why can't i move on? narcissistic abuse: a complex trauma. compiled by jeni mawter
TRANSCRIPT
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“Why Can’t I Move
On?”
Narcissistic Abuse:
A Complex Trauma
Compiled by Jeni Mawter
www.jenimawter.com
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http://www.mymajors.com/blog/creativeoutlook/files/2013/10/chained-dreams-online.jpg
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What happened when you met your
narcissist?
The narcissist mirrored your needs, desires,
fears and insecurities. They mirrored your
ideals, beliefs and value systems. They shared
your ethics and human compassion. They
were the whole package.
Mind + Body + Spirit + Soul = Soul Mate
You’d found your Soul Mate!
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Narcissistic Relationships
are mutually
addictive
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/b4/78/db/b478dbc011d6086ed99c19e7a55a9769.jpg
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Narcissistic Relationships
are mutually
addictiveThe Narcissist
wants to be:
Loved
Adored
Admired
Cherished
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/chain-hearts-
17930342.jpg
You want to
be:
Loved
Adored
Admired
Cherished
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A Relationship with a
Narcissist
comes at a cost
Mental Cost = Sanity/Self-
esteem/Confidence
Physical Cost = Energy/Safety/Health
Psychological Cost =
Fear/Depression/Anxiety
Spiritual Cost = Lose your ‘Self’/Soul/Spirit
Social Cost =
Reputation/Networks/Supports
Sexual Cost = Relationships/Pleasure/Trust
Financial Cost = Security/Money/Home/Job
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http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/b2/73/ddb273f68f08c262425fd14f0f10c89d.jpg
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“Why do you
keep paying
with your life?”
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Maybe you don’t know
what you’ve been dealing
with
http://www.adamsmith.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/ignorance-620x300.png
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Maybe you ignore Warning
Signs
http://naijaoddstories.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/wpid-17.jpeg
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Don’t listen to your intuition?
http://brainworldmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/shutterstock_99404807.jpg
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Maybe you do know
EVERYTHING about
Narcissistic Personality
http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/736x/dc/23/ec/dc23ec68e11e3fd8856c66529a204c8c.jpg
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Yet you
still
can’t
move on!
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Knowledge
hasn’t helped you
http://assets.mixxtopia.com/images/730x%3E/80/91/0d/80910d0dfde84859be2c44a84616f107.jpg
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Knowledge alone is not enough
https://homesforfamilies.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/knowledgeispower.gif
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Maybe you choose not to
act?
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs47/f/2009/239/3/4/
i__m_sorry__my_hands_are_tied__
by_boobookittyfuck.jpg
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Maybe you don’t know how to
act?
http://www.psychologyatsouthyarra.com.au/images/psychology_help.jpg
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Don’t know where to start?
http://orgjunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/when-you-dont-know-where-to-start2.jpg
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What
to do?
Who
am I?
http://modifiedarts.org/wp-content/
uploads/Potter-11.jpg
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Caution!
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7019/6489863301_3269733f06.jpg
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Why are you stuck
in this perpetual cycle?
Stuck in the aftermath of
Narcissistic Abuse?
Some thoughts
…
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Have you become
dehumanized?
As human beings we:
- have essential needs to be accepted, loved and respected by ourselves and others.
- have dreams and hopes for meaningful and productive futures.
- need to feel connected with others.
- need some form of control in our lives.
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Society Let You Down? - Mythshttp://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk
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Society Let You Down? – Family
http://real.fstatuses.com/cards/hearts/642154.jpg
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Society Let You Down? –
Religious Leaders
http://images.3aw.com.au/2012/12/19/3901153/191212-Religious-Symbols.jpg
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Society Let You Down? –
Health Professionals
http://www.paulkiritsis.net/drugabuse.jpg
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Society Let You Down? -
Counselors
http://image.slidesharecdn.com/7mythsaboutnarcissism-110215075316-phpapp02/95/7-myths-about-narcissism-4-728.jpg?cb=1411737172
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Society Let You Down? –
Law Enforcement
http://d3thflcq1yqzn0.cloudfront.net/022416038_prevstill.jpeg
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Society Let You Down? –
Legal System
Narcissists
love
Courtroom Drama
http://storytweetblog.com/2014/09/13/
narcissistic-repercussion/
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Society Let You Down? –
You
ME?!!!
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/111/3/d/what_do_you_mean_meme_by_jasperseidel-d4x2gtr.jpg
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Maybe you won’t believe
the abuse is deliberate
https://www.pilkington.com/~/media/Platform/Icons/Pilkington%20Product%20Categories/BLC%20Safety%20Securi
ty.ashx?mw=200
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You’re keeping up a façade
http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/231/4/b/behind_the_mask_by_kaizoku_hime-d6it0f3.jpg
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You feel ashamed …
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2011/7/6/1309962558124/Young-black-man-with-
head-007.jpg
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You’ve been in denial
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/thumb/msid-22175182,width-310,resizemode-4/poke-me-shouldnt-we-
stop-being-in-denial-over-the-health-of-our-leaders-people-readers-react.jpg
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You’ve been living with the
false hope that things will
change
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/043/0/7/false_hope_by_feelmefromtheINSIDE.jpg
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It feels like you’ve got
too much to lose
http://www.jobboardscripts.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/stay-or-leave.jpg
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You’re being Triangulated
http://www.theravive.com/blog/image.axd?picture=2009%2F7%2Ftriangulation-a.jpg
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You feel overwhelmed
http://b.fastcompany.net/multisite_files/fastcompany/imagecache/1280/poster/2014/10/3037633-poster-p-1-6-steps-to-stop-feeling-so-overwhelmed.jpg
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You feel abandoned
http://www.runningwithspoons.com
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You’re confused …
http://thereselives.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/large.jpg
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When you Dissociate to
Disappear,
http://metaphoricalmarathons.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/20121115-143310.jpg
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it feels like you’ve lost your
soul
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/a-lost-soul-brian-graybill.jpg
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You’ve become a “Missing
Person”
in a body
http://pixelsatanexhibition-com.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/michelle-robinson_uselessness-project-365-looking-for-the-lost-self_130201-1024x768.jpg
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You don’t know who you are
anymore
http://www.pastortullian.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/identity_crisis-291x3001.jpg
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Your assumptions about
yourself
have been shattered. You now
feel: - Vulnerable
- Unlovable
- Irrational
- Immoral
- Unworthy
- Unforgiving
- Irrelevant
- Weak
- A poor judge of character
- Shameful
- Not Safe
- Undeserving
- Lack confidence
- Gullible
- Desperate
- Bitter
- Angry
- Naïve
- A failure
- Traumatized
- Powerless
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You don’t have the energy
to move on
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You were taught wrong!
http://www.liveluvcreate.com/image/love_respect_forgive-439073.html
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When you expect nothing
in return you’ve learnt …
http://blank.to/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/5_k.jpg
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You’ve become Nothing
http://samuelatgilgal.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/criticism-784297.jpg
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Maybe you’ve been betrayed
too many
times!
http://www.psychic-medium-readings.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/betrayal-240x300.jpg
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You’ve lost all your trust
http://drewchial.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/trust-fall.jpg
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Maybe there are too many
narcissists in your life?!
http://uploads0.wikiart.org/images/honore-daumier/meeting-of-thirty-five-heads-of-expression.jpg
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Your boundaries are being
violated
http://musictherapyeolcare.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/fence.jpg?w=672&h=372&crop=1
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You are in a permanent state
of
Hypervigilence
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NJ9wC5l-
8nE/Tqn6nW_3uzI/AAAAAAAABVk/PimfqmmjPX8/s400/Fight%2BOr%2BFlight%2BUncertainty.jpg
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You can’t concentrate or
sleep
http://www.batte.com/images/figures/e.exhaustion.w.jpg
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You’re exhausted …
http://data1.whicdn.com/images/40542999/thumb.jpg
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You’re bogged down with
negative self talk
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/image3.jpg
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You’re confused by
mixed messages
http://www.9lenses.com/wp-content/uploads/The_Ultimate_Love-Hate_Relationship_–_Marketing__Sales.gif
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You think you’re going
Crazy!
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/357/e/5/i__m_not_crazy____am_i__by_maxkill300-d4k1m5d.jpg
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The Pain is Physical and
Constant
http://kalabalu.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/22-649x627.jpeg
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Yet your wounds are invisible
http://wwwassets.rand.org/content/rand/capabilities/solutions/addressing-the-invisible-wounds-of-
war/_jcr_content/par/solution/contextImage.aspectfit.0x0.jpg/1393779650822.jpg
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Tactic: Reversal of Victim
RoleThe Narcissist puts a huge amount of effort into their
public persona. Bystanders believe that they are
genuine, righteous and kind. If a victim attempts to
disclose their maliciousness The Narcissist makes
derogatory remarks about the target’s mental state,
character and motives.
They use role reversal, feigning moral indignation
and playing the role of victim. Believing the public
persona supporters see the real victim, attempting to
be heard, as the abusive one.
From http://psychopathresistance.wordpress.com
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People don’t understand
the extent of your torment
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9a/c1/25/9ac1255051f26cc63203a58ab14556a1.jpg
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So there’s No Validation
We heal
when
we are
heard
and
validated
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No Validation means No Justice
from
Legal Systems
Family
Friends
Work Colleagues
Peers
New Partners
Health Systems
http://www.wallpaperhere.com/System_Failure_6939/downloa
d_1024x768
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It feels like it’s never over
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bI36yWhwDLw/UciMvOCoDuI/AAAAAAAAAaE/pWKyiAudbKI/s1600/spider.jpg
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Nothing gets resolved!!!
http://cps-static.rovicorp.com/3/JPG_400/MI0002/095/MI0002095848.jpg?partner=allrovi.com
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You feel trapped
http://static.squarespace.com/static/540cc627e4b068678cd35206/t/5435aad5e4b09dbd92ea6da2/1412803285714/
06web.jpg
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You’re Emotionally ‘Shut
Down’
http://chosen129.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/04/HolleyGerth-Quote.jpg
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‘Self’ doubting
http://www.nextbigwhat.com/pi-of-life-please-stop-hiding-in-the-cracks-297/
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Isolation gives ‘Self’
Protection
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c7/80/2b/c7802bf8ab9702442374b03cfaaa8c26.jpg
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You keep re-living the pain
http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/imagecache/og/blogs/40875/2010/12/51578-41666.jpg
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Your pain is your identity
http://www.imaginationstudio.com/images/digiart/damedium/Identity%20Crisis.jpg
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You’re stuck on being ‘The
Victim’
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7C9UIz3JozU/Uw2BLvI3AvI/AAAAAAAAARE/eHZEDe4hgBU/s1600/
Steve+Maraboli+Quote+Victim+Mentality.jpg
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You’re Stuck in the Past
http://images.psxextreme.com/wallpapers/ps3/lost_identity_1273.jpg
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Unresolved
Grief and Forgiveness
http://brainbodybalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/forgiveness1-300x227.png
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You’re too nice! In order to move on
you must reject what drives you
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jfUgrSCsIUI/TnJBF-
42xbI/AAAAAAAAANA/RgeO0vYQf_8/s1600/I+Face+Trials+with+an+Open+Mind%252C+Faith%252C+Love+
and+Kindness.jpg
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You feel meaningless
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/203/488566808_3c5703fecb.jpg?v=1178597646
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You feel used and
discarded
http://dethcheez.deviantart.com/art/Discarded-2-Close-Up-60849999
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You feel powerless
http://www.carolecgood.com/1206409464X4DK13I.jpg
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You feel
battle
worn
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com
/2013/01/top-taps-127-42.jpg
?w=500&h=750
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Why is it so easy
for an abuser
to get away with it
and so difficult
for an abuse victim
to be heard?
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Unless others have experienced
Narcissistic Abuse they don’t
believe it
https://afternarcissisticabuse.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/1inexplicable.jpg?w=604
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You can’t change
a Narcissist
so you have to
change your ‘Self’
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What is your ‘Self’?
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/who-am-i-sladjana-endt.jpg
Needs
Desires
Opinions
Thoughts
Feelings
Values
Beliefs
Voice
Ideals
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Start by
finding the
missing
‘You’
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/
originals/7a/54/f6/7a54f6983fa3ae
7506473501c28fee9b.jpg
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Maybe create a new ‘You’
http://i.vimeocdn.com/video/493294383_640.jpg
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Watch this space!
http://www.birmingham-box.co.uk/files/images/applicationfiles/1128.001eeb5e/800x600.fitdown.jpg
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About Jeni Mawter
Jeni Mawter is an Australian
writer whose young adult
multi-text novel, Kiss Kill, is
about Narcissistic Personality
Disorder.
http://amzn.com/B00PIADCNY
www.jenimawter.com
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Narcissistic Abuse
thrives in secrecy
Please
share
http://pixabay.com/p-310969/?no_redirect
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Other Narcissistic Personality Disorder links to share
http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter
http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/narcissistic-victim-syndrome-a-powerpoint-by-jeni-mawter
http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter
http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/verbal-abuse-and-the-narcissist-communication-tactics-designed-to-make-you-crazy