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WRITING your HLTB02Assignment—Part 2

Learning from feedback and examples

Dr. Sarah KingThe Writing Centre

Your assignment:

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2-part analysis of one childhood health issue and long-term health outcomes

Part 1: choose one area of concern, and discuss potential long-term health outcomes, co-risk factors, and ways to mitigate potential negative outcomes

Part 2: select one long-term outcome from Part 1. Using the Ecological Model of Child Development, analyze at least three (3) relevant factors/exposures that may contribute, and at least two (2) factors/exposures that can lead to a different outcome

Your assignment:

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2-part analysis of one childhood health issue and long-term health outcomes

**NOTICE SIMILAR STRUCTURE**Part 1: choose one area of concern, and discuss

potential long-term health outcomes, co-risk factors, and ways to mitigate potential negative outcomes

Part 2: select one long-term outcome from Part 1. Using the Ecological Model of Child Development, analyze at least three (3) relevant factors/exposures that may contribute, and at least two (2) factors/exposures that can lead to a different outcome

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issue

LTO 1

LTO 2

LTO 3

Mitigating factors

Part 1

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LTO

factor

factor

factor

Factors that can lead to a different outcome

issue

LTO

LTO

LTO

Mitigating factors

Part 2Part 1

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LTO

factor

factor

factor

Factors that can lead to a different outcome

issue

LTO

LTO

LTO

Mitigating factors

Part 2Part 1

Learn from

Part 1!

Two effective introductions Which is a stronger thesis & why?

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Child obesity is a phenomenon growing throughout the developed world that threatens the health of future generations (Paul et al., 2009). This paper discusses the potential long-term health effects child obesity can cause. In addition co-risk factors and ways to mitigate the potential health effects are discussed.

Child obesity is a phenomenon growing throughout the developed world that threatens the health of future generations (Paul et al., 2009). Potential long-term health effects of child obesity include type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and some cancers, as well as mental health problems. Mitigating factors are social and lifestyle practices.

Two effective introductions Which is a stronger thesis & why?

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Child obesity is a phenomenon growing throughout the developed world that threatens the health of future generations (Paul et al., 2009). This paper discusses the potential long-term health effects child obesity can cause. In addition co-risk factors and ways to mitigate the potential health effects are discussed.

Child obesity is a phenomenon growing throughout the developed world that threatens the health of future generations (Paul et al., 2009). Potential long-term health effects of child obesity include type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and some cancers, as well as mental health problems. Mitigating factors are social and lifestyle practices.

Sample Intro: what do you think?

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     Children are our future, and because of that childhood health is very important. First years of life are critical, because at this time children grow and develop. The reasons why people smoke are still a mystery but there is much evidence that smoking is bad. Also, everybody knows that if a mother smokes, it will have effects on the baby. However, 35% of mothers smoke while pregnant, and this can be potentially problematic during the child’s life. This is why it is important to understand harmful effects of tobacco exposure. However, they can be mitigated if we implement some protective strategies.

Sample Intro: what do you think?

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     Children are our future, and because of that childhood health is very important. First years of life are critical, because at this time children grow and develop. The reasons why people smoke are still a mystery but there is much evidence that smoking is bad. Also, everybody knows that if a mother smokes, it will have effects on the baby. However, 35% of mothers smoke while pregnant, and this can be potentially problematic during the child’s life. This is why it is important to understand harmful effects of tobacco exposure. However, they can be mitigated if we implement some protective strategies.

Problems:

•Vague

•Repetitive

•No sources

Better Intro: what do you think?

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   Tobacco is known to have many negative effects on children. Tobacco smoke has been proven to have many positive correlations with illnesses such as lung cancer, and its influence on the children’s physical environment is a concern. Tobacco smoke also negatively influences children’s behaviour and mentality. There are many co-factors that contribute to tobacco usage and preventive measures that can reduce tobacco intake in children.

 

Better Intro: what do you think?

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   Tobacco is known to have many negative effects on children. Tobacco smoke has been proven to have many positive correlations with illnesses such as lung cancer, and its influence on the children’s physical environment is a concern. Tobacco smoke also negatively influences children’s behaviour and mentality. There are many co-factors that contribute to tobacco usage and preventive measures that can reduce tobacco intake in children.

 

Clear, focused and specific

Add in-text references?

Advice:

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Focus Be specificReference sourcesAvoid unnecessary repetition or wordsUse feedback from Part 1 to help you improve

part 2Look for effective examples—from peers, from

sources

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ignmentcal/

How do I use sources in writing?Student example: what do you notice?

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Childhood obesity not only can impact physical health in adult life, but mental health as well (Edmunds, 2008). Depression, low self esteem, eating disorders and problems with intimacy and relationships all have strong links with obesity due to stigmatization, isolation, verbal abuse and bullying (Edmunds, 2008). All health-effects discussed are serious and not only reduce an individual’s quality of life but often can be fatal (Biro and Wien, 2010).