youre Hungry?12. From Flab to Abs 13. Liquor Horoscopes 14-15. Get in Touch with Your Outer Buddha 16-17. Improvised Delicious-ness

    Table of Contents2. Letter from the editor3. Table of Contents

    The School Life4. Tap the Lap5. Surviving the Trip6. Parking Pandemonium 7. Accomplised Doctor Risks Life for Research8-9. a, b, c, d, e, f, g...10. Shake Your Money Maker

    Student Health

    18. Your Place? Or Mine?19. McDating Tips 20. Dress Like Ryan Regan21. Love is Almost Free22. Caught With Your Pants Down23. The Crew

    Student Relationships

  • - WTF? - 4 -

    Durham College and UOIT are big on laptops. Often theres no way to attend class without one. Despite how expensive they are, though, laptops are limited in their uses good for the Internet, sure, but what else? How can students really get their moneys worth? Fear not. Laptops are great for a lot more than just checking Facebook. Here are some creative uses for your notebook that will reinvigorate your pas-sion for the machine and make your life that much easier.

    Story by: Matt Bird Photos by: Shayna Brown

    Ever plopped your beer down on your laptop by accident? Maybe left a nice, brown ring on the lid? Consider your folly a blessing in disguise. Laptops

    make excellent shields for the objects in your life that really matter, like a cherished dinner table or your desk at school. And why stop there? Use your laptop for all your food serving needs! Chefs will love its smooth surface when chopping carrots, shred-ding cheese or frying up some bacon on the stove. Even cleaning is a breeze, as the

    thin frame of the computer will slide easily into any dishwasher.

    Cold winter nights need never be lonely again with your laptop at your side, so stop looking at pornography to

    keep toasty and get intimate with your digital friend. The heat given off by the laptops motor will warm you like a nice cup

    of hot chocolate, simultaneously (and temporarily) erasing any doubts about your inability to attract another human being. Not warm enough? Turn on more programs and overload the mo-tor! Youll be lulled to sleep by the rattle of your computers

    innards, as soothing as a lovers whisper in your ear.

    What student hasnt been caught in the rain at least once and been left scrambling to protect the contents

    of their bag? We at WTF? think those contents should learn to fend for themselves. Hoist your laptop up over your head and

    let the rain trickle down the sides as neatly as though you were in a tent. The heft of the laptop will also keep it nice and solid against powerful winds, circumventing the traditional sudden flightsacrossparkinglotstocatchconventionalumbrellas.

    Coaster :P

    Umbrella :o

    Cuddle Buddy ^_^

    T A P L A PTHE SURVIVING THE TRIP

  • - WTF? - 5 -

    SURVIVING THE TRIP By: Matt Bird

    Photo by: Shayna BrownDurham College students prepare for a long, crowded ride home on the bus.

    First rule: if you want to live, dont take the bus. Survival is as simple as that. Unfortunately for many the bus is the only method for getting to school. These poor saps are forced to cram into Durham Transits metallic Twinkies and suffer the pains of the deadly commute. Im one such sap. I jumped on the Taunton at Ajax one rainy October morning in a poor mood from a late night. Unfortunately the Taunton wasnt prepared to accommodate my mood, jammed as it was with students. The driver, a Jim Belushi look-alike named Mike, wasnt concerned with the volume. Second rule: take the bus early. The earlier it is, the less students there are. I wedged myself into a vacant seat beside a Blackberry-toting blonde guy. He gave love to none but his cellular. I didnt mind his apathy, how-ever, because of the third rule: always grab a seat. It doesnt matter who youre beside, sit down. Those who havent taken a bus dont know how tir-ing it is to clutch the bars. Though Taunton is a straight road the numerous stops and starts strain the arms. I was happy to forego this problem, though by the time we reached Mary Browns Chicken in Whitby the new arrivals werent so lucky. I wondered if the nearby cemetery would have some new entrants should the bus suddenly stop. After taking a UOIT bag to the face rule four, watch out for backpacks and enduring a bumpy ride down Simcoe I arrived at Durham. My stomach queasy from looking out the window I hopped off. Transit to school necessitates transit from school as well, and by 2 p.m. I was done with the place. I plodded out to the bus, having refused a ride with a friend. Aride.Inacar.Rememberthefirstrule?Iignoremyself, apparently. Benevolent, smooth-driving Mike was gone. In his place sat Lazlo, a somewhat surly driver with opaque sun-glasses and a take-no-crap attitude. Ive had Lazlo as a driver foryears,andhisspeedyefficiencyisbadwhenyoumuststand. This brings us to two rules: six, stampede the door as soon as it opens to get a seat, and seven, avoid the middle

    aisle. Howsoever you manage it, get away from the middle. Holding onto the posts in the middle is like clutching a sign-post in a tornado. Id not stampeded so I had no seat and was in the middle aisle. A few friends were with me, one of whom wished me good luck as she got off after ten minutes. She threw me a sympathetic look, much like those found in war movies when the star is heading off on a dangerous mission. Lazlo continued his frenzied journey, the bus jostling despite Tauntons straightforward nature. I clung to my pole, hoping for sweet relief, and caught sight of it when a pas-senger jumped off and nobody chose to occupy her vacant spot. I was elated. I eyed the seat as hungrily as a lion eyes a gazelle. Sadly my path was blocked by a blonde-haired girl intent on chatting with her friends in the adjacent seat, appar-ently oblivious to the empty spot. I wanted the seat. I was practically salivating. But I refused to ask her to move aside. According to my sense of busetiquetteshehadarighttotheseatfirst. Eventually she turned. Do you want to sit there? she asked, exasperated. Nah. I didnt take a seat until I had a full two-seat block open to me. Thus,thefinalruleabouttakingthebus:dontbeCa-nadian when it comes to rapid transit. Were way too polite.

  • - WTF? - 6 -

    Meet Leigh Palermo.Hesafirst-yearGameDevelopment student at Durham. Hes also a driver, and he spurns the schools bus system for the quicker commute. Unfortunately Leigh, along with every other student who drives, is plagued by a problem: the parking lot. Or, rather, the seven parking lots spread around campus. Yes, only seven. And that number has Leigh irked. Its not that bad, he says as he drives down Harwood in Ajax. His class is at 8:10 with a test, no less and its 7:57. I can usuallyfindaspotwhereIwant.NormallyIparkatthebacksothereare always places I can put my car. Its his denial that has Leigh running 45 minutes late. The fact that he slept through his alarm is negligible. I could probably use two clocks, he says while turning onto the 401. Then I could put one on either side of my head. And maybe Id wake up. The highway is excruciatingly busy. So much so that Leigh barely has a chance to reach in the back, grab his coat and retrieve a smallpackofKelloggsCornflakesfromthesleeve.Itsnotanevery-day thing, he says. Leigh is stressed. His next topic of conversation betrays him. So have you seen Where the Wild Things Are yet? he asks as he turns off the highway and onto Thickson. A distraction for his troubled mind. Hes really worried about the parking. Man, that is not a movie for kids, he says. Max shows up, he becomes king like in the book, but the monsters have all these very human-like social problems that arent resolved by the end of the movie. Max just goes home and thats it. Its depressing as hell, he mutters. But we all know whats depressing Leigh. After a bumpy ride on Conlin Leigh rounds a bank of trees and the heights of UOIT appear, the sun rising slowly between the university and the college. The time has come. Leigh will battle for his life against a parking lot gone mad. He pulls in. Execut