1. I'll never have to go to Inchanapolis. 2. The jock straps don't show through the pants. 3. Fewer people named Bubba. 4. The players needn't pose as college graduates. 5. You can avoid the suicidal depression that follows an "Up With

People" half time show. 6. Pigskm can be used for wallets and key cases as God intended. 7. I'll never have to go to Tampa. 8. It's a sure-fire conversation starter with house guests from the

Dominican Republic. 9. Vertical stripes are slimming. 10. It gves Canadians a chance to feel American. 11. The game is civilized to the point that the trousers have pockets. 12. There is plenty of time to absorb the thought-provolung spectacle of

a grown man in a clucken suit. 13. You can just* a trip to Baltimore. 14. You can get over 100 more chances to hear Jos6 Feliciano sing the

national anthem. 15. You can be missing a thumb and stdl count the players on two

hands. 16. You can wear the hat backwards. 17. Y e h g "Grand Slam" in a crowded bar is less dangerous than

squeahg "Oooooooh flea-ficker!" 18. On a rainy day, there's a good chance that you might get to see an

acre of land covered by rubber sheeting - if you're into that sort of thing.

19. John Madden doesn't draw on your TV set. 20. I'll never have to go to Buffalo.

1. Baseball is played by normal human beings. You don't have to weigh 270 pounds or bench press the team bus.

2. Football moves so fast you can't tell what happens until you see the replay. Baseball's more leisurely pace allows time to appreciate the strategy, enjoy a hot dog, or go for a walk during the game without missing a n y t h g .

3. Football has to be watched on TV in a bar or den, because you can't get tickets to a game unless you are a corporation or a dead uncle wills them to you.

4. A baseball feels better in your hand than a football. 5. Foot ball has that ridiculous "instant replay" where officials up in a

booth can overrule the umpires on the field. In baseball, the umpires get plenty of help from players and coaches who run on the field and explain exactly what happened.

6. Baseball has spring training. 7. In baseball, as Yogi Berra says, "The game ain't over 'til it's over."

Near the end of a game you don't have the spectacle of a pitcher clutching the ball to his gut and f h g to the ground. (I admit there were times that I felt like doing tlus.)

8. Baseball players arc smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penahzed for having too many players on the field?

9. The baseball players' union is stronger than the football players' union (See reason 8).

10. Baseball players don't dance a "boogaloo" in the middle of a game like football players after they tackle the quarterback or score a touchdown.

11. Baseball is a way of life. Football is only 16 events. If baseball followed a football schedule, the season would start April 11 and end on April 23, the playoffs would be over by April 28, and there'd be a one-game World Series on May 12.

12. Baseball sets a better example for luds. When the announcers say that a player "Ues to kt," they're not t a h g about assault and battery.

13. If they had fantasy camps in football, many people would be lulled. 14. Cooperstown, New York, is a nicer place for a Hall of Fame than

Canton, Ohio. 15. My wife says there is that sexy moment when the pitcher and the

batter size each other up. She says football is just herds of buffalo running together into head-on collisions for no good reason.